Cold Feet (1997) s07e06 Episode Script

Series 7, Episode 6

1 - You didn't tell me you were going away.
- The break might do us good.
- Jamie's wife going? - You have to leave George.
- You know I have no money of my own.
- I know his finances better than he does.
I am NOT going to stand by and see Adam fail to fulfil his potential, like I have.
Do you do business courses? - At the first sign of trouble, you don't run into the arms of somebody else.
That would be - Selfish.
Mum's gone AWOL.
- Pete spoke to you? - He said he didn't think you were aware how wonderful people think you are.
We're just colleagues who happen to be friends.
We're not though, are we? I would like a baby with you.
Adam.
David was talking to you.
- When did you get here? - Just now.
- He's having a senior moment.
- Well, he's due one.
I was thinking about Tina if you must know.
How long have you two been together now? In a fortnight, it will be our first anniversary.
Ooh-ooh, and they come unstuck A couple of weeks ago, I didn't think we'd make it past a year.
What do you measure it from, first date? - Tradition is first shag.
- His birthday last year, then.
Happy birthday! I'm 49.
Yeah, and I got a lump in my throat cos It's his big 5-0, isn't it? What have you got planned? - Nothing.
What's to celebrate? - Life.
What's left of it.
I don't really want another party.
A dinner maybe.
Well, we could have a joint one.
I turn 50 a few weeks after you.
- Invite the same people.
- Yeah.
Ooh-ooh-ooh - We thought we might go away somewhere for the night.
- Not too pricy.
- Kids? - Suppose we should.
- You could bring someone if you like.
- God, my thighs are killing me! - Are you all right, Jenny? - Think I might have overdone it.
- She was like a woman possessed.
- You thrashed us, Jen.
- I just want to look like a woman who means business.
- We could rent a place, a farmhouse say.
- Are you gonna do the cooking, are you? - Or a hotel that has a good restaurant.
- Gets my vote.
- Why are you looking at us? - It's our birthday.
You don't expect us to organise it? I've got a lump in my throat cos you're gonna sing the words wrong - Drinks after work? - Jesus! You should wear a bell, let people know you're coming.
A bell -- that's a good idea.
- I'll be going to The Cock later for Zoe's leaving do.
Are you coming? - Sure, yeah.
Which one's Zoe? Will you have to give up your job, Jen? No, they're all in favour.
My boss says they'll release me for tutorials.
Lectures I can do online.
They'll contribute to the cost.
- It's cheaper than training you themselves.
- Except it's only half the fees, which is why I'm loathe to mention it to Pete.
I love it -- Jennifer Gifford MBA.
- Yeah! - Actually, it's a business diploma, a Dip Biz.
It doesn't have quite the same ring but Still an achievement, Jen.
Pete will be really proud.
Yeah.
Oh! You've just reminded me.
I was on the tram earlier.
I picked up a newspaper somebody had left.
- That's littering.
- You're in it.
What, me? No, your book.
Bridie's book.
In the Rush Hour Crush section.
Hang on a minute.
Yeah, here it is -- "Monday, Chapter One Books.
" "The sexy blonde who trashed my literary taste, raved about The Deep End.
" - "Fancy hearing my critique?" - Oh, my God, he's describing me.
No-one can accuse my friend of low self-esteem.
No, no, I mean, that was me.
That was me in the book shop.
'I had a few minutes to kill before a meeting so I popped in to give our marketing a little boost.
' Excuse me, could you give me some advice? Oh, sorry, I don't work here.
I was just, sort of, rearranging the shelves.
OCD? If you're looking for a good book, I can recommend this.
Chick lit -- it's not really my thing.
What is, then? Let me guess.
An SAS shoot-'em-up where our hero single-handedly saves the world and gets the girl? - No, I'm waiting for the movie on that one.
- Too many words? - Perhaps a colouring book, then.
- Not unless it's won the Booker.
I like good literature.
Well You'll enjoy this.
If you're man enough to show emotion, it might move you to tears.
- Oh, wow! The guy must love a challenge.
- Come on, it's not that difficult a read.
No, I mean, the fact that he wants a date.
- You are gonna meet him.
- No, he could be a complete nutter.
You were rearranging the shelves.
He is prepared to overlook that.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
Oh, come on! You said he was really attractive.
Yeah, he was quite.
He's clearly very intelligent.
He used the word, "Critique.
" - Don't you want to hear his review? - Mum? Matt's dumped me.
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
Do you know what's being said around the office? Usually only after everyone else.
- They think we're having an affair.
- Really? Bollocks.
Look, we shouldn't be seen talking.
We haven't been.
That's how the rumour started.
What? They got used to seeing us at the coffee machine discussing last night's Question Time and since the away day, nothing.
It's like we're avoiding each other.
We are.
Well, I am.
- I don't want to start tongues wagging.
- Congratulations, you have.
- What should we do about it? - Nothing.
Right You mean, go back to avoiding each other? - No, just go back to how we were before.
- Before? OK.
- I didn't see last night's Question Time.
- You're very literal.
Has anyone ever told you that before? - How have you been? - You mean, since you started avoiding me? - I suppose I do, yeah.
- I've got a lot more work done.
- I've hardly done any.
- Are you out of your mind? - What? - You can't kiss her.
- Don't even think about kissing her.
- I can't help it.
- Well, don't.
Next time I'll cut your balls off.
Are you all right? Yeah, I was just having a debate with my conscience.
Who's winning? My conscience.
He hits harder.
Shame.
Yeah.
- I should be getting home.
- Well, good to talk.
- Yeah, we should do it more often.
- You know where the coffee machine is.
"The Get-up Plan -- students will receive an inspirational quote each morning, - like a mantra for the day.
" - "I could have done with this when I was at school.
" I can't make head nor tail of what he's trying to get them to invest in.
- It's a motivational speaking school.
- Huh! He needs to attend one himself.
Yeah, but not his own and for that very reason, Babs, I am out.
At least he gave it a go.
Well, it's easy to sit on the sofa, stuffing your face, sneering at others, isn't it? Bad day at work, dear? Good actually.
My boss reckons she might find herself working for me one day.
- Oh, you're doing well.
- Aye-aye, what's this next one pedalling? A plastic mop with a head made from a consecutive loop of 300 feet of cotton that can easily be wrung out, wait for it, without getting the user's hands wet.
You've just ripped off the Miracle Mop from the movie Joy starring Jennifer Lawrence.
I'm out.
I actually think the product does need some work but I like the person behind the product.
I'm going to make you an offer, Jenny.
You've always been my favourite, Deborah.
Eh, nah, I'm out.
- Mum, give us a second.
- Oh, love, if I go out, I'll still hear every word you say.
Just pretend I'm not here.
Pete, we are stagnating! I mean, look at you.
I'm making the effort, going to the gym, - taking more pride in my appearance.
Can you say the same thing? - About the gym? What do you do? Nothing! Just slob on the couch pigging out.
You need to stop watching life, start living it.
I'm happy! Well, maybe you shouldn't be.
So, have you got something you'd like to tell me? Well, somebody seems to think I have.
Hm, going through the bathroom bin again? - In my experience, women tend to use these things when they think they might be pregnant.
- True.
The use of it doesn't necessarily mean that you are.
And I'm not.
I know.
I got a second opinion.
The other one said, "No", as well.
I think we should get ourselves checked out.
Oh, bollocks to that! Adam, the amount of sex we've been having, it's like running down Sniper Alley and not getting hit.
Plastic beakers and wank mags.
I've been down this road before with Rachel.
I'm fine.
- He's fine.
They are fine.
- That was 20 years ago.
Maybe they're not.
Rude.
Look, you don't even have to go to the clinic to get tested any more.
- You can do it from the comfort of your own home.
- Really? Mm, and if you play your cards right, I might give you a hand.
Mmm.
- I got your call.
It sounded urgent.
- Nikki's left me.
- What? - We had a row this morning.
She's packed her bags and gone.
George, erm - Did you hit her? - No! She told you that, did she? I guessed.
- Well - I bet that bastard's behind it.
- What bastard? - Todd.
You met him at the barbecue.
- He's always all over Nikki.
- Oh, yes.
- I did notice they were rather tactile.
- Yeah, I've known for a while there's another bloke.
- You once thought it was me.
- I'll kill the bastard if it's true.
- Find out for me.
- What? - She trusts you.
- I don't know where she is.
- Her friend Tanya's.
Say she needs to sign some bollocks, doesn't matter.
Just find out what's going on.
- Tina, hi.
Is Adam in? - He's upstairs.
He's got his hands full at the minute though.
Well, one.
- How long will he be? - I don't know.
At his age, it's difficult to say.
"Collect your sample in the cup provided.
" We're gonna need a bigger cup.
I thought, "How am I gonna allow him to treat me like this for the rest of my life?" The lack of money is a bit of a problem.
Thank you, David, for trying to divert some of George's assets to me but he was never gonna fall for it.
I knew that, Nikki.
- I don't understand.
- Because the assets are ostensibly in your name, any income and interests flows into your account which provides quite a hefty sum.
More than enough to tide you over until any divorce settlement.
- You mean I'm not destitute? - Destitute? No.
I think the word is minted.
Thank you, David.
For everything.
Coffee? Yes, please.
I can't remember how you take it.
Nikki, have you been playing me all along? Sorry? You know, charming me, using me, hoping I'd set up an escape fund so you can run off with your lover.
- What? - George told me about Todd.
Todd? I saw you stroking his arm at the barbecue.
I was trying to stop him from grabbing my arse.
"To Nikki, my love, your Toddy.
" That says, "Teddy.
" Oh, it looks Well, who's Teddy? That was my pet name for George.
I haven't used it for years.
- He sent me those flowers.
- So, you didn't leave him because of another man? - No.
Well, that's not quite true.
There is someone else but I'm just not sure he feels the same way about me.
Is it .
.
me? Yes.
Well, not the most satisfying wank I've ever had but I'll take it.
Oh, hi, Karen.
- Hello.
- I was just explaining to Karen that you're counting your sperm.
- Excellent.
Did you need your toes or were your fingers enough? I presume for counting? I don't think I'm doing it right.
- You've had enough practice.
- I couldn't get a result.
I might have to check with a doctor.
Ah, here's one I knocked out earlier.
Matthew.
Hi, Karen.
Hi.
When I discovered your son kissing another girl the other night and suggested that you have a word with him about doing the right thing by Olivia, I didn't expect him to turn around and dump her.
Was that the advice you gave him? No, I told him to act responsibly.
That's what I thought I was doing.
- By dumping her? - I'd have been stringing her along otherwise.
I know, Matt, but she's got exams coming up.
She's stopped revising.
She's just crying over her laptop.
I'm worried she might electrocute herself.
What do you want him to do? Get back together with her.
What? - Just until the exams are over.
- That's not acting responsibly.
She's been through so much recently.
She just needs our support.
You could make all the difference.
I think I'll just go and have another wank.
Yeah.
Pete, Jen, come on.
Dinner time.
What's going on? Gran's taking us out for pizza.
My treat.
To you two.
All you have to do is pour the gravy on.
It's not our anniversary.
She's probably thinking of her own.
Still, saves either of us having to cook.
- Oh, hang on, she's right.
- Married in March.
- First time round.
- Then remarried - Today.
- Ah! - I completely forgot.
- It's hard enough remembering one date.
It's actually quite sweet of the old crone.
- So, how many years did we manage first time round? - 12.
And what's this anniversary? It's 12.
- I might not turn up.
- Jen and I will if only to get a good look at him.
- Great, in case I want to bail.
- Six o'clock, Thursday, Chapter One.
- I shall see you there.
- See you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- What was that about? - If she'd wanted you to know, she's have mentioned it within your hearing.
- She did.
Oh, come on! She knows about my sperm count.
- She's got a blind date with a secret admirer.
- Ooh, I'm in.
- You're not invited.
- Six o'clock, Thursdaym Chapter One.
- Ooh! I know we've not been getting on too well.
I think having your mum here has made things more difficult.
Certainly not made them any easier.
I've got the answer.
Is it euthanasia? - It's a loft conversion.
- That's your answer? What was the question? I got up the other night, did some measurements.
I got off the sofa especially.
Look Stairs where the airing cupboard used to be, window, bedroom, en-suite bathroom.
Thankfully for the both of us, she's only small.
Your solution to the problem of my mum staying is to move her in full-time? That way she won't be on top of us, except literally.
- I don't want her here at all.
- We are not sticking her in a home against her will.
That'd kill her.
If she stays here any longer, I'll do the honours.
Well, that says a lot about you.
I get on fine with her.
She's not your mother.
- Anyway, listen, we can't afford this.
- That's where you're wrong.
I've been doing my sums.
- Adam can still go to university.
- OK, listen.
- Shut up.
- And then -- - No, shut up! Your costings do not take into account my MBA.
- Your what? - All right, my Dip Biz.
Either way, this is going to help my career.
It's gonna help all of us.
Work's willing to pay half of it.
At least they believe in me.
We are talking about the welfare of your mother here.
Maybe we should be talking about the welfare of our marriage.
Bloody loft conversion -- that'd be the death of it.
I don't recognise you, Jen.
You're not the woman I married.
On either occasion.
Toner.
No, no, no, no.
- This is not a good idea.
- What? - You and me in a confined space.
- Why? Are you claustrophobic? Or worried about what we might do? Sarah, I'm terrified about what we might do.
- I want you to undress me again.
- I can't.
- Not here? - Not anywhere.
- Tell me you haven't thought about it.
You have, haven't you? - Sarah, we can't.
- Adam, we can't not.
Wait, I don't want to do it amongst photocopying paper and toner.
- Toner -- yes.
That's what I came in for.
- Come round to mine this evening after work.
No.
I'll be expecting you.
- Hiya.
- Sorry.
Held up at work.
So, Karen here yet? Eh? Ooh! - Hi! - Jen, we're supposed to be pretending we don't know her.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
- She'll let us know if she wants rescuing.
- How? - Have you got a safe word or something? - How's that gonna work? Don't know.
- She could, like, scream, "Help me!" - Don't.
No.
She's gonna pretend that she's got a work call to make.
- That's our signal to swing by the table.
- OK, all right.
Oh, is that him? Surely not.
Well, at our age, beggars can't be choosers.
Nah.
- So, Adam coming? - Yeah, said he wouldn't miss it for the world.
Ooh, not bad! Is that him? Oh! Hey, psst! Is that him? Hi.
Oh, my God, that's him! Oh, he's a looker.
I tell you if Karen doesn't want him, I will.
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
- Five minutes.
Six and I would have been out of here.
I'm glad I ran those last couple of blocks.
Don't do it, Adam.
Don't get out of this car.
Oh, fuck off.
- You and Tina are trying for a baby.
- You don't need to remind me.
- Well, apparently I do.
- I feel alive! - If you go into that house, you will never see me again.
- That's reason enough.
- Because you will no longer have a conscience.
Is that the man you want to be? One who goes skulking around, has two mobile phones? You won't be able to look Tina in the eye again.
And all for what? Uninhibited steamy sex with a super-fit lovely Irish girl who demands nothing of you? Goodbye.
- OK, I phrased that badly.
- Leave me alone.
I'm doing this.
- No, you're not.
- I am.
- You're not! Good lad.
Wanker.
You're the publisher? That explains it.
- My passionate book review? - You were rearranging the shelves.
- Oh - I was a little worried you might be mad.
- Doesn't mean I'm not.
- I see no further evidence.
- So, what is it you do? - Builder.
- Oh, have you got your own company? - Why would you think that? - Cos you read serious literature.
I am so sorry.
That is a terrible thing to say.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just a builder, a chippy.
Do I lose points for that? No, no, no, not at all.
The opposite.
A man with intelligence who's good with his hands.
Sorry, it's my daughter.
Do you mind if I get this? So the boys' 50th, I've narrowed it down to three places.
That's my favourite.
Yeah, that looks great.
Shall we book it? Oh, already have.
- Oh, my God, Karen's set the flare off.
- What? No, wait, Jen, she hasn't called us.
No, no, no, OK.
All right, darling, bye.
She's patched things up with her boyfriend.
That's nice.
- He didn't notice.
- Hi.
- Think I got away with it.
Hi.
- Mwah.
Oh, so, is that him? - Sit down.
We're trying to be subtle.
- Not all together successfully.
- Shall we go somewhere else? - Wouldn't you like to join your friends? - A very sensible precaution.
- When did you rumble them? - The thumbs up when I entered.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Look at that.
- So, this is it? - Yeah.
- Jen's already booked it.
- Looks nice, pricey.
Bye.
- I've missed the show.
- Where were you anyway? Oh, traffic on the Mancunian Way.
That's the excuse I always use.
I'm just gonna finish this chapter.
I'm just gonna start the next chapter.
It's only gonna take me longer if you do that.
Is this because you're turning 50? What? All this attention you've been giving me the last couple of nights.
- Or is it a sign of a guilty conscience? - Such a cliche.
- You know what they say about cliches.
- It's neither.
It's just you're a very desirable .
.
woman.
Who is never gonna finish this book.
Oh, sod it.
Karen, could I ask you for a piece of advice? - It's about affairs of the heart.
- Ooh.
Now you've got my attention.
I've met someone.
At least I think I have.
What, you can't tell? No, no, I have.
We're very different.
She's married.
- Well, that is different.
- Adam tells me that you're seeing someone too.
Yeah, yeah, well, we've been out for dinner once.
So have we.
After passing my A'levels, I went to university.
After I failed my O'Levels, I went to work at Boots.
I was 33 when we got married.
We divorced seven years later.
I was 23.
We lasted 12 years.
Similar outcome.
- No, you went to the same restaurant? - He asked me where I wanted to go.
Ah, it was one of our favourites.
Yeah.
- Are you worried that George might have had us followed? - Yeah, a little.
That's why I drove around the block a few times.
I thought you were looking for a parking space.
What are you going to say to George? Well, that rather depends on how the rest of this dinner goes.
So, how did it go? Well, I like her.
And she seems to like me.
Well, David, there is a lot to like.
Not enough obviously.
I've invited her to Adam and Pete's 50th.
I hope that's all right.
- Got nothing to do with me.
- Only if you're sure it's OK.
Pete and Adam say it's fine.
A chance to get to know each other without looking over our shoulders.
Oh, God, I'll be the only one on my own.
- Honestly, I can put her off if you'd rather.
- No, no.
Has she already agreed to come? Jenny's been delayed, had to make another pit stop.
Thank you.
I shouldn't have had that cup of tea, went straight through me.
We've got another 20 miles.
Do you think you can last that long, Mum? I'll just see if I can squeeze a bit more out.
We couldn't just leave her at home.
I'd drive her back myself except I'd have to stop five times.
Get in, son.
No, I didn't ask for a twin room.
I asked for two rooms.
A twin room is not available.
You don't understand.
A double room is fine.
I just need two.
One double room is all I can offer.
- David, a double is fine.
- Can't you at least offer a twin? - There is a twin in the name of Marsden.
- Oh, that's me.
- Mrs Karen Marsden? - No, that's my ex-wife.
Tell you what, swap us over.
She's on her own.
- David, hi.
- Karen.
- This is Gareth, a late addition.
David.
- Hi.
- David's the girls' father.
- Oh.
This is Nikki.
- Nikki, hi.
Karen.
- Hello, nice to meet you.
On second thoughts, we'll have the double.
They'll have the twin.
It's a travel journal for you to write down all the memories of the trips we'll take together.
- I take it you're in for the long haul? - That's sort of what I wanted to say, yeah.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
And the gesture as well, really.
Where will we go first? Well, that's the second part of your present.
Thank you.
"Holidays for the over-50s.
" How very droll! - You'll have to go alone.
I'm not eligible.
- You'd only cramp my style.
Or if you'd prefer, there is this.
No South America? Yeah.
We leave next month for two weeks.
I've cleared it with your work.
Oh! - Machu Picchu? - Yeah.
You said you always wanted to go.
I figured we should do it sooner because, in the future, we might be limited to places with a kids' club.
Speaking of which Do you think we've got time before dinner? As long as we go straight for the main course! You just enjoy your sleepover.
We'll celebrate my birthday on the actual day.
Yeah, course I'll tell her.
All right, yeah.
Lots of love.
See you.
Bye.
Chloe sends big hugs.
- Oh, God love her.
- Bloody hell! - How much did that cost? - Is that the first thing you can say? No, you look lovely.
I just wondered how much it cost.
- I bought it with my money.
- Your money? - Yeah, my wages.
- It was never my money when I was bringing in more.
God, that feels like a long time ago.
- Can you get changed, please? - I am changed.
- You're not wearing that.
- It's my birthday.
I can wear what I want.
We look like the lady and the bloody tramp! I'm comfortable in what I'm wearing.
I'm not changing.
I think we might have finally hit the jackpot there.
- You set the bells ringing.
- I know.
Very nice to meet you.
Shall we sit down? Come on.
- Are you all right? - Hello.
- Hi.
- Gareth.
- Gary? Hi.
I'll just be a minute.
Oh, OK.
Wha Sarah? - What are you doing here? - I had to see you.
- How did you know where I was? - You left your emails open.
Jesus! - We need to talk.
I need to talk.
- We will.
Next week.
No, now.
I need to tell you everything.
Everything? What is there? Here, go up to my room.
Go.
It's the first floor, the first suite on the right.
Shit.
I'm having the asparagus.
Sorry about that.
Where's Tina? - She went to look for you.
- Shit.
- Is everything all right? - Oh, yeah, erm, it's just something I ate.
- We haven't ordered yet.
- Earlier.
- Where were you? - At the loo.
- Can I borrow your room key? - Where's yours? - I left it inside.
Something's not right down there.
Thanks.
Please start without me.
He's worse than you, Mum! - She's incontinent.
- Jenny! Jesus! I'm working on a conservatory at the moment but I'll do anything.
No job too small.
- Oh, do you do loft conversions? - We're not getting a loft conversion.
Extra bedroom.
Added value.
- We don't need one.
- It's for Barbara.
- Oh! - I don't want to be any trouble.
- Too late for that.
- No harm in Gareth having a look.
- Most of your neighbours have had one done.
I'm happy to give you a quote.
No obligation.
We're not getting a loft conversion, OK? Why not? Because I don't even know if I want to live under the same roof as you any more.
Sorry! - Jen - Sorry, everyone.
I contrived it all, Adam, to get you into bed.
Are you saying that all of this was part of some grand scheme? Yes.
From even before you started work at our firm.
- In fact, it was me who recommended you.
- But you didn't know me.
I knew who you were -- Tina's boyfriend.
That's why I put your name forward.
I couldn't be sure you'd get the job.
Fortunately for me, you did.
Which is when I moved to stage two.
Of the plan to get even with Tina? She destroyed my happiness.
I was determined to do the same to her.
- By seducing me? - What spurred me on was the thought of the look on her face - when she discovered the man she trusted had betrayed her with Jamie's wife.
- Jesus Christ! I hated her, Adam.
I meant to get at her through you.
- I came here to tell her everything.
- So, why are you telling me? Because I can't do it.
I thought that I was controlling events, but it's the other way around.
What I hadn't anticipated for was I would fall in love with you.
I love you, Adam.
As much as I would like to hurt her, I can't do that to you.
'Adam, are you there? I need to talk to you.
It's important.
' Erm, Jen, yeah.
I'll be down in a couple of minutes.
'Are you all right?' Yeah, I'm just cleaning up here.
I'll see you soon.
I'll go.
Er, no, no.
I need to get my head round this.
- Your friends will miss you.
- But there's more to be said.
I've got my car outside.
We can talk there.
OK, as soon as I can slip away.
Oh I'm guessing this isn't what it looks like.
It's exactly what it looks like.
Jen, I have screwed up more than I have ever screwed up before.
- Mum, how could you? - Liv? - Matt only got back together with me because you ordered him to.
- What? - Have you any idea how insulting that is? Why would he tell you that? Liv? Liv! Liv, wait.
I need the little girl's room.
Are nights out with your friends always this wild? Oh, Adam, you've got to get rid of the mad bitch! She's not a bitch.
She wanted to be but it's just not in her.
Oh, my God! You've fallen for her.
That's Stockholm Syndrome, that is.
- Have you been crying? - Hm? Oh It's nothing.
I just told Pete our marriage is over.
- Oh, God, she's in tears.
- Why did you interfere like that? I'm so sorry.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
Where the hell is Adam? Mains? Who ordered the sea bass? I don't know, Adam.
We want different things.
He wants to watch Dragons' Den.
I want to be on it.
You've had your ups and downs before -- your divorce, Pete's depression.
You got over them.
This is different.
I don't know if I want to spend the next 25 years with him.
You can't split up.
Rachel's gone.
Karen and David are divorced.
You're the last pair standing.
If you two go your separate ways, the whole group will fall apart.
Well, if we're all that's holding it together, maybe it should.
Don't say that, Jen.
Seriously! I mean, look, maybe friendships, like marriages, they've got their shelf life.
We have all reached our sell-by date.
Not us.
We've been friends for over 20 years.
We're here to celebrate my and Pete's 50th.
Happy fucking birthday.
Where is everyone? Tina's gone to look for you.
Karen and David are with Olivia.
Pete's gone to get a breath of fresh air and Barbara's gone to the loo.
Ah.
We're having a lovely time.
Oh, God, there you are.
- Hey.
- Adam, what's going on? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Let's sit down and finish our meals.
Or, in my case, start.
Hi.
Well, your son's really done it this time.
Look, can we just all please try and get on? I doubt it.
- I can't wait for the argument when we split the bill.
- I have a calculator.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Adam and Pete Happy birthday to you Thank you.
- Come on dad.
- Er Well, Pete, shall I? OK.
Adam How long are you gonna leave me waiting out there? The world was on fire And no-one could save me but you Strange what desire Can make foolish people do What a wicked thing to do To make me dream of you What a wicked thing to do To make me dream of you No, I-I don't want to fall in love No, I-I Don't want to fall in love With you