DC Super Hero Girls (2019) s01e32 Episode Script

Drama Queen

1 When super me Becomes super we Suddenly, magically Pretty automatically Crushing it side by side Look out, world We're Super Hero Girls Now that we're together Gonna get that super life! Wow! "Um, avast scalawag.
I'm, uh, Swash Buckler, scourge of the Seven Seas.
" "Avast scalawag I'm swashbuckler scourge of the sev" Swash Buckler, not swashbuckler! Oh I don't get it.
So, yeah like, um go ahead and avast, Mr.
Scalawag, 'cause I'm, like, Swash Buckler, the scourge of the Seven Seas and stuff, and Read the lines, Hal! Oh, right.
Uh "Swash Buckler enters stage right.
He stands upon the deck of the" Next! Ugh.
This is a disaster, Karen.
Swash Buckler on the Seven Seas could be the best play I've ever done! The costumes are hand-sewn, soaked in saltwater for authenticity The Impolite Minnow is the most ambitious set in Metropolis High history! And the finest most gifted actor ever to grace this stage will play Lady Catharine.
But I thought you were playing Lady Catharine? Look, the point is, none of this matters if I can't find the right actor to play Swash Buckler! Greetings, company! Stage role.
Your leading man has arrived.
Oh, no.
The name is Oliver Queen.
I've portrayed everyone from the Phantom to the Streetcar.
Lois Lane of the Daily Planetoid has called my performances "bold," "brash," and "bang on the beam," which I assume means good.
So do you want to go through with this charade of me auditioning or shall we proceed to dress rehearsal? I dunno Zee, Oliver seems pretty perfect.
Uh, I hate to admit it I mean, really hate to admit it, but "Avast, ye scalawags! "I am Swash Buckler, scourge of the Seven Seas! Look not to this coward for salvation! With Swash Buckler at the helm, the horizon holds treasures to last to your dying days! There's no chains to hold you now, men!" "Fill the sails with freedom's wind! And throw that bloated symbol of yesteryear to the sharks!" Yeah! Put me down! What are you doing? Ha-ha! Who are you, stranger? Who am I? Why, I'm your new Swash Buckler, m'lady! No you're not, sir! Put me down.
You're not seriously considering this hack, are you? You are! You are, aren't you! Look at me! What do I do, Karen? A second ago I didn't have a Swash Buckler and now I've got two! Maybe you should do callbacks and then decide? Hmm.
Oliver would hate that Callbacks! Ha! I've never been so insulted in my life.
Who is this arrogant, incompetent, pompous Mortimer Drake.
And, um, don't be so hard on Zee.
She's just trying to make sure the right person gets the role, you know? As she should! As long as it's me.
"Dawn breaks in the west tonight, men.
The laws of this mortal world no longer bind us.
We are here to brave the sirens and sea herself.
" Time to push this pointless competition over the tipping point.
"sailors on eternity's tides.
So come on girl, listen to me, uh huh, uh-huh Baby, baby, oh, can't you see? That me plus you equals love that's" "True" Are those Up Past Eight lyrics? Thank you, I've heard enough.
But but I take the theater very seriously, sir.
Perhaps as Oliver's understudy you'll see that there's no room for these sorts of sophomoric jokes on my stage.
Of course.
I respect your decision.
The important thing is that the right person gets the role.
"Ready the Impolite Minnow.
My Uncle will rue the day he crossed me.
" "Of course, Lady Catharine.
We'll reach the channel by sundown and my men shall" You! I'm warning you, Drake.
No funny business tonight.
I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, Queen.
Oh, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about! You've been trying to sabotage me ever since I sabotaged you in callbacks.
Well I know your game, Drake.
You sabotaged his audition? Of course! The best person had to have the role! I agree.
So you will be playing Swash Buckler tonight.
What? I need a leading man with character, which you clearly don't have.
Sabotaging a rival, why, it's an insult to the theater! Thanks for the opportunity.
Sorry, Oliver.
But, um, look at it this way.
Now you'll have a chance to redeem yourself.
You know, to be the bigger man! Maybe you lost the part, but you can gain something even better! Your integrity.
You can stand up and say, "I did wrong and I accept the consequences.
" No, that doesn't sound like me.
I'm gonna go trash his dressing room instead.
Ahhh! Ugh, no style! Look at this shirt, it's last season! Huh? Hmm.
A fifth grade production of The Three Musketeers? Pssh.
How cliche.
"The cast is generally strong.
However, Morty Drake is horribly out of his depth as D'Artagnan.
It's an embarrassing turn from an 11-year-old who lacks the necessary gravitas for the part.
" Once a hack, always a hack.
"On the other end of the spectrum Zee Zatara was radiant in the role of Milady de Winter, acting circles around hapless Morty Drake.
" "Up anchor, men! Sail east, to the heart of King James' dominion! Let's show him how the Impolite Minnow earned her name!" "Oh, But Swash, how can we evade my uncle's entire fleet?" "Fear not, Lady Catharine.
I have experience in treacherous waters with sharks lurking below, their sharp teeth ready to shred your dreams.
" What? Wait, that isn't the line I, too, have had dreams crushed, Lady Catharine.
I know the exquisite sting of public humiliation, repeating that awful experience in your mind until you realize that you'll never escape! I know what it's like to be stuck in the worst day imaginable, the day my life was ruined by you, Zee Zatara! What are you doing? Hear my name well, for it is the last that shall ever reach your ears.
I am The Cavalier! Though perhaps you might remember me by a different name.
Does Mortimer Drake ring a bell? Morty Drake, you know I was D'Artagnan to your Milady de Winter? Central City Elementary? I I meet so many people Gah! You shall pay for your crimes, Zee Zatara! I shall have my revenge! Fear not, fair lady! Green Arrow is here to save you! Ew, ew, get off! Get off! Who asked you to save anybody? Ha! Give me a sword! This is the weirdest play ever.
En garde! Stay out of my way, Green Arrow.
Or taste the bitter steel of my blade! Never, Cavalier! I will always protect my friends! Even friends I hate, like Zee Zatara! Huh? Eh, you're quite good with a blade, Cavalier.
But you've never faced anything like what's in my quiver.
Ha! Your aim is as muddled as your elocution, Green Arrow.
How dare you criticize my delivery! Meet my cannonball arrow.
Lower the curtain, Karen! My play is ruined! Raise the curtain, Karen! My play is a triumph! You deserve those bad reviews, you melodramatic hack! And you've got about as much stage presence as her! - Hey! - Ha! Ha, ha! - Oh! - Ha! Oh! Ha! Prepare for your final curtain call, Green Arrow There's only one way to stop you My Heckler Arrows.
Always knew they'd come in handy some day.
No! Make it stop! Please! No! Remember me, friends.
As a villain, a rogue, a pirate captain in a facile, witless play What? remember me most of all for that which burns in my soul remember me always as an actor.
Cavalier! I didn't mean I never I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're remarkable! That was the most convincing death scene I've ever witnessed.
I was lying before, your delivery is exquisite.
You could even make this terrible play sound good.
You're too kind.
Your immense talent shows right through her unimaginative direction.
And how about her acting? As dynamic as a wet cloth draped over a radiator.
I'm right here, guys, you know, right here.
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