Cowboy Bebop (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

Callisto Soul

Hello, my name is Ivana.
Hello, my name is Laura.
Hello, my name is Kathy.
Kathy? Kathy.
Hello, my name is X1-2345SSY.
Hello, my name is Faye Valentine, which, if you're asking, isn't my real name.
It's the fake one you gave me.
Sorry, do I know you? No, but I know you, Mark.
Friendless, pasty, opera-loving virgin? I'm not a I'm sorry, what exactly is this about? You prematurely waking up cryo-frozen amnesiacs and then stealing their settlement money.
Uh, look, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, yeah? Bam! That's your signature, Mark Manley.
You gave the go-ahead to defrost my ass.
Look, I'm sorry, uh, Miss Valentine.
If you've been suffering from amnesia, but it's a known side-effect of long-term cryo sleep.
You targeted me.
Knew I'd wake up all scared and confused.
"Who am I? What happened?" How do you sleep at night? Look, you need to talk to one of our attorneys.
- I'm sure that they can help.
- Yeah? - Ooh.
- Meet my lawyer.
- Okay, what do you want from me? - You? Very little.
I know you're just the inside man.
I want the bitch who took my Identikit.
What? They never gave you your kit? No, asshole.
They gave her all my belongings before they woke me up.
So you're going to call Whitney Haggis Matsumoto, the bitch you let con me into thinking she was my mother You're gonna tell her you've found another amnesiac to scam, and that you want to meet with her.
I Do it, or so help me God, I'm going to shoot your dick off.
Because a girl with no memory's got nothing to lose.
- Yep.
- Yep, let's move it.
Hey, it's Manley.
Yeah, I got a really big fish here, ready to defrost.
Um, you hungry? Get down! Shut the fuck up! Everyone on the ground now! - You too, sweetheart! - Okay, take it easy.
She's over there.
Oh, my God, Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, what are we going to do? What's going on? What are we doing? Shut the fuck up and keep your head down.
I don't want to die.
- I said no talking, Bow-Tie! - No! No, no, no! Gimme the phone! No! Stay down! That goes for the rest of you too! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
We are the Callisto Liberation Front.
Eco soldiers and space warriors.
Fighting to return the colonies back to Mother Nature.
Miss Cadena.
CEO of Kao Construction.
While you enjoy a night at the opera, your company is preparing to destroy thousands of acres of forest on Callisto.
Life! And you intend to replace it all with steel and concrete.
To build your cities, and fill them with people.
That's the whole point of terraforming.
Silence! Your company is a plague upon nature.
Directly responsible for the recent and ruthless extinction of the Ganymede Sea Rat.
Ugh, environmentalists are the worst.
Your reckoning has arrived.
Wha What? - You were supposed to have it.
- I did - Shut your lips! - You're such a Howard.
- You're a Howard.
- What? - Christ on a bike! - I got it.
I got it.
Inside this pod are the same spores used to terraform Callisto.
Now you will see, Miss Cadena, the fate that awaits you all if my demands are not met.
Stop construction on Callisto or we return Marvis and Salt City back to nature.
Let's have a little demonstration, shall we? Pollinate him.
- Oh, boy.
- Where is it? Where is it? Find it! - Where did it go? - Find it! There! What? No, no! No! You morons.
We needed her! Holy shit.
We've got to go! Go, go, go! No.
Come on, this way! No, no, no! That's my ship! That's my ship! You shit stains! No, no, no! Oh, balls! You figure out what you want? Um Hmm.
I can't eat this shit.
You're picky for someone who hates eating peppers all the time.
- Miss.
- Hmm? The popcorn shrimp.
Is it shrimp-shrimp or fake shrimp? It's an algae-soy hybrid.
We'll just get the potato skins.
And you still have that 2-for-1 deal? - With a coupon.
- Okay.
Two rib-eye dinners.
Coupon doesn't apply to real meat.
You sure it's real and not an algae-soy hybrid? That's what it says on the package.
But it's not like I met the cows before they brained them, drained them and chopped them up, so what do I know? Then just make it the Io Tuna-Rib dinner for two.
- That comes with free cheesy bread, right? - All you can eat, hon.
Look at you, big spender.
Recklessly throwing petty cash caution to the wind.
We'll make it up.
Look, we deserve it.
We haven't had a fancy meal in weeks.
Fancy? Ah, look at you.
Actually smiling.
Yeah, probably at the prospect of unlimited fake cheesy bread.
Yeah, well, whatever it is, I'll take it.
Your brooding the last couple of weeks has been getting on my nerves.
I love this place.
You know they have bidets in the bathroom? Mmm.
Damned things are addictive.
- Tell me you're talking about the bread.
- Bidets.
Quite therapeutic.
You know, that gentle warm water really eases the stress while washing out the nooks and crannies.
I'm begging you.
Next big score, I'm getting one for the ship.
Maybe two.
One for each foot.
Foot? Jet, a bidet is a toilet that cleans out your asshole.
What? You guys are so lucky - Oh.
- that I ran into you.
- Oh, no.
- Do you mind? - Ugh.
What is that? - Water.
Oh, beer, thank God.
- Please, help yourself.
- Mmm.
So the craziest thing just happened.
I was at the opera house when three eco-dicks in gas masks stormed in and released this gas that starts turning people into trees.
No shit! Trees! It was nutbags.
I'll tell you what else is nutbags.
Soon as this hits the news, every cowboy in the solar system is going to be after these assholes.
But I got the jump on them.
On account that they took my ship.
Which they stole.
And which I can totally track.
I just need a ride.
It's a real boom-bang-bang.
It's a milk run.
It's a cakewalk.
It's a few hours, make some easy Woo.
So What do you say, fellas, you want to team up? - She's high, right? - You see the bags under her eyes.
- Right.
- Venus Stardust would be my guess.
I'm not high, dickwads! I'm telling the truth.
Only Cosmic Crank makes you sweat like that.
This just in.
Eco-terrorists have unleashed a chemical weapon inside the Salt City Opera House.
According to eyewitness reports, the toxic gas turned people into Trees? Are you serious with this? Oh, shit, that's nutbags.
I was thinking a 60-40 split.
Going my way, of course.
What is the one thing I specifically told the three of you not to do no matter what? - Kill the CEO.
- Kill the CEO.
So, because she's dead, hence no messenger for our message I had to phone in our demands to the Kao Construction headquarters main line.
They put me on hold! It was mortifying.
- Sorry, Mother.
- Sorry, Ma.
All because you bungled the situation.
Look at me.
Don't you want to make your mother happy? I do.
I d Then what have I been telling you all these years? You have to be like me.
You have to be smart.
You need to be ruthless.
You need to be willing to Sorry.
Mom, it's not mine.
Whose is it then? She took it off the hostage.
You took a hostage? He's on the ship.
Why would you take a hostage? Well, Harrison told us to.
No, they're lying.
I - I'm sorry, Mother.
- Well While you three were playing Keystone Criminals, I found the missiles we need to complete our plan.
- Awesome.
- That's great.
Grab anything of value, we are wheels up in ten minutes.
Hey, where are we going to get the missiles? - Your father.
- Oh, boy.
What should I do with the hostage? Just ask yourself, "What would Mother do?" Maria Murdock.
Trespassing, resisting arrest, defacing private property.
Run-of-the-mill eco-fasch shit.
Graduated to full-on mass murder with a 25 million price tag.
Kao Construction has 12 hours, well, make that 11, before she pulls the plug on Callisto.
Ah, shit.
- Ah, shit.
- Got a first-aid kit.
I could clean that up for you.
- It's fine.
- Looks pretty bad.
- It's a graze.
- She remind you of somebody? - The Cosmonaut.
- Thank you.
Tonking on Bobo.
Hell of a night, huh? Technically, morning.
- What? - Nothing.
How about you take us to the Murdocks? Yeah, I'm tracking them now, Skinny.
Okay, so we can intercept them at Mars, and then What the shit is that? That's a dog.
You never seen one? Sure, in zoos.
Next to the dragon sanctuary and unicorn exhibit.
I hear these things are, like, 20-30 million a pop.
He's not for sale.
I hear they're pretty tasty too.
He's not for eating.
Jet, can I speak to you in the cockpit for a minute? You stay there.
You're an ugly little fella, aren't you? Kind of weird she's never seen a dog before, right? Yeah, right? No, listen.
You really want to work with that nut-job? Relax, she'll get us Murdock.
Right, like she got us Asimov.
Wait, no, she got Asimov shot in the neck and almost got me killed.
She screwed us then and she's going to screw us now.
I don't think we can trust her.
I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, Spike.
Why? Why? Give me one good reason.
How about 25 million of 'em? Look, we'll get the coordinates from her, punch them in and then No need.
We have the coordinates right here.
We get the Murdocks on our own.
Now who's doing the screwing? Don't.
What is that? That's my ship.
Maybe it serves you right.
My dog! Fuck you, fuckers.
You read lips, what did she say? Serves you right.
How do I turn off the tracker? Uh-huh.
You smarty little fuzzy pants.
Maybe I won't eat you.
Maybe I'll sell you for a buttload of Woos, huh? Ugh, your breath smells like a buttload.
Thank you for the chocolates.
Tui's going to take you off-planet for a few days.
What? Why? The Elders.
What they made me do to you.
In my own house.
That will never happen again.
I am making certain of it.
What's going on? I have gathered my lieutenants.
They're bringing men.
And firepower.
I am going to burn the Elders' temple to the ground.
Once they're dead you won't have to be afraid.
If you declare war and it doesn't work, there's no place for us to hide.
Leave us.
What would you suggest? Come at them from the side, perhaps, instead of the front.
A coup rather than a war.
You could get the other Capos to join you.
Take on the Elders as a united front.
The Eunuch is weak, he'd never turn on them.
Oh, but, Mao she is power-hungry.
That she is.
And you always say The Eunuch falls in line with her.
Like a fawning bitch.
It's a tricky proposition.
Mao is no fool.
It's just a suggestion.
But if anyone can outwit Mao it's you.
Oh, that's rude.
Manley? Please, please, please be in there.
Manley, I need that phone of yours.
Bad dog! Shh! Karma is a bitch! Now, if you don't mind, I'll be relieving you of your phone and any, ugh, loose change you might have Okay.
All right.
Whitney, I'm coming for you.
What is that? Ugh.
Rats is right.
Spike, we talked about this.
That was before I saw her lying, cheating, stealing face again.
Do not shoot her.
- Please.
- No! I disabled the ship's tracker.
How did you even find me? You disabled a tracker, not all the trackers.
Spike's real protective of his ship.
Please, I just want to kill her a little bit.
God damn it, Spike.
How many times have I got to tell you? Stow it.
You're done.
Feels tight.
Dead ringer for the Cosmonaut just then.
Am I right? - In the eyebrows? - In the eyebrows.
Yes! It's the eyebrows.
Yeah, okay, dickholes.
So what? Are you going to turn me in to ISSP? No.
- Are you going to airlock me? - Ooh, I second that motion.
Why would I fix your shoulder just to throw you out the airlock, huh? I don't know.
Because maybe you two are a bunch of bored, sadistic sons of bitches.
She's not wrong.
I've been pretty bored lately.
So, if you're not going to airlock me, what kind of sick, perverted shit are you two planning to do? Eat.
It's not poisoned.
Whoa, whoa! She lies to us, she steals my ship, and now you're feeding her? You're feeding the Cosmonaut? We need her.
The Murdocks are a crew of four well-armed criminals.
We have a better shot of bringing them in if we work together.
Hold on Before you give me the spit-and-whistle that I'm not thinking straight, just take a deep breath and admit to yourself.
You know I'm right.
Fine, but that 60-40 split is now in our favor.
Only if you tell me who the Cosmonaut is.
So how do we find the Murdocks? I don't know.
I wish I did.
You were there when they attacked the opera house.
- You got into fisticuffs with them.
- So? So, you got close enough to hear or see something.
Name? Location? How they plan to deliver their atmo-pods of death? You've got to give us something.
Now feel those notes nibbling your neck.
That's it, kitten.
Now feel the key to F, just stroke up your thighs Deeper.
- Deeper.
- Any deeper and you'll break her in half.
Still trying to protect the talent from my perfection.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Couldn't stop you, even if I tried.
No, you couldn't, you scoundrel.
She's waiting on you.
Be nice.
She's not a marionette.
Well, look who's becoming a regular.
Drink? No, thank you.
A favor.
Try me.
Would you consider reaching out to Mao Yenrai to arrange a sit-down with her and Vicious? Now, I know you don't get involved in Syndicate business, ever.
- But - You're right.
I don't.
What are you getting yourself into? It's the only way for me to be safe.
And how will this meeting with Mao help you do that? It's better for you if you don't know.
So we're going to go talk to a guy named Howard just because I overheard one of the Murdocks call the other one out for being "such a Howard"? It seems like kind of a reach, don't you think? I mean, if one calls the other a douchebag, are we gonna go storm the feminine hygiene aisle of a pharmacy? It's called following a lead.
Public records list Howard Culpepper as Maria Murdock's ex-husband.
He also happens to work for Kao Construction.
We find Howard, maybe we get a mainline on Maria's location.
I need my gun.
- No way.
- Absolutely not.
How am I supposed to defend myself? They're terra farmers.
What are they gonna do, plough you to death? Found Howard.
Poor bastard slept with the wrong skirt.
- Now can I have my gun? - No! Just relax, it's only four of them.
Like you said, boom-bang-bang.
Emphasis on "boom.
" Hurry up, get the pods loaded! I'll prep our ship.
We've got to shut those missiles down.
- Yeah.
Wait, what? I - Yeah.
I thought we were going after the cash money? Forget about Maria, Spike.
If those rockets go airborne, six million people are going to be turned into weeping willows.
That is not going to be a pretty sight, believe you me.
We'll do the right thing.
We'll nab the bounty.
We'll stop the missiles.
Bounty's mine.
Why does she get to have all the fun? She's almost loaded! You ready? Initiating launch sequence.
Let's stay low.
Shit! Shit.
Mommy? Mom.
Where are you going? She'd better bring her back.
She will.
Come on.
Hello? Mark? Uh, hey.
I can barely hear you.
All right, I can hear you.
So, your offer.
I'm in.
Yeah, that's cool.
Where are you? I'm at Praga, in Alba City.
Uh, Praga? Yeah.
Hands down the best borscht in the solar system.
Cool, great, I'll see you there.
When you get here, we need to Think the bounty on these clowns will get me those bidets? - God, I hope not.
- Warning! - Shit! Shit.
- Five, four, three, two Useless idiots! Get out of the way, girl.
Mama's got one more rabbit in her hat.
I'm glad we're going to have a proper sit-down.
We really do need to discuss the financials of our arrangement.
Your finder's fee is a bit excessive.
Wouldn't you agree, Mark? Given that I do assume most of the risk.
Just a minute.
Can you bring us another round of martinis? Tsar's select, no vermouth, shaken and up with three olives.
Where were we? Oh.
- Yes, shrinking your fee.
- Balls! Wait, who is this? It's Manley.
Bullshit! Who is this? Bitch, you know who this is! This is your worst nightmare! Faye? Is that you? Darling heart, I've missed you.
Kudos for finding me, but mama's got to chew and screw.
Shit, fuck, shit! This day is the worst.
What the hell is she doing? Pretty sure she's saving our asses.
Oh, God! Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Shit, shit! This is for the lucky pervert who finds my body.
My cryo-ID number is X1-2345SSY.
Oh, fuck it.
I'm Faye Valentine.
My name is Faye Valentine.
My name is Faye Valentine.
My name is Faye Valentine.
My name is Faye Valentine.
Faye Valentine.
Faye Valentine.
No! Mom? What do we do now? We wither.
When I was a child, I would climb the tallest tree I could find and stay up there forever.
It was my idea of heaven.
And now they're going to send me to prison.
Send both of us.
Together for the rest of our lives in a 12-foot cell.
I'm sorry, but there is no way I'm gonna be trapped in a tiny box with you.
Harrison, what are you doing? Making Mother happy.
- No! - Being ruthless.
No! No! Ugh.
Shit-licker, off, get off me.
- Ah, shit.
- Finally.
I was starting to think you might not wake up.
We followed the smoke trail.
You're lucky to be alive.
My ship? Oh, that's toast.
Hope there wasn't anything valuable on it.
No, nothing.
Just my entire life.
You know what's cool about losing your life? You get to build a new one.
- Thanks for finding me.
- Oh, don't thank me.
I bet you were a goner.
But Jet said looking for you was the least we could do.
So Is this your way of saying thank you? When I want to say thank you, I'll say thank you.
- Such a dick.
- Listen, um Jet says you can stay here on the Bebop.
Till you get your shit together.
We're going for drinks when he gets back.
New guy buys the first round.
- Hey, Spike.
- Yep.
Okay, just for real, who is the Cosmonaut? Welcome to the Bebop.

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