Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e18 Episode Script

Chicken's First Kiss

Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad was proud. ♪
He didn't care how. ♪
Cow. ♪
Chicken. ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
It's girls' turn today,
so Cow gets to choose the game.
Let's play girls chase the boys.
And 'cause boys run too fast,
they got to wear blindfolds
over their eyes.
And if a girl tags a boy,
um, uh, with her dolly--
I got Crabs the Warthog--
he's got to, um, uh
Go to jail!
This is the jail.
And Selma and Bertha here
will be jail guards.
If you think us guys
are going to run around
with blindfolds on
and get smacked by a stupid doll
and go in a stupid
dumpster jail,
you got another thing coming.
Now you got to go in the jail.
Look out, Chicken!
Winney's about to doll y'all
with Perspiring Pam.
Thanks, Flem!
You're my prisoner,
Chicken. Ha ha ha!
Good work, Perspiring Pam.
Man! It's hot.
Yeah. Thanks for the
weather report, Pam.
Oh, girls win again!
Hey, Earl, I see the girls
dolled you, too, heh?
Yeah. They got me
with Manure the Bear.
Hey, Chicken.
Hey, hey, I think
Winney likes you.
Hi, Chicken!
I like your wattle.
Do you clean it
with special soap
to make it so shiny?
No, no. It's
just naturally--
- Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
Chicken and Winney, ♪
sitting in a tree ♪
K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
Just shut your pie holes!
First comes love, ♪
then comes marriage ♪
Then comes Chicken ♪
with a baby carriage ♪
I'll get you guys!
What? I do not
have no cooties.
Sure, you do. You've got
Winney cooties all over you.
Cooties? Winney cooties?
Ha ha ha!
Man, it's all over.
First, your beak
will begin to shrivel.
Then it'll just
kind of fall off.
I don't even want to say
what'll happen to your wattle.
Yeah. And then your tongue
will swell and swell
to 5--7--16 times
its normal size!
Then your, um, uh
Butt will fall off.
And your eyeballs will rot loose
and squirt right off your face.
Guys, you got to help me!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, terrible cooties!
Oh! Oh, cooties.
They're all over me!
Aah! Get them off!
Get them off! Aah!
It--it's happening!
The beak thing.
Somebody call a ambulance.
Hee hee hee!
Hello, Chicken.
How about a kiss?
Hey, nurse.
Ooh, it's a chicken.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Chicken pox, right?
No. I got coo--
It's happening.
The tongue thing is happening.
Oh. You've got cooties.
We have a very special place
for cooties sufferers.
Just make yourself at home, huh?
I will.
Look! No!
It's the butt thing.
Oh, jeez! My eyeballs!
I'm starting to get worried.
Man. It can't get
any worse than this.
Me and my little, tiny mouth.
Are you all right, son?
Your principal called.
He said you were rolling
around in a dumpster,
screaming you had
lost your butt.
I thought I was
dying of cooties.
Ha ha ha! Now why
would you think that, dear?
I got kissed by Winney,
and she's a girl.
Oh, Chicken. You don't
get cooties from being kissed.
You don't?
No, son. You get them
from toilet seats.
You probably hurt Winney's
feelings by carrying on like that.
You know what you have to
do now, don't you, son?
No, dear.
You have to kiss her.
Otherwise, she'll go through
life emotionally scarred.
Chicken is my boyfriend!
And now you have to marry her.
Alls we need now is a
ship's captain to marry us.
As captain of the dinghy H.M.S.
I now pronounce ye man and wife.
Catch the bouquet, Cow.
Yay! Yay!
Our son is wed, Mama.
My baby!
This is the happiest
day of my life.
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