Cow and Chicken (1997) s03e12 Episode Script

Chicken in the Bathroom

Time for your bath, Chicken!
Do you want me to start the hot water?
I can do it!
I am waiting!
Do I have to?
I'm just gonna get dirty tomorrow.
Oh, look! A spider!
Don't let him kill me!
You are one fast mom, Mom!
Hey, looks like the bath thing is out
with that horrible spider runnin'
around and all.
And don't forget to wash
behind your waddle.
I ain't takin' no stupid bath.
I am allergic to water.
If you do not take a bath,
you are going to be in big trouble.
You are not coming out of there,
young man, until you take a bath.
Fine with me.
Oh, I hope you finish your bath soon,
big brother,
because I need to use the bathroom.
A lot.
Hurry it up, Chicken!
Chicken? Hurry up and take that bath.
I gotta get in there.
No dice.
Oh, Chicken? Are you done yet?
I need to visit the reading room to read.
Me, too, Chicken.
Can I, use the bathroom, too?
Come on, son. I gotta core the apple.
I have to launch the raft.
Come on, Chicken.
I have to break up the chimney.
I need to stir the beans, big brother.
Will you be much longer?
I ain't takin' no bath!
Come on! I gotta feed the ducks.
Why don't you just get it over with,
I need to wax the board.
The bathroom is closed for the duration.
For cryin' out loud! I gotta jump the gun!
I can't hold it any longer!
Could you please hurry, honey?
I gotta peel the onion!
How rude! Not while I am in the tub, bub.
Hurry up, Chicken!
I've got to wash the window.
I've gotta make peace with the Germans!
Gotta run for Congress here!
Come on, Chicken! Take a bath already!
Chicken! It's time to flip the pickles!
Come on, Chicken!
I gotta resolve a family crisis!
I simply must pull the ripcord!
I must wash the window!
I gotta spoon the balls.
Let me let the puppies run! Please?
Gotta shake hands with the President.
Gotta press the issue!
Chicken, I need to let the cat out!
It's time to drive the governor home.
I need to stuff the oh olives!
Have to shuck the corn.
It is time to burp the baby!
May I please hammer out the facts?
I got to strike my fancy!
Lay some carpet, ++!
Gotta talk to the boss!
That is it, Chicken!
Okay, men, I've got a plan.
Ready or not, Chicken!
Son, if you don't take a bath
then we'll give you one!
I ain't never gonna take no bath!
Great balls of fire! Hurry!
I will
No bath! Win, win, win!
Code red!
This just in.
Family of four disappears
in freak milk accident.
Cow and Chicken Show canceled!
Not really, gee.
In a related story,
fat Red Guy lookin' for work!
Let's race!
Last one to New York is a panty hose!
Why didn't you run?
What are ya, stupid?
We only got fifteen seconds.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Hi. The sea is roughily.
It being dangerous for heck long time.
Maybe two years.
Many stupid captains make idiot mistakes,
'cause they is idiots.
But this not happen to I, 'cause I.R. smart.
Welcome to the maiden voyage of
S.S. Flaming Weenie!
And the captain are that's brave,
handsome, intelligent, I.R. Baboon!
I.R. on maiden voyage.
I.R. captain of ship! I.R. captain of ship! ♪
I captain baboon! ♪
Who is you?
I, Captain Baboon, am the ship's inspector.
And this ship
is not suitable for ocean travel.
What you talking 'bout, Weasel?
This ship solid as pie!
I'm sorry, Captain,
but the only place this ship is heading
is to the scrap pile.
Pile this!
I.R. Captain of I.R.'s ship,
and I.R. going to captain-in, this ship
off to sea, stupid Weasel!
Full steaming ahead!
Captain Baboon,
I here by place you under arrest.
And your first mate
shall be placed in charge.
That no good!
He busy doing important job.
Where is he?
He down below waxing the dingy!
I'm first mate, red! I feel all tingly! ♪
I'm first mate, red! Just waxin' the dingy! ♪
You get this tub turned around
while I go find him.
Excuse me, my good man.
Hello! It's me, the First Mate!
Can you be helped?
Do you know you are out of uniform?
And your point is?
Well, I
Never mind.
Just look at
this manure barge masquerading as a ship.
Girders held together
with chewing gum and duct tape.
Decks sealed with ear wax?
Pants-less First Mate!
Thousand of gallons of water
spilling through a hole in the bulkhead?
What a disgrace.
Great dancin' grandma! We're gonna sink!
I must bail us out!
'Cause I am Weasel.
Hey! What going on, Weasel?
The ship is filling with water!
Don't just stand there! Do something!
I.R. consulting " Book Of Things To Do
When Ship Filling With Water."
Lighten load? That easy.
I.R. lighten load.
Now this not maiden voyage.
Bye-bye, maidens!
Well, that taking care of that.
Oh, Mr. Weasel Man, what be matter?
Here, having glass of water.
What that light mean?
It means there's an object
in our cruise path.
I suggest you call your lookout
to get a visual reading.
Hey Mr. Lookout man!
Hey, hey, yoo-hoo ♪
Hey, hey, yoo-hoo, ♪
I'll be a lookout guy for you. ♪
There being something ahead of ship!
Shiver me timber!
What? What?
A iceberg!
Oh, grandma! A iceberg!
We're gonna hit a grandma?
No, you silly man!
An iceberg on the port bow!
- Iceberg?
- Iceberg.
Don't just stand there laughing!
Take some evasive measures!
Yeah. Idiot Weasel.
That's being no iceberg.
That only ice cube.
Great horny toad! What was that?
It seems
we've lost the entire side of our ship!
Is that good thing or bad thing?
That would be a bad thing, Baboon.
Abandoning ship! Abandoning ship!
Women and baboons first!
Then TV's! Household appliances!
Then maybe Weasels.
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but isn't the Captain supposed
to go down with the ship?
No, no, no, no, no.
That just old wife's tale.
Lookie here, rule eleven.
Hasta banana!
Well, don't want to break the rules.
So long, folks.
Yoo-hoo! Sailor!
You poor wet squirrel!
Here, climb up onto the dingy.
Oh, thank you. I thought I was a goner.
No, it's your lucky day, baby!
Stupid Weasel! I.R. too smart for him!
Wait a minute! Hold everything!
What kind of bedtime story was that?
This is my cartoon!
How come Baboon gets all the glory,
while I end up riding in a dingy?
Well, I certainly enjoyed the story.
Did you like the ending?
Oh, yes! I.R. liking that ending very much.
Oh, well that settles it then.
This is the last time I hire him
to be our baby-sitter!
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