Cow and Chicken (1997) s03e20 Episode Script

Intelligent Life?

Cow, time to come in, dear! It's late!
Oh, man!
Oh, I wish I could stay out all night
and look at the pretty moon!
If only there was a way
to see the moon all the time.
Why, I could live on the moon
and be a moon cow!
Cow, will you cut it out?
I am tryin' to watch TV here!
Oh, sorry, Brother.
I am almost done anyway.
Almost done doing what?
Buildin' what?
Cow, what you doin' in there?
You open up, you hear me?
You like?
It is my rocket ship to take me to the moon!
That thing is a rocket?
Well, what's it run on?
I don't care what you say,
that thing ain't never gonna fly nowheres!
Oh, it will fly.
But it is so sweet of you to care.
But now I must go
and join the celestial bodies!
To the moon or bust!
This is so stupid!
You are crazy, you know that?
Thinkin' you're gonna go to the moon.
Time for take-off! Three!
- You're really stupid, I tell ya's!
- Two!
You know, you are not going nowhere.
One! Blast off!
See? Nothing! I told you!
Need more fuel! Here goes nothing!
Oh, phew! That did it.
Next stop, moon!
Whoops! I missed.
I guess I used too much juice.
I guess I squirted too hard.
Now what do I do? I'm doomed!
Oh, sorry comet.
I do not think things could get any worser.
What's that?
Hello, it's me! Lord of all Space Mud!
How about a hug?
Are you a space alien?
I'm Space Al-len.
Oh, wow! A real space alien!
Oh, wait till I tell my Brother!
Oh, just think of the knowledge,
the great wisdom,
the galactic intelligence
this glorious space alien can impart
to the peoples back home!
Oh, back home?
And where might that be, Tubby?
Oh, why Earth, silly!
You wouldn't mind givin' me a ride home
would you?
Oh, would I?
What did you call me?
Oh, well, good!
Say, how do you drive this thing?
Well, you don't, really.
I'm gonna die!
Meanwhile back on Earth
at the United Nations
Order! Order!
An alien space craft!
A fat alien!
The alien has four laser guns to kill us!
No, I am no alien, sillies!
I'm Cow.
But he is an alien!
Oh, Great Alien, we are yours to command.
Command, hmm?
Yes. Please solve our earthly problems
with your space smarts.
Oh, well, let's see!
The solution to all problems is
Oh, puppets? Yes! What else?
And make me the Big Cheese, of course.
Space Alien made Big Cheese!
Puppets key to peace!
Winkie, the puppet, stops all war!
Twenty percent chance of rain today!
So, thanks to the space alien,
war has been abolished
and there's no more hunger.
That alien is pretty amazing.
He sure is, Winkie.
Space alien, my foot!
It's time for me to stop this space fraud!
Fire up the engines there, Buzz,
we're payin' a visit to an old friend!
And bring me jeans! Fine designer jeans.
Jeans? Yes, Sir!
Oh, stick with me, pea pod,
we're goin' places.
Yeah! This is great, Mr. Alien!
That man's no alien!
He's been foolin' y'all!
He's no alien!
He's just a fat guy named Al-len.
Is this true?
Well, yes, my name is Allen.
It's kinda like "alien," don't you think?
Hey! What's going on here?
Well, I, well
I'll tell ya What's goin' on.
It all started four years ago.
Me and the boys had stopped
for a bite to eat
just before we was to blast off.
Little did we know
that there was trouble afoot!
And before we knew it
Allen had made off with our space shuttle!
So there's your "alien!"
He's just a common pantless thief
named Allen!
This is a very serious crime
you have committed, Allen.
Oh, please, don't hurt me.
But since you did bring about world peace,
I guess we could just let you go.
Thank you, Mr. Puppet!
But would you mind if I kept the jeans?
Hey, knock yourself out.
Oh, yes!
Look what I have been missing
all these years!
Viva la difference!
Man! That show was stupid!
You said it!
What you guys doin?
Playing a game! A boy's game!
Oh, lookie, a worm!
Can I try?
Careful. This is a man's game.
Oh, a doggies head.
The Brooklyn bridge.
The pyramids of Egypt.
The Eiffel Tower.
Stupid sister.
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel!
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Timbering! Timbering! Timbering!
I.R. liking funny hatchet!
I.R. can cutting many trees!
I.R. am being tired after chop
chopping all the daylong.
Hey, am I the only tree around here
that thinks this stinks?
We have sat idly by for years
while they make houses out of us!
While our friends
and loved ones burn in fire places!
But now this monkey
with the hatchet has gone too far!
Yeah! We have to put a stop to this!
We have to strike back!
Man, that hurts!
Let's go!
There's nothing like a drive in the country:
blue sky, fresh air,
the stately beauty of the trees.
To the last I grapple with thee!
Grapple! Grapple!
I'm not dead.
This is incredible!
It's just a bad bruise.
Don't look, Sally.
Take that!
You want maple syrup?
I'll give ya maple syrup!
The trees are revolting!
This can't be happening!
Out of my way, you furry lizard!
Your pals that monkey
with the hatchet that started all this!
"Monkey with a hatchet?"
Did this "monkey" have a bright red butt?
Yeah! Make you sick.
I should have known
I.R. Baboon was involved.
I must find Baboon and restore peace.
It's humanity's only chance!
For I am Weasel.
Stupid trees!
They say I.R. monkey with hatchet!
I.R. Baboon with axe! I
You've been a very naughty monkey.
It's time that you apologize
to the trees and make peace.
Let this meeting come to order.
The floor recognizes the Douglas Fir.
As we all know,
the holiday season's upon us.
And with that comes
the annual tradition of
It's all right, Doug, eh?
I'm sorry.
I think what Doug is tryin' to say
is that every year,
thousands of us Canadian Pines,
and Firs like Doug,
are cut down in our prime, eh?
And our corpses
are dragged into human homes.
Order! Order!
The floor recognizes the Birch.
Actually, my boy wanted to say something.
All right.
The floor recognizes the son-of-the-birch.
I remember when humans
came and took my older brother, Timmy,
and they cut him up
and built a floor out of him!
We're not even safe
from the human's children!
They come and build tree houses
using sixteen penny nails!
Sixteen! It hurts, pal!
The floor recognizes the Weeping Willow.
Somebody shut up the Willow!
It's that gorilla and the lizard!
Order, I say! We must remain civilized!
You there! Monkey with the hatchet!
Go on, Baboon. Apologize to the trees.
I can see I'll have to fix this myself.
Stop! Stop!
Spare that monkey with the hatchet!
I know Man has wronged you,
but we can live in peace with each other.
There's so much we can learn from trees!
From your wisdom and age and of
bark and, uh stuff.
But we're tired of living in fear!
We want a place to call our own!
To be able to live free!
Yeah, and not be cut down!
I think I have a solution.
So all the trees in the world
were given an island all their own.
Watch it! You're standing on my root!
Well, you're blocking all my sunlight!
Hey! Who's drinkin' all the water?
Whose brilliant idea was this, anyway?
Back on land, everyone suffered
from exposure to the sun
due to the lack of shade from trees.
Shade became a scare commodity.
Oh, stupid Weasel let all trees go bye-bye.
We have to respect the freedom
of all humans.
Even if they are trees.
It's the trees! They've come back!
All right!
But what made you guys
decide to come back?
Trees are boring to be around all the time.
Oh, did you ever talk to a tree?
Oh, it's like talking to a log!
Yeah, especially the hardwoods!
Your grandma!
At least we're not a bunch of saps like you!
Stop scaring us! We're petrified!
You want a piece of me, Oak?
Come on, I'm right here!
I'll make a table out of you!
Just like your brother!
You are sawdust, Woody!
Tree fight!
I got a splinter!
Goodie! I.R. joining fighting, too!
Oh, well, at least things are back to normal.
Hey, how did I get a splinter?
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