Curb Your Enthusiasm s08e09 Episode Script

Mister Softee

Is anybody worried about dirt on their food here? You know, these buses come by.
Everybody makes such a big deal about eating outside.
- I find it disgusting.
- It's al fresco.
Hey, do me a favor and remind me to pick up my glove later.
- I'm getting it restitched.
- Okay.
You're wearing gloves? It's the middle of summer.
- No, my baseball glove.
- Oh, baseball.
They're in a league.
Is that what you call it? We're playing for the championship.
Are you not listening anything I've ever told you? I hope it turns out better than the golf championship.
- That's true.
- Hey, do you want to come? No, I don't like baseball.
- I'm a little surprised.
- Why? You I can understand.
You've been married a long time.
You could care less about what he does.
- You're absolutely correct.
- But we've just started dating.
And when you first start dating you always do things that are distasteful.
- That's part of the process.
- Fish and chicken.
We're splitting that so it really doesn't matter.
Okay, how about I give that to you? And chicken.
Enjoy.
- That looks good, Jeff.
- How do you want to work this? I'm gonna keep the chicken.
You can't keep the chicken.
We said we're gonna split it.
That fish, to be honest, don't look so good.
I only chose it because I knew we were gonna split it.
Look, you brought the fish into it.
I'm saying no.
- That's completely unethical.
- You know what? Honestly, Larry, this is why he's a good manager.
You should be thankful he's unethical.
He's unscrupulous.
- You want some of my salad? - Oh my God.
- This is amazing.
- It looks really really good.
I'm not even joking.
It's fantastic.
- Really? - The food here is great.
- Can I try it? - Nope.
- Just a little taste? - Nope, you made a mistake.
- You're so lying.
- No, I swear to God.
I learned a very valuable lesson today.
- What did you learn? - I'd rather keep it to myself.
Know something? I've learned a valuable lesson today too.
No, you're only saying you learned a lesson because I said I learned a lesson.
That's where you're wrong.
I'm just sharing.
I know for a fact you did not learn a lesson.
- It's a coincidence.
- Speaking of lessons, I'm so sorry-- I have to go.
I have a piano lesson.
Good luck at your wiffle ball game or whatever.
- Softball.
- Okay, thanks.
- Bye.
- See you after the game.
See you Thursday.
- All right, take a shower.
- Call me.
- Is she a great girl? - She's great.
She likes you, which is a shocking thing to me.
- She might.
- No, she's going out with him again.
- Can I say something? - What? - I've got to pee.
- She gets me.
Well, you're lucky somebody does.
Larry, favor.
Jeff's birthday is coming up.
There's a signing thing at the Regency.
Mookie Wilson is gonna be there.
I need you to get this signed as a gift.
Can you do that for me? Lar.
Lar.
Larry! What happened? Where'd you go? - I'm sorry, what? - Mookie Wilson.
Can you get Mookie Wilson to sign this for Jeff's birthday? - Oh yeah.
Okay.
- All right? - Yeah, Mookie's his favorite player.
- Yeah.
'86 Mets.
I like her, but she's got a kid so what's gonna come of it? What's the point of the whole thing? To tell you the truth, whenever I see a woman who's happy, she's married.
And whenever I see a man who's happy, he's single.
- Mathematics of that is confusing, isn't it? - Yeah.
Anyway, so we were at this restaurant, all of a sudden I heard this Softee music.
The Mr.
Softee Truck.
- The music from the Mr.
Softee Truck? - Yes.
When I was a kid I had a traumatic incident involving Mr.
Softee.
- Let's do another hand.
- Okay.
Two, three, four, five.
- Here we go.
- You know what? I'm gonna take two.
All right, Larry, what do you got? I've got two pair.
Wow, that's pretty good.
But not good enough.
I've got a flush.
Yeah, that's right.
All right, come on, take it off.
Come on.
That's pretty pretty pretty good.
What the hell are you doing with my daughter? Come here.
Come here.
You be quiet and you listen to me.
- What the fuck? - Your vagina is showing.
Oh my God.
He's got more pubes on his fucking head.
You forgot something, kid.
What the fuck are you doing, kid? Put some clothes on, you four-eyed fuck.
And to this day whenever I see the Softee Truck or especially hear the music, that music that goes in a continuous loop You know what I'm talking about? It's deeply disturbing, there's no question about it.
But let me just make sure I understand.
You felt humiliated as a result of the strip poker game? Yes.
Do you mind if I put my feet up here? - Please.
- You sure? - No, it's fine.
- A lot of people don't like it.
- I am absolutely okay with it.
- Although it's just a sneaker.
Well, I think even if it were a dress shoe I would be fine.
You're not gonna resent me when I leave here for putting my feet up and putting you in this compromising position? I don't feel funny about it.
But if it makes you feel better I have some Japanese slippers you could change into out there.
Oh, that's kind of you to offer, but I'd rather not.
So just to make sure that I understand things thoroughly, - you felt humiliated-- - What the hell then, right? - Sure, go ahead.
- Okay.
- You felt humiliated as a result of this-- - I'm not comfortable with it.
- I'm sorry.
- All right.
This was a girl that you knew from the neighborhood, I presume.
- Yes.
Yes.
- You were playing strip poker with her.
And of course I lost almost every hand.
She took off her socks and shoes.
I feel like if she had taken the top off my whole life would have been different.
Keep it going.
Keep it going, guys.
Come on.
- Hey, Yari.
Yari.
- Keep it going.
- What what what? - What's happening with my car? Easy job.
Be ready tomorrow like I said, okay? - Really? - You worry too much.
- Worry about the game.
- We don't need to worry about this game.
- You need to worry about the game.
- We got this game.
Championship game.
Bring it in, everybody.
Come on.
Okay, we're here.
We made it! We made it to the big game.
Center stage.
Every one of you all, give yourselves a clap on the hand.
I am so proud of every one of you.
You know, before I came out today I think about I'm like the Steinbrenner.
And I think, "What would Steinbrenner say right now?" He would say that when you put on this uniform with my name on it, there is no substitute for winning! No substitute! Or you hit the deck.
So we're going to go out there, we're going to play this other team, quote unquote, Raleigh's clothing with their pussy mustard-yellow shit uniforms.
We aren't just going to beat them, we will grab them and we will fuck their sisters in the cunt! Are you listening? Bring it in.
Come on.
- Fuck these people! - Fuck these people! Yes! Fuck their sisters in the cunt? Who talks that way? Okay, here we go.
Two outs.
This is it-- championship.
One more out, all right? Ground ball goes to first, second or third or home.
All right, come on, Yari.
Yes! You got it, Larry.
- Here it comes.
You've got it.
- Oh! What the fuck? What? And now they're going home.
How did this-- what? Where are you? What happened? I got distracted by the Softee Truck.
- By the what? - What a douche.
What a douche.
- You suck.
How could you do this? - What a loser.
A baby could have kicked that ball, - picked it up, thrown it three place.
- Stupid ass! - You bucknered me.
- I'm sorry.
You fucking bucknered it.
Why is Buckner on my team? Sorry.
Hey.
Oh, about time.
God damn, Larry.
I had a softball game.
I told you that.
- How was the game? - I made an error in the last inning with two outs that cost us the championship.
Meanwhile I'm standing the fuck out here counting my motherfucking nuts.
Know why? I can't get in the goddamn building.
- What are you talking about? - This motherfucker in the glass tube.
This dude right here.
The gatekeeper won't let me in the goddamn building.
- That's totally unacceptable.
- That's unacceptable.
Let me just say this, okay? On behalf of all Caucasians, - I apologize.
- Put that shit in.
I apologize for the Caucasian race.
By the way, I have a very good idea for you.
To avoid situations like this in the future, I think you should consider wearing glasses.
- Fuck out of here.
- Swear to God.
I have noticed that white people revere black people in glasses, go out of their way to do stuff for them.
If a black man with glasses goes up for a job against a white man, glasses gets the job.
No glasses, no job.
- We'll try this shit, Larry.
It's a wager.
- You're open to it? - I'm open to this shit.
- Beautiful.
- I'll try this shit and see what the fuck happens.
- All right, let's go.
- What's going on with Jennifer, man? - I'm seeing her tonight.
Oh, ha ha! See, I get a fucking tingle in my Johnson when a motherfucker tells me he's about to get some ass.
- Do your goddamn job.
- I'll talk to him.
- Oh.
- Oh my God.
Larry, what's the problem? Well, come on, Mr.
Softee.
- Hey, Yari.
- Oh.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How's it going? - It's great.
- Good.
So is the car ready? - Good.
Good.
- Let me check.
- By the way, great game yesterday.
- You pitched really well.
- It's not ready.
It's not ready? How come it's not ready? - You said it was gonna be ready.
- I said it's not ready.
Is it almost ready? Um, I think half.
Half ready.
- Half ready? - Yeah yeah yeah.
What happened? I guess I made an error.
Yeah.
- You know what I did? I dropped the ball.
- Okay.
- No big deal.
Made an error.
- You didn't fix my car because I made an error? What are you, 12 years old? What are you, 90 years old? You let the ball go through your legs.
Too too too tot.
The whole season is a complete waste of time! - It's a softball game! - "It's a softball game"? You don't understand because you're not the Steinbrenner.
- I am the Steinbrenner.
- You're the Steinbrenner? - I am the Steinbrenner! - Really? Steinbrenner owned a major league baseball team.
- I own this team.
- You own 12 t-shirts.
I paid for them.
Yari's autonomics.
You disgraced-- you disgraced my business.
Steinbrenner always say-- - He says winning is the only answer.
- It's important.
He says winning all day, every day or go away.
- I'd like the car.
- You'd like the car? - Yeah.
- I'd like my championship back.
- Give me the key.
- You are fired.
Just like-- that's what George would do.
Take your car.
- Give it to me.
- I fire you.
Your car is fired.
Take your fucking car.
Here is your key.
Here is your key.
I never want to see you or your key wearing my name on your shirt again.
I won't wear your name on my shirt again, that's a promise.
Don't disgrace me.
Get out of my-- Yari's! Get out! Buckner, fuck you.
Go Buckner yourself.
Go! Faster! So I get the car back from Yari, it's worse than it was before.
I don't know what he did to it.
The front seat is really rattling.
It's terrible.
Hold up, hold up.
My shoe is untied.
- I'm gonna get the tickets.
I'll be right back.
- All right.
Sorry, we're sold out.
What happened? They're sold out.
- Sold out? - Yeah.
Let me go down here and give it a shot, man.
Wow.
We're good.
Huh? - Wow.
- Can you believe that? I'm gonna get me a whole new class of bitches with these on.
Wow, this is amazing.
It worked.
- They worked.
See, what did I tell you? - You're fucking right.
This is better than anything the civil rights leaders have ever come up with.
You're goddamn right.
I have overcome, God damn it.
I got to get Mookie's autograph.
I'm gonna check out Joe Pepitone over here.
What's up, man? Hey, Dr.
Thurgood.
- Larry, how are you? - Hey, hi.
You're getting Mookie's autograph, huh? Yeah well, I'm usually a Cubs fan.
I'm kind of attracted to the hopeless cases.
Hey, right? Well, listen, I hope you'll excuse me.
You know when you were a kid walking with your mother through Bohack's, you saw your teacher and you had to realize she didn't live in school? You understand? Larry, I don't live in school either.
You know what I mean? Nice to see you.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Hey, listen.
So I've got to talk to you about something.
What happened was I was in a softball game and I heard the Softee theme-- again with the Softee theme-- and a ground ball went through my legs.
That cost us the championship in a softball game.
Are you absolutely sure that you want to deal with this here? I mean, while we're here? What's the big deal? We're just on line.
So, and then that night I was in bed with a woman and I heard the Softee music again and I couldn't perform.
- Well, it is very troubling.
- Yes.
- She called me Mr.
Softee.
- She did? - Yes.
- My advice is don't try too much at once.
I had a client once, he was a rock guitarist.
He played for the band, what was the name of it? Grand Funk Railroad.
I don't want to reveal his name because-- I already told you he played for Grand Funk Railroad.
You can just look it up.
It's Mark Farner.
The great thing about Mark Farner was he didn't mess around with all the extraneous notes.
Do you understand what I'm saying? - He only played the important notes - Yeah.
- Yup.
- And that's what I want you to try.
I find it a little troubling that you told me his name, because now you could be telling people my name.
It was merely an accident.
Well, I don't want this accident to happen with me.
I completely understand.
And I don't think it will happen with your name.
- Have you talked about me to anyone? - Of course not.
I would never do that to you or any other patient, Larry.
- I just couldn't do it.
- Oh my God.
Excuse me one second.
I think that's Bill Buckner.
Wow.
- Bill Buckner.
Oh my God.
- Yeah, how are you doing? - Nice to meet you.
- This is amazing that you're here.
I can't believe it.
I had an incident at a softball game that was very similar to what you went through.
Of course yours happened in the world series in front of millions of people, but nevertheless a ball went through my legs and cost us the game.
It was humiliating and people were insulting me.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- I can't believe I'm seeing you here.
How did you deal with all that stuff? You know, when you're giving your best effort, it's a team game, those things happen.
You've just got to forget about it.
Jeez, you have a really good attitude.
I'd love to talk to you about this.
Do you got a minute? You know, actually I was about ready to take a break for lunch, yeah.
- Can I walk out with you? - Yeah, sure.
Oh, okay, I've just got to get Mookie's autograph.
- I'll get it for you.
- Oh great, thanks.
That guy owes me one.
So I saw this commercial last night.
Michael Jordan had a Hitler mustache.
Yeah, I saw that.
He's the first one to wear that since Hitler, isn't he? You know what? I think that's true.
- Hey, Buckner, you suck.
- Hey, have a nice day, fellas.
Nice catch.
What jerks, huh? Oh my God.
How do you put up with that? You just get used to it.
- Fuck you, Buckner! - Hey! - You stink! - Oh, so do you! Hey, don't worry about it, Larry.
You're gonna drive yourself crazy.
So how long you gonna be around for? You want to go take in a couple of Broadway shows? There's a good one called "Next to Normal" I hear a lot of good stuff about.
Woman has a bipolar disorder.
Could I interrupt you? I've got an emergency.
Are either of you gentlemen Jewish? - Not me.
- Uh, yeah, I'm-- Listen, I have a problem upstairs.
We're doing a kaddish and we need one more guy to fill out the Minyan.
- What's a Minyan? - A Minyan-- when a Jewish person dies - you need to have 10 men in a room to say a prayer.
- It'll take 10 minutes tops.
- I got my friend here.
- He could come along.
It's a free lunch.
You could have a little sandwich while you're watching.
- It's a free lunch.
- Yeah, it's an emergency.
We've got to get to the cemetery.
What do you think? Have you ever had Jewish food before? Koufax gave me some kishka one time.
- Okay.
- So we can go then? - All right, fine.
Come on.
- Let's go.
- Great news.
The Minyan is complete.
- Hello.
A nice Jewish gentleman has volunteered.
- Thank you very much.
- A pleasure.
- I'm gonna give you both-- - Sorry about whatever happened.
I don't really know, but somebody obviously died.
We all have to go at some point.
Excuse me.
What? Hopefully there's an afterlife.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
You never know.
Crazier things, right? Terribly sorry.
Are you Bill Buckner? - Yeah.
- Herman here is from Boston.
He's a big Red Sox fan and he can't be in the same room with Bill Buckner.
I'll have to ask you to please leave.
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Are you serious? Are you for real? - October, 1986, two outs.
- Jesus Christ! Larry, don't worry about it.
Hey.
- They can't help themselves.
- You're damn right.
Don't let the door go through your legs on the way out, Buckner.
- What a jerk.
- I only regret I can't ruin your life before you leave.
Hey, you won two world championships since then.
That's not enough for you? - It should have been three.
- It should have been three.
- Don't worry about it.
- I don't want to be in your stupid Minyan anyway.
- Stupid Minyan? My uncle died.
- How about that? I hope there is no afterlife.
I hope there's no afterlife.
- Sorry.
- Hey, Larry, what about the kishka? To hell with the kishka.
Come on.
- Hey.
- Hello.
- Come on in.
- Hi, Lar.
Hey.
Friend of mine.
You might know him.
- Does he look familiar? - Very familiar.
Who-- Mr.
Bill Buckner.
- Bill Buckner! - Hey, how you doing? How did I not-- Oh my God.
- Welcome, Bill Buckner.
- Baseball player, right? - Yeah.
This is Susie.
- Hi.
Come on in.
- Come into our home.
- Played for the Dodgers, - the Cubs, the Red Sox.
Anybody else? - Nice to meet you.
Yeah, a little bit with the Angels.
Angels too? How about that? - Yes, I got it.
- This view is awesome.
Unbelievable.
We met at a baseball card show.
What were you doing at a baseball card show? What was I doing? 'Cause somebody has a loving wife and I picked up a little something for somebody's birthday.
- Come on, let me see.
- Guess whose name is on there.
- Guess whose name.
- Whose name is on there, huh? - Who's your fav? - Mookie Wilson? - Yes.
- Oh my God.
Do you have the most thoughtful wife in the world? - Thank you.
- It wouldn't have happened if I didn't go to the show.
- It was my idea.
- Yeah, I did go pick it up.
- But it was my idea.
- Let me see.
Let me see.
- You want to see it? - Yeah, let me see it.
Let me see it.
- Hey, Buck, catch.
- What?! - What are you doing? - What the fuck? - Hey, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
- What happened? - I missed it, I'm sorry.
- It's in the middle of the street.
Larry, what the hell were you doing? - What? No.
- Why'd you throw it to him? - You know, we just-- - I thought you were a professional.
- It was a horseshit throw.
- No, it was a horseshit catch also.
Hey, Buck, come on.
It was a good throw.
You bobbled it.
- It was Mookie Wilson, Buckner! - Ooh, Mookie Wilson.
- Yeah.
- What'd Mookie do? - All he hit was a shitty ground ball.
- Get the fuck out! Get out, both of you.
You ruined the gift.
- What happened? It was right in your hands.
- That was a horseshit throw.
Come on, it was in your hands.
How could you miss that ball? Are you serious? - Shit happens, Larry.
- "Shit happens"? I thought you were a baseball player.
You can't catch a goddamn toss? - Wow, that was great, huh? - That was really good.
Thank you.
So did you drink enough to want to come back to my apartment? - Yes, I think I did.
- Really? Fantastic.
Tonight I'm gonna bring it.
- I'm not joking around.
- All right.
The only problem is the car.
The seat-- I just got it out of the shop and it wasn't fixed.
- The seat is still rattling.
- Can I sit in it? - Yeah, you can sit in it.
- It's fine.
Whatever.
It's just a car.
I actually think I'm going to do very well tonight.
- Oh? - I'm just putting it out there.
I'll put the TV on.
We'll start watching TV as if we're gonna watch TV.
But I'm really gonna try and put moves on you while we're watching TV.
- That's sort of how I do it.
- Uh-huh.
You're not allowed to just say, "Hey, let's have sex.
" You've got to go around it Like you're doing something else so you fool the woman.
- Yeah.
- It's like a magic trick.
It's sleight of hand.
The TV kind of diverts your attention from what the real agenda is.
Although, does it really? I mean, you know and I know.
I don't know why we have to go through this charade.
Anyway, I don't know.
Do you like-- I got some mixed nuts.
- Do you like a mixed nut? - Mm-hmm, yes.
Yeah.
People like a mixed nut.
Although when I opened up the mixed nuts they had put some dried pineapple in there.
Are you kidding me with the pineapple? It doesn't blend well with the mixed nuts.
The dried pineapple is destroying mixed nuts.
For me, give me a chip any day.
- Do you like chips? - Yeah yeah.
- You like a good chip? - Yes.
Yes.
What about a dip? - Do you like a dip as well as a chip? - Yes! Yes! - You like a chip and a dip? - Yes! - Right? - Yes! Ooh! Bad news, I have no dip.
I am so sorry.
- I am completely dipless.
Oh my God, is this a parking space? Ho ho ho! This is my lucky day.
Unbelievable.
Would you mind driving me home? What? I'm kind of done.
I think I need to call it a night.
- Drive you home? - I mean if it's okay.
Why? I thought you were gonna come upstairs.
I'm just kind of ready for bed, you know? - I'm ready to do the job.
- I'm sure you are.
- I'm sure you are.
- And I have this theory.
Like for golf, when I have a bad round, my next round is fantastic because I don't care anymore.
I hit the low point.
Like, I hit the low point the last time.
And now I know that I stink.
And when I feel I stink I'm good.
Well, let's go for it another night.
I am done.
All right.
I'll take you home.
So she said she changed her mind.
No man would ever change his mind, I'll tell you that.
I'm very curious to know why she would do that.
Why? I'll tell you why.
Because when you're impotent, women treat you like a leper.
You tried to put a noodle in a woman? Women hate that, man.
That's a remarkably idiotic thing that you just said.
But you know, the fact that you're wearing glasses, I perceive it as a little less idiotic than I normally would.
- It's interesting.
- You're damn right.
- I'm making sense.
- Slightly less stupid.
- You're making a little sense.
- I'm making stupid sense.
Huh? What the hell is this? A bill from the therapist? I think he charged me for talking to him at the card show.
That's something you got to handle, man.
You know? - You want to take a ride? - Where we going at? - I want to talk to this therapist.
- Let's do it.
Mmm.
Mmm.
What's with you? You know what? I think I figured this shit out.
She was getting her rocks off in this damn chair.
- Look at me.
- Really? This shit is a moving dildo.
- You mean like a horse? - This chair is a fuck machine.
Man cannot compete with machinery.
No wonder why she didn't come upstairs.
You're damn right.
She was coming downstairs.
- You get it? - She was coming downstairs.
- Yes, I get it.
- Getting her shit off.
Whatever the fuck you do, you keep her out of this damn car.
You know what this car is? This car is the other fucking man.
She is cheating on you with this fucking chair.
- Ah.
- Larry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I know I don't have an appointment now, but I got a bill in the mail today.
Am I to understand that you charged me for talking to me on line at the baseball card show? - Is that possible? - Well, yes it is.
Dr.
Thurgood, we spoke for all of three minutes.
Well, let me just point out to you, Larry, that sometimes when people suffer with what I might call the more dramatic forms of narcissism, they have a hard time gauging how long they've been talking about their problems or themselves.
Are you saying I'm a narcissist? Larry, maybe I can help you understand this way.
I had a client.
He was quite an illustrious well-known director.
I don't want to reveal who he was, but he did direct "Star Wars.
" And he enjoyed in his repertoire of things that he liked to see prostitutes.
Now in that particular situation, if he were to hire a prostitute, let's say for an hour, - which was normal for him-- - You might as well call him George Lucas.
I mean, that's who directed "Star Wars.
" Well, I would never say that.
- I would never say that.
- You just told me who it was.
I merely alluded to the fact that he was a well-known director.
Now one of the things that he needed to complete his work-- Everybody knows who directed "Star Wars.
" Not everyone is in show business, Larry.
- Okay, go ahead.
- My point is-- - God knows what you're saying about me.
- No one asks about you.
I didn't ask about George Lucas but you just brought him up.
I merely said a well-known director.
And here's my point.
He used to frequent prostitutes.
And very often he would hire them for an hour, which was their minimum, but it only took him three or four or maybe five minutes to complete the shot, if you understand what I'm saying.
However, they considered it fair and he considered it fair to pay them for the full hour.
That was the way they did business.
First off, I'm appalled by what you just said to me.
He has a right to do what he wants.
He's an adult.
It's supposed to be confidential.
- It is.
- You're not supposed to be telling people.
It's merely by way of illustration.
My point is that people need various things to help them function.
And my hope was that I was doing that for you.
Well, it's good to see you.
Yes, and congratulations, doctor.
I think you've stumbled upon the perfect analogy for exactly what you do.
Well, it's somewhere between a hobby and a profession for me just as it is for them.
- Mm-hmm.
- Good seeing you.
Okay.
Whew.
You know what? Let me go in and give it a shot with the glasses on.
I really don't think it's gonna work.
- Let me go give it a shot.
- Go ahead, give it a shot.
Give me that bill, man.
Fucking around.
Dr.
Thurgood, allow me to introduce myself.
Mr.
Black, really a pleasure to meet you.
- A pleasure.
- See you again I hope.
- Take care.
- You too.
Bye, Larry.
He tore the bill up, threw it in the garbage.
Done.
- What? You're kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.
- Mm, the glasses, baby.
- Amazing.
- I told you.
- It's a miracle.
Yeah, on top of that shit, check it out.
Mookie Wilson ball.
How about that? Give that to Jeff now.
Replace the ball you lost.
See how it works? Ooh! - He gave you this? - No, I stole it.
- Open up.
Open up.
- All right.
Hey hey.
- Take it easy.
Here.
- Listen, I need a ride.
I need a ride.
I don't want the fucking ball now.
I need a ride.
My cousin's building is on fire.
Can you believe this? It's over by the Regency on Park.
- I need a ride.
It's an emergency.
- You want a ride? Yeah, I need a ride over to my cousin's building.
It's on fire.
Larry, drive me! Just give me a fucking ride, okay? The building's on fire, Larry.
Please, come on.
Hurry up.
- Open up.
- What's the big deal? It's a fire.
- I need to get there.
It's my cousin.
- Why? I need to get over there.
What don't you understand about fire? - I'll pay for a cab.
- I don't want to take a cab.
Give me a fucking ride.
What's the matter? Why can't you give me a goddamn ride? - You know what? I've got it.
- Okay, what? Sit in the back seat.
I'll give you a limo ride.
Larry, I don't want a fucking limousine! Just open the fucking door.
- All right, you drive.
- I don't want to drive! I'm hysterical.
Don't you see that? I can't drive.
I can't focus.
- She might be-- - All right, all right! Get in the car.
Make such a big fucking deal.
I ask for a little ride across town.
What? What are you waiting for? Why are you driving like a snail? No.
No.
No.
No.
What the fuck, Larry? Jesus fucking Christ.
Asshole.
- What the hell did you do? - Oh my God.
- It was your fault.
- It was not my fault.
- Are you all right? - Oh my God! - Yeah.
- Oh my God! - Is she all right? - Who cares? - I'm so sorry.
- Hillary! Jesus, what the hell is going on over here? Looks like quite a fire.
- Hey, Buck.
- Hey, Larry.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing here? My hotel is just right down the street and I was going for a little walk.
My baby! Please, somebody help me.
Please help me! My baby! Please, somebody help me! - Drop it.
- It's safe for a baby.
Go ahead, we're ready.
- No, I can't.
- We're ready, let's go.
We're ready now.
Come on, come on! You can do it.
- Drop it! - Let it go! - Throw the baby! - I can't! No! Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't believe it! Unbelievable.
I've never seen anything like that in my life.
- Nice catch, Bill.
- Thanks.
Yeah! Hey, all right! Well, so - How was that? - It was good.
You know what I'd like to do now? Go for a really long drive.