Dan for Mayor (2010) s02e01 Episode Script

A Rink By Any Other Name

Hello? Hey.
Oh, hey, Claire.
What's up? I was gonna call you later.
You okay? I made a decision, about us.
Oh, that sounds, uh-- Just let me finish.
Flying back and forth from Vancouver every couple of weeks, it's not working for me.
I know.
I'll come to Vancouver just as soon as I can get some vacation time.
It's no way to make a relationship work.
I mean, I know you can't quit your job, but I can't go on the way we've been going.
What are you saying? I quit my job.
I'm moving back to Wessex.
I'm moving in with you.
I'll have to call you back.
Ooh, nice coffee breath.
Dark Roast.
You didn't save me any.
Well, I would, but you just have the one-cupper.
Did you steal that from a hotel? Jeff said he wouldn't tell.
It says "Holiday Inn" on it.
Yeah, well, let's focus on the positives.
You're back.
This is awesome.
Well, that's the new Claire.
Old Claire would've fretted and kept doing the commute, but new Claire said, "No way.
You love Dan.
You have to be with him.
No second-guessing.
" Well, I'm glad.
This is big.
I mean, you gave up beautiful mountains for me, the ocean, a promising career in an amazing city.
Okay, maybe some second-guessing.
I'm not a robot.
You know what you should do now? Show you how to clean the bathroom.
You should open your own PR firm here in Wessex.
Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm just gonna take it easy for a while.
New Claire style.
Old Claire would've been racing to find a job, but new Claire's cool.
Just gonna float for a while.
How long will New Claire be breaking things down into what Old Claire and New Claire would be doing? New Claire is gonna stop doing that soon.
Oh, can New Claire go buy a bigger coffee machine? Or you just get Old Claire to do it.
So where are we with the recycling plebiscite? The committee is reviewing the questions.
Did it sound like I knew what "plebiscite" meant when I said it? Yeah.
So, what else? Ah.
Well, nothing.
What? I been in office for, like, three months.
Every day there's nothing.
Well, you're the big cheese.
Everything is delegated.
Poop flows downhill.
It's lonely at the top.
I just feel like I've been sidelined.
Have I? Ah, come on.
Seriously? I can't say.
First rule of sidelining is not to tell the sidelinee.
Well, if you don't let me do something, I'm gonna do something on my own.
As your chief of staff, I strongly advise against that.
Come on.
One thing.
One little thing.
All right, you know what? There's a groundbreaking for the new rink next week.
But just play it cool, nothing crazy.
I didn't even know we needed a new rink.
I guess we need a new Zamboni too.
Hello? Dan, you gotta come to Fern's.
Gord Cooperson is here.
Like, hockey legend Gord Cooperson? Yeah.
I'm there.
All right, I'm the mayor, and I wanna start doing stuff, lots of stuff.
Just as soon as I get back from the bar.
Claire! Mike! Hey! Someone said you were back from Vancouver, but I couldn't believe it.
I mean, you had an awesome job, surrounded by mountains and water.
Yeah, well, you get tired of the stunning views after a while.
How are you? I haven't seen you-- Since I bought the bar from Fern to fire Dan, and then Dan became mayor, so I got stuck with the bar? I was going to say "In a couple of months," but your thing works too.
Well, I sold the bar to Jeff, and started my own business.
Yeah, Dan told me.
Look, I don't know if you need help finding work or getting back on your feet-- Oh, I'm on my feet.
Yeah, 'cause I heard you were unemployed and kind of just floating.
Old Claire would come back and float, but New Claire, starting my own business, my own PR firm.
No, I hear ya.
I started my own IT company, myself.
There's a lot of hoops to jump through.
Let me call Alan down at City Hall.
He'll get you through a lot faster.
It's okay.
I have an in at the mayor's office, myself.
Dan? No, he's been sidelined.
They don't let him do anything.
Alan's your man.
Look, it's good of you to help, but I'm just trying to take some time-- Ah.
Alan Duffy, please.
Or now is good too.
Hey, Gord.
A real honour, having you here.
Would you sign this for me? Oh, you bet! Uh, this hockey card's not even of me.
Yeah, I was kind of scrambling.
It was either that or a coaster.
What the hell.
Be a pleasure, Fern.
I'm Fern.
But I thought you said you owned the bar.
Oh, I do.
So you bought it from Fern, No, I bought it from Mike who bought it from Fern.
Well, it probably makes sense to somebody.
You must be sitting pretty, nice bar like this.
Worth what? Five hundred G's? Look, I don't know where the money went.
Seriously? It's been a bit of a problem for him.
Hey, Gord Cooperson, back here in Wessex.
How are you? Great! How are you? Great, great.
You don't know who I am.
No! Dan Phillips, mayor of Wessex.
No kidding! Wow, our own NHL hero, in the flesh.
I gotta say, I always looked up to you.
I had a great time in the NHL.
Great time.
I bet you've got a lot of great stories.
I sure do.
I sure do.
I bet.
A lot.
I'll get you a burger on the house.
Yeah! I'd love some solid food.
Thanks, Jeff.
I'm Jeff.
Hey, Gord.
Listen, we're building a new rink, and it would be a real pleasure to honour you and your career by naming it after you.
Can you do that? I thought you were sidelined.
Was I the only one who didn't know that? I didn't know, and I'm touched.
It's a real nice gesture, mayor guy.
Dan is good.
I forgot your name.
Yeah, I figured.
Just sign at the bottom, and your new business will be registered immediately.
I thought it would take more time, a couple of days to think it through? Nope.
You don't even have to sign anything.
With these stamps, you're fast-tracked right through.
Boom! You have a business.
No backing down.
Hey, Claire.
What's up? Just helping her with the forms she needs to register her new business.
What? Remember when you told me I should start a PR firm this morning, and I said, "great idea, Dan"? No, you said-- Maybe you weren't listening.
I thought I was.
Well, I think it's great.
If I had to give up my great job in Vancouver, I'd fall into a deep depression and consider drugs.
So are you gonna work from home, are you gonna get an office? Of course she's not gonna work from home.
What kind of impression would that make? Right? Of course not from home, Dan.
Give me some credit.
You know, there's this place called "Workplace Deluxe" where small businesses share resources-- You've probably checked it out already.
It's my first stop.
You want me to make some calls? I'm the mayor, it might help.
You're more of a sideline guy.
Besides, we've been through this.
We have? We can talk about it later.
Bye, Alan.
Great to see you.
That's weird.
Oh, I meant to tell you.
I did something.
You did? What? Why? I named the new rink after Gord Cooperson.
You should've seen him, smiling and laughing.
Well, he laughs at everything.
That's not a very good indicator.
You can't do that, Dan.
There's a committee that names buildings.
Really? Yes.
The Building Naming Committee.
They're actually called that? Yeah.
The Committee Naming Committee really dropped the ball on that one.
They're naming it after Helen Pelham.
Who? Helen Pelham, the grand dame of Wessex charity work.
Oh, man.
I don't believe it.
You help some poor people and you think you should have a rink named after you? Well, that and she's dying.
Can she skate at least? Also, we can't name another city building after a dead white guy.
Yeah, you're right.
But in fairness, Gord's not dead.
Still, I've seen him.
He doesn't look great.
Gord's gonna be disappointed.
This is why you shouldn't do things.
I I just think that you've done so much for the community, Mrs.
Pelham, that maybe there's a better way to honour your name than with just a rink.
I'm Helen Pelham.
She's in a coma.
Well, did you hear all that great stuff I said about honouring your name with something other than a rink? No.
Well, maybe we could find another building to name after you, like maybe this hospital.
It's already got a name.
Ronald Patterson Memorial Hospital.
I mean, just what we need, another dead white guy.
Am I right? Ronald Patterson was my father.
And he was a great man.
Who did you promise the rink to? Gord Cooperson.
That washed-up NHLer? He's nothing but a sorrow sack of-- That life support monitor cuts in and out, so in case you didn't hear me, no way! I will not be replaced by that drunken-- You got that? Now, I'm looking for something reasonable, not overpriced.
How about this? Oh, yeah.
Looking for a little more room than that.
Oh, like this big one, on the other side.
It is "Kendall and Associates," after all.
How many associates do you have? None.
But the name suggests more, which is good PR.
I'm gonna need a deposit.
So when you said you could name the rink after Gord, you in fact couldn't? Yes.
There's a process.
But to my defence, I'm not a very good mayor.
This should be good.
Hey, it's the mayor! Just the man I wanted to see.
Yeah, hey.
I can't thank you enough for the rink, guy.
Hey, about that.
It turned my life around.
I'd been on a downward spiral.
The drinking, the pain killers, my marriage had crumbled.
Anyway, you changed all that.
And that's what I like about you.
You get things done.
You're not just a talker, but a doer.
Hey, Gord, you know.
I can't name the rink after you.
Kind of goes against what I just said about you.
You know, I thought I could but I can't.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Hey, how about a burger? Named after me? Not really the same as a rink.
I was just thinking, on the house.
Changing the name of the burger is a bit of a process.
I'd hate to promise something to you and not be able to follow through.
Not hungry, Fern.
But thanks.
It's "Jeff.
" Right.
So you're starting a business and you're looking for a line of credit.
It's going to be a PR company, Kendall and Associates.
How many associates will you have? None.
It's a PR thing.
Oh, boy.
Um, looking at your credit rating, I think you might need a guarantor.
What's wrong with my credit rating? Well, it looks like you moved around a lot recently.
Well, I wouldn't say I moved around a lot.
A lot of turnover in your career.
Just gaining life experience.
And it looks like you missed a payment on your credit card.
Well, I moved around a lot.
And we will need to see your business plan.
Right, of course, obviously.
Oh, shoot! I don't have a hard copy.
I have one on my laptop.
Well, print it here.
The drivers on my computer don't really work.
Email it to me.
I can print it right now.
Oh, I just have to use the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Uh, you can leave your laptop here.
I have to have it with me at all times.
I'll be right back.
Mayor, I have some really bad news.
Well, what is it? Helen Pelham died.
Oh, yes! Finally, I catch a break.
Um It's horrible.
It's very, very tragic.
Thank you.
And in three months, I hope to have 40 clients.
You almost done in there? Great news, Gord.
I can name that rink after you.
You're not messing with me, are you? No, I wouldn't do that.
That's great.
Thank you! I'm gonna call my kids.
Hopefully they won't make fun of me this time.
What are you doing? Oh, Helen's dead, so I'm gonna name the rink after Gord.
You realise that she would've told people, like her family.
They're gonna expect you to follow through, especially now that she's dead.
Yes, Jeff, I have thought of that already.
Excuse me.
Ah, Dan, you should've heard their voices.
My kids believe in me again.
Ah, that's great.
You know, Gord-- You're gonna get a chuckle out of this.
But I might not be able to name the rink after you, even though I just said I could.
Sorry it took so long.
Can you read off the screen? Actually, your line of credit has been approved, no need for a guarantor.
I figured there was something wrong with that credit report.
No, my manager recognized you as the mayor's girlfriend.
So next time, just tell us that.
Save us all the trouble.
I just wanted to do it on my own merit.
You typed this up in the bathroom, so, uh Dan, this is Jennifer Pelham.
Helen's daughter.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Not a good break for me at all.
Thank you.
I understand you wanted to name the rink after someone else.
Oh, we can talk about this later.
You've got enough to think about today.
After you left, my mother felt bad, and she wanted me to tell you to go ahead and name the rink after the NHL player.
And seeing as it was her last wish, I wanted to make sure you knew that.
Oh, awesome! I mean, timing's not great, but-- So I have the deposit.
I'm really surprised.
I didn't think you were for real.
Well, I am.
So when can I move my stuff in? I just rented the space you wanted.
To who? Hey, Claire.
Are you renting space here too? You rented to Mike? Yeah.
I can't believe you rented to my ex-fiancé.
Yeah, we were engaged.
Then I started to date Dan, the mayor, who I dated before Mike.
And even though Mike says he's over me, it is clear he's not.
What? Oh, come on.
The way you keep bumping into me and helping me.
Claire, I swear, I am completely over you.
I'll prove it to you.
I'll give you the office, I'll find someplace else.
You'd only give it up if you still cared for me.
Yeah, you're right.
I can't stop thinking about you since you left.
In fact, I'm gonna take this coffee cup that you just drank from, and I'm gonna place it on my Claire shrine.
I'll keep my office.
I'm assuming you'll want the smaller office, since you're obviously not over him.
Hey, Gord, great news.
Uh, is this a bad time? Little bit.
So just what exactly did Mayor Phillips promise you? Well, first he told me he was gonna name the rink after me, now he says he's gonna name it after some old cow who just kicked the bucket.
Why would you call her an old cow? I didn't, he did! How do you respond to Mr.
Cooperson's characterization of your mother? My mother was a pillar of the community, and to hear her being described like this, well, it's heartbreaking.
The Mayor should do the right thing and name the rink after my mother.
My dead mother.
I know.
This is why I shouldn't do things.
Hello? Hey, it's Claire.
I'm sorry about assuming that you were still hung up on me.
I know you're just trying to help, and I appreciate it.
Hey, no, no problem.
I appreciate the call, Claire, thanks.
Hey, this place is great.
Yeah, there's a boardroom down the hall for meetings, and Mike's office is around the corner.
Oh, cool.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this.
I panicked when Mike asked me, and I didn't want to admit that I didn't have a plan.
Oh, no.
No, I get it.
And I'm sorry I made you look stupid in front of Alan.
Oh, please, don't give yourself too much credit.
I managed a fair bit of stupid on my own today.
Who do you think I should name the rink after? I don't know.
Who's more deserving? If people are gonna be mad either way, make the right choice.
That's what I'd advise you if you were my client.
I like it.
Hey, why can't the city hire you? Well, now that I started a business, it's a conflict.
Unless I do it for free.
No, no.
We need the money.
The mayor's salary is not very good.
I figured, when you stole the coffee maker.
I don't think I follow the plan.
Well, do you have a better idea? Like doing nothing? No, doing nothing only works if you did nothing in the first place.
You can always do something after you've done nothing, but you can't do nothing if you've done something.
You should put that on a t-shirt.
I'm not sure that would fit.
That's a lot of words.
Just follow my lead.
Come on in.
Thank you for coming, appreciate it.
Now, because of how this controversy is negatively affecting me, I will be withdrawing the funding for the rink.
So there won't be a new rink after all.
The kids of Wessex will just have to get by with an old crappy rink.
Well, I don't care, so long as her mother doesn't get the rink named after her.
Name it after Gord.
The kids need a new rink.
As cranky as my mom could be, she'd want them to have one too.
Well, I think we know who's more deserving.
Yes, now I get it.
Congratulations, Gord.
No, not Gord.
She said to name it after him.
Which proves she's more deserving.
Okay, check this out.
Oh, I love MythBusters.
Sorry, wrong channel.
And as such, I will be naming the new facility the Helen Pelham Memorial Rink.
Would it be fair to say this is the first major misstep of your administration? Uh, yes.
But I blame my girlfriend, Claire Kendall.
What? Wait.
It gets better.
I think.
That's Claire Kendall.
Before she started her own business, she'd give me free advice, keep me out of trouble.
But now she's so busy with Kendall and Associates, I'm flying solo, and look where it got me.
You plugged my company! Yeah, well.
You know.
Yeah, I can tell you, if I were out there watching and needed some good PR, I know where I'd go: Kendall and Associates, a new PR firm in Wessex.
Okay, thank you-- Or on the internet Okay, we get it.
Thank-- 5-1-9-5-5-5-0-1-8-9.
Okay, can somebody cut the microphones, please? Thank you! Next time, get the phone number right.
Good job, Dano.
A toast to not getting sidelined.
Hey, Fern, I got this one.
To not getting sidelined.
Hey, mayor guy.
You promised me a rink.
Well, a deal's a deal, Gord.
You wanted a rink.
Five, four, three, two, one.
This isn't what I meant.