Cold Feet (1997) s06e06 Episode Script

Series 6, Episode 6

1 We need to take care of your dad.
There's nothing to worry about, but he is suffering from depression.
You are charged with conspiracy to defraud.
Hang on a minute.
You were charged? Look, I need my passport by four o'clock or they'll, erm er they'll send me to, erm er prison.
Grant?! - No.
- Chloe, I'm Grant.
- What? - I'm your father.
I don't understand.
Dad's my dad.
- We were gonna tell you, I swear - Chloe, please, love - Chloe Chloe, please - Chloe.
- Aargh! - You piece of shit! What are you doing, you maniac? (YELLING) I am sorry, but I've got to find David's passport.
(OVERLAPPING YELLING) Stop it! Stop it, both of you! Away.
Go, you.
Outside, go on.
- Lunatic! - Get out.
Go, go.
- Hey.
Chloe! - Leave me alone! Baby.
Oh, my God.
So where to? Your hotel? Airport.
My flight's in two hours.
What, so you always planned to just drop that bombshell and then leave? If your mate hadn't kicked off, we could have all sat down and talked this thing through.
In half an hour? Unbelievable.
- Why does Dad need his passport, anyway? - What? Erm, because he's got to meet a client in Munich.
I thought he'd been suspended.
Look, could you just help me find his passport, please? His flight leaves at four o'clock.
Come on.
Look over there.
Go on! What could I do? He threatened to tell her.
- He has told her.
- But he promised that he wouldn't.
Did you agree this behind my back? Some cosy little arrangement with the father of your child? Well, it was in our best interest, wasn't it? Not to mention hers.
Not mine.
Not mine.
Did you ever think to ask my opinion? My God, Pete.
This is about Chloe.
Not us.
Well, Robyn, can you have one more look, please? Unless we find that passport in the next hour, he'll be spending the night in prison.
No, look, you don't mean that.
Do you? You know, I've always wondered what these look like inside.
- I thought you were my dad.
- I am, love.
It's just that Grant is your biological dad.
Well, we were splitting up.
Then I found out that I was pregnant.
And He didn't know, to be fair.
Then me and your dad, we got back together and decided to bring you up as if you were ours.
Which you are, honey.
- We were gonna tell you one day.
- When we thought you were ready.
- This doesn't change anything.
- It changes everything.
(BUZZER) The chap next to me in the van said we could wear our own clothes.
Your suit? Nah, nah.
Someone might take you for the governor, or a prison visitor.
I think someone might have worn these before.
(CELL DOOR SLAMS) (SHOUTING) Let me show you to your accommodation.
(METALLIC RATTLING) Hey, you, Billy boy! (WOLF WHISTLE) (LAUGHTER) Any chance of a single room? Oi, posh boy! I can smell your (BUZZER) Mum? Dad? All right, son? - Did you not hear me? - How were rehearsals? Yeah, it was all right.
Can I have some dosh? Yeah, when I die.
But don't get your hopes up, cos it won't be much.
How about a 20 quid advance until then? We've just booked our first gig.
The Retro Bar.
Hang on.
They're supposed to be paying you, aren't they? - You haven't heard us, have you? - Hm.
We should earn it back on the door.
You can bring friends.
It's not till next week, so you've got time to make some.
Have you not told him? OK.
Adam, have a seat, love.
MATTHEW: Nice loft apartment, and the area is mint.
What, Northern Quarter? When your mum and me lived in Manchester, that was like Beirut on a bad day.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in, love! But if we lived there, - be handy if we wanna go out to clubs.
- Oh, yeah, that is my number one priority.
You two all right? I'm just changing your towels.
Here, give us a hand, look.
Ooh, property.
My favourite kind of porn.
- Hm.
Northern Quarter? - His preference.
- Oh, bless.
Don't listen, no clue.
- Don't worry, no intention.
- Er, I am here, you know.
- What's your search criteria? Oh, healthy budget.
- No.
- That's in Salford, home of the reds! - Oh, we should see that, though.
- We? Yeah.
Clearly you need some help, or you're gonna end up buying A nice loft apartment in the Northern Quarter.
You're on.
(PHONE RINGS) Karen Marsden, freelance editor.
(LAUGHS) Eddie Zabayr, entrepreneur at large.
Where are you? Some God-forsaken part of Hounslow.
- You mean there are parts that aren't? (LAUGHS) - So, you've taken redundancy.
You're a cashed-up lady of leisure.
Not that cashed up.
Certainly not a lady.
But you will have time on your hands? I'm delighted.
Well, actually, no.
Not if things go according to plan.
Decided to take the plunge.
Setting up my own business.
- Are you still there? - I thought you agreed that was a risk.
Yeah, I did, but I just thought it was worth it.
Out of interest, after seeking my advice, what persuaded you to ignore it? - I didn't.
- You chose not to follow it.
No, I just chose to take a different course of action.
Sorry, was I supposed to do what I was told? No, of course not.
Well, we seem to have run out of conversation.
Shall we do this later? Fine.
(SNIFFS) Oh, hello.
Was told I'd have a cell mate.
A new arrival, like me.
I have the bottom bunk.
I believe it's first come, first served.
I first served time in 1976.
Right, fine.
Well, top bunk's fine by me.
So, erm David Marsden.
Robbie Burgess.
Robbie? Short for Robert, or Robin? My wife's called Robyn.
It's more of a man's name, but, er So, Robbie, erm what are you in for? You're new to this, aren't you, David? You don't ask that.
You let people tell you if they want to.
I see.
So Conspiracy to defraud.
- Difficult charge to make stick.
- Especially since I'm not guilty.
Yeah, I'm on remand for burglary.
- I didn't do it, neither.
- Really? What? You believe in your innocence, but not mine? No, no, no.
I'm sure you're just as innocent as I am.
For your sake, I hope not.
(BOTH LAUGH) So how are you? Fair enough.
Look, would it help if I spoke to Chloe? How can that help? (DRUMMING) (PLAYING GUITAR) Ah! All right, young Adam? This is the band you were tellin' me about? Yeah.
My godfather used to be in a band with my dad.
- We were about your age, actually.
- What was you called again? Instant Erection.
Well, we were better than the name.
Not much, though.
We showed promise.
You've got to stick at it, boys.
- Why'd you split up? - Musical differences.
Pete was musical, I wasn't.
I mean, I could sing.
You know, I am Irish.
But on the guitar? Status Quo knew more chords.
Pete was fantastic on the drums.
He lost interest when he met your mum.
So you could say that she was our Yoko Ono.
Really? Nothing? I give up.
See you at the gig.
Hello, sweetheart.
You all right? Did you know? That he's not my dad? - He is your dad, Chloe - Did you know? Yes, I'm sorry.
(SIGHS) - How's he handling it? - God knows.
She won't look at him, he can't look anywhere else.
Gonna eat this in my room.
That's fine, love.
I'm just glad she's eating, to be honest.
It's a nightmare, Adam.
And our own bloody fault.
Oh, Jen Look, erm Grant asked me to give you this.
He wants you to call him.
I said I'd pass it on.
The rest is up to you.
(GROANS) Combien est ce navire? I didn't know what to wear.
What, to a prison? I don't think there is a dress code.
- Well, I didn't want to look too posh.
- Yeah, or too sexy.
There'll be men in here who haven't had their hole in a generation.
You don't want to cause a riot.
Look, there's a guy over there staring at you.
- Does that happen to you all the time? - No! He'll have you pegged as the wife of Mr.
Or his mistress.
I think I prefer mistress.
Let's fight for Harry's money.
We could really do with 50 grand.
- I'm not a gold digger.
- Well, no-one's saying that you are.
Well, they will, in court.
(SIGHS) Great.
So you'd rather that we just struggled, would you? (SIGHS) Hey, Chloe, how was your day? Did you get your marks back from your history essay, love? Hey, Chlo! (SIGHS) I don't want to lie to you, it was pretty hairy to begin with.
(BUZZER) (DOORS SLAM) The shock of incarceration.
I didn't sleep much, first couple of nights.
(SHOUTING) - David, it must be absolutely terrifying.
- No.
Some of the younger chaps really struggle.
But, in many ways, I think my background prepared me for this.
- Really? - Yeah, cos, you know, prison is remarkably like boarding school, and, on the whole, less violent.
Is that, erm is that a friend of yours? - My padmate.
- Who? Cellmate, to you.
- Still no sign of my passport? - No.
Robyn can't find it, either.
- Wouldn't have put it past her to have hidden it.
- She says not.
Oh, well, my lawyer's onto it.
Oh, well, I'll just have to stay put.
Still, could be worse.
Bread and butter pudding tonight.
God (RINGING TONE) Where are you? Berlin.
Why? Would you rather I was in Manchester? No.
I'm just wondering how much this call's costing me.
You haven't changed, Jennifer.
Yeah, well, you have.
You're not slurring.
Listen, we didn't get a chance to talk.
What, before your husband punched me in the face? Ugh.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Do you know, actually, I'm not.
You promised! And I apologise, but understand how much of a shock this was to me.
What? And a fraction of what it was to Chloe.
I know.
She deserves an explanation.
I want to meet her, Jennifer.
(SIGHS) - Thank you, Mr.
- No problem.
I'll pick you up at seven.
I've decided: from now on, I'm gonna call you Pete, not Dad.
(SIGHS) (HORN BLARES) - Didn't know you were in town.
- I wasn't.
I need to apologise to you.
My reaction to your positive news could have been more positive.
I guess I'm just used to people taking my advice.
It's one of the things I like about you.
You don't.
Apology accepted.
(LAUGHS) I do envy you.
Starting up on your own, it's the best fun I ever had.
I look forward to cheering you on from the sidelines.
As a supporter, not a coach.
So, no advice? No benefit of your experience? None.
Unless you ask for it.
I want to show you something.
- I've been casting about for investors.
- I'll give you money.
- OK.
- OK.
I didn't approach this company, OK? They got in touch with me.
Er"Come into our office for an informal chat with our CEO.
" - What do you think that means? - They're considering offering you a job.
That's what I thought.
But this is a digital mediacompany.
That's not exactly a natural fit, is it? - You're respected in your field.
- Not by my firm, I wasn't.
Well, there's no harm in meeting him.
At worst, it's a free lunch.
We both know there's no such thing.
This is my favourite room.
Spacious, well-proportioned, plenty of natural light.
- Yeah, the bay window's lovely, eh? - It completes the room, doesn't it? - What do you think? - About the windows completing the room? Mm-hm.
What about the damp in the back bedroom, the dry rot in the hall and the subsidence in the kitchen? Oh, you're good.
It oozes charm, don't you think? That would explain the smell.
It's a no from me.
It's a no from her.
No? Jesus! Ah, I went to school near Stockport.
Nettledean, you might have heard of it.
Had a look round there, once.
Really? Well, I suppose there was some silver in the chapel worth nicking.
I was all set to go there.
Won an assisted place in the 11-plus.
So, er why didn't you? It was assisted.
Not free.
Parents couldn't afford it.
Then my dad lost his job, so I had to give up school, help out.
Didn't even do my O-levels.
We'd have been in the same year.
Who knows? We might have been friends.
You had friends amongst the bursary boys? Ah.
The different paths life takes us, eh? And yet, we both ended up here.
Thanks for coming in.
So I'm told that there are few people who can rival the knowledge that you've amassed after so many years working in old media.
Oh, that sentence started out so promisingly.
Oh, would you like something to drink? - Coffee, tea? - Do you have any peppermint tea? Same for me, please, Nish, thank you.
So, you are setting up in business to champion the work of new and emerging feminist writers.
I believe there's an appetite, particularly amongst young women, for stories that feature strong female protagonists.
But I'm not naive.
I'll carry on taking on freelance editing work, because most people think I'll starve.
- Well, I agree.
- What? That I'll starve? No, that you've identified a market that's not amply catered for.
Now, do you intend your company to have a new media component? - I'll be out of business if it doesn't.
- Well, we can help with that.
Basically, we can be the digital partner that you need to grow your company.
I could certainly use your services.
But, as of now, not afford them.
Oh, no, no, you misunderstand.
This isn't a business pitch.
I'm trying to woo you.
- I'm sorry? - Seeing as you are the company, I thought it was important that we meet first.
Make sure we're compatible.
- And you think we are? - Oh, yeah.
Don't you? - Where's George and Mildred? - Kitchen.
Oh, here, here, here.
Erm, I've been thinkin' about your gig.
- Are you comin'? - Er, well, yeah, I've told everyone.
So far it's just me and the landlady, but, er, what are you doing for an encore? Dunno.
If we get off stage alive, we'll be ahead.
Why d'you ask? Go in there.
Go on.
You phoned him? You've done it again, going behind me back! I'm telling you, aren't I? - You want to see him, that's what this is about.
- No, I don't! - You fancied him, and now he's sober.
- Who says? We can't pretend the guy doesn't exist.
Well, it's worked well enough for the last 12 years! Well, not any more.
Don't see him, Jen.
And don't let Chloe see him.
For my sake.
I'm losing her, Jen.
Ah all right, guys? (SIGHS) I'm gonna pick my I'm gonna pick Chloe up.
- Do you want me to come? - Nope.
Jen? (SIGHS) Oh, is that your Jamie's child? First grandkid, yeah.
You not got any? - Grandchildren? No.
- Photos.
Oh, I see.
No, I've never been very big on sentimentality.
So, erm So what's the biggest job you've ever pulled? - One I didn't get done for.
- It's all right, I won't grass.
This house in Altrincham.
Didn't look much, but it turned out there was a Lamborghini in the garage.
Must have been worth something.
Ah, the fence would've made more than me.
And the owner, if he'd padded out his insurance claim.
Yeah You know, once, when I was flying back from skiing, the airline lost my bags and I claimed £500 for my camera.
It wasn't until I got home I found I hadn't taken it away with me.
- You're a bigger crook than I am! - It was an honest mistake.
God, you just can't keep away, can you? This is your house.
It's a great area, on the up.
Yeah, which would explain why it's no longer available.
You amateur.
Under offer simply means "I'm engaged, but I wouldn't rule out a shag if someone better came along.
" Remind me never to propose to you.
- You need to call the agent first thing.
- You amateur.
Hello there.
I'm Adam Williams.
Erm, I'm sorry to bother you, but, ah, we were passing and saw the sign and well, we're looking to buy in this area, and, er, I was wondering if we could maybe have a look around? Your house seems lovely.
I'm afraid you need to make an appointment through the agent.
Of course, but, erm, as you can see, our life's a little bit unpredictable, at the moment.
Yes, I do see.
- Look, I'm not really pregnant.
- What? It was his idea, but he's actually OK, usually.
The thing is, he's very interested in your house.
I know it's under offer, but he's a cash buyer.
I'm fairly confident you can screw him on the price.
You'd better come in.
You didn't want to meet at my office.
Does that mean you're turning me down? It means I want to negotiate.
But not on your turf.
I, er (CLEARS THROAT) I don't believe in trying to screw a would-be partner.
That was a generous offer.
Yeah, it was.
Particularly for a company that doesn't have a letterhead yet.
It's an investment in you.
- Can't accept it.
- Do you want more? You want a half share.
What happens if we don't agree on something? Well, we'll have to try and find a way to.
It's like a marriage.
- I'm divorced.
- So am I.
Even at the asking price, it's a steal.
- I know.
- Well, now, what do you think? (LAUGHS) He loves it.
I do.
I really do.
You must have gotten pretty close to the asking price.
Well, I'm not supposed to say.
- 15 grand under? - Ten.
- Wow, congratulations.
- They are having problems with the mortgage.
Oh, well, look.
I'm a cash buyer.
You know, I could offer you the same amount.
Or five thousand more? Oh, no, I Seven and a half.
- What? What? - It's within your budget.
And besides, for that amount, I'm sure that Verity would agree not to consider any counter-offers.
(BOTH LAUGH) Great, thank you! I'm sure you'll both be very happy here! Oh! Oh, no, I'm No, we're not a couple.
Yeah, are you sure? - Yeah.
- Yeah, we're just friends.
Well, if you say so.
We'll have some tea and cake to celebrate! Oh, yeah! 49 per cent.
That puts you in control.
- Some men like that.
- Well, I might be one of them.
But not in business.
Listen, I'd be a fool not to take your lead, particularly on new media, but this company will be my life.
I'll always have a greater investment in it than you.
Partnership agreement? Giving you 49 per cent.
I needed to know how committed you were.
- Do I look all right? - Oh, you look beautiful, sweetheart.
- Mum.
- You look perfect.
He'll be here any minute.
You all right? I might just change my top.
(SIGHS) She's nervous about meeting him.
Where are you going? I'm not gonna sit by while some man plays dad to my daughter.
I'm going for a drive.
And call me when he's gone.
(PHONE RINGS) Grant? Where are you? I need to talk to you before I see Chloe.
I think I prefer this one.
Can we do that? I mean, the electricity between us was palpable.
I'm sure he felt it as well, otherwise I'd never have dared say what I did.
Now this might be wildly inappropriate, but You're wondering if there are any rooms available.
I mean, I don't know what came over me.
Since leaving my job, I feel, erm liberated.
You feel good about yourself.
That's very attractive.
No, no.
That's not like me, Adam.
Really, I haven't, you know I haven't Well, you know, for years.
Erm now - You've got two guys on the go.
- No.
It was a one-off.
We both agreed that.
So now it's back to steady Eddie? Hi.
Where's Chloe? I've sent her to her gran's with some milk, so we haven't got long.
What's this all about? Cup of coffee would be nice.
(SIGHS) - Well, it'll have to be black.
(SIGHS) Come on, Jen.
(SIGHS) GRANT: I miss the old days, Jennifer.
I mean, not the blackouts.
But you, you were beautiful.
You still are.
That what you wanted to say? I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a dad.
- I'm sorry? - I'm six months clean, Jennifer.
I'm not supposed to start any new relationships for at least a year.
I'm in a very delicate phase.
So is Chloe, it's called adolescence.
You've just decided this, have you? In Berlin.
I did a lot of soul-searching there.
Grant, I admit we should have told you about Chloe a long time ago, but you chose to come into her life.
I didn't even know about her.
Clearly you did, when you told her you were her dad! You can't just change your mind! Yeah well yeah.
I can.
I mean, you and Pete are such great parents.
- He is.
- And, you know, I've got so much going on.
- Oh, right, the soul-searching.
- You have no idea how consuming that is.
I just don't think I can cope with any more stuff, you know? Stuff? - Yeah.
- Right.
So, you don't wanna see her? I think that would be best.
Right now.
For both of us.
I mean, maybe she and I could be Facebook friends.
Fuck off out of my house.
Every day.
Just you.
It's you, you're supposed to feed it.
And now you've killed it.
Cheers! - Karen? - Hi, Dad.
It's Liv.
How's Munich? - Munich? - Yeah, Mum said you were on a business trip.
Oh, er, no, er Dusseldorf.
Though I may go on to Munich, if I can't get away.
Erm Ein moment, bitte! Ich bin auf der Telefon.
- Is your mum there? - No.
There's some post for you Robyn sent on.
Shall I, erm Shall I open it? Just recycle it.
Probably some voucher for a free eye test or something.
- It's your passport.
- What? How did that The police were here yesterday.
Excuse the interruption but you said this was urgent.
I just need your signature.
Thanks, Georgia.
Could you get me a coffee? Roger? Oh God! I forgot! I sent it away to get renewed! - How did you get to Germany, then? - Oh, I know people who know people.
Call your mum.
Tell her to get home, now! I'm so sorry, love.
He had to go back to New York.
He was really disappointed that he couldn't stay.
Didn't he want to see me? Course he did.
Oh, he really wanted to.
Hey, now you're just lumbered with us, aren't you? Hey, come here.
Come sit on my lap.
Oh, that's rubbish.
I am sorry, love.
(SIGHS) CHLOE: Daddy's little girl.
That's what you always called me.
But all along, you've known it was a lie.
You just wanted to stop me knowing my real dad, cos it had to be about you.
I hate you.
I don't hate you.
I don't feel anything for you.
Hardly notice you, to be honest.
I mean, look at you.
You're a carer, and you drive a cab.
Hardly a role model.
JENNY: It's all right, love.
I'll take care of you.
I am so sick of saying that.
I feel like I never say anything else.
I mean, I have hung in there, Pete, but my God, I've had it.
And I'd find it a lot easier if I didn't have to cope with you.
They all would.
They'd all be better off without you.
- Wouldn't have to explain you to my friends - See you every day.
- Hang around like a stale fart.
- About how you lie.
- You're a fool, a failure and a fraud - Made me love you.
Do them all a favour and let them get on with their lives.
Shut up! Shut up! (THUD) (RINGTONE) Jen? MAN: - Mr.
Peter Gifford? - Y-Yes? - This is Ricky from your mobile provider.
How are you today, Peter? Er I've I've been better.
Er And since you ask, I'm I'm in the middle of something.
I won't hold you up.
The reason I'm calling is, you're due a new phone.
- Yeah, I don't think I'll be needing that.
- A free upgrade! Yeah, look, lad.
I don't care.
(PHONE BEEPS) Just hang on, I've got another call waiting.
- Jen! - He didn't meet her.
He did a bloody runner! The bastard! How is she? Oh, you know, she's actually gonna be fine.
And we are gonna go and get a milkshake.
Why don't you join us? Do you know what? I would absolutely love that.
(BAND PLAYS) Here you go, mate.
- I nearly missed this.
- I thought you helped set the band up.
Oh, hey! Thanks for comin'! I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
And anyway, it's not a Corrie night.
Oh, but listen, the estate agent called.
The house, it is mine.
- Congratulations.
So you'll be movin' out, then? - Yeah, a few weeks.
Well Drinks.
Er we must celebrate.
Yeah, of course, come on.
On me.
My soon to be ex-son-in-law.
Eddie, erm I'm sorry about that.
Don't be.
I'm not.
I could be having dinner with the Polish trade minister tonight.
Can't think of anything worse.
I can.
Ah, look! It's the Wilmslow One! You're out! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty.
You're free at last.
Come on, I'll get you a Babycham.
Show me again.
(INDISTINCT) - I love you.
- Aw! - I've changed my mind.
- What, you don't love me? No! About Harry's money.
You know he wanted me to have something.
You want to fight them? No.
I want to compromise.
Ellie! Er sorry to bother you.
Come with me a sec.
I realised when I was in, erm Germany, that I don't have enough photos of my loved ones.
- I must say, average, at best.
- Thanks, thanks.
Hey, your dad, my godfather.
He's he's all right, you know.
He has his moments.
Just get this camera right, there we are.
And are you ready? And Yes.
Erm Eddie, could you, er could you take one of all four of us? Of course.
- OK.
And - Smile! Has he done it yet? - OK.
- One more.
Let me try this.
Ready? - There you are.
- Thanks, Eddie.
- Jealous? - No! - Maybe a little.
- Yeah, me too.
I mean, it's no fun being her sister.
Boys never look beyond her.
I would.
- Do we have to stay till the end? - I'm enjoying myself! This really is not my thing.
- Do you know what? I think we should break up.
- What? - We should take a break? - I can't hear you! I want to break up! (MUSIC PAUSES) Sorry.
(SONG CONTINUES) Chloe, love.
It doesn't matter what you think of me.
But I just wanted you to know that I'll always be here for you.
- Dad, can I have some money for a Coke? - Yeah, sure.
What? (LAUGHS) You called me Dad! Oh, yeah.
I think I will, if that's all right.
(SCOFFS) Well, why wouldn't it be? I dunno.
Since Grant was here, you've been kind of distant.
- Oh, sweetheart.
- You don't hug me any more.
Well, I didn't think you wanted me to.
- Dad? - Mm? You can let go of me now.
- Eddie not here? - He had to be somewhere else.
- You all right? - Yeah, think so.
(CHEERING) Thank you.
Er, we're just gonna do one more song because that's all we know.
Er, my dad used to be in a band.
This is a song they always used to close their shows with.
Er, we've just been learning it, but I've heard my dad used to be a bit of a mean drummer.
And a mate says he hasn't lost it, so, er Dad, do you wanna come up? What? Oh, no! - Come on, go on.
Up, up, up you go.
- Come on, Dad! - I haven't played for years! - It's like falling off a horse.
- I don't remember the song.
- Come on, it'll be a laugh.
Pete, listen to me.
Play in a band with your son.
MAN: Come on, Dad! (CHEERING) Mum! Mum, you've got to come! It's Dad! Oh, God.
What now? (CHEERING) (SONG FADES OUT) (SONG CONTINUES) (CHEERING) - (SIGHS) You set that up, didn't you? - Might have.
It's a beautiful thing to do for your friend.
We love you, Manchester! Thank you and good night! (CHEERING)