Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e20 Episode Script

Who's Afraid of the Dark?

Hey, Dad! That was the best part!
I don't want you kids havin' nightmares.
Time for bed.
Sleepy! Sleepy! Sleepy fairy princess! ♪
Okay, kids. Under the covers now.
No more scary movies before bedtime.
Would you like me
to leave the light on, Chicken?
Nah, that's okay. You can turn it off.
I can plug in the nightlight
if you're afraid, sweetheart.
Oh, no thank you, Mom. I am not afraid.
We can leave the door ajar,
and the hall light on.
So, if you have a bad dream, you can
Mom, Dad? It's okay!
Oh, we are not scared of the dark.
Oh, mother, where did we go wrong?
Was it something we did?
What's to become of our children
if they're not afraid of the dark?
They they
they could be eaten by monsters!
The Boogey Man could get them!
Werewolves could carry them away!
Okay, you two, out of bed, right now!
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
One, two. One, two. One, two!
Here, Dad!
We can check the Yellow Pages
under "Terror"!
Let's see
Sailcats. Sponges.
Tapeworms. Tongues. Terror.
See "Fear".
Pharmacies. Fatness.
Femininity. Forgeries. Fear!
"The High Knee Institute",
run by renowned child psychologist
Dr. Lackslacks.
If we can't scare your kids
into some sort of long-term phobia,
then it's your money back.
House calls twenty-four hours a day."
That's it!
Just the thing for night terrors!
I'm gonna call right now!
What's that number, Momma?
One-eight-hundred, five-five-five,
no pants!
Oh, look, Dad! Se habla espanol.
Hello. Could I speak to
Dr. Lackslacks at your service.
All right! Where's the patient?
So, you're the fearless little lady, then?
But, Dr. Lackslacks
In that case, you wouldn't mind if I put
in her underwear drawer?
Help! It's after me!
Please save me! It's gonna eat me alive!
Cut! Cut!
Is it dead?
Yes, but, Dr. Lackslacks,
it's our children who need your help.
Why yes, of course. No charge for the wife.
Well, their scare reflexes seem
to be working fine.
What happened? What's going on?
Heart rate seems normal.
Blood pressure a-okay.
Is everything all right, Dr. Lackslacks?
So, you brave little boys and girls,
tell the doctor what you see in the picture.
There's a stupid flower.
A fish.
A vampire.
A ghost!
That's your butt!
It's not hopeless, is it, Doctor?
There is something you can do,
isn't there?
Oh, yes. But it's very serious.
We must act quickly!
I would like to go to bed now, please.
Bed! Bed! Bed! Bed!
Now, are you comfortable?
Let's see how brave you really are, hm?
Oh, I am tired. I want to go to sleep.
Be careful!
There's a scary monster in that window!
No, that is my vanity mirror.
The monster is all gone.
Get back to bed!
Now Cow, be a good girl for the doctor.
So, you're not afraid of the dark, huh?
Well, let's just see what happens
when the lights go out!
Boys and girls, have you checked
the dark corners of your bedroom?
That's where the Boogey Man
likes to hide.
Oh, Dad! Oh, he's just so adorable!
He's afraid of everything!
My sight is impaired!
Let's adopt this grown man right now!
Mom? Dad?
Please, can we go to bed now?
Is it safe to come out?
There are lots of dust balls under our bed.
Dust balls?
Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!
Stop it, will ya, Cow?
You know, Momma?
Adopting Dr. Lackslacks was the best idea
I've had since becoming a man!
I'm gonna fall! I'm gonna fall!
It does my heart good to see such fear!
Now our family is complete!
Well, I guess this is the end.
It's the end!
Finito! The end, I tell you!
We're all going to nibble the dust!
He's afraid!
This is the happiest day of my life!
Oh, mine, too!
Oh, please end this film
and put me out of my misery!
Hey, kids?
Isn't Oregon the most beautiful place?
Oh, Spain! Next exit!
Cool! Bull fights!
Oh, this is bad!
It ain't as bad as the sewers of Paris
back at the France exit.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Thanks, Fire Dog!
Time to put out another fire, Fire Dog.
I.M. Weasel!
Knock, knock.
It's the fifteenth of the month.
Got my check cashed.
Want to buy some crackers.
Oh, glory! Got my crackers!
Now my three darling kids will eat!
Freddie, Junior, Marie, Junior,
and little Wormy, Junior!
Fire! The building's on fire!
Jump! I'll catch you!
Where are everybody going?
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
I.R. must save crackers!
The humanity! Save me!
Then save Freddie, Junior, Marie,
Junior and Wormy, Junior!
But save me first!
Jump, lady! I'll catch
Oh, my
Oh, you wonderful gorilla! You saved me!
Yay! I.R. Baboon!
How does it feel to be a big hero,
Mr. Baboon?
I.R. big hero?
I.R. big hero! I.R. big hero! ♪
This man is no hero!
He's been selling crackers illegally
for years!
Baboon would never do that!
He's so cute and hairy!
And has a red butt!
Oh, he's just trying to cover his tracks.
This Weasel started the fire!
Ma'am, I assure you, I did not.
Then how do you explain being here
at this fire?
In fact, you have been present
at every fire in this city
for the past twenty years!
I am a fireman.
So, you admit it!
Booo! Weasel's a crook!
I.R. Baboon is the greatest!
Let's follow I.R. Baboon!
Yay! Baboon!
Strap-on butts, only a dollar.
Take one home, strap it on your butt!
You believe me, don't you Fire Dog?
Baboon a hero!
Weasel: I Am Pyro!
Hero Baboon Trend Setter.
First strap-on butts, then finger sniffing!
What's next?
Gulp. Oh, yeah.
Gulp. Oh, yeah.
Hello! I'd like my children to thank
the monkey that saved their lives.
I.R. living large.
I.R. having more than dinero than nobody.
I'm happy for ya.
Eight boxes of crackers, please.
I got extra cash for having my youngest,
Little Wormy.
I have lost my humanity!
Hey, Buddy?
Could you spare a dime for some food?
Oh, yeah.
Like you won't use it to buy some eggs.
I smell smoke!
There, Wormy, Junior.
Momma's taped another cracker
to your stick.
Now eat!
What are doing with bonfire?
Oh, little Wormy, Junior
doesn't like to eat his crackers raw.
Don't get your hiney in a sling!
It's just a harmless little fire.
So, Pantless Red Cracker Mom
started all them fires!
Not Weasel!
And your point is?
The cracker trailer's on fire!
There's women and children in there!
And all those crackers!
Somebody should save them! Bye!
I.M. Weasel!
Yay! Weasel!
Oh, Weasel! You're my hero!
One more second
and our hiney's would have been toast.
You've all been duped!
Crackers can be purchased at
the corner grocery store for half the price
that Baboon sold them for.
Even with cash?
I'm afraid so, ma'am.
Oh, you conniving monkey!
Okay, kiddies, dog pile on the gorilla!
Come back and fight me! Man to man.
Fire Dog!
I hope you all learned
a valuable lesson today.
It is a bad idea to blindly follow anyone,
especially if that anyone
is a Baboon with a bright red butt.
Weasel's right!
We should never blindly
follow anyone ever again!
Let's follow Weasel!
Weasel rocks!
I suppose I really should teach these guys
to walk on the shallow part.
The end.
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