Comic Book Men s07e07 Episode Script

Ode To Clerks

1 [Upbeat music.]
Flanagan: Let's say you wake up tomorrow morning with a a brand new skill you've never had before, and you're the best in the world at it.
What skill you gonna choose? I'm gonna take a skill that I never even think about, but I wanna be the best interior decorator.
- Do you even go to other people's houses? - Right.
- [Laughter.]
- Chen: Yeah, seriously.
You've never been to my house! You've never been to my house, either! Is this just your own house? You're barkin' at your children and wife, "Change that! Put that over there! I'm the world's greatest interior decorator.
Don't you know it?" [Laughter.]
What about you, Mike? Zapcic: A carpenter.
These, all thumbs.
I mean, I try to hammer a nail into somethin', I suck.
And all thumbs, does that apply in the bedroom, too? Because Is that where we're goin' with this? - Flanagan: Oh, God.
- It's definitely all thumbs.
The woman's like [Laughter.]
Flanagan: What about you, Ming? I wanted to say lover, but you said "a skill I never had before," so [Laughter.]
- I mean, I'm not I'm not - Lover? I'm not bragging, but it was a skill I had before, so - Let's say you became a ten at that.
- Yeah.
What were you before that? - Like high, what, seven? - Chen: Ten.
- Yeah, I'd be, like, in there, you know.
- A high seven? What needs to happen for you to gain those three extra points? - Actually, you know, there's - Another person? - Help! - Help! Help! Hello, and welcome back to another super fun episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show where all the members were expelled from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
- Okay, tell me a story, boys.
We had a customer come in looking for Silver and Bronze Age Wonder Woman material, which we didn't have much of, but we did have one item that was in perfect condition.
- Flanagan: Hi.
- Buyer: Hello.
How can we help you? I am looking for Wonder Woman stuff.
Okay.
Buyer: I like more, like, Silver and Bronze Age.
- Really? Oh.
- Yeah.
Hey, what about that collection we picked up that had that, uh, that big Valentine's Day book? Zapcic: Yes.
It's not exclusively Wonder Woman, but it's got a lot of Wonder Woman stuff in it.
Oh, cute.
Flanagan: Ah, here we go.
Here it is.
The "Super Friends" Action Valentine's Playbook.
- Check it out.
- This is so cute.
Can I open it? Absolutely, yeah.
Take a look at it.
- 1980, it was published - Buyer: Oh, my gosh.
Flanagan: and it has just got - some amazing artwork inside of it.
- Buyer: This is adorable.
This reminds me of when I used to work at a special needs school.
We used to do all the arts and crafts around Valentine's Day.
So did we when I went to school.
Did I go to a special needs school? [Laughter.]
Remember making those little boxes in, like, first and second grade, and then, you know, people would drop stuff in? Those were the days, right, when you could exclude people.
- Zapcic: Yeah.
- Yeah.
Then just watch their faces as people file by.
Well, wait a second.
I think he didn't finish the story.
- I just, sometimes I wouldn't get as many as - Flanagan: Oh.
Don't tell me you were the "Choo-Choo-Choose Me" guy.
[Laughter.]
I remember this was a real nail biter of a time during the kid calendar year, because, you know, before the days of Facebook, and Twitter or Instagram, this was a real indicator - of your followers in real life.
- Oh, yeah.
Smith: So as they passed our cards, it was some executioner's job to open the box and pass them out, and you'd watch them go everywhere but to you, praying one would cross your desk, that you weren't a total social pariah.
[Laughter.]
Come on, Ming, let's say you were givin' this young lady a valentine.
Which one would you be comfortable giving her.
Chen: Oh, man, there's so many to pick from.
Like, this Green Arrow, "I'm aiming for you, valentine.
" That's a good one.
"I'd go for you in a flash!" These are good, but, I mean, since you like Wonder Woman, I- I, you know, "I think you're wonderful, valentine.
- Be mine.
" - Aw.
I feel like you would give him a valentine written on a restraining order.
[Laughter.]
No! Flanagan: Come on, I Let's have fun with this.
Look around.
I mean, look at this.
Huh? How cool is that? It's the transformation from Diana Prince into Wonder Woman.
Look at this artwork too, man.
They don't make stuff like this anymore.
My girl, Diana.
Oh, they have the Joker.
Flanagan: It's kinda weird, though, because Batman and Robin spent all their time putting the Joker away, and now they're giving him a Valentine's.
Is that the right message to send? Zapcic: Uh, probably not, since he's a mass-murderer.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: This is a high-grade copy of a book you just don't see every day.
I have to agree with you.
Uh, what do you think? Would you be interested in, uh, you know, takin' her home today? How much we talkin'? We're asking $100 for this particular book.
Can you do $50? Whouf.
A 50 percent drop? [Giggles.]
Chen: Come on.
Where's the love, man? I got a little wiggle room on it.
I could knock 20 bucks off.
I can go to $80.
$75.
- $75? - Buyer: Come on.
Give a poor nerd a nice valentine.
$75.
Buyer: Awesome.
80 bucks.
All right, and there's your change.
- Buyer: Thank you guys.
- All right.
Have a good one.
Y'all closed, or what? It's all dark in here.
Flanagan: Oh, sorry.
Yeah, we're closed.
It's Rosario Dawson! - Thank you.
- Flanagan: Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Christopher Downie.
He did a movie called "Shooting Clerks" about Kevin - Chen: That's right.
How you doin'? - making "Clerks.
" Yeah, we're gettin' ready for a couple of premieres.
I wanna see this movie.
Flanagan: Wasn't a bad day today.
Those wall books at the end of the day really helped out.
Y'all close, or what? It's all dark in here.
Flanagan: Oh, yeah.
Sorry, we're closed.
Aw! Chen: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
What the It's Rosario Dawson! - Flanagan: Oh! - Thank you.
You would think "Clerks", man.
- How soon they forget.
- Yeah.
It's dark in here.
Sorry about that.
No worries.
Ah.
Oh, thank you.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, my lord, one of my favorite actresses on the planet, let alone, one of my favorite actresses I've ever worked with.
Rosario Dawson is the absolute truth.
She was with us in "Clerks Two", naturally, but I'm talkin' about bigger ties.
She's been in "Men in Black Two", She's the voice of Batgirl in the "Lego Batman" movie, the voice of, I think, Artemis, in the Wonder Woman animated movie - Yes.
- Smith: and, of course, she's been in "Sin City", which means she's one of the only people in this world that was directed by Frank Miller.
Most people know her now as Claire Temple, the nurse at the center of all the Netflix Marvel shows.
She was just in "The Defenders.
" So, she's geek royalty, hands down, man.
How does it feel to be blowin' up the Marvel Universe? I mean, you're Claire Temple in "Iron Fist", "Daredevil", "Luke Cage", "Jessica Jones", "The Defenders.
" - Dawson: It's pretty dope.
- Chen: You're the glue that holds 'em all together.
I try, I try.
I'm the bandage.
I'm the stitching.
You're, I mean you're-you're everything.
Forget those other guys.
I don't even watch those shows for them.
I watch it for you, and that's great because you're in every you're in every show.
- You're in every show.
- Aw! Well, except for "The Punisher.
" I tried.
I tried so hard because The Punisher is my favorite character, as psycho and crazy as he full-on is, I've always loved him, but, no, it's been amazing.
It's-it's crazy to be in this industry for over 20 years, and be working on something that's still pushing boundaries, and you know, agreeing to something that I had no idea what it was gonna turn into and grow into years later, and on a and in a format and in an area that did not exist years ago, and the stuff is so good.
Not only is Rosario in a bunch of comic-themed properties, she actually worked on her own comic, as well.
She's co-creator of a book called "Occult Crimes Taskforce" and the main character is drawn to look like Rosario in the book.
So, she's legit.
She's no tourist, she's no poser, man.
She walks into a comic book store, she feels comfortable and she looks comfortable in that place.
Not only do you have comics in common, but you guys are kinda "Clerks" alumni.
You know, "Clerks One", "Clerks Two.
" - That's right.
Right.
What up? Mooby's! Six roles in "Clerks One.
" That's crazy talk! Only got paid for one, though.
[Laughter.]
That was, like, the best thing, actually, on "Clerks Two.
" Just this, like, tight-knit little family that he created.
Being all in the little motel that we were in, and just working constantly.
It was just so dope.
Kevin, all night, chain smoking in one of the rooms, like, just doing all the editing as we're going along, so you got to see it grow as we were filming.
It was pretty wild.
We-we have, like, almost it's almost like a museum here, of-of, you know, props and all the things from Kevin's movies.
Yeah, speaking of "Clerks Two" we have your costume here, still.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Can I see it? - Yeah.
It's down in the archives.
- You want me to go get it? - Yes, please.
- I'll go grab it.
- Oh, snap.
By archives, he means the trunk of his car.
- [Laughter.]
- Don't make it weird.
We got super lucky that she was in "Clerks Two", man, because the character of Becky was the heart and soul of the flick.
I remember, like, shootin' the sequence on the roof where she teaches Brian to dance.
It was captivating.
You could see him falling in love with her in that scene, and you understood exactly why.
Who wouldn't? Oh, my God! I could still fit into this outfit.
This is nice.
Chen: Bring back some memories? Except for the lumpy boobs.
I couldn't find a female mannequin.
I had to improvise.
Dawson: Really, dude?! He's got a fetish.
Just say it.
Chen: I don't, I don't, I don't! [Laughter.]
This is awesome.
Let's take a selfie and send it to Kevin! Chen: Absolutely.
But Come on, guys.
All together.
Imagine, selfies didn't exist when we were doing this movie.
- It's crazy.
- All right, Walt, look right there, all right? Hold on, hold on, hold on.
- I am so Becky.
- Oh, I love it.
I love it.
Keep looking, guys.
One, two, three.
Aah! Dawson: Oh, these are awesome.
Chen: Oh, thank you.
Please send that to Kevin.
Chen: I will, absolutely.
And send He'll send it to me, I guess, so I don't have to give you my number.
I'm just kidding.
- But seriously? - [Laughter.]
- Thank you.
- Chen: Of course.
I love that you kept this.
Very good to see you all.
- Thanks for saying hello to me.
- Chen: Thanks for coming in.
Bye bye.
Peace out, guys.
Come on, let's hustle it out.
"Clerks Three", man.
I think we can still make him do it.
- Bye! - Bye! Thank you! I'm lookin' for, uh, one of your wall books.
"New Mutants" 87.
Ah, first appearance of Cable.
This book is just gonna be climbin' the charts.
Smith: Thank you for comin' out tonight.
I'm two joints in, so everything's gonna be amazing.
Let's all enjoy "Shooting Clerks!" Zapcic: All right, boys.
You're out hiking in the woods, tree falls on you, pins your leg.
You got a knife.
Do you have the stones to cut off your leg and drag yourself back to civilization? I always find these questions so, um, unrealistic, and hard for me to take seriously, because Yeah, let's talk more about the Hulk beatin' up the Thing.
[Laughter.]
Johnson: Personally, I think I would just be like, "Forget it.
" Really? Just not worth it? Sometimes, like, I'll go for a walk, like, just exercise in the woods, - I'll get to my halfway point - Yeah.
- Johnson: - and sometimes I just I'm like, "Maybe I'll just sit here and wait to die.
" [Laughter.]
So, if a tree's on me, I'm definitely just done.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: Hey, how you doin'? - What's goin' on, guys? - What's goin' on today? I'm looking for, uh, one of your wall books.
"New Mutants" 87.
- Ah, first appearance of Cable.
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
- I'll go grab it.
No book hotter right now, right? - Absolutely.
- With the impending "Deadpool Two" movie, we inch closer to the cinematic appearance of Cable.
- There you go.
- Ah.
This book is just gonna be climbin' the charts, fever pitch.
Do you remember, uh, when this book came out? I mean, this was, uh, Rob Liefeld's - Right.
second issue on "New Mutants.
" He came on to that book with so many ideas that it-it was like a whirlwind.
I mean, you got Cable, almost immediately after that, Deadpool - Zapcic: Right.
Yep.
- Flanagan: Domino.
I mean, it's just like hit, after hit, after hit.
What a run.
Zapcic: "The New Mutants" was the second X-Men book.
It was just about kids goin' to school, and then comes Cable.
He takes over and he's like, "Screw that noise.
I'ma teach ya how to kick ass.
I'm gonna turn you into a strike force.
" - Yeah.
- What does he have to do with Deadpool? They had a buddy-cop thing goin' on.
Flanagan: Yeah.
Frenemies.
Both Cable and Domino are in the next "Deadpool" movie, and it's Josh Brolin.
The guy who plays Thanos is also gonna get to play Cable, as well.
The more they take these characters, throw 'em up on the big screen, you're gonna start printin' money, man, cause these are characters that have had audiences for 20 years, and now we're in an age where they're like, you wanna see what Cable would look like in the real world? Boom.
It's Josh Brolin.
[Laughter.]
Now, Cable, as a character, he's got the cool eye, he's got the robotic arm, the cyborg arm, but he's got one thing that defies logic.
Johnson: Is it my grandma's gloves he's wearing? [Laughter.]
No, it's the fact that he's an older guy.
You don't usually see characters introduced with grey hair make that kinda impact.
You don't say.
[Laughter.]
He's like an old man.
He's a rarity, an outlier, if you will, in comics.
He's an old guy.
Generally, when they introduce We're sittin' right here! I'm sorry, but comics is a kid's game, and, generally, when they introduce characters, they're younger, but then, they did throw this guy into the mix, and he is kind of a middle-aged to sundown years old man.
Johnson: I don't know.
I feel like we should just give every character grey hair now.
Smith: You'll feel more heroic yourself.
Sure.
[Laughter.]
I felt like it was a good time to get on this.
When the movie comes out, it's gonna skyrocket.
Wise choice.
This particular issue, nice cover gloss, tight spine, beautiful Rob Liefeld, and Todd McFarlane inks.
Right now, at 170 bucks, you're investing early before it's at its peak.
See, I was hopin' I was hopin' to pay $100.
$100? [Chuckling.]
No, man, that's way too low.
Um, I could do $160.
Knock ten bucks off.
Uh, what about $125? Flanagan: $160.
It's gotta stay in that area, because I know I'll get it.
Somebody's gonna come through that door and pay me that much for this.
All I got on me is $150, man.
That's what I got.
Ming, check his pockets.
- [Laughter.]
- He already did.
- Deal.
- Thanks.
All right.
- Buyer: Thank you.
- All right.
You guys have an awesome day.
Enjoy.
Smith: From the opening minute-and-a-half, I started cryin'.
Profoundly moving.
Flanagan: If you guys can ban anything in the world, what would it be? - I already got mine.
- Chen: What is it? Alcohol.
Yeah, that seemed to work well in the '20s.
Flanagan: It's the cause of so many problems.
Everybody's gettin' their beer muscles on.
You know what? Not under my watch.
So, what takes the place of alcohol? Flanagan: Um, Scrabble, uh, spend time, you know, doing more wholesome activities than goin' out to the to the bars and the pubs.
- Oh, man.
- What's the matter with you? Chen: I know alcohol causes a lot of problems, but I think, you know, people need some way to unwind.
You know, you go kick back with a cold one, and, uh, no way to unwind, they would just act out on each other.
So, they can't unwind with a spirited game of charades? Flanagan: Oh, what's up?! I brought you little gifts from Scotland.
The best things since Ewan McGregor.
- How you doin'? - Good to see you, Walt.
- O'Halloran: Ming.
- How are ya? This is Christopher Downie, uh, you guys might've remembered, - because you did a cameo in a movie a couple years ago - Yeah.
called "Shooting Clerks" about Kevin - Chen: That's right! How you doin'? - O'Halloran: making "Clerks.
Chen: So, it's done? Downie: Yeah, we're actually, uh, gettin' ready for a couple of premieres.
We're doing one tomorrow in Atlantic Highlands, and of course you guys are in it as well, so I wanna see this movie.
[Laughter.]
"Shooting Clerks" is the passion project of Chris Downie, a kid from Scotland.
Him and his friends love the movie "Clerks" and decided to make a biopic about me and you and the making of "Clerks.
" So, you know, naturally, it's flattering as hell the first time you hear that.
So, as a filmmaker, I stayed out of the other filmmakers' way and helped when I could, and then, before you knew it, they'd finished it.
Johnson: What made you wanna do this, make movie about a guy who made a movie? Downie: You know, I love "Clerks.
" My favorite film of all time is "Clerks.
" I- I just assumed someone would make this movie because I thought it was marketable and I thought it was a great story, not just about how a man made a movie, but he made it with his friends.
It's only exists because of those key elements, of which you guys are, were in place, and that's something that I really loved.
Not to mention, there's a plethora of superhero origin stories out there, but Kevin's a hero to us.
This is his origin story.
The defining moment of my young life was when I made "Clerks.
" I didn't know anything, but I had good friends, and I really wanted to tell the story of what it was like to be us, and so, our guys in the movie, uh, Dante and Randal, were based on me and Bryan from when I was working at Quick Stop and RST.
So, I was very much Dante, and Randal, is very much just like Bryan, the guy that literally spit water in customer's faces and say outrageous things to 'em.
Bryan felt free to be like [Laughter.]
This is my producer, Brett Murray.
He also plays you in the film.
Johnson: I remember bein' that pretty at one point.
[Laughter.]
Johnson: Are you a jerk in real life? Yep.
[Laughter.]
- That's key.
- He answered.
We've also got Mark Frost here who plays Kevin, obviously, in the movie, 'cause he's still rockin' the beard.
He's been preparin' to play Kevin his whole life.
Last ten years, he's actually been a convenience store clerk.
You've worked at a convenience store for ten years? 12 now.
Me and my dad run one together.
That is pretty funny.
[Laughter.]
Flanagan: So the screening is at Atlantic Highlands Theater.
It is, indeed.
We'd like to invite you guys to come and watch it.
I mean, it's your life onscreen, and you guys are in it, so O'Halloran: If you're free tomorrow night, you know where that is.
- Yeah.
- Well, my parents didn't love me enough to take any home videos, so I'll go.
[Laughter.]
Nooch.
Flanagan: "Shooting Clerks", baby.
This-this is great! Flanagan: I wanna get some soda, some popcorn.
All right, let's sit down, enjoy the movie! Flanagan: I gotta admit, man, it was pretty neat that the viewing was in Atlantic Highlands, you know, right where you spent all those many weekends at a movie theater.
I did, as well.
And it was a short drive.
[Laughter.]
[Cheering, applause.]
Thank you for comin' out tonight.
This is gonna be so incredibly trippy for me, so I'm two joints in, so everything's gonna be amazing.
Um, so without further ado, let's all enjoy "Shooting Clerks.
" Give it up for Chris and the boys! [Cheering, applause.]
Smith: This is the first time I'm ever seeing "Shooting Clerks", the movie about my life, so to be able to sit there, surrounded by the people who are characters in the movie, I knew my mom was gonna be in town, so I could bring my mom to see the movie, too.
You guys were in the flick, man.
There's actually a couple of rare "Wonder Woman" books at the back there.
If the pages of those "Wonder Woman" comics are stuck together, don't even bother puttin' 'em on my desk.
[Audience laughs.]
Smith: From the opening minute-and-a-half, I started cryin'.
I was thinkin' about applying to film school.
Smith: And then I just cried throughout.
I cried when I met Mosier.
Hey, you wanna be lab partners? That one hit me hard.
Where were you? You were over an hour late.
What was I supposed to do? Smith: I cried when, um, me and Bryan broke up.
What? Come on! It's just a joke.
Smith: I certainly cried at the end when he was talkin' about you know, makin' a movie with your friends.
That's kinda what it was all about.
Smith: Profoundly moving, uh, for me.
I loved it.
For all the time I spend, going like, "People should do [bleep.]
, people should make [bleep.]
.
Blah, blah, blah.
" They did, and they beat me at my own game, 'cause they made my life.
[Cheering, applause.]
The whole evening for me was emotional and surprising, but one of the most surprising aspects of the whole story was, at the end of it, walkin' out and seein' Walt, and the first thing Walter said, goes, "Wasn't that fun?" And that's something Walter never says about anything.
[Laughter.]
And just like the ending of a Scottish biopic, the credits are about to roll, ladies and gentlemen.
For "Comic Book Men" I've been Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
You can spend your life watchin' movies, that's A-Okay, but makin' 'em is way more fun.
Goodnight, kids.

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