Cowboy Bebop (1998) s01e15 Episode Script

My Funny Valentine

1 I think it's time to blow this scene Get everybody and the stuff together OK, 3-2-1, let's jam Frozen, frozen hard.
Yeah, they're no good.
Ugh, full of toxic dioxins.
I saved these for evidence a while back, but-- Hey, hold on! I know you're hungry, but those things are poison! A confidence man who cons women? That's who you wanna catch? I don't have much choice.
Is he a big tough crook? Smallest of the small fries.
Spike's gonna hate it when I tell him about it.
Edward wants chocolate! Guess I'll do it alone then.
You've gotta be kidding! Cut me some slack It stinks! Really weren't you taught to clean up your own poop? Like, bury it or something? I've been trying to figure out who it is you remind me of.
Now I know.
It's that guy with the thin eyebrows.
Whitney Haggis Matsumoto.
I wonder why I suddenly thought of him out of the blue like that.
Do you wanna know a secret about my past? Do you? Ms.
Manley, does it look like the patient is reviving? Why yes, Doctor.
I believe she is.
Ms.
Manley, does she look like an old woman to you? No, she doesn't, Doctor.
Do you think she's been successfully unfrozen? I believe so, Doctor.
Can you hear me? Huh? Yoo-hoo! I am Doctor Bacchus.
Bacchus, as in the Bacchus that drowned more humans than Neptune.
Have you ever heard about that Bacchus? Hmm? Well, I used to be an alcoholic back then.
Bacchus was drowning because of Bacchus! Hey, that was a good one! Now open nice and wide.
Aah.
You're healing beautifully.
No wounds left, and the cells are dividing quite nicely.
So you only have one problem left, and you know what that is? Huh? Coming up with 30 million Woolongs for the basic operation.
In addition to 54 years of interest payments Uh, how much is that? 273 million.
Add the hospital fees to that, and the total is 300,028,000 Woolongs.
Right! So when you've paid that amount, you'll be free! You understand? I don't understand Good! Then everything's just-- What did you say? This place where is it? Where am I? Who are you? Ms.
Manley? She is not acting, Doctor.
I'm Whitney Haggis Matsumoto, your lawyer.
Lawyer? Tortoise Insurance Company brought me in on the case.
I've already done some research on your past.
Miss Faye Valentine.
Is-- is that really my name? It's an especially lovely name.
I think it suits you very well.
- And so? - We need to know about your memory.
Hmm that's a monitor, a hot water pot, that's a cellular phone.
So I remember everything, really Everything except my own life.
- I see.
- And? And according to the records that we have, when you were 20 Well, in a sense, you still are 20 You were involved in a serious accident.
Accident? They couldn't save you with the medical technology back then.
But I'm totally fine.
You can see that.
I don't have a scratch.
"Back then?" What do you mean? The accident.
It was 54 years ago.
You were put into a cold sleep.
In other words, cryogenically preserved, until now.
Medical technology has finally advanced to a point where you could be fully cured and reawakened.
You might say you're a modern version of Sleeping Beauty.
You're kidding me.
I'm very serious, Faye.
Then I'm dreaming.
Listen to me, the year is 2068.
This is not a monitor It's a washing machine.
This isn't a hot water pot, it's a face cleaner.
And this is not a cell phone, it's a biothermometer.
- You put the round end in your mouth-- - Liar! You think I'm gonna believe a load of rubbish like that?! Temperature: 94.
1.
Pulse: 54.
Blood pressure: 40/75.
- It's still low.
- Hold on! Your memory is trapped in an earlier era when cell phones had solar antennas.
Then tell me! What kind of accident? I need to know! What was I like before? Calm down.
If you get too excited, you could-- What?! What's gonna happen to me if I-- You'll pass out, Faye.
Oh brother.
Hey there, want a cold one? Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait, come back here! Miss Valentine! Hello! Wait! Please! Stay away from me! What do you get by running away? Listen, Miss Valentine, please I can't pay 300 million.
It's not fair to revive me and then expect me to pay all that money.
I don't even know anything about myself.
What am I gonna do? You can deal with the debt payments little by little.
I'll do everything I can to help you.
And you know, someday your memory might come back to you.
If you hang in there, you might meet someone wonderful.
What's this? It's an ID.
If you should die, or if you forget yourself, they know who you are and where you're from.
I don't even have one.
I don't have an ID at all.
Sometimes I think, oh yes, I'd move to where all the shooting stars are gone With all of our wishes How could they bear, oh no, To carry around the stupid human hopes So I'm gonna help, I will Give me a key To the lock the door to the secret paradise There are so many queuing up And I won't let them in Look at them, they are cheeky They are never worthy to be saved Lay your heart, lay your soul Upon my magic carpet - What's that? - Collection agency.
- The insurance company got impatient.
- What do we do? Remember, surrender There's nothing you can do 'Cause love's such a joke Like a little jack-in-the-box, you know If we stay here, we'll both get caught.
- You better jump out and run.
- What about you? I'll meet you at the medical clinic.
All right? But why are you helping me like this? A prince has to protect Sleeping Beauty.
That's the way it works.
We just went through all of his paperwork.
In the event of an unforeseen accident, his instructions were to transfer all of his assets to you.
If you give us a thumbprint here, everything he owns will be yours.
Oh Whitney He really did care So press this with your thumb Why are all the numbers there in red? Hmm those are all his debts, but they say debt is an asset.
His debts? You have got to be kidding! 'Course, I can see now how stupid I was.
I mean, if you think about it, he risked his life to save me.
And his debt well, it was a drop in the bucket compared to mine.
All in all, it really wasn't that much.
How long were you in there listening, Spike? Too long.
Your story needs editing.
You should be ashamed, you know.
I'm sure that guy's crying in the next world, since you ran off without paying his debt.
I can't help that.
It's way more than I could ever pay.
Now she gets huffy about it.
Why shouldn't I? Remember, I'm a lot older than you.
Your past is always changing.
Last time, you said you were a gypsy.
Maybe you made this story up too.
Think what you like, but it's not a lie.
I just don't know the whole truth, all right? There's nothing I can do about it.
Welcome back! This guy has a rep as a Don Juan.
He's really just a cheap confidence man.
- Girls fall for him? - Take note.
When others are snoozing, Jet is on the job.
Whitney Haggis Matsumoto! Uh, yeah long time no see.
All right, she knows him, but why does she have to talk to him alone? Apparently, they were very close.
We talking ex-boyfriend? Yeah, and they were made for each other.
Looks like you've been living very well, Mr.
"Lawyer.
" Why, 'cause I'm a little plump? Isn't that biased? I want a full explanation.
Well, I just had a fat implant.
It was right after the accident.
They squeeze it in through the armpit with a plastic-- Not that! It's been over three years.
You look healthy.
Thanks a lot.
Were you trying to create a whole new identity? I wanted to start all over.
Start from scratch.
By conning women out of their money? Well, you became a bounty hunter.
I'd say it was destiny.
So everyone was in on it, huh? I had no choice.
The doctor was protecting me.
I owed too much.
And now he's dead.
Maybe I should've just let them come and arrest me.
I couldn't ask for more than to have you hand me over to the police.
You think it's safe to leave them alone? Worried about him, or her? I'm afraid she might let him escape or something.
Well, she'd have to have a heart to do that.
Don't be fooled 'cause she acts tough.
Babes like her are the first ones to go soft when it comes to an old boyfriend.
Is that right Women are hopeless.
They don't work on reason.
We're here! Welcome, visitors! So are you the ones that contacted us? Yeah, I wanna claim a bounty.
Hmm, I see.
- Ms.
Manley, prepare for rendezvous.
- Yes, Doctor.
I'm glad I got to see you one last time Sleeping Beauty.
Let's go.
It's all right! You don't have to do this for me, it's too risky! They opened the hatch already? - He's trying to get out.
- She's helping him - Wanna bet? - Yeah, I'll give you 4 to 1.
- Dammit, hurry up, Spike! - I'm trying! Whoa, it's impossible! We'll never make it! You can't squeeze two people in here! Just don't breathe so much! Exhale or something! Hey, wait! Stay back! We're leaving! She wants the guy instead of the money.
Jet caught him! It's his reward, Faye! I have some history to work out with this guy, so I claim first rights to him and to the bounty that's on his head! Is it just me, or did that not make any sense? Just like I said.
Women don't work on reason.
Let me outta here! - Are you gonna set him free or what? - We'll see! Oh man! Visitors, thank you for your attendance.
Where are we going? What are you gonna do with me? I wanna know the truth.
Tell me, who am I? Tell me where the lies end and the truth begins.
What are you doing?! If you're not careful, I'll hit the cockpit.
I'm not going easy on you! Thought that was my line.
You know, you really are a big pain.
Who am I? Are you sure you really wanna know? It's going to be hard to swallow.
Are you prepared for all the consequences? - I am.
- Are you sure? - Spit it out! - I don't really know myself, I swear! You're lying.
Who am I? My past? My future? These are questions every human asks at least once in their life.
Who are you? However, puberty is the only time to worry about things like that.
Only people who are bored think such thoughts after a certain age.
I've heard that voice before somewhere Here I am.
Yoo-hoo! Oh jeez, is that the doctor from the cryoclinic? Sure seems that way.
You told me that doctor was dead! Uh, not dead, I mean, not completely-- How many lies are you gonna tell me before you're through? Uh, I, uh You were cryogenically preserved in our labs.
That is a verifiable fact.
I can guarantee it.
- Huh? - What about my past? Who in the world am I? Actually, I gave you the name Valentine.
Yes, I named you after my favorite love song.
All the other data on you was lost when the astral gate exploded.
So you see, no one knows who you are, or why you were put in a cryogenic state.
Is this guy a doctor or a cop? Pilot of patrol ship 118.
You are in a vehicle which has been reported stolen.
State your department code now.
I repeat, state your code.
Doctor, this is not good.
We're going to be apprehended here.
Oh, it's very unfortunate, but we'd better cut our losses and make tracks.
Good call, Doctor.
You're on your own, Whitney.
Take care of yourself.
Bye-bye, Whitney.
Wait-- Wait a minute, Uncle! Don't go! - He's your uncle? - Uh-huh Hmm I'll take my bounty right here and now.
Ah, that's better.
And good riddance.
What a fitting payback for all the sleazy lies you told me.
Well, there is one part that's true That I fell in love with you while you were sleeping.
I fell in love with Sleeping Beauty.
Uh, no, I-I'm lying! It's just another lie, you know! Look who's here.
You must really want me back.
Yeah, nice try.
You were jealous.
In your dreams.
I'm still in the dark.
I may never know anything about my past.
Doesn't really matter, does it? Easy for you to say.
At least you have a past.
And you have a future.
That's what counts.
- What's this? - It's your share of the bounty.
The big 19,800 reward.
You're kidding.
The smallest of the small fries.
So it wasn't 19,800 I kinda put an extra zero in there.
Aishiteta to nageku ni wa Amari ni mo toki wa sugite shimatta Mada kokoro no hokorobi o Iyasenu mama kaze ga fuiteru Kawaita hitomi de dareka naite kure The real folk blues Hontou no kanashimi ga shiritai dake Doro no kawa ni tsukatta Jinsei mo waruku wa nai Ichido kiri de owarunara So I have to admit, the next episode of Cowboy Bebop is, well It's kind of depressing.
Very depressing, actually.
The only characters who show up are a bunch of musty old guys.
I hate to say this, but it's kind of heavy-handed.
Children shouldn't watch it.
Ladies should avoid it too.
And on top of that, it's better if you young guys don't tune in either.
Next episode: "Black Dog Serenade.
" Oh All you old guys? I wouldn't miss this one if I were you.