Costa!! (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

Zon, zee, sex en nieuw personeel

-This is the VIP deck.
Nice for people with no taste
and way too much money.
But when they're drunk, they do tip.
Come on.
Okay, so this is the storage room.
This is where the items are to restock
the bar. I only found out later.
Boys, seriously?
Grab that.
Zoë, couldn't you have shown Mila
the ropes this afternoon?
I had to sleep. Yesterday was tough.
I feel for you, but we're understaffed.
I want everyone working the bar.
Calm down, Grandpa, we'll be right there.
And this is my private balcony.
Or maybe not that private.
Is it always like this?
Honey, this is nothing.
Dears, I don't know
how long you plan on standing there,
but in five minutes it's happy hour
at the bar with Esmee.
Yo, Essie. Three mo-hitos.
-Yes, strong.
No, Spaniards pronounce the J as a G.
Do those Spaniards
have a J-spot and a G-spot?
Doesn't matter.
You can't find either anyway.
Hey, we're back! Hey!
Nice mama, crazy papa, Right?
Welcome to the Costa.
The gateway to heaven, right?
Call me Saint Peter, call me Maniac Mike.
We're going wild tonight.
This chick.
Shakira, Shakira. With your crazy hips.
Listen. Do you believe in love at first
sight or should I walk by again?
-Can your heart handle that?
-Please. Feel it.
What's up?
Leave your stress at home.
Tonight there's an artist, but usually
we have a house DJ. No fuckboy material.
-What did you call me?
-No fuckboy material.
Liar. Who's this beautiful lady?
-Mila, I'm new. Nice to meet you.
-Meet? We do that after midnight, get it?
-Should I cancel you now or tomorrow?
-What do you mean?
Behave, or I'll go Ali B
on your white ass.
No need, man, thanks. See you.
-Who is that?
-A promotor, my cousin Bibi's ex.
-Cool lineup.
-A good DJ is the most important thing.
Hello? Are you okay?
Never mind, I So I start behind the bar?
-Hey, Dad, are you okay?
-Sure. Great.
-We need more security at the door.
I just went all crazy on someone, man.
Mikey, do me a favor. Promise me you
won't go crazy on our customers tonight.
-He was bothering my girls.
-I don't want to do this.
-What's up with him?
-This work is too much for him.
Who's next?
Hello, I've been waiting here
for 15 minutes.
-To find your dick?
-Just hurry up, girl.
Shut up.
-Thomas, this can't go on.
-I'm trying.
-Where's the new staff?
-I'm working on it.
Why do you knock
if you don't bother waiting?
-Can I come in?
-Yes. Dad, what's going on?
-Nothing at all.
Do you think 180 sounds high?
Purely as a number?
-Man, I'm so hot.
Shouldn't you take a vacation?
Or just stop working?
-You're acting like a grandpa.
-I know.
-Am I interrupting?
-No. No, no, no.
-Who are you, beautiful?
-Mila. I'm looking for
The hottest man in the Costa? I'm here.
Wow, you're tall.
Can I ask you something? Hello?
-He's not wearing his hearing aid.
-Huh? Sorry.
-What's your question?
-What are the career opportunities here?
Career opportunities? Well, well.
I'm mainly looking for bar staff now.
Do you think 180 is high?
Purely as a number?
-Per day? What do you mean?
-Never mind.
-There you are. Esmee is waiting for you.
-She's not the only one.
-Don't mind him.
-Can you please do this somewhere else?
Calm down.
Here they are again.
It can't be that we don't sleep all night
because these scoundrels are partying.
And you? Can't you do anything about it?
All this eating sunflower seeds
Dad! We need you at the front.
Come on, we need you! Dad!
No, Frida, it's not okay.
Please come to the back. Thank you.
Thomas. Thomas?
-Come on.
Thomas, hey.
Honey, don't panic.
You're in Frida's yurt.
-Who are you?
-I'm Sylvia, Frida's friend.
We met at a yoga retreat. Great fun.
I helped her with her solar plexus.
In the end I gave you a place to stay
on my awesome estate.
-So Frida's yurt is actually my yurt.
-What happened, Frida?
Well, I'm not a doctor,
although I kind of am of course,
but looking at you, I think
your meridians are not in the right place.
Well, this is a doctor,
and she says that you have to slow down.
-Sir, can I ask you something?
-This bus is going to Zurich, right?
-No, this one stays in Spain.
In Spain?
It's getting worse, Frida.
Listen, you need to slow down.
I will, in two months. Then everything
will be on track with the new staff.
-You've been saying that for over a year.
-I collapsed once too.
In the middle of a supermarket.
A Spaniard patched me up.
He stayed over for two months.
We didn't sleep a wink.
Love is the best medicine.
You would have died
if I hadn't been there to help you.
No, wait.
Frida, the Costa is doing really well.
If I mess up again,
I won't forgive myself.
-Where's Tommy? He's really late.
-Shit, man. We could just do it ourselves.
-No, he'll go crazy.
-Look around you. Tommy's not here.
Listen, we don't really need Daddy.
Hey, guys. A bit of a stupid question,
but could I use your Wi-Fi?
-I have no internet.
-Sure, it's Costa Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi Costa.
And the password is
"pussy tight pussy fresh".
"Pussy tight pussy fresh."
All lowercase.
Okay, it'll do, I guess.
He won't get it.
Listen. Focus. Applicants. Les kill-inos.
Okay, okay, okay!
Working at the Costa
is not just a side job, you know?
Get it? 50 Cent started out as 10 Cent.
Biggie wasn't just a fat rapper
from New York.
Costa is all about commitment.
Yes? So in five minutes
everyone is ready and alert.
Yes? Eaten, slept, taken a shit.
Otherwise you'll get screwed!
Calm down, man. Scary eyes.
This one's crazy, bro.
Hello, this is Duuk Voorhouten. I would
like to change a ticket I bought from you.
How much? I'm sorry, that's
-Where is everybody, man?
-There was a long line here.
-Shit, shit, shit!
-Calm down.
-The applicants are coming today.
-Okay, okay.
I'm going to the other room
to go into my zen.
And I'm getting my handpan so I don't
I'm joining you so I can call the Costa.
-Give this to me.
-Don't be so childish!
I'm not being childish.
Has your loony friend's incense
gone to your head?
No, I'm worried about you.
The Costa has survived for 30 years.
It can do without you for a second.
Now you're going to lie down and relax.
Lie down and relax. Good job.
And relax.
Bro. This sucks, man.
He'll go crazy, we need new people.
-You mainly need know-how.
-Who's that?
-Is she hot?
Your recruiting skills are
not really up to par, are they?
-What's this guy saying?
-I don't know, but I think he has brains.
Thanks for the Wi-Fi anyway.
Hey, he understood the Wi-Fi.
Hey, listen.
What if you were to come and work with us?
-Work here?
No, guys, thanks.
It pays fucking well, man.
And you get those bitches.
-I don't really care about the bitches.
-But you do about the money?
-How much would I earn?
-Tons of money.
I wipe his ass every day
with a 100-euro bill.
And I shit a lot.
Listen. Come work here. Take your
skateboard, your sweater, your incense.
You can be our lifesaver.
-Work here? With you?
Fuck it.
-Cool, man. Welcome. I'm Mikey.
-Duuk, hi.
I'm Kay. Alright, man.
-I really don't know how long I'm staying.
-He says now.
Soon he's wiping your butt too.
Can't wait.
-Okay, Bila.
-You have experience, right?
-In front or behind the bar?
-Okay. Where should I start?
-With those glasses.
These ones?
They're stackable.
Hey, dude.
When someone is that good with words
All those syllables, rolling his r's,
acute accent, that kind of shit.
Who says he's not here for something else?
Maybe he's here to date chicks.
-He said he wasn't.
-No to your face, yes in your panties.
Maybe he wants to get it on
with the new girl.
-That hot one?
-Yes, that tall giraffe. Hey, a leaf.
Or Zoë.
Fuck. Jesus.
Honey. There are two ways to do this.
Tip it, roll it,
and risk throwing out your back
-Or Pay attention.
This will never work.
-What are you doing?
-It won't work.
-Hey. Do you need some help?
He's fit.
They didn't teach you this
in your village, did they?
Men are like dogs,
you can make them do anything.
I'm more of a cat person.
-Where do you need them?
-You're kidding.
-I'm Zoë.
Hi, Duuk.
Get out of there, dude.
Are you okay?
You're helping me, right now. Come on.
-Nice guy.
-Very nice. I saw him first.
-Of course.
-Come here.
-What are you thinking? What is this?
-What? What do you mean?
-You better stay away from her!
-Sorry? Away from who?
From Zoë, dude. Dirty man.
Oh, you're her boyfriend.
No, man. What are you talking about?
Dude, she's crazy, she's insane.
Okay. I don't want anything from her.
What do you mean? Do you have
shit in your eyes? She's hot.
Yes, she's quite pretty. Definitely.
But I'm fine, man. Really.
Okay, sorry.
I just feel responsible for her, man.
I promised her cousin
to keep an eye on her.
-Great, now I don't have to kill you.
No, man. She's a cousin of my ex. Bibi.
-I have some things to do.
-That's cool, man. Go ahead.
-What are you doing?
-This is to ground you.
-Just close your eyes.
-No, then I see the Costa burning down.
-And that doesn't feel good.
-No, it really doesn't.
Who should I leave the place to?
To Kay, to Mike?
They can do more than you think. I think.
-Mike can't even tie his own shoes.
-It can't go on like this either.
You at least have to tell them.
That you're not feeling well.
-I can't scare them like that.
-You can, it'll help the healing process.
Business is going great there.
I can't let it collapse.
-You can't let yourself collapse either.
-Beautifully said, Frid.
Try to surrender to it.
Close your eyes.
Let the sound transport you.
That Mike, he's a bit special, isn't he?
What do you mean?
Calm down. He's my brother, pal.
-Sorry, I didn't know.
-That's okay.
-How does it work with tips here?
-Fine, and you?
I was going to get 100, right?
No, man, you start out with 50.
You can't get all the money right away.
-And you need to do something for me.
-What's that?
Wax my bikini line.
-You want me to
-I'm kidding.
-But seriously
No, I'm kidding.
-I'm fucking serious.
-Don't listen to him.
Hi, how did you get here?
-I'm traveling around the world.
-Really? Where have you been?
The Netherlands, Belgium, part of France.
I actually just started.
What a journey.
And why are you working at the Costa?
-I have to pay for my new ticket.
-Exciting. Man of the day.
Who's that?
That's Esmee.
No one ever dated her, you can't either.
-Guys, I don't need any dates.
-Are you single?
-I am.
-You are?
Yeah, but I'm not really looking.
Let's see if it's true,
because they are there.
And don't come back here
without an answer, okay?
Hi there. What do you want?
No, it's fine. What do you want?
There's no need to keep saying sorry.
It's okay.
It's okay. I'm fluent in English.
What is he doing?
We're a successful nightclub,
not a convent, neighbor.
Why are you touching me?
You're making a fool of yourself.
What are you doing?
Héctor, let it go, man.
Please. I can't tell you anything.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Go to hell, all of you. Come on.
I've had it up to here!
There. Your momma.
Congratulations on your new job.
-You too, right?
-Yeah, I think she's happy
You've never been to a cafe before,
have you?
-I have.
-Really? As a staff member?
Not so much.
Don't count on your probation
being extended.
I was hoping to have been promoted by now.
Really? What are you doing here?
Are you having a midlife crisis?
I'm 30. You're never too old
to chase your dreams, right?
You dream of collecting glasses
at the Costa?
I dream of DJing on the Costa.
I just thought I needed a regular job,
but that wasn't really my thing.
I don't want this.
-And now I'm here.
-Whoa, intense.
But fun. I hope you make it.
-It's not going great yet.
Who broke that bottle?
That was me.
-Yes. Sorry.
Come on, let's blow off some steam.
Hey, boy, I like your
Hey, boy, I like your
Nice one, Zo!
Zo, I'm leaving!
Hey, see you later.
Excuse me.
Welcome to the Costa. See you there.
I feel like a hot air balloon.
And I'm floating in the wind.
I feel like a leaf
carried away by the river.
-How is it going?
-Shush, honey.
He's diving straight into it.
It's beautiful.
It's going great. It's really awesome.
Goddammit, thank you. I mean it.
-Are you done?
Yes, I'm completely cured. Really.
And I will now calmly
make my way to the Costa.
-To see how the kids are doing.
-I don't think so.
-Give me a ride.
-You're an ice cream.
Yes, I'm an ice cream
that melts in an ocean of pleasure.
Right. I feel
I feel like a silken thread
freshly spun from a caterpillar's behind.
-I feel
-I feel as free as a bird, Sylvia.
-Okay, I'll take you.
-Thank you.
I don't think I've introduced myself.
I'm Duuk.
I know.
You're Esmee, right?
This one goes there.
-Have you been working here long?
-We don't have time for this.
-For a short conversation?
-We're opening soon.
Okay, guys, showtime. We have new people.
We're going to smash it.
Yeah, man.
-Are you sure you're ready?
-Of course.
-I'm all good again.
-You're not getting out though.
No, nothing's the matter.
You are a twig.
-Okay, promise me to take it easy.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Get lost.
Namaste. Get lost.
-Okay, alright.
Hey, Grandpa,
shouldn't you wait your turn?
What did you say?
Thomas, look,
I made my first Amaretto Sour.
Extinguish it.
Hot, hot, hot.
Extinguish it!
-There. Easy.
-Nice, man.
-What's up, man?
Spit, spit!
More, more!
-Good morning, sir.
-Good morning.
I'm reminding you of the meeting
at 9:15 with Mr. González.
I know.
And at noon you have to pick up
your suit from the dry cleaner's.
-Very well.
-Would you like some coffee?
No, no, thank you.
I need you to take some notes.
Yes, sir.
We'll use the regulations
to exterminate some bugs.
I'll write it all down, no worries.
The article will regulate
excessive disturbances
and the immediate removal
Immediate, write that down correctly.
of permits.
Especially for Club Costa.
Now I want a coffee.
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