Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e19 Episode Script

Squirt the Daisies

Oh, puddles.
I'll never make it
to peat moss heaven.
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Ooh! Ooh!
Yeah! Yeah! Take that,
you wussy wombat.
Oh, Chicken, give me
another quarter.
I want to play
Squirt the Daisies again.
Beat it, Cow. I'm busy.
Well, I want another quarter
To play Squirt the Daisies.
Oh! Ooh!
Now look what you made
me do, butter brain!
Jeez! Ok. Here's
your stupid quarter.
Stay out of trouble while I go
get some change, will youse?
Wadda ya want?
Oh, hello.
I'm so sorry.
I thought you was my grandma.
May I help you?
I need change
for Immortal Wombat
Immortal Wombat? Oh, that
game is for pantywaists!
Want to play a real man's game?
After me.
Hop on, punkin.
Oh, yeah.
Oh. Then hang on for the
virtual ride of your life!
Hey. What kind of game
is this, anyway?
Kick the can.
Ooh. That's a stupid
kindergarten game.
Kick the can.
Kick the can.
All right, you lizard
with a lid. I heard youse!
Kick the can. Kick the can.
Kick the can.
Hows about "kick the
turtle, kick the turtle"?
Oh, well. As they say,
when in France
Wait. Hey!
Ow! Aah!
Hello, Chicken.
What's faster, a 400-horsepower
virtual steamroller,
or a 4-pound chicken?
Let's find out, shall we?
Oh, my favorite tone-- b flat.
Kick the can.
Kick the can.
I already did that, turtle.
All right!
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Beginner's luck.
Now what?
Duck, duck, goose.
Ooh, another kiddie game.
Eh, let's get this over with.
Duck, duck, duck, duck,
duck, duck, duck.
Oh, no! Not
Squirt the Daisies!
Not this game!
Oh! Chicken?
And now, the coup de grace.
My video daisies are going to finish
off you and your large sister!
Oh, please!
No, no, no, no, no!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hey, Chicken, come back.
I could go get
some more quarters.
I'll even show you some tricks.
You never even got
to the cool level.
Hey, Chicken, watch this.
I'm watching.
Oh! Oh! No!
Mom and Dad are here,
big brother. Oh!
So, what games did our
offspring play today?
I played Squirt the Daisies.
Ha ha ha!
How fun.
And what about you,
firstborn son?
What manly game did you play?
Kick the can. Kick the can.
Kick the can.
Mom says you got to
play with me.
Want to play mock kitty bath?
Mom, may I please kill Cow?
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon better
than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon,
big star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns king
in his mind ♪
He's just as good
as the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
No way.
Oh, we work well together.
I.R. relaxing! ♪
I.R. relaxing! ♪
I.R. relaxing! ♪
I.R. relaxing! ♪
This is life.
Forced vacation best idea
police chief have for I.R.
Who that? Those men
endanger I.
What wrong with they?
This is going to
be rad, huh, Carl?
Total! Ha. When that bus of
canadians comes around that corner,
we'll take those
guys hostage. Huh!
Then we can trade 'em for
a forest of our very own.
Oh, dude. We've
waited so long.
Don't cry, Craig.
We'll cut down
each tree together
and carve surfboards
for the masses.
It'll be sweet.
Frere Jacques ♪
Frere Jacques ♪
dormez vous, ♪
dormez vous ♪
sonnez les matines, ♪
sonnez les matines ♪
ding, din, Don ♪
ding, din, Don ♪
C'est une big saw you possess.
Woof, woof, woof, woof.
Fully. And it's
sharp, too, dude.
Thanks, Ambassador Weasel,
for reuniting the north
and the south.
Yes. Ahem. Indeed.
We are finally one Dakota.
Your happiness is my reward.
Thanks to you, this day
is a day of peace.
Mountie Express?
This must be urgent.
Holy mackerel!
French-canadian beavers are
being held hostage in Baja.
Canada needs beavers!
So we should make
a run for it, oui?
Mais non, Jean-Paul.
One Nick from that rusty blade
could give you lockjaw.
Yes. First your spine
starts to curve beaucoup.
Then your shoulder blades
arch to meet your ankles.
And your jaw clenches shut!
You starve to death.
And then you get
a little angina.
No, you don't!
Your back snaps.
Oh. Eh?
And believe you moi, that
is not a pretty way to die.
I.M. Weasel. What seems
to be the problem?
Dude, we need trees to log
to make into surfboards.
We want a redwood forest
by noon tomorrow,
or the beavers
get it. Get it?
Huh huh huh.
I get it.
Good heavens. And that
blade looks rusty, too.
We have not had
our tetanus shots.
- What?
- Oui.
It is such a tragedy, big
time, that we are so stupid.
Boys, I know how you feel.
Surfing is a wonderful
and fulfilling activity,
but these beavers are innocent.
You don't really
want to harm them.
You simply want to make
quality surfboards
with quality logs.
You want to be loggers, like
your father before you,
and your father's father,
and your father's father's
father, and your--
Look, bring us a redwood forest,
and we'll make the most burly
surfboards you've ever seen, dude.
And if I get you a forest,
you will let these beavers go?
Then you will have your
forest, or I am not Weasel.
That Weasel think he so big.
I.R. take over for
real negotiatings.
Who want pizza?
Weasel underestimate you.
Why ask for just forest?
You hold up a hand,
make more demand.
Ask for outdoor hockey rinks.
Oui. and hockey pucks.
And hockey sticks.
And goalies, eh?
Dude, look--get the beavers
their gear, or else
What I do?
All the trees
in Oregon, you say?
Yes. Do you take
cash, Mr. Oregon?
Of course. Please,
call me Eugene.
You got yourself
a deal, Mr. Weasel.
Thanks, Eugene.
All right. Move 'em out!
And bubble gum.
The friendly giant.
Mr. Dressup.
Rockin' Robin hood.
Maple syrup.
The New Adventures
of Pinocchio, eh?
This insane!
How I ever meet all demand?
You wanted a forest,
gentlemen? Behold.
Chill, dude.
I think he forgetting something.
I bring you something
for to make forest complete.
Spotted owls.
You can't destroy our homes.
We're endangered, you know.
Dude, now we're going to have to
make a surfboard out of you, Baboon.
No! No! No surfboard!
No surfboard!
But I not have tetanus shot!
Previous EpisodeNext Episode