Cow and Chicken (1997) s01e21 Episode Script

Cow Loves Piles

Ticket woman!
4 tickets, please.
Two adults and
two adorable kids.
What about Piles the Beaver?
He's adorable.
Ha ha ha!
Beavers are free
today, sweetheart.
Wow! Carnage City!
Guillotines and everything!
Oh, this is the happiest
day of my life!
Tickets, everyone?
Every man for himself!
Oh Piles
the Beaver doll!
Oh, we are just gonna
have the bestest time!
Yeah. First we're gonna
go on the organ grinder,
and then ride
the spine dislocator.
Dad, look-- the livestock toss!
Oh, how romantic
The very place we met.
Chicken, you're
responsible for Cow.
If something bad were to happen to your
sister, we'd be pretty mad. Ha ha!
We're outta here.
Bye, kids!
All right!
We are on our own!
Let's go do some
serious rides, Cow.
I don't think so!
We need more oil!
I do not believe what I
got to deal with here!
Come on! You got
to go on this one.
Uh-uh! Oh, not me and my
Piles the Beaver doll!
We're scared of those rides.
Then what are you sissies
gonna do, huh?
Hey, that's for babies.
Piles is my baby.
Aw, fine!
I am going by myself.
Don't go nowheres!
Piles! Mmm
No! My beaver doll!
I'm coming, Piles!
Mmm ergh!
Hey, check out the Cow hanging
from the tapeworm ride!
Oh, man, Mom and Dad
are gonna kill me!
What are you doing, Cow?
I got to mmm
Get piles! Mmm
Gotcha! Whoa!
Piles! Piles!
Where are you?
Chicken where are you?
I'll save you, Piles!
Don't they know they could
hurt a man doing that? Geez!
Oh, where is my beaver doll?!
Oh, there you are!
We're coming, Piles!
Oh, can't we just get
another stupid doll?
There you go, pig.
Incoming pig at 2 o'clock!
Pig at 2 o'clock?
It's only 1:00 now.
Guess we can relax.
Good catch, clown!
We're coming, Piles!
Oh, no!
My baby!
Ok can we go now?
Dad, is that our little Cow?
That's our daughter, all right!
Can we go now?
Dad, do you think we deserve
such wonderful kids?
They are the greatest, mama.
We have truly been blessed.
This livestock toss
brings back such fond
memories, doesn't it, mama?
Just saying the word
makes me all tingly!
Livestock toss
Did you and your beaver doll
have a good time today?
Oh, yes! Oh, we had
the bestest time ever!
There's still time for
one more ride, Chicken.
What's it gonna be?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Not so fast there, grandma.
My butt's a little sore.
Want to play on the trampoline?
No! Anyways,
we don't have no
trampoline, idiot.
Wow! This is great, Cow!
Where'd you get it?
Come back here and
fight like a man, Cow!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon better
than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon,
big star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns king
in his mind ♪
He's just as good
as the weaselly kind ♪
But round any corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
It's criminal.
I.R. belong in court.
Me important for law.
I. M. Weasel.
Mr. Weasel, do you think
the results of this case
will cause an end
to the new ice age?
The results of this case could
mean the end of life itself.
Now, if you will please excuse
me, I have a case to win.
Ooh Weasel think
he's so good for law.
Bailiff important, too.
I show them
how good I.R. are!
All silent!
Here come judge.
Why, thank you,
I.R. Baboon.
What a wonderful introduction.
Shall we begin?
Court call Mr. P. Bear
to stand.
Promise you tell whole truth,
nothing but truth, so help me?
My, I.R., you've got to be the
best bailiff I've ever had.
I.R. best bailiff! ♪
I.R. best bailiff! ♪
I.R. best bailiff! ♪
I.R. best, you hear?
Ha ha!
I.R. best
in the world!
Best judge ever had! ♪
Best judge ever had! ♪
Yoo do do do do, ha! ♪
Yoo do do do do ♪
Stop immediately!
You're violating
the law of gravity!
Ha! What law?
No laws.
I'm sorry, I.R.
Mr. Weasel is right,
I'm afraid.
Follow me
And I'll learn you
a thing or two.
Now I've seen everything.
You see, when a law is written,
it's placed inside this case,
putting it into effect.
R-r-r-read it.
Stupid law
make I.R. look bad.
Nasty law!
If only law not here,
then I.R.
be good again!
Does anyone
smell smoke? Aaah!
See? Now it ok!
I.R. good again!
That baboon bailiff's
destroyed the law of gravity!
We're doomed!
Don't panic. It only
affects us lawyers.
Why is that?
Because we're the only ones
who understand the law.
Those poor souls.
Do you realize what
you've done, man?
Every lawyer on the face of the earth
is now floating off the planet!
What bad about that?
Hey, Mom! Lawyers!
Sacrebleu! C'est les
lawyers, n'est-ce pas?
My word, Rotteringham.
What you do?
I'm submitting new laws to
save my floating brethren.
"All lawyers shall
congregate together
in one lump
over the courthouse."
I fix things.
Hee hee hee!
Me write new law of
gravity, not Weasel!
What are you doing, man?
I.R. smarty-pantses!
Make lawyers heavy! Make
they come down to earth.
Don't be a fool, man!
Without gravity, it doesn't
matter how heavy they are!
I.R. no fool, man!
Please, sir,
that is quite enough.
I'm afraid what you're
doing, my friend,
is unconstitutional,
and furthermore,
it is against the law!
Against the law.
That's right!
You, sir, are under arrest!
Under arrest?
I.R. want lawyer!
Ok, you guys,
I.R. want lawyer!
Hey, want lawyer now!
So give I.R.
silent treatment!
I.R. can do job
as good as these guys.
Are you sure about that?
I.R. defend I.R.!
I.R. own lawyer.
I.R. own lawyer,
I.R. own-- ♪
Hey, what happening me?
Now that you're
a lawyer, my friend,
you are no longer immune
to your own laws.
Oh, uh
we're making some headway.
And now for the law of gravity.
I hope I get this right.
What wrong now?
He got the gravitational
pull all wrong.
I miscalculated.
I'm only human.
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