Comic Book Men s07e06 Episode Script

In A Galaxy Very Nearby

1 Flanagan: Let's say you guys are Jedis.
What would be your go-to Jedi mind trick? Aw, I would I would use the Jedi mind trick to never have to wait in line again.
We go to the amusement park and there's a line, and you're like, "I will get in the front right now.
" That's pretty good.
What about you? You're pulled over by a cop Okay.
"I wasn't speeding, Officer.
" "On your way.
" Yeah, how often do you get pulled over for speeding? Uh, once or twice a year.
That sounds like a total waste of the Jedi mind trick.
- It really does.
- Yeah.
You can't use that every day.
I got mine.
When I go to restaurants, I'd be like, "You didn't serve me well.
You don't need a tip.
" - What? A tip? - Zapcic: Wow.
I hate tippin', man.
It's just like, "Come on, man, I paid enough for this meal, and now I gotta pay 20 percent on top of that? So don't tip! Yeah, but then I look like a jerk.
[Laughter.]
Then you look like even more, using your superpowers to get out of tipping! No, remember remember when Obi-Wan did his? - He said, "These aren't the droids you're looking for.
" - Right.
Those stormtroopers did not realize - that they were Jedi mind tricked - Chen: Okay.
so the waiter or waitresses will never know.
They'll think they gave me bad service and they didn't deserve a tip.
Well, why wouldn't you just try to get out of the whole bill? - Why just the tip? - Yeah.
- That's stealing.
- Right.
I just don't want the backlash.
Johnson: Right.
You'll make a great Jedi.
Don't worry about it.
May the Force be with you.
[Laughter.]
[ Dramatic music.]
[Roar.]
- Help! - Help! Help! [Mechanical whirring.]
[ Funky music.]
Smith: Hello, and welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show that knows more than you do about Star Wars, from the First Order, to the Last Jedi.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
All right, man, I wanna be regaled with retail sales.
The Secret Stash gets a lot of Star Wars merchandise brought in, but the most scandalous of Star Wars merchandise came in the other day.
[ Groovy music.]
Hey! How you doin'? Seller: Good.
How you guys doin'? Pretty good.
What you got there? I got an original C-3PO Star Wars Topps card.
Flanagan: Oh, my God.
Have you guys ever seen this? Zapcic: I've never seen it.
I've only heard about it.
Oh, wow.
This is the C-3PO schlong card.
Johnson: The goldenrod.
The goldenrod of Star Wars cards! This is the card that got pulled, right? Zapcic: Yeah.
Flanagan: Airbrushed out, you know, so only a few of these got out.
Well, we don't know how many we how many actually got out, right? I've never heard an actual number, no.
I thought I read somewhere that, like, it was, like, the way the light was, or A piece of the costume fell off just as the camera snapped.
That's what they put on record.
I don't buy that at all.
- Like, how-how - Really? I mean, that's pretty blatant.
I think someone's like, "This-this'll be really funny.
" Well, they were right.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: In 1977, this was released, so we open up a wax pack, this is the top card on the pack.
Do you notice it, or are you - Right over.
- Right over your head, huh? Right over.
Didn't see it.
How old would you've been? You would've been like - Zapcic: About ten.
- Ten.
Ten years old? You don't notice that? I don't think I woulda noticed that.
I just woulda been like Chen: How do you not notice that?! [Laughter.]
I had that Star Wars card, and I-and I - Masturbated to it.
- No! Smith: Oh, God! Flanagan: I'm happy to say that, um, I was so innocent, that when I saw the C-3PO card, I did not see what everybody else saw.
I remember showin' my mom.
She was like, "I don't know what you're talking about, tiger!" [Laughter.]
So, maybe she was just bein' evasive.
We met right around that time, he and I, and I brought it right to him, like, "Do you see what I see?" [Laughter.]
He's like, "Oh no!" I saw it immediately, like, I giggled, I showed all my friends and it was funny! In all fairness, though, you probably saw that on every card.
[Laughter.]
So, where'd you get this? I-I got it online several years ago.
- Flanagan: Oh, yeah? - Something that just needed to be in my collection.
It's probably the only image of anybody in the Star Wars Universe with that - Johnson: Arousal? - Flanagan: Yeah.
Right? I can't think of any other Slave Leia! - She had one? She had the - Zapcic: No! [Laughter.]
Zapcic: No, no, no! I mean arousal, but Chen: I don't remember that scene! What scene was that?! - The movie that's playing in my head.
- Zapcic: Exactly.
Constantly! - You meant - Flanagan: Oh, okay.
- That-that would be in that level of, like, seedy.
- Like, sexuality.
Yes.
I was 15 when slave Leia came out.
- Okay, and - So - What is this?! - [Laughter.]
This has never happened before! I think I saw this on a trading card! [Laughter.]
You must be hardcore Star Wars fanatic, huh? - Oh, yeah.
- What does Star Wars mean to you? Star Wars is my childhood.
That's what I grew up watching, playing with the toys, and, you know, being make believe with my friends.
Flanagan: You're bringing this in to sell? - I am.
- How come? I make Halloween masks and supplies aren't cheap.
You do well with that business? Is that-that's only - No.
- [Laughter.]
Why do you think he's selling the card? What are you lookin' to get for it? I was hoping' for $50.
Oh, man, $50's a little bit too much, man.
Um, would you take $10? Oh, I couldn't go that low.
- Flanagan: No? - No.
Come up to $40? How 'bout $20? $30? It's really good condition.
Corners are pretty sharp, it's bright colors.
How 'bout $25? 25 bucks? I can meet ya in the middle at $25.
All right, done.
$25.
Nice.
- Thank you so much, man.
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Thanks, man.
You guys have a good weekend.
I've got an unproduced Power of the Force proof card for Prune Face.
Whoa! I'm looking for a gift for my fiance.
I love weddings.
I like to be on the ground floor of any catastrophe.
[Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
- Flanagan: Hey, how you doin'? - Seller: Hey, guys.
I've got somethin' I think you're gonna be pretty interested in.
I've got an unproduced Kenner Power of the Force 1985 proof card for Prune Face.
Oh, whoa.
What is this? Seller: This is one of the pre-production pieces that go into bringing a toy to market.
Flanagan: Never saw a figure attached to it.
Never.
Flanagan: There was a time when they were gonna make this figure, and they just said, "Eh, it's not doin' well enough, we're not gonna make this figure.
"? Seller: They did make the figure.
They came out on the Return of the Jedi card back.
Most all the figures were planned to be re-released on the Power of the Force line after, but because sales had declined so much, Kenner axed it.
Never saw the light of day.
Flanagan: You got this graded.
Seller: It's graded by AFA as a 95, which is pretty unheard of.
Flanagan: I can't recall what movie Prune Face was even in.
Seller: Return of the Jedi.
He's a background character that they pan over his face and it's maybe a second or two.
Johnson: It looks like E.
T.
in an eyepatch.
[Laughter.]
It really does.
I've seen Return of the Jedi a bunch! I don't even remember this testes-lookin' man with an eyepatch, anywhere.
Flanagan: I agree with you, like, if there's not a Prune Face in the credits, you shouldn't be able to make the figure.
That's how you start losin' people, man.
But, like, Prune Face?! [Bleep.]
you! Coming here today to sell it? Seller: Yeah, I'm lookin' to sell it.
Flanagan: Do we know how many Prune Face cards are out there in the world today? Seller: As far as the number that are graded, there are only two.
- Very sought-after, right? - Seller: Very much so, yeah.
The pre-production Star Wars market is completely insane.
Flanagan: This could be one of those benchmark pieces if we were to acquire it, right? I'm definitely interested.
What are you lookin' to get for it? I'm askin' $5,000.
- $5,000?! - Seller: $5,000.
Johnson: $5,000 for a piece of cardboard? - I'm asking.
- I'm not gonna say anything else to you.
It's too much.
I-I-No.
- It's crazy.
- That's [stammers.]
It may not be.
Hold on, now.
Would you mind if I called in somebody, just to, you know, get a second opinion? - Right? When you go to a doctor you ever get a second opinion? - Oh yeah.
Well, you look like you're about to be sick, - so - [Laughter.]
This wasn't even somebody's good idea.
This was somebody's bad idea that couldn't make it all the way to production.
Flanagan: But if I'm gonna spend this kind of cash, I wanna bring in Rob Bruce to let me know if this piece is worth the kind of coin this guy's askin' for.
$5,000 for, uh, just the card.
- That's really impressive.
- Seller: Yeah.
Flanagan: That's I didn't call to see if you thought it was impressive.
I wanna know, uh, what are we lookin' at here.
Bruce: This was produced at the end of the Power of the Force run.
They did a catalogue in, I think 1985, for Toy Fair, and it featured 19 figures that were never produced, and this is actually one of those cards.
Flanagan: Those guys that walk in here, and they're always like, "Show me your high-end stuff.
" I'd love to get somethin' like this, - you know, put it in the glass case, - Chen: Yeah.
shine a light on it, and They call 'em beacons.
- Flanagan: Beacons.
- Bruce: Yeah.
I need a beacon.
I need a Star Wars beacon.
Bruce, I mean $5,000, that's not realistic at this time.
You know this market, it's very volatile.
All the unproduced ones have just a crazy following, and everybody jumps on 'em the second they come up.
Just based on the character, I don't this is ever gonna be a $10,000 figure.
I mean, I would value this somewhere in the $2,000-$3,000 range.
Flanagan: I appreciate the knowledge you just dropped like a deuce on the counter here.
Yeah, like it was hot.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: And that's why I can offer you $1,500.
No way.
- No? - No.
The best I could do is, like, $4,500.
$2,000.
I can't do it.
- Two grand?! - No.
Flanagan: All right.
Do you mind if I just take a second here? Like, a little Go ahead.
All right, can you? [Laughter.]
Bruce: It's a great item, but I wouldn't go past like $3,000.
Everybody's been sayin', you know, that we're, like, you know, "Small-fry Flanagan, he never buys anything big.
" - I wanna show them.
- Where's your beacon, Walt? - Yeah, yeah.
- This is it.
You got a beacon.
Finally would have a beacon, though.
All right, sir, we're ready.
All right.
All right, I talked it over, and prepared to offer you, in cash $3,000.
No.
Where you thinkin' someone else is gonna pay-pay more than that for this? Seller: I think they're out there, and if they're not I'm happy with it at my house for that.
- Last chance.
- Naw, I can't do it.
- $4,500.
- Okay, lemme look.
Seller: $4,500.
You got ice in them veins, brother, - or prunes, I don't know what the hell's in there.
- Thank you.
I appreciate it.
[Laughter.]
Sometimes I lose, but I respect the other gunfighter.
That's why you're a small-fry.
Well, that - $3,000.
- Be quiet, Prune Face, what do you know? [Laughter.]
- Flanagan: A wedding gift.
- Yes.
The wedding is Star Wars themed.
Flanagan: This is The Gentle Giant, Han Solo, Empire Strikes Back, figure.
Buyer: This is amazing! Hello there.
Hi, everyone.
How're we doin'? I have some ultra-rare, super-expensive, Star Wars figures from around the world.
[ Rock music.]
Flanagan: Hey, how are ya? Buyer: I'm good.
How are you? What can we do for you today? Uh, I'm actually looking for a gift for my fiance.
We're getting married in a couple months.
I love weddings.
I like to be on the ground floor of any catastrophe.
[Laughter.]
You've come to a comic book store - Buyer: Yes.
- so, I'm going to assume that your future husband is a geek.
Yes, we both are.
The whole wedding itself is actually Star Wars themed, so I'm thinking maybe something Star Wars related that would fit with that would be perfect.
Flanagan: One character above any other that he likes? I think most guys think they're just as cool and awesome as Han Solo, so, yeah.
I've always identified with the trash compactor monster.
[Laughter.]
- Flanagan: Hey, Ming.
- Hey.
Can you check downstairs and see if we have that Gentle Giant Han Solo, Empire Strikes Back figure? That big one? Yeah, I'll go look for it.
Johnson: How long have you guys been dating? Uh, four years.
Johnson: Has there been any Star Wars role-play? Has he dressed like Han, like, come out in a vest, like No, we haven't done that.
Really? Honeymoon! Yeah, save it for honeymoon.
That sounds good to me.
- Ah! - Found it! - That's what I was talkin' about.
- Buyer: Oh, wow! Flanagan: This is the scene, do you remember, uh, Han Solo in carbonite? Buyer: This is one of our favorite scenes in the whole series.
Just before he goes into carbonite "I love you.
" That's right.
The most One of the most famous scenes in Star Wars history.
I do a really killer Han Solo impression from that scene.
Flanagan: Oh, really? Let me hear it.
- I'll be Princess Leia.
- Okay, you be Leia, I'll be Han.
- All right.
- Okay.
I love you.
I know.
The double-take.
- Chen: Wow.
- What?! I know! - [Laughter.]
- Good, right? That was perfect.
Flanagan: That was terrible.
Get outta here.
[Laughter.]
Johnson: Do it again.
Watch his expression.
It's like the last thing you would see before, like, a chloroform-soaked rag comes over your face.
Like, like, watch his face, it's, like, all weird-lookin'.
All right.
Do the line.
Do the line.
I love you.
I know.
What are you Why are you lungin' at him? I know! [Laughter.]
You think I don't know that? His is more pissy, like a child when told an answer on a test like it's 12.
- I know! - Oh, come on! Flanagan: Can I give him a more sincere "I love you" lead-in? It's crazy.
He's crazy.
It's not you.
It's him.
Shake off the Ming.
Let the Han come out.
- Okay.
- Flanagan: You're not Ming anymore.
- Okay.
- You're Han Solo.
- Chen: Okay.
- Smith: And action.
I love you.
I know.
- [Laughter.]
- Johnson: I know.
- That was yearning.
- Flanagan: That was better.
- That was pretty good.
- I-I felt it.
Smith: That was pretty good.
It moved.
[Laughs.]
I think yours moved, too.
Don't go home and leave your wife, or whatever.
I was just doing a little playacting.
[Laughter.]
All right.
Wedding gift.
Yes.
This is amazing.
Flanagan: It has your husband's favorite Star Wars character, - Han Solo.
- That's true.
Does he have any qualities that would liken him to a Han Solo? I think he thinks he does.
Let's just hope he doesn't shoot first, right? [Laughter.]
Wow.
[Laughter.]
All right, so what do you think? It's awesome.
I-I love it.
Flanagan: It's so cool.
If you open up the carbonite, there's actually a Han Solo figure inside the carbonite.
Buyer: Really? That's cool.
I didn't even realize it opened.
So, how much? It's $200.
[Sighs.]
Kinda on a budget.
I mean, weddings are expensive these days.
I mean, I don't know, could we go down to $150? Flanagan: As a wedding gift to you and your husband Buyer: Okay.
knock $25 dollars off to go to $175.
Buyer: $175 Okay, I'll take it.
Flanagan: Nice.
[ Upbeat music.]
- Here you go.
- All right.
Thank you so much.
Best of luck.
- Congratulations.
Have a great day! - Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thanks! - Thank you.
Some of these are basically bootlegs.
Chen: Look, this guy's, like, behind, like, a calculator.
[Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
Flanagan: What are your thoughts on themed weddings, specifically Star Wars themed weddings? Johnson: You got married at Skywalker Ranch.
Smith: I did.
Got married right there smack dab in the crotch of the Lucasfilm empire, man, at Skywalker Ranch.
Was John Williams there, or Yeah, I was like, "Can you play the wedding march, please?" Meh, meh-meh, meh Uh, nobody was there.
We did it on a weekend while most of the place was closed.
We were mixing Dogma there during the week.
My wife and I, she was way pregnant, she says, "It's gorgeous up here.
If we ever get married, we should get married here.
" and the conversation turned hypothetical to reality in the span of 12 hours.
Suddenly, we were gonna get married at Skywalker Ranch the next day.
Were you able to go on a honeymoon, or was your wife too far pregnant? What a-what a weird side-question.
[Laughter.]
Was she too fat to [Bleep.]
yet? [Laughter.]
[ Rock music.]
- Flanagan: Hey, look who it is, guys.
- Seller: Hello, there.
- Hi, everyone.
How're we doing? - Chen: Hey, Gun.
- Nice seeing you all again.
Walt, nice seeing you.
- Nice seeing you.
I have some ultra-rare, super-expensive, Star Wars figures from around the world.
All right.
Let's see what ya got.
Let me show you what I have.
Imperial Gunner from Turkey, made by Uzay.
Flanagan: Turkish Uzay.
Seller: Also from Turkey, Blue Stars.
- From England, Boba Fett.
- Flanagan: All right.
Seller: From Italy, Han Solo, or Jan Solo, as the Italians like to state.
- That's right.
- Seller: From France, Yoda.
Flanagan: Okay.
Seller: And finally, from Poland, we have another Boba Fett figure.
Flanagan: Polish Boba Fett! Kenner made figures for the United States, but a lot of countries want to take advantage of the Star Wars craze, so some of these are basically bootlegs, outside of the actual licensing, uh, system.
This is a bootleg, not license.
It looks like it's carved out of cabbage.
Seller: It's bubbly, the paint is splotched, the figure's actually held on by a staple on the top and the bottom.
Chen: Look, this guy's, like, behind, like, a calculator.
Johnson: Look at the size of the buttons, it look like my grandmother's touchtone phone.
[Laughter.]
Seller: That's the allure of these characters, and that's why these are rare items.
But, this Yoda was made by Meccano.
So, Meccano was licensed from George Lucas to create figures for France, but in Turkey, they didn't have a Kenner license, so, this individual, basically in his garage, created all of these figures.
I just gotta say, thank God we grew up in America, where we have the actual licensed Star Wars figures.
Finally, somebody's got the courage to say it! Chen: Not like, thank God we have food and toilet paper.
And freedom! [Laughter.]
Freedom to buy Star Wars merchandise.
I feel bad for, like, Poland, because, you know, they're the butt of the jokes all the time, and then they even get crappy toys.
[Laughter.]
"What you mean? This not Boba Fett?" [Laughter.]
Flanagan: How much money are these figures worth if you were to add 'em all up? How much is on the counter right now? Seller: Maybe $45,000-$50,000 for all six of 'em.
- What? - Seller: Yeah.
Johnson: Who knows you're here? [Laughter.]
Seller: These two are maybe $10,000 each.
The outer two, maybe these are from $6,000-$8,000.
Polish Boba Felt, about $8,000-$10,000.
This French Yoda, about $5,000.
Whoo.
I'm looking to sell figures, in particular, for muscular dystrophy, so 100% of the proceeds will go to charity.
Actually, Doc, I'm very happy you're here, because earlier this week, I had a chance to acquire a Prune Face card, and I didn't pull the trigger.
What made you pass on that? What do you think? I mean, what it always is, price, you know, and these things go for big money, but I wanna be a big dog like you.
I'm gonna make an offer on the Yoda.
Seller: Okay.
- Flanagan: The French Yoda.
- Seller: Okay.
I've got that bitter, bad taste of Prune Face in my mouth, and I wanna wash it out with some French Yoda.
What were you lookin' to get, again, for the Yoda? For the Stash, how 'bout $3,000.
How 'bout $2,000? How 'bout we meet in the middle? $2,500? Flanagan: I don't know how those big dogs do it.
Johnson: They just do it.
That's the thing about being a big dog, right? - You don't sit there and hem and haw, - No.
- and think about it, and then fret about it.
- You can't.
You just do it.
Chen: This is better than that Prune Face, man.
At least this one comes with a figure.
- Zapcic: And it's Yoda, Walt.
- Flanagan: Okay.
We can always do well with Yoda figures here.
All right.
I'm ready-I'm ready to get off the porch.
- I'm ready to run with-with the big dogs.
- Chen: Yeah.
I'll write you a check.
$2,500, it is.
Seller: Deal, deal.
I'm really happy.
- Chen: Yeah, yeah, big dog! - Zapcic: Big dog! [All barking and howling.]
Yeah, I got a 2,500 Well, you have a $2,500 French Yoda now - that we gotta try to flip.
- Yeah.
And you travel about the world, you know, I mean, any chance you're gonna be hittin' France soon? Maybe you could take it with you, try to move it there? It would be like, "You have been le [Bleep.]
.
" [Laughter.]
Oh, and just like a little droid looks like R2-D2 had sex with a soccer ball, we're gonna roll outta here, man.
For "Comic Book Men" I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
May the Force be with you always.
Good night, kids.

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