Cow and Chicken (1997) s04e16 Episode Script

Magic Chicken

Hey, Cow!
Watch me perform my new magic trick!
Oh, goodie! I love magic!
I will pull a squirrel out of my hat!
Oh, how exciting!
Nothing up my feathers.
Oh, yay, Big Brother!
I am not a squirrel! I am Weasel!
Oh, that was so magic-ie.!
Of course, my good Cow.
And tomorrow, I am gonna put on
a big show in the back yard!
And, I will be
your lovely magic-ie assistant!
Oh boy.
Here he is!
The world famous Chicken, The Magician!
Not much of a crowd.
And now, on with the show!
Behold! The flying pork butt!
Oh, goodie!
Oh, shoo! Dear sweet grandma.
Safe and sound.
Let's hear it for Chicken!
Oh, isn't he just grand?
Thank you, lovely assistant, Cow!
Now, I'd like two volunteers.
"Ladies, ladies, please don't stare,
'cause now you'll see Flem's underwear!
Wow! That is great!
Hey! Do something to me!
Lookie, Earl!
Your braces are magically on me!
All right! Yay!
Okay, little boy. Watch this.
I hope that was an egg.
Me, too.
And now, my greatest feat of all!
Drum roll, please?
Kinda looks like a udder!
Now, this is a just a theory,
but I theorize, through some sort of magic,
this udder has appeared on me.
Oh, grandma! Lookie!
I'm fetching!
And think of the money
I'll save on dairy products!
This is my lucky day!
What have you done with my udder!
Oh, I am only half a cow!
I have lost my identity!
Elvis has left the building!
Now hold your horses, Cow.
I can bring back your udder.
You can? How?
With magic, of course.
No good, huh?
Condensed milk? I'm getting close.
I would like my udder back, please?
Hey! Look, Cow! It's got four candles!
That's pretty close, right?
I am so distraught!
Hey, I'm getting pretty desperate.
You gotta go out and find Cow's udder.
If you can find it,
I can magic it back on to my rather large,
unhappy sister!
Excuse me, ma'am.
Have you seen Cow's udder?
Oh, how could you miss it?
She's the only kid in the neighborhood
with an udder.
Sorry, Cow.
We failed.
We could not find it.
Don't give up hope, Cow!
I'll give it one more try!
Oh, it's just a rubber glove!
It's kinda like an udder, huh, Cow?
It's no good!
My life is over! I have no udder!
How can I face people on the street
without a udder?
I will be a laughing stock!
A pariah! A outcast!
I'm a freak!
I now know the glories of an udder,
I feel for that poor Cow.
I have got to do the right thing.
Yes! Yes! I have got to give it back!
Well, that's just the kind of guy I am.
My udder!
Hello, it's me! The udder!
My udder!
I'm a little sad.
You know, that Cow will never know
how much I'm gonna miss that udder.
Hey, Milkman? Set me up with another!
I'm not a dentist, but I've seen one on TV.
Proper dental hygiene starts at home!
And, of course, you mustn't forget to floss!
I still haven't figured out
what this has to do with teeth!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
I.R. hate cleaning barnacles!
I.R. hating this job!
Why not stupid whale
learning to clean itself?
I.R. hating whale!
Stupid barnacles!
I.R. scrape you now!
Stop! Please, stop!
Just stop it!
Please don't scrape us again!
How would you like it
if somebody scraped you off of your home?
Oh, I have a wife and six hundred kids!
I.R. sorry.
I.R. not wanting to scrape barnacles,
but it are my job.
I.R. forced to doing it.
Take me!
Oh, but spare the children!
I.R. having idea!
Bless you, good sir! Bless you!
You're a swell guy!
What that sound?
We're casting off!
Now, stop goofing around
and get below decks.
Yes, Ma'am.
All right, men!
Our mission is to sail the seven seas
in search of the illusive giant squid.
First, I need a reliable man
to get me a cappuccino.
No, no, no.
I said a reliable man.
And since
I'm the only reliable seaman here,
I shall get my own cappuccino.
And you, Last Mate Baboon,
will attend to oral hygiene duty.
Time to cast off!
Throttle to full!
Throttle to full!
Seal the hatches!
Seal the hatches!
Turn the pink thingie!
Turn the pink thingie!
Seaward, ho! Engage!
And brushing baleen, twelve times a day.
Sweet shaving grandma! An ice cube!
Ice cube!
Hard to port!
No! No!
First we flossing, then we rinsing!
Are you okay, Sailor?
Yeah, there's nothing quite like
the feeling of thwarting danger.
We've laughed in the face of death.
It's a giant squid!
That squid could crush the whale!
It could drag us all to a watery grave!
Come on! You want a piece of me?
All right! No more Mister Nice Weasel!
Wait! No hurting squid!
They're not fighting.
They're in love!
Isn't love beautiful?
I smell a wedding coming.
By the power invested in me,
I pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the squid.
Boy! I hope they make this
a quick honeymoon!
We've only got six minutes of air left.
Hello, it's me, Lance Sackless!
As you may have noticed,
I am not in this film.
This is my contract,
and it has been violated!
I'm supposed to be in this show!
But I'm in this show right now.
Never mind.
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