Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e18 Episode Script

Yard Sale

Cow, I am going to be rich
with this yard sale.
My First Battle Boat game -- fifty bucks!
I'm glad this is goin'.
My First Battle Boat!
Oh, but it is so fun!
It's a piece of junk!
I always lose!
Let's play one last time, big brother!
All right.
Hold on, hold on.
I'm dissecting my strategy here.
I don't want to jump the gun.
Okay, ready?
Feel my wrath. For my first attack
Ladies first.
All right, all right! Make it quick!
Oh, geez! You sank my battle boat!
See? Stupid game!
This stinks! We ain't sold nothing all day!
A yard sale!
I'll take everything!
Including the yard!
Let me just write ya's a receipt.
Oh, pardon me, kind sir.
But you cannot buy our yard.
Why not?
It is a yard sale, after all!
And, I am prepared to pay the full price!
Ten cents!
Well, it is better than a kick in the waddle.
Thank you.
Mom and Dad are not going to like this.
Don't be stupid, stupid!
What can that dweeb do with our yard?
Fire in the hold!
We're all gonna die!
Every man for himself!
Well! Wax my lip and call me Grandma!
Young man, did you sell
the mineral rights to our yard?
Well, not exactly.
He sold the entire yard.
Well then, buy it back.
Your mom and I are going out for breakfast.
I had better see a yard here
when we return,
or else I'm sending you and your sister
back to the organ grinder.
We've got to get our yard back!
Hey! We want our yard back!
Pretty please?
I bought it fair and square.
Besides, can't you see that
this is a strip-mining operation?
Hey! I got a idea.
Low on gas? Need a fill-up?
The humanity!
You look like you might be a sportin' man.
Why, yes! I is.
Well, how about we play a little game of,
My First Battle Boat?
You win, you get the house.
We win, we get our yard back.
Me? Against you?
No. Against her!
You're on!
Of course,
I was intercollegiate Battle Boat champ --
six years running!
Well, Mama?
Let's see if those kids of ours
got the yard back.
Last one home is a girlie-man!
Come on! Come on!
Hurry! Mom and Dad are coming!
Well, in that case, I'll go first!
Shame on you!
Ladies first.
But of course.
Come on! They're almost here!
You sank my Battle Boat!
- We won! We won!
- Hey! We won! We won!
Okay, ladies! Pack it up!
Melon kids!
Oh, yay! Yay!
The yard!
What are we gonna do?
Mom and Dad will be home any minute!
Just look at what our children have done!
They made a moat of crude oil
around the house!
Now we'll be able to keep out our enemies.
Maybe there's still an opening
with that organ grinder.
Don't swim out too far, kids!
It could be dangerous!
Chicken! Come back!
What's the matter, son?
Be a girl like your sister.
Get out there and swim!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
So, Mr. President,
I say if Oregon wants to trade places
with Kansas, let them do it.
And if Kansas says no, drop the bomb.
That was a joke, sir.
This is your captain speaking.
Next stop, Saskatchewan.
Now, if you'll excuse me, that's my stop.
You haven't blown up that yet.
Thanks for the lift, Mr. President.
Oh, you're quite welcome, Weasel.
Enjoy your Canadian holiday.
And don't forget to vote.
Pantsless Party!
That I won't forget.
Piggyback, Loulabelle?
But we don't have a parachute!
Don't need one.
Us weasels are aerodynamically correct.
There it is, Loulabelle.
My Canadian cabin on a frozen lake.
Let there be light.
Welcome to Saskatchewan, Loulabelle.
Just make yourself at home.
I gotta visit the little weasel's
I'm hungry.
Well, you are a growing woman
and need your protein.
I'll just go outside and do some ice-fishing.
A little help, please?
I.R. Ice Fishermans!
I.R. needing more bait!
I.R. best Ice Fishermans in the world!
And that's not all, baby.
Daddy got a can of caviar.
And a can of French fries.
Where's the can opener?
Got that can opener, Tiger?
I loaned my can opener to the president,
and he didn't return it!
Lying politician.
What's next? The nerve of that guy!
Who does he think he is? The Queen?
I'll just have to borrow one
from my hairy neighbor.
Hurry! I'm starved!
Someone wanting to play with I.R.?
Gee! Is Weasel.
I don't mean to disturb you, Mister Gorilla.
But you wouldn't happen
to have a can opener, would you?
I.R. no gorilla.
I.R. Baboon!
Beating it, Hairy Neighbor Caller.
Weasel not belonging in hometown of IR.
You mean to say you're a native?
Finally! An opportunity to learn from
a native master in the art of ice-fishing!
Would you mind if I gave it a go?
That ain't no way to treat a lady!
If you want to keep your fat Viking Lady,
you'll have to feed and water her
twice a day.
Oh, I.R. can be doing that.
Bye-bye, fat Viking Lady!
Is better this way.
Hard enough for feeding I-self.
I got a bite!
Like fat Viking Lady, only she not fat.
She not Viking.
I beg your pardon, but she's with me.
Hey, Tiny! I.R. open the can!
You give me lady!
Saskatchewan tradition.
I'm not a child.
I'm a nurse and I make my own decisions.
Your happiness is all that matters.
Hey, Polar Bear?
How about a piggyback ride to Montreal?
I.R. Baboon and Loulabelle
spent many happy winters
ice-fishing together in the frozen north.
But, these winter-land lovebirds
could not exist on love alone.
In fact, it was love that did them in.
But as they say,
it is better to have loved
and turned into a skeleton
than to have never loved before.
Or, a bad day fishing
is still better than a good day dying
No, wait.
It's better to have loved a baboon
and starved,
than to never have eaten at all.
It's not whether you win or lose; it's how
Hey, Weasel?
You're not going to do this
all the way to Montreal, are you?
Sorry, lady.
Sometimes this little Weasel doesn't know
when to shut his pie hole.
I.M. Weasel!
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