Cowboy Bebop (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

Dark Side Tango

You hear that? He's playing triplets, eighths and sixteenths.
All in a single phrase.
Whoo! All I hear is a bunch of random notes that don't go with the melody.
It's the same melody.
Bird's just playing it double time and then throwing in a bluesy lick.
- That's what makes the song genius.
- It is genius.
Until all that shameless, squawking bullshit.
Bird is composing on the spot.
I got your Bird right here.
Udai Taxim.
Low-rent thug.
There's surveillance of him talking to our mark.
I, I know that shadow.
And you know it because it's Duero.
It's not Duero.
Duero's just bought a lake house.
Can you afford a lake house on your lieutenant's salary? You know I can't.
And Duero is a Cub Scout.
All right.
Who do you like? Phillips? No, it's not Phillips or Duero.
All right then, Sherlock, give it to me.
Chalmers? He's too perfect.
I mean, nobody closes that many cases without an inside line.
This is Chalmers talking to Udai.
I'm going to stick with my primary, Duero.
I'd put money on it.
Yeah? I'll take your money.
I've got a hard 2K says Chalmers is our dirty cop.
Getting Udai to name the actor could get messy.
But maybe he goes down easy.
Speaking of names, Alisa and I picked one.
Yeah? Uh.
Give it to me.
Kimmie, that's a great name.
Short for what? Kimberley? Kimbra? Kimble? - No, just Kimmie.
- Just Kimmie.
Police! Stay inside, ma'am.
You all right? Yeah, good, go, go get him! Get him! Stop! It's over! Drop the iron, Udai! It's confession time.
Who are you working for? Who's the dirty cop? The entire movement was a reaction to swing, which was dominated by propulsive rhythms.
But in bebop, though, the emphasis went from bass drum to hi-hat.
Like in Parker's "Ko Ko," starts with a simple sax and trumpet, Bird and Dizz trading eight-bar phrases and then bang! - Bird does a solo that just - Jet.
Is the thermal regulator down again? Not that I know of.
There's not a drop of hot water in those pipes.
Ah, shit.
Sorry, guys.
That's on me.
I like my shower-bath-shower scalding hot, so What? Shower-bath-shower.
It's how you clean yourself.
Seriously? Okay.
Baths are great.
But gross.
Who wants to be in a tub full of hot water stewing in their own filth? So you start by taking a shower and wash all the grime off.
And then you get in the tub, at which point you shave, soap, exfoliate - How long is she going to be here? - I By the way, you two should really invest in a loofah.
Now, after the deliciousness of the bath, you get back in the shower, rinse off, ergo, shower-bath-shower.
Were you two raised by wolves? All right, here we go.
It's the big one, cowboys.
A prison ship has A prison transport ship has just crashed on Europa.
So Prisoners are fleeing in every direction.
Well, you know what that means! It's time for - the leaderboard! - Leaderboard! Oh, there's gonna be a lot of red meat out there.
- Ah, it's a good day for the Bebop.
- Yeah.
These are hardened criminals straight from the prison colony on Pluto, Judy.
And all the best cowboys in the solar system are headed for Europa.
How far is Europa? Uh Gate-to-Moon, we can get to Europa's air space in 20, give or take.
We have a laundry list of robbers, drug dealers and killers.
Judy? The Sutherland Twins Ah, The Sutherland arsonists, we could take a run at them.
Twins creep me out.
Fat Elvis, a whopping 32 million woo.
Good get.
That really is a fat catch.
- Tony the Chop.
Forty million woolong.
- Urgh.
- Ugly.
- Udai Taxim.
Forty-five million woo.
Udai Taxim.
Udai Taxim.
Udai Taxim.
- But the day is still young, Punch! - What is it? - The day is still young, Judy - Where are you going? Hey! Where are you going? Out.
You two, team up.
Go grab some bounties.
- With her? - Team up? Yeah, team up.
Every gun-toting cowboy's gonna be looking to get a piece of this turkey shoot.
Be a perfect storm to catch a bullet in your ass.
So pairing will be the best way to cover your asses.
Well, who's covering yours? Don't worry about me.
Yeah, but I said team up.
Now team up, God damn it! Okay.
- What's up with your boy? - I don't know.
But he's got his cop face on.
Meaning? Meaning when he gets like this, it's just best to do what he says.
The Universal Cuff.
Keeping bounties and cowboys together across the universe! Yeah.
Udai's out.
A-hole was on the prison transport ship that crashed.
Meet me at the place near the thing we went to that time.
I'll bring Udai's file.
- What's with you and that tie? - Ha! - Ah.
- Ah, you look good.
Guess cow-boying keeps you trim.
You got fat.
- Oh.
- Maybe lay off of Connie's baked ziti? Hey, speaking of which, she left two slices in my cooler for you.
That bet still on? Have we met? Good.
Udai doesn't have many friends in this city so I figure he's gonna try and jump planet as fast as he can.
How's he gonna do that? Spaceport's locked down tighter than two coats of paint.
Not with a new name.
You remember that case we worked in Salt City? Yeah, yeah, the White Tigers paper guy.
Uh, Donny? Danny? Yeah, Dagmar.
Dagmar! You know what I remember? That guy broke his teeth falling down a flight of stairs.
I remember you pushing him down said stairs.
A bounty I nabbed a while back said Dagmar got paroled and jumped here.
Word on the street is he's running an opium den in mid-town, but still doing papers in the back.
- By the hummus place? - Yeah.
Want to go get some tzatziki? Bird and Dizz at the Savoy was the best record they ever made.
That's because Dizz played trumpet on every track.
Bird playing the sax is what made the damn record.
I think that facial hair's messing up your hearing.
Ah Look, all bullshitting aside, I've had a lot of time to think.
From all angles.
Here's what I know.
Chalmers pulled the trigger that night.
He set me up.
He was the first on the scene and the one who made the case that put me away.
- And he's dating your ex? - This isn't about that.
It took me years to earn my reputation as a good cop.
And that smiling jackhole took it away.
I want it back.
For my daughter.
Well, then let's go get it.
I think Ponzi Pete is a solid choice.
Please, I couldn't afford a can of cat food with his reward money.
Now T-Bone Wilson, I can get behind.
- T-Bone eats people.
- So? So it took seven guys to take him down the last time, and he ate the faces off two of them.
Yeah, but he's worth the most money.
I like my face.
So do many others.
Hey, how about Jimmy Two-Shits? We're chasing juvies now? And you object on what grounds? Because I'm trying to make some fat stacks.
What about School Girl 5? Afraid the Ural beat you to it.
That's another 35 million woo for Terpsichore.
Jesus Christ.
They're snaking all the good ones.
That's some bullshit.
What are you doing? Uh, I'll tell you what I'm not gonna do is stick around here with my thumb up my ass! - I'm going out.
- Hold on, hold on! Jet's right.
It's gonna be a shooting gallery out there.
So let's just Let's hunker down and we'll pick one.
That's right, Judy.
In this here solar system, coppers only pay out for live heads! All right, let's go with - Kangaroo Kid! - Stoner Stu! I've got an idea.
We shoot for it.
Winner picks the bounty.
Mao doesn't get to set the terms.
It's my goddamn meeting.
Ana said Mao just wanted me there for insurance.
Like she's afraid that I won't be able control myself.
She's just baiting you.
Don't let her win.
It hurts me to see you worry, like I'm incapable of keeping you safe.
No, it's not that.
It's just that we only get one shot at Mao.
So what we're about to do, it has to go our way.
I'll kill that bitch.
With kindness.
Three, two, one.
What the hell is that? That is a crossbow, because I'm a hunter.
Hunter, bear, ninja? Say what? Hunter, bear, ninja? Bear eats ninja.
Ninja kills hunter.
Hunter shoots bear.
Got it? No.
What? A bear eat What? Okay, fine, we'll do a different one.
Um, foot, cockroach, atomic bomb.
All right, three, two, one.
Shoot! Yeah, I don't know that one either.
Foot, cockroach, atomic bomb? Foot kills cockroach.
Atomic bomb blows up foot.
Cockroach survives atomic bomb.
You just made that up.
No, I didn't just make that up.
Let's just go old school.
Rock, paper, scissors.
- Okay? - Okay, grandma.
Three, two, one.
Spoils go to the victor.
- What? - What, what? What? What's the little smirk on your face? What is that? What's that shit? You're predictable.
You always throw the third choice.
I do not.
Hunter, atomic bomb, scissors.
Every time, third choice.
- Well played.
- Hmm.
Now let's go get your chump-change bounty.
Our cat food awaits.
- Cat food's better than no food.
- Is it? Howdy! Sounds like Stoner Stu has been captured! Looks like Ural Terpsichore is having a hell of a day.
I fucking hate that blockhead.
Can't help but notice that T-Bone is still in play.
Oh, no, it looks like T-Bone Wilson has just killed six, count them six, bounty hunters.
ISSP Sniper Unit has been dispatched and asks all cowboys pursuing T-Bone to stand down.
No prize for this one, cowboys.
Crap! Is that like shower-bath-shower? Hey.
Where's Dagmar? Busy.
But we're running a special on Neville Haze.
And 30% off secondhand hookahs.
He's in the back.
So Jeffery's good? Jeffery's really bonding with his new therapist.
And Chris, he loved the gift.
It was great.
Did you get his card? Uh, yeah.
Sorry I didn't make the ceremony.
Well, I'm sorry I've only seen you twice since you got out.
Yeah, you know, I really wanted to be there.
Oh, come on, stop.
My oldest son graduates the Academy in a room full of cops, I get it.
But you know what? I miss this.
Me too.
Especially this part.
What the fuck? Hey, how are you doing, Dagmar? Hey, Jet Black.
I heard you rolled a hard five up at Pluto Supermax.
I'm rehabilitated.
Nice teeth.
They new? Hey, no, come on, guys.
Now, what do you want from me? Udai Taxim.
He's out.
He needs new papers.
You seen him? Oh.
No, and I don't do that no more.
What's this? That's nothing, you know, an inventory.
Dagmar, you lying sack of shit.
Got Udai's new papers right here.
Ah, come on, guys, I just got those.
Well, they're nice.
They look expensive.
This is for lying to us.
When's he picking them up, hmm? I don't know, I don't know.
He didn't say.
Ah All right, all right, in a few hours, okay? I swear.
In a few hours.
You good? I'm good.
Yeah, we're all good here.
All good.
Come on, toss me those, will you? They're like 90K a pop.
We're taking these for coffee across the street.
If Udai shows, you call us.
What? - Chalmers and Duero are here.
- Mm-hmm.
- Looks like our bet is a push.
- How's that? Chalmers and Duero showing up here means they're both dirty.
They get to Udai first, they'll put a bullet in him.
Ah, that's not gonna happen.
Not until we've talked to him.
Hold your breath.
The girl behind the counter must have called it in.
Shit, I just burned Udai's paper guy.
I'm sorry.
I saw those two and I, I just lost it.
Don't worry about it.
We'll do what we do.
Work the case.
Nah, we've gotta get out of here before Chalmers and Duero see us.
Nah, we're fine.
They're gonna be tripping balls for the next 12 hours.
Nothing like x-nine-infused opium to bring partners together.
Yeah, Alisa's going to wake up and find Chalmers' boning the radiator.
Ah What about Eddie Bazooka? Talk about chump change! What about Tony the Chop? Did you read his sheet? Oh, yeah.
- Pastor Pete looks pretty good.
- No.
No way.
Pastor Pete's what you call a, um, a mole man.
He literally burrows his way into the ground, and I don't like You know, I don't, I don't like dirt, so Let that be a reminder to all you cowboys.
Don't take a bite larger than you can chew.
You don't want to work with me, do you? Where did that come from? Yeah You don't think I can do this.
That's why you keep recommending pussy bounties.
Because you think I'm some sort of Suzie Creamcheese or something.
Of course not.
A, before we met, never heard of you.
B, I've seen nothing since then that proves to me that you're actually a bounty hunter.
This! A souvenir from Joey T.
Bites me in the station as I'm turning him in.
That's from Regina Scissors.
That's cute.
Bites, scissors.
This is from Stella the Fella's blowtorch.
- You nabbed Stella? - Biggest bounty we ever caught.
This was when we took down the Cunningham Sisters.
That's not a birthmark? And this is when we nabbed Bohdan the Bison.
What's with all this "we" shit? "We" took.
"We" nabbed.
It sounds like chicken shit to me, because me, I bagged 'em solo.
And I'm like a little girl.
You did.
Nickel and dime grabs.
Yeah? Roland Dupree's not nickel and dime.
There's no way that was you.
It's not possible.
He was a blood money mercenary.
A ghost geared to go megaton if anybody got too close.
He had a singular identifying mark.
- He - Chewed off his fingerprints.
That was me.
Prove it.
He's got no papers.
No girlfriend.
No family to reach out to.
So what's Udai's next move? Go to ground maybe? Nah.
He's been in a 3-by-6 for the last nine years.
He's not hiding in a hole.
- It's Con.
- Take it.
Hey, baby, baby.
I'm here with Jet now.
Oh, yeah? Hey, when we get this buttoned up, Cons will make you tiramisu.
- You come to the house.
- Yeah, sure.
Thanks, Con! Yeah.
Probably gonna be at this all night.
Love you too, baby.
Udai wouldn't hide in a hole, but he'd hide in a box.
Like that Captain Saturday, the dealer who hid in his own shipping container? Exactly.
The only way Udai gets off Europa without papers is if he stows away in an interplanetary container freighter.
And where would he slip into one of those unseen? Sorting station! Let's go.
Hey, hey, don't forget Connie's Tupperware.
First words out of that pretty mouth better be an apology.
You asked me for Gunther, my best hit man, I sent him to you.
No questions asked.
As a show of good faith between us.
But I get him back in a box.
It was unfortunate.
So who was this extraordinary mark who had the skills to end Gunther? It's immaterial.
Is it? Reparations will be made.
So what else have you come here to give me? Opportunity.
You think you and I are the same? I think we both like making money.
And the Elders are preventing us from doing that.
You're just pouting 'cause they shut down your Red-Eye distro.
And you think they won't find out what you're into.
We are all subject to their dispositions, are we not? They need to be killed.
The stones on you.
Those fossils are the only thing standing between us and absolute power.
The temple is impenetrable.
You couldn't get to them.
And even if you did, you'd never survive the Kobun's blades.
Sounds like you've thought about it.
And who takes over? You? Not alone.
We must uphold the Syndicate traditions.
Three at the top.
You, me, and Santiago.
- He wouldn't.
- He will.
If you ask him.
Don't underestimate the Eunuch.
He's vile in ways you could never imagine.
Oh, you think he doesn't have any balls, but that's not how Santiago got his moniker.
Enlighten me.
You ever seen those pruning knives they use in the vineyards? Perfect for taking grapes off the vine.
He used that knife on the first man that wronged him.
Carved on him for days.
Until finally, he took off his balls.
- Mm.
- He did it to send a message.
In his words You'll never know true power until you've tasted the testicles of a man who has wronged you.
Well, tell him I have two to give him.
Percent, that is, of my net.
Plus the Ganymede territories.
Same for you.
Good deal.
But it's a no from me.
Unless your wife sings for me.
Consider it my cherry on top.
It's a small ask.
It's not a small ask.
She's my wife.
See, this is why I miss your partner.
At least when he was around you were a bit muzzled.
Now, Fearless, he had it all.
Ruthless, level-headed, and a better killer than you'll ever be.
Fuck Fearless! You know what? I don't need you.
The deal is off.
Let's go.
Julia? Swath me In honey Wrap me In stars This world has teeth, my love And I bear the scars Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Wow! How did you Well, I had to get close enough to him to see his gnawed little fingers.
Right, right.
And we all knew he was armed to the teeth with weapons.
But what most didn't know, the guy loved to tango.
Once I had visual confirmation, all I had to do was disarm him.
And after I took his brass cat, I whispered, "Dip me.
" Play dead.
Come on, dude, you're punking my story.
Play dead.
And that is how I duped Dupree.
Unadulterated respect.
Stick with me, kid, you might learn a thing or two.
I'm all ears.
What are you looking at? I am not giving you a beer.
Forget what I said before.
Now you've got my full respect.
This shower-bath-shower thing, life-changing.
- Right? - Yes! Oh.
Talk to me about the loofah thing, please.
So when it comes to loofahs, there are no bad choices.
Now me, I like the classic body mitt.
But if you want to rip-shit riot I do.
Loofah on a stick.
Check for busted custom seals.
The running's over.
You? That's right, Udai.
Don't shoot.
I was just doing what he told me.
Look I'm not gonna kill you.
I just need the truth.
Who pulled the trigger on me? Chalmers? Was it Chalmers? No.
Tell me it wasn't you.
Things happen, Jet, in life.
Shit you don't see coming.
What things? Debt, bills, parking tickets.
You know, things.
You could have come to me.
I could have done a lot of things.
I chose to go to them.
The Syndicate.
It was a nice arrangement.
They needed a guy on the inside, I needed a lot of money.
So you let me twist.
I was their man now.
They were paying me to protect them, but you wouldn't let it go! - I was doing my job.
- Yeah, and that's the rub! I lost everything because of you! I'm sorry.
Ah, I'm sorry I've got to put you down like this.
Hands! Let me see 'em! Jet? Fad killed Udai? You kill Fad? I'll call it into IAB.
Let them know our suspect is DOA.
- You knew Fad was dirty? - Yeah.
Been tracking him for months trying to build a case.
If we'd got to Udai first, he'd have given up Fad.
You just killed the only man in creation that can clear your name.
Shit, Jet.
You've got the worst luck I've ever seen.
I'm aware of that.
What now? As far as I'm concerned, these two dirtbags shot one another.
You should take off before those cherries get here.
Bird was the better player.
You humiliated me in front of that fucking cow! The minute you told Mao the plan, you needed her to agree.
So I gave her what she wanted.
You got what you needed.
And since you owed her for Gunther What was that about? Vicious! So who was this extraordinary mark who had the skills to end Gunther? You're drinking Kudo again? I was feeling nostalgic.
Oh, my God.
Fearless is alive.

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