Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e02 Episode Script

The Girl's Bathroom

Whoa! The girls' bathroom!
Oh, what do you think
girls do in there?
I don't know. Let's take a peek.
What? Are you nuts? You
could get cooties!
There's a curse upon it.
A curse, I say!
Well, I still say
it's got a curse.
I am dying to look inside.
Go ahead, Flem.
Why do I have to?
'Cause you're the ugliest.
That's no fair.
Let's draw straws
to see who goes in.
Hmm. Flem's is pretty good,
but Chicken's is the best.
Oh! That is no place for boys!
There are things that go
on in the girls' bathroom
that boys just would
not understand.
A guy went in there once,
and he was changed forever!
La la la la la la ♪
Oh, la la la la la ♪
Yes, son.
Uh, you ever, you
know, like, uh
You ever been in a
girls' bathroom?
Why, of course, son. Why?
Well, let's say a guy wants
to go in-- not saying me--
but a guy goes in to
the girls' bathroom.
What would happen?
You gave your mom
quite a scare there.
Sorry, Dad.
Bathrooms are not
to be feared, son.
There's nothing wrong about wanting
to go into the girls' bathroom.
You haven't gone
in yet, have you?
Oh, then there's nothing
to worry about.
Now, if you did go in there,
I'm not saying to do
this, but if you did
You'd find it's a
great place to be.
Son, some of the happiest
days of my youth
were spent in bathrooms.
I could tell you stories!
Dad, could I go now?
Did you-all bring
the stuff, Earl?
Are we a roger
there, red rooster?
That's affirmatory
there, liver lips.
Ahh! There goes one
brave little Chicken!
Hey, guys!
They can buy cigars in here!
I knew it!
Uh! Oh! Uh!
Oh! Wake up, brother!
Oh. Oh, dear goodness,
you are safe in bed.
I had a terrible nightmare that you
really had gone into the girls' bathroom.
Ahh pleasant dreams, brother.
I think I may have found
the queen's throne.
Liver lips to red rooster.
Liver lips to red rooster.
What is going on in there?
Oh, well, uh
Nothing unusual to report.
Oh, yeah?
Ah! Ooh! Ah!
Not bad.
Sounds like Chicken
is in trouble.
What do we do?
Hey! Uh!
Huh? Huh?
Open up!
There's a big line
of girls waiting.
Oh! If they catch me in here, I'll be
the laughing stock of the 5th grade!
Just a minute!
I'm coming in!
Roll call! Flem!
Psst! Hey, Chicken.
So what was it like?
It was paradise.
What you doing, Chicken?
I'm bee flying. What
does it look like?
Oh, can I fly him?
Only men can fly bees.
Here's your dumb bee.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Our suspension bridge
from New York to Paris
is half-finished.
Only 7 more years to go!
Go ahead and give
the orders, I.R.
Lower rebar cage
and jam finger joints
and tie shoelaces.
Excellent! You'll make a
great engineer someday,
I.R. Baboon.
With your help, we'll
win the French Prize
for this transatlantic bridge.
What that?
That's Cathy Jones comet!
It comes around every 78 years.
Oh, look!
It visible to naked eye!
But bridge must finish.
We can't wait 78 year.
Wait minute.
What if what I.R.
Finish bridge iself?
I.R. Get all credit!
Glory to I.R.!
I.R. Make the bridge. ♪
I.R. Finish the bridge. ♪
I.R. Make the bridge. ♪
That bridge must be completed!
Only one man can do this job--
I.M. Weasel!
Thank you for saving
my life, Mr. Weasel.
Without the kidney you gave me,
I would have been a goner.
I would have donated my kidney
whether you needed it or not,
sweet child.
Yes, one moment.
Mr. Weasel?
I.M. Weasel.
Admiral Bullets here.
We need your help, Weasel.
Another one of those low-flying comets
has left us without a chief engineer
to complete the transatlantic
bridge project.
Yes, admiral Bullets.
I agree it's desperately important
for the common american
to be able to drive to
France, exchange ideas,
and bond with people who
refuse to speak our language.
I'll build that bridge!
Hey, everybody! Look!
It's him-- I.M. Weasel!
We love you, Mr. Weasel!
Mr. Weasel, kiss my baby!
I.R. Make the bridge. ♪
I.R. Make the-- ♪
Look! It's the new engineer!
I.M. Weasel!
Not to detract from the
vision of my predecessor,
but by making these
minor adjustments,
the bridge can be completed
by 7:00 this evening
instead of 7 years' time.
I'll get to see
my wife and kids!
I've never even seen
my little Johnny.
He was born 2 years after
I started this job.
Let's get to work.
I not stand this for me.
Weasel blow me big chance!
Now I.R. blow his!
Oh, look! Gay paree!
We're here already!
Note the correction in the plan.
Weasel's a genius!
I.R. get idea.
Oh, I'm sailing!
Oh! Oh!
I'd rather be sailing!
Thanks, Baboon!
What am I to do now?
Hmm. I could finish
the bridge by myself,
but I wouldn't want to
break any union rules.
I know! I'll swim to France and
hire some burly French laborers.
Oh, success I have last!
I.R. Building bridge! I.R. ♪
Building bridge! ♪
No! We will not give you
the burly French workmen.
We do not want see America
bridge to France.
We have too much of
your America already.
Your kind pollute our fromage.
But, sir, a deal between our 2 countries
has already been agreed upon.
Deal, schmeal.
France she change her mind.
I.R. Built the bridge! ♪
Hello, France!
I.R. Baboon make
bridge to France ♪
You are a hero of France
and a hero to the
world, mon cher Weasel.
it was pure genius to create a
bridge link and car wash to Mexico
instead of to France.
Vive le Weasel!
Vive le Weasel!
And pour vous,
the French prize.
But it wasn't I who--
Oh, ho ho!
"Weasel improves usa/mexico
relations with car wash bridge."
I.R. Improve usa/mexico
relations with car wash bridge!
Not weasel!
Weasel do nothing!
Why, Weasel! Why not
sometimes is I.R.!
I.R. Feel much better now.
I.R., uh
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