Dawn of the Croods (2015) s01e03 Episode Script

Wet Hot Ahhh! Valley Summer - Grug Vs. The Moon

1 [buzzing.]
Bom-bom, bom-ba-dum [title music.]
Ma-ma-ma-bom-ba-dum Ba-da-dum [theme music playing.]
[Eep.]
There were four seasons in the Croodaceous Era: windy danger, followed by cold danger, followed by flower danger [snarls.]
followed by my favorite season, hot danger.
Because during hot danger, there would be one day so hot, so sunny, that everyone, and I mean everyone, took a break.
[Croods.]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! No running.
[all.]
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
[all gasp.]
[all sigh.]
We got ourselves a Sun-Day.
[all.]
Sun-Day! [cheers, laughing.]
[giggles.]
I know it's not your favorite place, Ugga, but the only way to cool down on a Sun-Day is going to the watering hole.
Oh, gee, I don't know.
I was thinking about staying on the shore, sunbathing, stalling.
[both.]
Did you just say stalling? [gasps.]
Huh.
Thought us agreeing would be the death of me.
What do you wanna do first, Eep? I got a new game I wanna try called "Rock-o Stone-o".
Ready? Let's play.
Rock-o.
Rock-o? Eep, you're supposed to say "Stone-o".
Oh, um, look, I'm gonna be blunt.
Cool! We're changing our names? Can I be Thunkster? I'm going to hang out with my friends alone.
You're my little brother, okay? But you're not ready to hang out with us big kids.
We do a lot of daring stuff.
- I'm daring.
- Please.
You've never even been in the deep end.
[screams.]
What if there are monsters in there? [sighs.]
There are no monsters in the deep end.
- You're just scared.
- Am not.
Roar.
[shrieks.]
Why don't you go play in the shallow end? No monsters over there.
Only Womp.
[growls.]
[laughs.]
It's all good, buddy.
I'm just playin'.
Come on.
It's too hot to be anywhere else.
[growls, screams.]
[hisses.]
No.
You never know what's lurking beneath the surface.
Predators, sea sludge, a strange world where fish rule and cavemen are caught and eaten.
Nobody knows! How have you avoided going in the watering hole for this long? Practice.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- You can lead an Ugga to water - But you can't make her swim.
Now you're finishing my sentences? No, you're starting my sentences! [both grumbling.]
[laughter.]
[all.]
Whoa! [chuckles.]
Hey, Bulk, eat this gross stuff.
[groans.]
Only a weirdo would eat that.
Nope, weirdo here, and I am not interested.
Who would be? Nobody's that crazy.
[gasps.]
I'll eat it.
Aaahhh! [gulping.]
Ta-da! Wait.
Might not stay down.
No Wait.
[gasps.]
Wait.
[gulps.]
We're good.
- Ta-da! - Ew! Thunk.
I think I speak for everybody when I say that was - Awesome! - You're the coolest! - All right! - Totally.
- See? I'm just as daring as you.
- We had no idea.
All this time, we thought she was the cool Crood.
You know, her.
- Uh what's her name? - Eep.
My name is [groans.]
Well, if you wanna hang out with my friends, I challenge you to a dare-off.
- Ooh, I love a good dare-off! - Yeah, nothin' better than watchin' people do things you'd never do.
[chuckles.]
If I do it, you have to do it.
And if you chickuna out, back to the shallow end.
- Agreed? - Agreed.
First dare: drink out of a gusher.
[gurgling, laughing.]
[gurgling.]
[Bulk.]
I dare you to make fun of a ramu.
Nah nah nah nah, nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah.
I'm a ramu.
I butt things with my butt head.
[both screaming.]
[panting.]
Pull all you want, Sandy, but we are not going back in the water.
We are fine right here.
See? Totally fine.
[chuckles.]
Listen to your mother.
Can I do something else for this dare? Anything? It can be life-threatening.
- I don't mind.
- What's wrong, Eep? Not daring enough to yell in the middle of a crowded watering hole? [clears throat.]
I wet my pelts! [grumbling and complaining.]
[both.]
Thunk wet his pelts? I blame your side.
Not my side.
Your side! [both scream.]
Ah, don't go, the water is warm.
And getting warmer.
[laughing.]
[groans.]
That's what you get for going in the water.
Right, Mr.
Sun? Right on.
And Ugga, you look real hot.
[groans.]
I can't do this dare.
Wow, Thunk, you win.
Yay.
I never met anyone more willing to do dumb stuff.
- You're inspiring.
- Wow, thanks.
Usually when I do dumb stuff, people say, "Why?" Or, "Look out!" Or, "That poor boy.
" You did it, Thunk.
I bet on the wrong Crood.
Sorry, Eep.
We had a good run.
No, wait.
This dare-off isn't over! I'm sorry, who are you? - Poof.
Forgotten.
- I still have one more dare for you, Thunk.
I dare you to jump into the deep end.
The deep end? But it's dangerous and deep and - End.
- [gasps.]
What's the matter? Chickuna? Oh, well, back to the shallow end with the little kids.
Right here waitin', buddy.
You're on.
Nobody out-dares the Thunkster.
Oh, Mr.
Sun, I will dance with you on the ice block.
[chuckles.]
Whee! [Grug and Gran.]
Ugga's got the sun crazies, Sandy.
Drag her in! Stop that.
I mean it.
What if we're stuck this way? [both scream, gasp.]
Stop that [gasping.]
[muffled.]
Stop that.
[panting.]
[snorting sounds.]
[scoffs.]
Sandy, you too? How dare you make me confront my fears like a grown-up? [giggles, squeals.]
Don't make me come after you, young lady, because I won't.
[all.]
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump.
Jump, jump, jump.
Jump, jump, jump, jump.
[sighs.]
Okay, Thunk, you just need to do this without thinking, like how you do everything else.
[screaming.]
Not happening.
No way.
Chickuna, chickuna, chickuna! - Guys, I think he's really scared.
- Yeah, he is! [whimpering.]
[pants, grunts.]
Okay, you were right.
I'm not that daring.
I'm just gonna hang here until I fall to my doom.
No way.
I was wrong.
You're not a little kid anymore.
You are ready for the deep end.
Really? Thanks, Eep.
Let's jump down together, okay? On the count of three.
One, two - Monster! - See? I told you! [roars.]
[both shouting.]
[laughs.]
Sandy! [laughs.]
[shrieking.]
[Ugga.]
Grug, Gran, Thunk, Eep, Sandy.
Whew.
- Nope, not us.
- [gasps.]
Thunk! Eep! Sandy! [grunts.]
[grunts.]
[roars.]
[screaming.]
[laughing.]
[shouts.]
[roars.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
[screams.]
Mom? [giggles.]
You swam all the way out here to save us? Water? [screams.]
Never again, never again.
- [shuddering.]
This isn't going well, is it? - Nope, but it's okay.
We won't be around much longer to dwell on it.
[both.]
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Mm-hmm.
[yelling.]
That's not what I was thinking! [grunts, screaming.]
Never mind.
I get the plan.
[growls.]
[shouts, grunts.]
Whoa! Ohh! [grunts.]
Roar! [both.]
Jump down from there now! Now that we're on, how do we get off? Roar! [shouting.]
[grunts.]
[groans.]
Again! We dare you to do it again! Nah, we are done with dares.
Yeah.
No more crazy stunts to entertain others.
From now on, I do my crazy stunts for me.
Okay, family, I know Sun-Day is almost over.
But before it is [inhales.]
Splash fight! [laughs.]
That's right.
Ugga's in the water, baby! Uh, Ugga, uh, you should really stop.
What's the matter? Don't like water anymore? No.
It's time for predator swim.
[growling.]
[Croods laughing.]
Come on in, buddy.
The water's great.
[growls.]
[squeals.]
Ba-dum-dum, ba-dum [music.]
Wasn't that nice, going out for dinner as a family? No sitting, no talking, just us catching and devouring prey together.
[loud burp.]
[burping.]
Yes! [gurgling burp.]
[giggles.]
- Uh, Dad, why do we [burps.]
- It's out of respect, son.
You see, a [burp.]
is your food's last words.
[Eep sighs.]
Hey, Eep, you're quiet.
Doesn't your food have any last words? [sighs.]
Ooh, wasn't today your scream-leading tryouts? - How'd it go? - Horribly.
[whistle.]
Ready? Okay.
Don't let the predators bite.
To save your life, run to your right.
[panting.]
[growls.]
[screaming.]
No! Left! I mean left! Left! [screams.]
Never did see the point of scream-leading.
Squealing to warn people about predators never works.
Most folks don't live past "run!" I'm sorry you didn't make the team, sweetie.
Uh, but I can help you practice for next time.
There won't be a next time.
I'm not trying out again.
- It's impossible.
- Aw, don't say that, Eep.
Where's your scream spirit? Ready? Okay.
[all chanting.]
They're the predators, we're the prey.
Everybody run away.
They smell blood, they smell fear.
They hear the sound of this noisy cheer.
Go, prey! [shrieking.]
[rumbles.]
We're Croods.
Nothing can knock us down.
[grunts.]
[chirping.]
- All right, who knocked me down? - I was only thinking it.
I'm always thinking it.
Rocks don't just fall out of the You! Grug, the moon doesn't throw rocks at people.
He probably just dropped it by accident.
- Tell him, Mom.
- He's the one you want.
I just met these people.
[shouts.]
Oh, and just look at him now, mocking me.
But you wanna go, big guy? Well, let's do this! [grunts.]
Grug, it's not worth it.
[grunts.]
Oh, this is worth it.
You're just lucky my wife's here, moon.
[Croods chewing and slurping.]
[groans.]
This eggshell tastes like bird butts.
That's why we don't eat the shell.
But what if it was delicious, Mom? How would we know unless we try? Mom, I'm skipping breakfast to go throw myself in a dark pit.
Stop pouting about the scream team.
Just try out again.
You're a Crood, and Croods do not back down from any challenge.
Uh, you backed down from fighting the moon last night.
[laughs.]
I did not.
Back Is that what you [growls.]
Show your face, moon.
The sun can't cover for you all day.
Eep, please don't use the "moo" word around your father.
No, Eep's right, Ugga.
Our family's honor is at stake, and I need to defend it.
So I, Grug Crood, will punch the moon! [screaming.]
[shouts.]
[grunts.]
[grunts, smacks lips.]
Sweet and stabby, with a hint of blood.
Why are you kissing a tree? Kissing? [scoffs.]
That'd be crazy.
I'm making a record of how everything in Ahhh! Valley tastes.
It's called, "A Record of How Everything in Ahhh! Valley Tastes," by Thunk Crood.
[Womp Waah clears throat.]
- As told to Womp Waah.
- Thank you.
You can't possibly taste everything.
You also probably shouldn't.
Dad says Croods never back down from a challenge.
So, here I am, being challenging.
Take this green berry.
Thanks to me, we'll know if it tastes like green, or berry.
Or poison.
[grunts.]
Oh, you are challenging.
Mom, Dad.
Thunk's eating everything in the world.
Can't parent now, sweetie.
Daddy's avenging.
[grunts.]
Grug, I'm not sure about this.
I extend a fist, you lift that boulder, then boom, moon punched.
No, that part makes sense.
It's just that we gotta live under this guy.
- Why start trouble? - Why not? [shouts.]
Huh? [grunts.]
He's really up there.
- Wait.
- Ha! Um [screams.]
[grunts.]
[screams, grunts.]
Oww! [grunts.]
Faster.
Faster.
Faster! Too fast! Too fast! [gruntimg.]
[screams.]
[shouts.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[screams.]
[grunts.]
[groans.]
[grunts.]
[babbles.]
[grunts.]
[screams.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[groans.]
Ow.
[sighs.]
You're loving this, aren't you? Okay, Dad, that was pretty incredible, but I'm thinking I know.
I know.
- You think I should give up.
- No.
I'm thinking, why fly to the moon when you can walk? Hmm Leave it to my daughter, a Crood, to come up with a safe and smart way for me to reach the moon one small step at a time.
Ah! See that moon trying to hide, Dad? [mocking.]
Poor widdle moon's scared? [laughs.]
'Cause you should be.
[slurps.]
Mmm.
- And it tastes great.
- Ear worm, check.
I think that's everything.
And they said it was impossible.
- Take that, they! - Almost.
One last thing.
[roars.]
Bear owls? But we don't eat them.
- They eat us.
- It's last thing on the list.
[grunts.]
[joints cracking.]
No guts, no glory.
I just hope the bear owls let me keep my guts.
It's been an honor serving you things, sir.
[Thunk slurping.]
Huh, tastes like [bear owls shrieking.]
[screams.]
Tastes like [imitates Thunk screaming.]
Got it.
[all grunting.]
[grunts.]
There.
That should be high enough.
Time for the main event! Down in this corner, Dad! [squealing and laughing.]
And in that corner of the sky, the moon! [blows raspberry.]
[sighs.]
[grunts.]
Three, two, whatever's before two, punch! [Womp Waah.]
Stand aside, please.
Official tasting emergency coming through.
Huh? Thunk, quick.
Up here! Dad! [grunts.]
[growls.]
Moon, was I getting too close? - Our taste list.
- [gasps.]
Our step-way.
No, no, no! [shouting.]
Sandy, sniff for Daddy.
[sniffs.]
[groans.]
Dad! - Thunk! You're okay.
- I'm okay, too.
But I'm all alone over here.
[growling.]
Never mind.
[screaming.]
Well, you tried and failed.
Want me to laugh at you now, or later? We can try again.
We just need to rebuild.
It's not like the moon's going anywhere.
[Thunk.]
Moon's gone.
He can't go.
We were so close.
Come back, you coward.
Come back! [sighs.]
All that work to punch his face.
All that tasting gone to waste.
Come on, you guys.
We're Croods.
We'll put it back together in no time.
Okay, some time.
[grunts.]
[whispering.]
Whoa.
Dad.
- You have to see this.
- I I don't believe it.
The moon didn't run away.
[whispering.]
You caught it.
[gasps.]
When the step-way fell, it must've somehow gotten [gasps.]
- Whoa! - No way.
I, Grug Crood, have captured the [howling.]
moo-oon! [howling.]
Moo-oon! [howling.]
[laughing.]
You did it, Dad! It's yours.
- No, honey, I want you to have it.
- Really? Wow! Thanks, Dad! [screaming.]
Womp, no! You'll set free the moon.
What? No.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I had him.
I had him! It's okay, Dad.
You'll get him next time.
The important thing is that we never stop trying.
[chuckles.]
That's my girl.
Just like when you try out for scream-leading next season? - Hm, you got it.
- Then I'd better restart my tasting diary, because once I'm done with everything down here, I'm comin' to taste you, moon.
[laughing.]
Hey, he was only kidding.
Thunk, apologize to the moon.
Whoo-oh-oh-oh [music.]
Ba-dum-dum, ba-dum Whoo-oh, ba-dum-dum ba-dum Whoo-oh, ba-dum-dum Ba-dum-dum, ba-dum Whoo-oh-oh-oh Ba-dum-dum Ba-dum-dum ba-dum
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