Comedy Bang! Bang! (2012) s02e09 Episode Script
Bill Hader Wears A Grey Button Down Shirt & Sneakers
- Whoa, reggie, I didn't realize you were an athlete.
- Call me dr.
J.
For three.
- [laughs.]
- [gags.]
[choking.]
- What? What--what are you doing? Your--your neck is cold? You want me to get you a scarf? A bow tie? Wait, you want a bird to fly in at neck level? I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're doing.
I'm sorry, your handwriting is terrible.
Could you type it for me? - [choking.]
- "choking.
" I'm sorry, reggie, this is really poorly written.
I mean, who is choking and what does it mean to him or her? I mean, this isn't even in proper sentence structure.
Reggie, you need to get a writing degree.
- [choking.]
[choking.]
Shh! [choking.]
[choking.]
- Wow, reggie, I'm impressed.
Writing a book is a big undertaking.
That said, it was terrible.
Don't quit your day job.
Whoa.
- [gasps.]
- Three points, dr.
J style.
- Oh.
Oh, radical.
- [chuckles.]
[sighs.]
hey, um, Scott, can I borrow $30,000? I've got student loans up the yin yang.
[corny tv theme music.]
[corny tv theme music.]
[soul music.]
- [inhales.]
- It's comedy bang! Bang! - [whispering.]
yeah, yeah, yeah.
comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! - comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! - Featuring me, reggie watts.
comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! uh-huh - Hey, there.
Welcome to comedy bang! Bang! We have a great show tonight.
Bill hader is here.
I'm scott aukerman, And the rest of our show is gonna be even better.
I mean, just listen to these guests we have on.
"enter the twins.
" oh, boy.
"transmission from logos.
Neo visits the keymaker.
" You know what, I'm realizing these are not guests, And that this is actually the chapter titles From my dvd of matrix reloaded.
I have no idea who else is on the show, But speaking of other people on the show, Why don't we say hello to our good friend reggie watts? [fanfare playing.]
- Reggie, wh-where are you? - I'm coming to you live and direct, via satellite.
- Okay, why? - Well, as you know, scott, in my spare time, I'm a storm chaser.
I like to track storms, And right now, I'm looking at a category f5 storm Heading out of omaha, right outside of there.
- Oh, okay, fine, whatever.
Hey, reg, Looks like we're experiencing a bit of a delay, huh? - [laughs.]
yeah, yeah.
- Great.
Reggie, I wanted to ask you, In your opinion, What is garfield the cat's most distinguishing feature? Boy, this delay is really messing up the sh-- - It's the long paws.
- Yes, the long pause is really messing up the show, You're right.
- It's the long paws.
- Yes, garfield the cat does have long paws.
Reggie, how long are you gonna be gone? All right.
We'll check back with you later.
All right, well this-- - Just until the end of the show, scott.
- Okay, well Well, this is exciting.
The network wanted me to remind you that new episodes Of their classic game show spin 2 win are coming out.
In fact, a teaser trailer For the new season just came out.
Can we take a look at that? Oh, yeah.
[upbeat theme song.]
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! [cheers and applause.]
- that's right.
I'm duke scorpio, and this is spin 2 win.
The rules are simple, one spin, and you're in! Each contestant gets to spin the wheel.
Hopefully, they're gonna land on "win.
" The don't want to land on "lose.
" But if a contestant lands on any of the other 198 spaces, Guess what? All: Spin again! [cheers and applause.]
- America's talking about spin 2 win.
Hey, what's your favorite slice? - Win! - Win.
- Win.
- Win.
- Spin again.
All: Spin again! - Win! Both: Spin again! - Spin again.
- Lose.
- [laughs.]
that's right.
It's season two of spin 2 win.
Tune in during comedy bang! Bang! - All right, well, check that out-- Wait, "during comedy bang! Bang!"? [wheel spinning.]
what's that noise? Hey! [cheers and applause.]
- Oh, hey, scott.
Yeah, spin 2 win was so successful, We've expanded into your time slot.
- So your show is gonna be happening during my show? - Absolutely, but you know, don't worry about it.
No one will even notice.
In fact, janice here just made Her first spin of the night.
- [chuckles.]
[cheers and applause.]
- here we go.
[laughs.]
Where will it land, janice? We do not know.
[cheers and applause.]
- Yes, my favorite! - You know what that means.
It's time for your All: Second spin! [cheers and applause.]
[laughter.]
- Okay, well, just try not to make too much of a racket.
All right, well, let's get to our first guest.
Kids today like to say "haters gonna hate," But you'll be saying, after our next guest, "hader's gonna entertain.
" please welcome bill hader.
- Spin again! [quirky music.]
- Oh, hey, nice to meet you.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
[both sigh.]
- Thanks for having me on-- - wait, hold on one second.
- Ahh.
Hey, there.
- Good, hey, how are ya? - Welcome to the show.
Sorry about that.
Reggie, He's out there chasing storms.
- Oh, good.
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you for having me.
- So Saturday night live, Such a great run, eight seasons.
It must be so hard doing live tv, you know, Because so many things can go wrong.
Like, you know, you ever worried that, Like, a fire can break out, and you're trapped inside, And you all burn to death? - I have that fear just in life, Because it's happened to my grandparents, And thenMy family, and then, my-- - Wait, your entire family was burned to death? - With the exception of my dad, and then My dad's brother's family, then his parents' family.
- In the same fire, or in separate fires? - Separate fires.
Wait a minute.
- Oh, my gosh.
[sad music.]
- Jesus christ.
Oh, my god.
- I'm so--I'm so sorry.
- My dad's a killer.
- Huh.
- [sighs.]
- what are you-- Are you tweeting this? - Hold on.
I have, like, this video podcast thing.
- Oh.
- [sniffs.]
hold on.
Yo, what's up? I'm on comedy bang! Bang! With my guy, scott aukerman! - Photo bomb! - What's up? - Ha ha ha.
- Hey, you guys, check it out, My dad's a mass murderer, yo! - It's gonna be a good episode.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, bill, where are you living these days? - Well, you know, I just got a place in upstate new york.
- Ooh, great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, dream house, huh? - Yeah, it's great.
The only bummer is that I have this beloved guinea pig, skippy, And he was eaten by a coyote.
- [laughs.]
oh, bill, that's so great.
- Reggie, that's a terrible thing to say.
- Why? Skippy was so young! It doesn't make sense! - Sorry, it'sDelay.
- Doesn't make sense! - So, bill, is it tough keeping a marriage together? - Yeah, in this industry, it is hard.
You know, you don't get a chance to see each other that much, And, uh, it's very hard-- Is that spin 2 win? All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - There's lose.
You've avoided that.
- Yeah, they're on during our show.
- In the same place? In the same-- - yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
- Spin again! Bill.
- What? - Let's get back to the interview.
- I know, but it's spin-- it's spin 2 win! All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - All right, so, bill - Hmm? - Now, you've made your living speaking in goofy voices - Mm-hmm.
- And being crazy, But back in the day, they would've locked you up And put away the key.
- Mm-hmm.
- Care to comment? - You know, I've been able To get away with a lot.
Sometimes, I'll do goofy voices and impersonate people To get, like, bank loans and things-- - Oh, really? So wait, you're impersonating Other people who bank at that same bank? - Yeah.
- That's identity theft.
[sad music.]
- Oh, my god.
- This is a big day of breakthroughs for you.
- Oh, my god.
Comedy bang! Bang! Dr.
Comedy bang! Bang! Is really helping me out here.
- Do you think I should change my name To dr.
Comedy bang! Bang!? Really? - Yeah, or comedy bang! Bang!, m.
D.
- I like the sound of that a little better.
- Yeah.
- All right, so, bill, You appeared a few years ago In a film called cloudy with a chance of meatballs - Mm-hmm.
- As the character Flint lockwood, and then, recently, you are appearing In a movie called cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 As a character named flint lockwood.
Do you feel your career has come full circle? - It's a different movie, the second movie.
It's much more of a drama.
It's kinda a lot-- It's the difference between, you know, The godfather and godfather ii.
It's a little darker, it's a little more sinister - I guess.
- Uh-- - Still stars the godfather, though.
[sad music.]
Wait, this is a revelation to you? That there are godfathers in both of the godfather movies? - Jesus christ, I didn't put that together.
- You-- you're not smart.
- I don't understand much of anything these days.
- I'd heard that.
- Yeah.
- I don't know why I expected more.
[sad music.]
- oh, my god.
- I didn't say anything then.
- Oh, my god.
- So, bill, when you're in a movie, How do you know what to say, you know? Like, is there some sort of a line list, Or do you just say sentences at random? Becau-- [cheesy theme music.]
[sighs.]
'cause you know, I've seen actors in these movies, And I'm always like, "how do they know What they're gonna say" - whoo! Spin it, yeah! - "next.
" Bill? - Come on! Bill! Come on, man, get out of there.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry about that.
I just--[laughs.]
I just got caught up in the excitement, man.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
To answer your question, uh, yes.
Yes, there's a-- a line list.
- I thought so.
We'll be right back.
- I'm really sorry about that, man, you know-- - Uh-- [theme music.]
- Okay, you were saying? All: Spin 2 wiNuh! [cheers and applause.]
OohOhh! Ohh! Ooh.
Ohh! [cheers and applause.]
- That's a grand slam.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, welcome back to the show.
We're here with bill hader.
Reggie is live, via satellite.
And janice is in the middle of her spin.
[cheers and applause.]
[both laughing.]
- Hello.
- Well, life, it certainly can Throw us some curve balls, can't it? But there are those among us who, When faced with difficult odds, Can hit those curve balls and crank out a four-bagger.
It's time for "zero to hero.
" [funky organ music.]
[crane beeping.]
Rory medved of deer creek, michigan, Lived a happy life until the auto plant Where he worked unexpectedly closed down.
The closure left rory's entire town In an overwhelming financial depression Until rory bought a winning lottery ticket.
With his $250,000 in winnings, Rory selflessly started an out-of-work relief program To revitalize his community.
This compassionate act in the face of adversity Makes rory medved this week's "zero [funky organ music.]
- [grunting.]
[funky music.]
[panting.]
[grunting.]
[panting.]
[grunting.]
[grumbling.]
[grunts.]
ohh! [grumbles.]
[whistle blows.]
[mumbling.]
[indistinct mumbling.]
[both mumbling.]
- [mumbling.]
- [whistles.]
- [mumbling.]
[rock music.]
[grunting.]
- [laughs.]
[funky organ outro.]
- To hero.
We'll be right back with more bill hader.
[funky music.]
[quirky music.]
- so what is it, Just kind of like a-- - no, no, no, a hamburger.
A hamburger.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Got it.
- Reggie, say hello.
Welcome back, we're here with bill hader, Janice is over there doing her spin, And we're here with reggie via satellite.
- Oh, hey, guys.
- Timed that pretty good, I think.
Oh, and, uh, bill, this is the part of the show Where reggie likes to ask our guests a question.
So, reggie, what do you have? - He's gonna ask a question? - He's not listening.
Reggie! Ah, sorry about that.
- Hello? Hello? I'm hungry.
- [screaming.]
- wha-- - [screaming.]
- I'm so hungry.
- Oh! - Hello! - What are you? - I'm a little boy.
- Oh.
What's your name? - My name's fourvel.
- Fourvel? - Four--fourvel? - Yeah, it's like fievel but one less.
- What are you doing here? - I'm an orphan, and I live on the streets.
And I'm a big fan of the show, And I thought maybe you could adopt me Or maybe you could give me some scraps to eat.
Because I'm starving.
My belly's all distended from no food.
- Oh, is that what's going on with your belly? - Yeah! That's what's [bleep.]
going on with my belly.
- Whoa! - Jesus, man.
- We don't use that kind of language.
- Yeah.
- I mean--okay.
Understandable.
- What kinda food do you like? What's your favorite food? - Just food that I could consume That doesn't have dirt or piss or anything on it.
- Bill, do you have any scraps for young fourvel? - Do you have scraps? Even a little gristle or something, mr.
Bill hader? - Do you have any gristle? - No.
Uh, I don't have gristle in my-- on me.
I could maybe go get you some gristle.
- [gasps.]
really? - Or I could maybe get you something better.
Maybe a hamburger or-- - a hamburger would be great.
- No, no, no, no.
Bill, stay here.
Don't get those hamburgers for-- - Scott, you're cock-blocking me here, bro.
- Floyv--floyvin? - Fourvel.
My cousin is floyvin.
- Oh, really.
You have family? Why aren't you staying with them? - Yeah, why aren't you staying with them? - Because they died.
- How? - How? - Yes.
- 'cause they don't know how to act.
And sometimes I get stabby.
- You get stabby.
- Stabby? - What does that mean, stabby? - Sometimes I just get mad.
- Whoa! Fourvel, put it away, man! - They don't know How to [bleep.]
act! - Chill out! Chill out! We're all friends here, we're all friends here.
- I'm putting it away as we speak.
- You murdered your family? - I had to teach 'em a lesson.
They were all up in my grill.
- By murdering them.
- Yeah.
- Uh, fourvel, do you mind? Just chill out for a second.
I wanna talk to bill for a second.
- Okay.
I'll just be over here, not [bleep.]
paying attention-- - Shh.
Hey.
Relax with the language.
- Jeez.
[whispering.]
I don't feel good having A little orphan boy with a knife sitting next to us.
- [whispering.]
he's sitting closer to me! - I think that maybe you should adopt him.
- What? - And then maybe he'll, you know, take off or something.
- Take off? You mean take off to my house.
- Yeah, exactly.
Like, go live with you.
What do you say? - Hey.
- Yeah? - If you want a place to live, you can, um-- You can live with me.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Wow! Thank you so much, mr.
Bill hader.
- Wait, you can come live with me.
I have this area in the back of my house That's kind of meant for Lawn mowing equipment.
- I could just live like where you keep your garden stuff? - Well, it's where we keep the garden stuff And the--and our garbage.
- Honestly, [bleep.]
it, man.
Don't--no.
Because I already live in the garbage.
So, I mean-- - but this would be in a house.
- With a roof over the garbage.
- With a roof over the garbage.
- I don't mean to sound ungrateful, But I mean, like, you're a big, rich movie star.
You should be able to step it up a little bit.
- I'm not really a movie star.
I'm in movies with movie stars.
- Yeah, you're kind of a supporting-- - Scott, I'm trying to talk to [bleep.]
bill hader.
Will you please--scott, I'll [bleep.]
kill you, bro! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! - Come on, man! - Hey! Hey! That's it! No! No! - No! - You're not living with me.
- I think we all need to just take a step back for a second.
- We? Both: You need to take a step back! - You're the one brandishing the knife.
- The knife is away.
But the other one's coming out right now! - Hey, hey, I have an idea.
I have an idea.
Reggie--reggie's house.
- Reggie's house! - Reggie's house.
- Of course! - You could have the whole house! - He's off in omaha.
- That's the greatest thing I ever heard.
- Okay, he--he lives at, uh, 1-1 - oh, [bleep.]
you, scott.
I know you're making that up, man.
I'm from the streets.
You can't fool me.
- No! Hear me out.
- Oh, he's at 1122 mockingbird.
- [laughing.]
- I will kill you, scott! - Oh, come on, man! - God! Fourvel! Okay, we'll be right back with more bill hader after this.
God! Put them down! - Don't play games with me.
- You look like chucky.
- You're exacerbating the situation.
- Yeah, it's a grand slam.
- Well, yeah, it's a grand slam.
- Yeah, that's baseball, scott.
You didn't know that [bleep.]
? Come on, man.
- Please, put the knife away.
Hey, we're back here with bill hader And little orphan fourvel.
And I wanna thank my guests.
Thank you guys so much.
And, reggie watts, you'll be back next week? - Absolutely, scott.
- Hey! You answered me right away.
I thought there was a delay.
- No, not at all.
I've just been taking a long time to answer anything.
- You've been waiting a beat to play the songs too.
- I'm also very lazy, scott.
- Oh.
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - Um, you guys gonna wrap it up soon? Our show's almost over.
- No idea.
Here at spin 2 win, we play until the final spin.
- [laughing.]
Spin the [bleep.]
out of it! Yeah! - Oh, no, no, no.
Ohh! Janice, you landed on "lose.
" - Janice, you [bleep.]
everything up.
- Fourvel, come on.
- I'm actually pretty relieved.
I'm so exhausted from all this endless spinning! [laughing.]
And my hands are really hurting.
- Oh, my god.
How long have you been a contestant? - I'm the only contestant on the show.
I'm the entire first season.
I haven't seen my kids in months.
- And we wanna thank you for playing, janice.
In fact, let's find out what you get just for being here.
There we go.
Thank you, young fella.
Let's take a look.
You have won [laughing.]
another spin! All: Spin again! - Thank you, duke! - Give that thing a yank, janice.
- All right, let's do this! - Spin again! - Janice, you're killing it, bro.
I'ma come live with you.
- From all of us here at spin 2 win, Good night, everybody.
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - You can't keep spin--ugh.
[cheers and applause.]
- From spin 2 win, everybody here, Good night, everybody.
- Good-bye.
- Shut it! Good night, everybody! [eerie music.]
- The wolf dead.
- Call me dr.
J.
For three.
- [laughs.]
- [gags.]
[choking.]
- What? What--what are you doing? Your--your neck is cold? You want me to get you a scarf? A bow tie? Wait, you want a bird to fly in at neck level? I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're doing.
I'm sorry, your handwriting is terrible.
Could you type it for me? - [choking.]
- "choking.
" I'm sorry, reggie, this is really poorly written.
I mean, who is choking and what does it mean to him or her? I mean, this isn't even in proper sentence structure.
Reggie, you need to get a writing degree.
- [choking.]
[choking.]
Shh! [choking.]
[choking.]
- Wow, reggie, I'm impressed.
Writing a book is a big undertaking.
That said, it was terrible.
Don't quit your day job.
Whoa.
- [gasps.]
- Three points, dr.
J style.
- Oh.
Oh, radical.
- [chuckles.]
[sighs.]
hey, um, Scott, can I borrow $30,000? I've got student loans up the yin yang.
[corny tv theme music.]
[corny tv theme music.]
[soul music.]
- [inhales.]
- It's comedy bang! Bang! - [whispering.]
yeah, yeah, yeah.
comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! Comedy bang! Bang! - comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! - Featuring me, reggie watts.
comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! comedy bang! Bang! uh-huh - Hey, there.
Welcome to comedy bang! Bang! We have a great show tonight.
Bill hader is here.
I'm scott aukerman, And the rest of our show is gonna be even better.
I mean, just listen to these guests we have on.
"enter the twins.
" oh, boy.
"transmission from logos.
Neo visits the keymaker.
" You know what, I'm realizing these are not guests, And that this is actually the chapter titles From my dvd of matrix reloaded.
I have no idea who else is on the show, But speaking of other people on the show, Why don't we say hello to our good friend reggie watts? [fanfare playing.]
- Reggie, wh-where are you? - I'm coming to you live and direct, via satellite.
- Okay, why? - Well, as you know, scott, in my spare time, I'm a storm chaser.
I like to track storms, And right now, I'm looking at a category f5 storm Heading out of omaha, right outside of there.
- Oh, okay, fine, whatever.
Hey, reg, Looks like we're experiencing a bit of a delay, huh? - [laughs.]
yeah, yeah.
- Great.
Reggie, I wanted to ask you, In your opinion, What is garfield the cat's most distinguishing feature? Boy, this delay is really messing up the sh-- - It's the long paws.
- Yes, the long pause is really messing up the show, You're right.
- It's the long paws.
- Yes, garfield the cat does have long paws.
Reggie, how long are you gonna be gone? All right.
We'll check back with you later.
All right, well this-- - Just until the end of the show, scott.
- Okay, well Well, this is exciting.
The network wanted me to remind you that new episodes Of their classic game show spin 2 win are coming out.
In fact, a teaser trailer For the new season just came out.
Can we take a look at that? Oh, yeah.
[upbeat theme song.]
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! [cheers and applause.]
- that's right.
I'm duke scorpio, and this is spin 2 win.
The rules are simple, one spin, and you're in! Each contestant gets to spin the wheel.
Hopefully, they're gonna land on "win.
" The don't want to land on "lose.
" But if a contestant lands on any of the other 198 spaces, Guess what? All: Spin again! [cheers and applause.]
- America's talking about spin 2 win.
Hey, what's your favorite slice? - Win! - Win.
- Win.
- Win.
- Spin again.
All: Spin again! - Win! Both: Spin again! - Spin again.
- Lose.
- [laughs.]
that's right.
It's season two of spin 2 win.
Tune in during comedy bang! Bang! - All right, well, check that out-- Wait, "during comedy bang! Bang!"? [wheel spinning.]
what's that noise? Hey! [cheers and applause.]
- Oh, hey, scott.
Yeah, spin 2 win was so successful, We've expanded into your time slot.
- So your show is gonna be happening during my show? - Absolutely, but you know, don't worry about it.
No one will even notice.
In fact, janice here just made Her first spin of the night.
- [chuckles.]
[cheers and applause.]
- here we go.
[laughs.]
Where will it land, janice? We do not know.
[cheers and applause.]
- Yes, my favorite! - You know what that means.
It's time for your All: Second spin! [cheers and applause.]
[laughter.]
- Okay, well, just try not to make too much of a racket.
All right, well, let's get to our first guest.
Kids today like to say "haters gonna hate," But you'll be saying, after our next guest, "hader's gonna entertain.
" please welcome bill hader.
- Spin again! [quirky music.]
- Oh, hey, nice to meet you.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
[both sigh.]
- Thanks for having me on-- - wait, hold on one second.
- Ahh.
Hey, there.
- Good, hey, how are ya? - Welcome to the show.
Sorry about that.
Reggie, He's out there chasing storms.
- Oh, good.
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you for having me.
- So Saturday night live, Such a great run, eight seasons.
It must be so hard doing live tv, you know, Because so many things can go wrong.
Like, you know, you ever worried that, Like, a fire can break out, and you're trapped inside, And you all burn to death? - I have that fear just in life, Because it's happened to my grandparents, And thenMy family, and then, my-- - Wait, your entire family was burned to death? - With the exception of my dad, and then My dad's brother's family, then his parents' family.
- In the same fire, or in separate fires? - Separate fires.
Wait a minute.
- Oh, my gosh.
[sad music.]
- Jesus christ.
Oh, my god.
- I'm so--I'm so sorry.
- My dad's a killer.
- Huh.
- [sighs.]
- what are you-- Are you tweeting this? - Hold on.
I have, like, this video podcast thing.
- Oh.
- [sniffs.]
hold on.
Yo, what's up? I'm on comedy bang! Bang! With my guy, scott aukerman! - Photo bomb! - What's up? - Ha ha ha.
- Hey, you guys, check it out, My dad's a mass murderer, yo! - It's gonna be a good episode.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, bill, where are you living these days? - Well, you know, I just got a place in upstate new york.
- Ooh, great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, dream house, huh? - Yeah, it's great.
The only bummer is that I have this beloved guinea pig, skippy, And he was eaten by a coyote.
- [laughs.]
oh, bill, that's so great.
- Reggie, that's a terrible thing to say.
- Why? Skippy was so young! It doesn't make sense! - Sorry, it'sDelay.
- Doesn't make sense! - So, bill, is it tough keeping a marriage together? - Yeah, in this industry, it is hard.
You know, you don't get a chance to see each other that much, And, uh, it's very hard-- Is that spin 2 win? All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - There's lose.
You've avoided that.
- Yeah, they're on during our show.
- In the same place? In the same-- - yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
- Spin again! Bill.
- What? - Let's get back to the interview.
- I know, but it's spin-- it's spin 2 win! All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - All right, so, bill - Hmm? - Now, you've made your living speaking in goofy voices - Mm-hmm.
- And being crazy, But back in the day, they would've locked you up And put away the key.
- Mm-hmm.
- Care to comment? - You know, I've been able To get away with a lot.
Sometimes, I'll do goofy voices and impersonate people To get, like, bank loans and things-- - Oh, really? So wait, you're impersonating Other people who bank at that same bank? - Yeah.
- That's identity theft.
[sad music.]
- Oh, my god.
- This is a big day of breakthroughs for you.
- Oh, my god.
Comedy bang! Bang! Dr.
Comedy bang! Bang! Is really helping me out here.
- Do you think I should change my name To dr.
Comedy bang! Bang!? Really? - Yeah, or comedy bang! Bang!, m.
D.
- I like the sound of that a little better.
- Yeah.
- All right, so, bill, You appeared a few years ago In a film called cloudy with a chance of meatballs - Mm-hmm.
- As the character Flint lockwood, and then, recently, you are appearing In a movie called cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 As a character named flint lockwood.
Do you feel your career has come full circle? - It's a different movie, the second movie.
It's much more of a drama.
It's kinda a lot-- It's the difference between, you know, The godfather and godfather ii.
It's a little darker, it's a little more sinister - I guess.
- Uh-- - Still stars the godfather, though.
[sad music.]
Wait, this is a revelation to you? That there are godfathers in both of the godfather movies? - Jesus christ, I didn't put that together.
- You-- you're not smart.
- I don't understand much of anything these days.
- I'd heard that.
- Yeah.
- I don't know why I expected more.
[sad music.]
- oh, my god.
- I didn't say anything then.
- Oh, my god.
- So, bill, when you're in a movie, How do you know what to say, you know? Like, is there some sort of a line list, Or do you just say sentences at random? Becau-- [cheesy theme music.]
[sighs.]
'cause you know, I've seen actors in these movies, And I'm always like, "how do they know What they're gonna say" - whoo! Spin it, yeah! - "next.
" Bill? - Come on! Bill! Come on, man, get out of there.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry about that.
I just--[laughs.]
I just got caught up in the excitement, man.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
To answer your question, uh, yes.
Yes, there's a-- a line list.
- I thought so.
We'll be right back.
- I'm really sorry about that, man, you know-- - Uh-- [theme music.]
- Okay, you were saying? All: Spin 2 wiNuh! [cheers and applause.]
OohOhh! Ohh! Ooh.
Ohh! [cheers and applause.]
- That's a grand slam.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, welcome back to the show.
We're here with bill hader.
Reggie is live, via satellite.
And janice is in the middle of her spin.
[cheers and applause.]
[both laughing.]
- Hello.
- Well, life, it certainly can Throw us some curve balls, can't it? But there are those among us who, When faced with difficult odds, Can hit those curve balls and crank out a four-bagger.
It's time for "zero to hero.
" [funky organ music.]
[crane beeping.]
Rory medved of deer creek, michigan, Lived a happy life until the auto plant Where he worked unexpectedly closed down.
The closure left rory's entire town In an overwhelming financial depression Until rory bought a winning lottery ticket.
With his $250,000 in winnings, Rory selflessly started an out-of-work relief program To revitalize his community.
This compassionate act in the face of adversity Makes rory medved this week's "zero [funky organ music.]
- [grunting.]
[funky music.]
[panting.]
[grunting.]
[panting.]
[grunting.]
[grumbling.]
[grunts.]
ohh! [grumbles.]
[whistle blows.]
[mumbling.]
[indistinct mumbling.]
[both mumbling.]
- [mumbling.]
- [whistles.]
- [mumbling.]
[rock music.]
[grunting.]
- [laughs.]
[funky organ outro.]
- To hero.
We'll be right back with more bill hader.
[funky music.]
[quirky music.]
- so what is it, Just kind of like a-- - no, no, no, a hamburger.
A hamburger.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Got it.
- Reggie, say hello.
Welcome back, we're here with bill hader, Janice is over there doing her spin, And we're here with reggie via satellite.
- Oh, hey, guys.
- Timed that pretty good, I think.
Oh, and, uh, bill, this is the part of the show Where reggie likes to ask our guests a question.
So, reggie, what do you have? - He's gonna ask a question? - He's not listening.
Reggie! Ah, sorry about that.
- Hello? Hello? I'm hungry.
- [screaming.]
- wha-- - [screaming.]
- I'm so hungry.
- Oh! - Hello! - What are you? - I'm a little boy.
- Oh.
What's your name? - My name's fourvel.
- Fourvel? - Four--fourvel? - Yeah, it's like fievel but one less.
- What are you doing here? - I'm an orphan, and I live on the streets.
And I'm a big fan of the show, And I thought maybe you could adopt me Or maybe you could give me some scraps to eat.
Because I'm starving.
My belly's all distended from no food.
- Oh, is that what's going on with your belly? - Yeah! That's what's [bleep.]
going on with my belly.
- Whoa! - Jesus, man.
- We don't use that kind of language.
- Yeah.
- I mean--okay.
Understandable.
- What kinda food do you like? What's your favorite food? - Just food that I could consume That doesn't have dirt or piss or anything on it.
- Bill, do you have any scraps for young fourvel? - Do you have scraps? Even a little gristle or something, mr.
Bill hader? - Do you have any gristle? - No.
Uh, I don't have gristle in my-- on me.
I could maybe go get you some gristle.
- [gasps.]
really? - Or I could maybe get you something better.
Maybe a hamburger or-- - a hamburger would be great.
- No, no, no, no.
Bill, stay here.
Don't get those hamburgers for-- - Scott, you're cock-blocking me here, bro.
- Floyv--floyvin? - Fourvel.
My cousin is floyvin.
- Oh, really.
You have family? Why aren't you staying with them? - Yeah, why aren't you staying with them? - Because they died.
- How? - How? - Yes.
- 'cause they don't know how to act.
And sometimes I get stabby.
- You get stabby.
- Stabby? - What does that mean, stabby? - Sometimes I just get mad.
- Whoa! Fourvel, put it away, man! - They don't know How to [bleep.]
act! - Chill out! Chill out! We're all friends here, we're all friends here.
- I'm putting it away as we speak.
- You murdered your family? - I had to teach 'em a lesson.
They were all up in my grill.
- By murdering them.
- Yeah.
- Uh, fourvel, do you mind? Just chill out for a second.
I wanna talk to bill for a second.
- Okay.
I'll just be over here, not [bleep.]
paying attention-- - Shh.
Hey.
Relax with the language.
- Jeez.
[whispering.]
I don't feel good having A little orphan boy with a knife sitting next to us.
- [whispering.]
he's sitting closer to me! - I think that maybe you should adopt him.
- What? - And then maybe he'll, you know, take off or something.
- Take off? You mean take off to my house.
- Yeah, exactly.
Like, go live with you.
What do you say? - Hey.
- Yeah? - If you want a place to live, you can, um-- You can live with me.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Wow! Thank you so much, mr.
Bill hader.
- Wait, you can come live with me.
I have this area in the back of my house That's kind of meant for Lawn mowing equipment.
- I could just live like where you keep your garden stuff? - Well, it's where we keep the garden stuff And the--and our garbage.
- Honestly, [bleep.]
it, man.
Don't--no.
Because I already live in the garbage.
So, I mean-- - but this would be in a house.
- With a roof over the garbage.
- With a roof over the garbage.
- I don't mean to sound ungrateful, But I mean, like, you're a big, rich movie star.
You should be able to step it up a little bit.
- I'm not really a movie star.
I'm in movies with movie stars.
- Yeah, you're kind of a supporting-- - Scott, I'm trying to talk to [bleep.]
bill hader.
Will you please--scott, I'll [bleep.]
kill you, bro! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! - Come on, man! - Hey! Hey! That's it! No! No! - No! - You're not living with me.
- I think we all need to just take a step back for a second.
- We? Both: You need to take a step back! - You're the one brandishing the knife.
- The knife is away.
But the other one's coming out right now! - Hey, hey, I have an idea.
I have an idea.
Reggie--reggie's house.
- Reggie's house! - Reggie's house.
- Of course! - You could have the whole house! - He's off in omaha.
- That's the greatest thing I ever heard.
- Okay, he--he lives at, uh, 1-1 - oh, [bleep.]
you, scott.
I know you're making that up, man.
I'm from the streets.
You can't fool me.
- No! Hear me out.
- Oh, he's at 1122 mockingbird.
- [laughing.]
- I will kill you, scott! - Oh, come on, man! - God! Fourvel! Okay, we'll be right back with more bill hader after this.
God! Put them down! - Don't play games with me.
- You look like chucky.
- You're exacerbating the situation.
- Yeah, it's a grand slam.
- Well, yeah, it's a grand slam.
- Yeah, that's baseball, scott.
You didn't know that [bleep.]
? Come on, man.
- Please, put the knife away.
Hey, we're back here with bill hader And little orphan fourvel.
And I wanna thank my guests.
Thank you guys so much.
And, reggie watts, you'll be back next week? - Absolutely, scott.
- Hey! You answered me right away.
I thought there was a delay.
- No, not at all.
I've just been taking a long time to answer anything.
- You've been waiting a beat to play the songs too.
- I'm also very lazy, scott.
- Oh.
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - Um, you guys gonna wrap it up soon? Our show's almost over.
- No idea.
Here at spin 2 win, we play until the final spin.
- [laughing.]
Spin the [bleep.]
out of it! Yeah! - Oh, no, no, no.
Ohh! Janice, you landed on "lose.
" - Janice, you [bleep.]
everything up.
- Fourvel, come on.
- I'm actually pretty relieved.
I'm so exhausted from all this endless spinning! [laughing.]
And my hands are really hurting.
- Oh, my god.
How long have you been a contestant? - I'm the only contestant on the show.
I'm the entire first season.
I haven't seen my kids in months.
- And we wanna thank you for playing, janice.
In fact, let's find out what you get just for being here.
There we go.
Thank you, young fella.
Let's take a look.
You have won [laughing.]
another spin! All: Spin again! - Thank you, duke! - Give that thing a yank, janice.
- All right, let's do this! - Spin again! - Janice, you're killing it, bro.
I'ma come live with you.
- From all of us here at spin 2 win, Good night, everybody.
All: Spin 2 wi.
.
Nuh! - You can't keep spin--ugh.
[cheers and applause.]
- From spin 2 win, everybody here, Good night, everybody.
- Good-bye.
- Shut it! Good night, everybody! [eerie music.]
- The wolf dead.