Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e19 Episode Script
Meet Lance Sackless
1
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad wad proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
Guess who?
Cow!
Oh, how'd you guess?
Cannot you see I tryin' to watch TV?
Ladies!
Canada's Funniest Home Vidiots!
I love this show!
Hello, it's me, Lance Sackless!
Here's tonight's semi-finalist video!
Come on, Jorge.
Hit it over to the park, aye?
Remember, gals!
If you've got a video of yourself
doing something
completely and totally stupid,
send it in to Canada's
Funniest Home Vidiots.
You could have a shot
at the ten thousand dollar grand prize!
Gee, Chicken!
We do stupid stuff all the time!
Okay, Cow. Just like we practiced.
All this work is giving me dry horns.
Oh, I had better use some of this
Preparation Itch.
No, no, Cow! The other one!
Sorry.
Oh, poo!
I have accidentally pour glue on my head.
Hey, Cow! Look!
I am hangin' right above yous!
I sure hope that I do not fall
and get stuck to the top of your head!
We are stuck to each other's heads!
Boy! This sure is stupid!
To Lance Sackless.
That tape is gonna make us rich.
Okay, Cow, now get me off your head.
Okay, Big Brother.
Cow, you are killin' me here!
Terribly sorry, Big Brother.
Nice hat, Cow.
Next time, I get to be on the bottom.
Twelve right. Thirty-seven left.
Eighteen right.
You okay, Big Brother?
Come on, Cow! I gotta walk the dog.
Bad!
Absolutely not, Big Brother!
That is the little boy's room.
And little girls like I do not go
into the little boy's room.
Nevermind. Bend down, quick!
Oh-kee dokey!
Cow! I need a dime!
I hope Lance Sackless picks our tape.
I am keeping my udders crossed!
That's gonna help.
Congratulations, ladies!
You two idiots,
sticking your heads together,
made the semi-finals!
You're goin' to Canada!
Okay, you idiot lovers!
Lance Sackless here.
Let's look at our three totally
stupid semi-finalists, shall we?
First, this large family
slipping on a banana slide
and landing in a file cabinet!
File them under "L" for losers!
Oh, Dad, these Canadians are hilarious!
Does hilarious mean large?
Yurp. Check out this stupidity, ladies!
The Queen Mum of Yurp!
Choking on a fish bone!
And last but not least,
a Chicken and his fat sister, Cow.
We are stuck to each other's heads!
So! What'll it be, girlies?
Will it be the big Butt Family
in a file cabinet?
Yay! Aye!
Queen Mum choking on a carp?
Yay! Aye!
Or Cow and Chicken glued
to each other's heads?
Yay! Aye!
Canadians like our kids!
Hey! Just like us!
Oh, and the winner is
Oh! Cow and Chicken!
Goodie!
All right!
I mean, how incredibly stupid
is this Chicken, folks?
Gluing himself to a fat Cow?
Hey!
I mean, look at her!
She's huge and tubby!
You'd have to be a drooling pinhead
to miss this humongous continental mass!
Stop making fun of my Big Brother!
You don't like Chicken jokes, do you?
Somebody's gonna need that ten grand!
For therapy!
Super Cow!
Would you look at that, Dad?
Super Cow has Chicken
stuck to her head, too!
Man, momma! What are the odds?
Super Cow!
Stupid Canadian money.
Ten grand in Canadian
is only five cents American!
Not even enough to
cover my comb transplant operation!
Geez!
Live from Uganda, Africa's Hollywood,
it's Uganda's Hilarious
Duct Tape Accidents!
Cow?
Hey, Chicken? I got it on tape!
Mama had a chicken. ♪
Mama had a cow. ♪
Dad wad proud, he didn't care how. ♪
Cow! ♪
Chicken! ♪
Cow and Chicken! ♪
Guess who?
Cow!
Oh, how'd you guess?
Cannot you see I tryin' to watch TV?
Ladies!
Canada's Funniest Home Vidiots!
I love this show!
Hello, it's me, Lance Sackless!
Here's tonight's semi-finalist video!
Come on, Jorge.
Hit it over to the park, aye?
Remember, gals!
If you've got a video of yourself
doing something
completely and totally stupid,
send it in to Canada's
Funniest Home Vidiots.
You could have a shot
at the ten thousand dollar grand prize!
Gee, Chicken!
We do stupid stuff all the time!
Okay, Cow. Just like we practiced.
All this work is giving me dry horns.
Oh, I had better use some of this
Preparation Itch.
No, no, Cow! The other one!
Sorry.
Oh, poo!
I have accidentally pour glue on my head.
Hey, Cow! Look!
I am hangin' right above yous!
I sure hope that I do not fall
and get stuck to the top of your head!
We are stuck to each other's heads!
Boy! This sure is stupid!
To Lance Sackless.
That tape is gonna make us rich.
Okay, Cow, now get me off your head.
Okay, Big Brother.
Cow, you are killin' me here!
Terribly sorry, Big Brother.
Nice hat, Cow.
Next time, I get to be on the bottom.
Twelve right. Thirty-seven left.
Eighteen right.
You okay, Big Brother?
Come on, Cow! I gotta walk the dog.
Bad!
Absolutely not, Big Brother!
That is the little boy's room.
And little girls like I do not go
into the little boy's room.
Nevermind. Bend down, quick!
Oh-kee dokey!
Cow! I need a dime!
I hope Lance Sackless picks our tape.
I am keeping my udders crossed!
That's gonna help.
Congratulations, ladies!
You two idiots,
sticking your heads together,
made the semi-finals!
You're goin' to Canada!
Okay, you idiot lovers!
Lance Sackless here.
Let's look at our three totally
stupid semi-finalists, shall we?
First, this large family
slipping on a banana slide
and landing in a file cabinet!
File them under "L" for losers!
Oh, Dad, these Canadians are hilarious!
Does hilarious mean large?
Yurp. Check out this stupidity, ladies!
The Queen Mum of Yurp!
Choking on a fish bone!
And last but not least,
a Chicken and his fat sister, Cow.
We are stuck to each other's heads!
So! What'll it be, girlies?
Will it be the big Butt Family
in a file cabinet?
Yay! Aye!
Queen Mum choking on a carp?
Yay! Aye!
Or Cow and Chicken glued
to each other's heads?
Yay! Aye!
Canadians like our kids!
Hey! Just like us!
Oh, and the winner is
Oh! Cow and Chicken!
Goodie!
All right!
I mean, how incredibly stupid
is this Chicken, folks?
Gluing himself to a fat Cow?
Hey!
I mean, look at her!
She's huge and tubby!
You'd have to be a drooling pinhead
to miss this humongous continental mass!
Stop making fun of my Big Brother!
You don't like Chicken jokes, do you?
Somebody's gonna need that ten grand!
For therapy!
Super Cow!
Would you look at that, Dad?
Super Cow has Chicken
stuck to her head, too!
Man, momma! What are the odds?
Super Cow!
Stupid Canadian money.
Ten grand in Canadian
is only five cents American!
Not even enough to
cover my comb transplant operation!
Geez!
Live from Uganda, Africa's Hollywood,
it's Uganda's Hilarious
Duct Tape Accidents!
Cow?
Hey, Chicken? I got it on tape!