DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s03e18 Episode Script

The Good, The Bad and The Cuddly

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" We can't change history.
That happens, the Darhks will be able to free their demon.
Do not let him take you away from me.
We can save Nora and stop Mallus from being freed.
- Together.
- We have the six totems.
What if the only way to kill Mallus is to let him out? We are here to help you create the anachronism, so we can release Mallus, and then we can kill him.
I'll find you.
Mallus is taller than I thought.
My name is "Malice," you fools.
- What? - I knew it.
Sounds way coole Hand over the totems, or I will lay waste to your world.
You want the totems? Come and get them.
Amaya! [FIRE ROARS.]
All right, everyone fall back.
Rip, we're gonna need a evac.
We're in over our heads here.
If my read of the situation is correct, what you need is a miracle.
I'm going to buy you some time.
- Wally, create a distraction.
- Got it.
I'm starting to think letting Mallus out of his cage was a bad idea.
The Waverider's Time Drive is highly unstable.
- Removing it - May very well be the only way to hold our adversary at bay.
I believe I know what you're planning.
It is extremely reckless with a low likelihood of success.
Well, then, it seems like I've finally learned to think like a Legend.
The odds of survival are 0.
0 I know.
I will miss you, Gideon truly.
No more than I'll miss you Rip.
Guys, I can't hold him off much longer.
I'm gonna get her the med bay.
Wally, I need you back on the ship now.
So you're saying you don't fit in? You're an outcast, a misfit.
That's assumed.
Sounds to me like you're a Legend.
Together you are the best crew The best team A captain could ever hope for.
Love changes everything.
Daddy? - Gideon, get me eyes on Rip.
- I have a visual, Captain.
What the hell is he doing? Rip disengaged time drive, making it unstable.
When it reaches critical mass, it will consume Mallus.
And Rip.
Gideon, time-jump us out of here.
She can't.
Rip has our time drive.
Yes, but there is another one.
- On the Jumpship.
- Wally? - [WHOOSHING.]
- Gideon, put me through to Rip.
Rip? I'm a little busy at the moment, Sara.
Look, you didn't tell us that you were buying us time with your life.
Listen carefully.
This gambit will not kill Mallus.
It will only delay him long enough for you to make an escape.
- There has to be another way.
- No, there isn't.
It's all right, Sara.
I should very much like to see my wife and son again.
I will miss you, Captain Lance you and the rest of the Legends.
My one hope is that you all live up to that name.
Captain Lance, the time drive is reaching critical mass.
Can we jump? Ms.
Tomaz has finished making repairs.
We have 15 seconds.
Good-bye, Captain.
Gideon, get us out of here.
Ironic, isn't it? A time demon who's run out of time.
You don't drink.
Yeah, well, we lost Rip.
Okay, somebody's got to say it, - so I'm gonna say it.
- This is all our fault.
Apparently I'm not gonna say it, but, yeah, we let Mallus out.
Well, whose stupid idea was it to fight him with some magic necklaces? It wasn't the totems that failed.
It was us.
Yeah, we might want to rethink that whole, "We screw up things for the better," motto.
Okay, so, what's the plan, Captain? All I know is that Rip gave his life so that we could take the totems somewhere that Mallus can't find them.
So that's what we're gonna do.
And where is that? The Old West.
Salvation, North Dakota.
It's basically a temporal blind spot.
Wait a sec, we just unleashed an ancient time demon who's about to lay waste to all of history, - and our plan is to hide? - Yes, it is.
Gideon, plot a course.
Well, I hope you're here to make good on your promise and kill me, which would work out for both of us.
It'd be a real win-win.
Mercy killing's not my style.
Even if it was, you don't deserve my mercy.
You deserve to live out the rest of your days knowing that you destroyed your own daughter.
What are you doing here? - Uh, it's my lab.
- Don't do anything stupid.
Captain, we've arrived in the Wild West.
Thank you, Gideon.
Have everyone meet me in the fabrication room.
Ray, nothing stupid.
Is she right? Are you really planning something stupid? Maybe.
Most likely.
But it could fix this whole thing and get Nora back.
Yo, this is tight.
I know everyone's dead.
I know time is broken.
But can we just take a second to acknowledge this? You know, as much as I enjoy this getup And I actually really do Mallus is still out there.
And we'll deal with him, but first, we need to get our heads on straight.
- How long is that gonna take? - Depends.
- On what? - How strong the whiskey is.
All right, I think it's working.
I am on the edges of a plan.
Let's hear it.
So we know that the six totems are the only thing that can stop Mallus.
They weren't much use to us last time.
"Us" being the key word.
You and Amaya were born to wield the totems, - and the rest of us are just - Losers.
That's why Rip picked us Snart, the Professor, those stupid hawk flying-chicken people.
We're all expendable.
Not that any of these unwashed hayseeds look like righteous totem bearers.
Who you calling a hayseed? Jonah Hex.
You know this guy? Me and these ruffians go way back.
Wally, Zari, this is Jonah Hex.
- Nice hat.
- Thank you, ma'am.
Obviously joking.
So who died and made you sheriff? - That'd be the old sheriff.
- Oh.
Well, now it's my job to keep the peace around here.
So you can't be causing any trouble.
We are not here to cause trouble.
We are here to avoid it.
This the trouble you aiming to avoid? Not exactly.
- Looks like Phallus - Mallus.
Mallus has brought back our old buddies.
I thought Mallus wasn't supposed to be able - to find us here.
- Fools.
Mallus sees all, knows all.
Then why did he bring back you jerks to do his business? Because he's probably still recovering from that beat-down - Rip gave him.
- Oh, now, do not confuse Mallus' clemency with weakness, my hearties.
- Mallus will spare your lives.
- It's actually "Malice.
" - It's actually Mallus.
- Nope, "Malice.
" - Mallus! - Guys, it doesn't matter.
If you surrender the six totems.
Yeah, sorry, we only brought two, and mine's kind of a family heirloom, so Then we have no choice but to march our army on your town and kill every fool who has given you shelter.
You leave my town out of this.
You have been warned.
We'll be back to collect the totems.
Shall we say high noon tomorrow? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Well, so much for hiding out.
Guys, if you can hear me, I need you to put the Waverider on lockdown.
You know, I'm only doing this because of my daughter.
Well, if this works, we can save her.
Going somewhere, Raymond? Uh Ha! No, no, of course not.
Zari rerouted the time drive, so Yeah, Gideon just said someone re-rerouted it.
What are you doing? Well, Sara wanted the ship on lockdown, so So you decide to load Damien Darhk onto the Jumpship? - Hey, Nate.
- Don't wave.
Have you lost your complete mind? [STAMMERING.]
- I know this looks bad.
- Yeah.
But there's a completely rational explanation.
- I'm listening.
- Me too.
- Sorry.
- Oh, my nose! Ray, what are you doing? You know, not that I couldn't watch Pompadour get punched out all day, but you could have just told him where we're going.
Where are we going? To right before Mallus took over Nora.
And I can't tell anybody because we're not supposed to travel to events in which we've participated in.
I will punch through this door! Huh, and no one on your team trusts me.
- That goes without saying.
- Whoa! [GROANS.]
Did you hear me over comms? Ray punched me in the face with his giant banana hands and took off with Damien Darhk.
What are you doing? Lyoga root? Do you really think this is the best time to go on a psychedelic vision quest? [SCOFFS.]
Who am I kidding? [WHISPERING.]
It's never a bad time to go.
You can't come with me, Nathaniel.
I'm going all the way back to the beginning to meet with my ancestors The original totem bearers.
Why? Sara thinks we're not cut out to wield the totems.
But I believe the reason we didn't defeat Mallus the first time is because we didn't know how.
So you want to talk to the oheginal bearers so they can teach you the totem user manual.
I am definitely coming with you.
It was my decision to save my village.
I shattered history and allowed the demon to escape.
It's up to me to find a way to stop him.
Amaya Amaya, look at me.
We decided to save the village.
Now, if you're gonna go on some crazy drug trip, you better believe I'm coming with you.
No, Nathaniel You're only supposed to take a sip of that.
I'll see you on the other side.
Nate, open your eyes.
Totem bearers.
What are they doing? Oh, snap! They got lasers! [WHIRRING.]
Nathaniel? - Wake up.
- [GASPS.]
They beat him with the Care Bear Stare! No.
They stopped Mallus together.
That is the only way to defeat him.
Together! Together! [HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- What gives, Gideon? - You have a visitor.
Begging your pardons, ma'am.
Captain Lance thought that you might need a hand.
Yeah, I think she was just trying to get rid of you.
What in tarnation is that? It's a computer program I designed to act as a temporal beacon.
Like a smoke signal.
Sara wants us to find new totem bearers, but we're a little short on allies.
Well, the Legends, they may be an unorthodox lot, but they got a knack for making friends.
Like you? I don't take a shine to most folks.
Me neither.
Well, you send out a smoke signal I'll bet you a greenback you get a response.
I'll take that bet.
Uh, you can call me Jonah.
Hello, this is Nathaniel Heywood speaking, and we have a code 113.
Repeat, code 113.
If the code is 113, it's off to the bridge for you and me.
You memorized Ray's song? He sings it often enough.
Nathaniel and I shared a cup of Lyoga root tea to access the memories of the original totem bearers.
- [SIGHS.]
- Oh, you are still high! Now, the reason the totems haven't been working for us is not because we're unworthy.
It's because we've been using them wrong.
The totems were not designed to be used individually.
- Shut up.
- Their elemental powers combine to create a perfect being of light - to fight Mallus with.
- Like Voltron.
- Like Voltron? - Defender of the Universe.
Right, well, weren't all of the original totem bearers actually from Zambesi? But you all wield them now.
I mean, do you think that was an accident? - Yes, I do.
- Mick the chances of you running into your father in Vietnam are next to zero, and yet you did, and you came out a better man for it.
Zari, do you remember the way your totem called to mine the moment you put it on? It wanted you to stay with us.
So maybe it wasn't coincidence that I joined - the team.
- No.
That was just another one of the Englishman's crazy ideas.
- Sara.
- Mm-hmm.
We have to try.
- Fine.
- Sick! Yes! Because, no coincidences.
All right, Amaya.
It's your show.
How do we create this magical light being? All right, everyone, over here.
Make a circle.
Mick, your fire is gonna provide our champion with its spark.
Zari, use your air to give it breath.
Wally, use water to flow life's blood through its veins.
Nate I will use the Earth totem to give Voltron flesh.
You got to stop calling it that.
I will never stop calling it that.
I'm gonna use my spirit to provide it with a soul.
But without the final totem, our champion will be incomplete.
No, it's not happening.
Without the death totem, the other five totems can only imprison Mallus.
We need death to kill him once and for all.
Don't worry.
If you turn into a witch bitch, I'll kill you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
All right.
Let's do it.
We're good.
Okay, hold hands.
- Come on.
- Clear your minds and focus on your breath.
Imagine a perfect warrior of justice, mercy, and light.
Why does Pretty have such girly hands? Damn, this Lyoga root is strong.
Concentrate, Nate.
Think about "Voltron, Defender of the Universe.
" I kind of pictured myself wielding something cool, like a lightning totem.
Am I crazy, or is Jonah Hex hot? Eh, you could do worse than Hex.
- Wait, you can hear me? - We can all hear each other.
Even what I said about Pretty's girly hands? - Yes.
- Okay, please.
We need to clear our minds.
- Whoa.
- It's working.
Are we making a baby? Guys, we have to focus.
You telling us to focus is making it harder to focus.
All right, look, this is why we're not worthy of the totems.
Seriously, are we making a baby? Everyone, just shut up! [WHOOSHING.]
Whoa! Kronin baby! [SCREAMING.]
Ew! Is it supposed to be gooey? [GUN CHARGING.]
- Nick! - What? I'm just putting this slop out of its misery.
Aw, Voltron.
Right, we need to try again.
No, what we need to do is find some people that are worthy of using these totems.
If that's not an entrance line, I don't know what is.
I got your message.
We all did.
You guys just can't seem to keep yourselves out of trouble, can you? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Whoa, sounds like I'm really giving you the business - in there.
- Yeah, still hurts.
- Sorry.
- Okay, so here's the plan.
We have to knock Nora out.
Gently, because I know she's still your daughter.
And we probably have to keep her unconscious until we figure out a way to de-demonize her.
We better move quickly.
I can't believe you were ever this young, Nana Baa.
I can't believe you came to my aid.
If you only knew the odds against that happening.
Odds? I've been given a chance to fight alongside the woman who saved Zambesi.
What was I supposed to say no? Am I still high, or is the water witch a pal, Helen of Troy a warrior princess, and Jax is wearing a wedding ring? I believe you owe me a greenback.
Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I was hoping for some real soldiers.
- I'm Helen.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, little lady.
Well, it's really good seeing you again, Jax.
I just wish it was under better circumstances.
Hey, listen, I'm just glad that we got Zari's beacon in time.
I mean, going up against three armies, y'all are gonna need all the help you can get.
- Hey, what happened to Ray? - You do not want to know.
- Come on, do it now.
Before it's too late.
- Oh.
Oh, man, you really shouldn't hit your daughter.
You stole my Nanite gun? But that'll kill her.
Sorry, honey.
Why? Because I love you and I couldn't watch you become a monster like me.
You fool.
You thought destroying this vessel would thwart my return? I'll gladly take you instead.
I was counting on that.
Good-bye, Nora.
Go, go.
Get her out of here.
- Go.
- No! - [GROANING.]
Is it weird that I keep expecting your granddaughter to use that thing to try to drown me again? This Kuasa never suffered in the war.
She never worked for the Darhks.
She's a good person who's led a good life.
And she and Mari share the totem.
It worked.
- I can't believe it.
- I can.
You told us the universe was guiding us, prepping us for this fight.
You listened to your heart, and it drove you to do a really good/super-messy thing.
Since when did you have time to have a baby? You've only been gone a couple of months.
Well, I mean, that's how it is for you guys.
But for me, it's been five years.
Here, look.
Her name's Martina.
And her and her mom are the light of my life, man.
Well, mazel tov.
- Okay.
- Cheers.
Stay with me, Nora.
Okay, you're safe.
It's okay.
No, my dad.
My dad.
He traded places with you as Mallus's vessel to save you.
How could you let him do that? - Why didn't you stop him? - It's okay.
No, no! Dad! Just point and shoot.
Damn, girl.
Where'd you learn to shoot like that? I learned to fight on Themyscira, but the Legends were the ones that inspired me.
You gave me the gift of a new life.
It is an honor to be here to help you save yours.
Thank you, but we need to be teaching you to use the totems, and I'm pretty sure you didn't learn that on Themyscira.
That's not why we're here, Sara.
We're here to help you, not replace you.
Look, we've already tried twice, and we failed miserably.
You still don't see it, do you, Sara? You guys made Kuasa and Helen's life better.
And that is just the tip of the iceberg.
We are all here to support the Legends.
And what, you're gonna stand there and tell me that you aren't the exact people to wield the totems against Mallus now? Good speech.
Thank you.
- And, uh, it's a good point.
Uh, by the way, I wanted to ask you, just, did you mean what you said the last time we saw each other? When I told you to run? - No, before that.
- Oh.
Oh, you mean when I told you I loved you.
What do you think? I, uh, think that Howdy, partners! What did I miss? - Where's Darhk? - Um Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wrong Darhk, wrong Darhk! No, no, no, look, look, look, she's she's been de-Mallused.
She's no longer a demon.
So so we don't have to fight Mallus anymore? - Uh, not exactly.
- And what about Damien Darhk? Long story short, um, he sacrificed himself for Nora, and now he's Mallus's vessel.
So what's new in the Old West? Well, Caesar, Blackbeard, and Leif Erikson's crazy sister are demon pawns.
They gave us an ultimatum to hand over the totems.
- How long do we have? - [HORSE WHINNIES.]
All right.
We're facing an army of Romans, Vikings, and pirates.
But you know what today is? Today's the day that we prove that Rip did not sacrifice his life in vain.
And today is the day that we prove that we are not losers.
And today is the day that we earn the name Legends.
- Whoo-hoo! - [LAUGHS.]
- Whoo! - All right, all right.
Now, how do we sneak out the back? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Nice of you to bring your fan club.
So about that ultimatum.
There is honor in surrender, Captain Lance.
Our new gods may grant you mercy.
Yes, be a good girl and hand us over your magic baubles.
I changed my mind.
New terms.
Get out of town or get hurt.
Can you believe this is my first time on a horse? [SCREAMING.]
Haven't you ever learned never to turn your back - on your enemies? - Caesar.
That's a Roman nose.
I should have known it was just a tall tale.
You're not the Dread Pirate Jiwe.
No, her name is Amaya Jiwe of the Great Tribe of Zambesi.
Dynamite? You sure about this? No, but it's too late for second-guessing.
Do it now.
So we should probably get back to fighting.
Well, next round's on me.
Uh, not to be a buzzkill, but this doesn't look good.
- It's Mallus.
- Go.
Make good your preparations.
The rest of us shall buy you time.
All right, you heard the lady.
Well, hopefully this goes better than last time.
All right, we have to believe in the totems, that they've chosen each of us.
Well, if this really is the end of the world, then I choose to surround myself with you guys.
Come on.
- Whoa.
You feel that? - It's working.
All right, now, imagine a powerful light of pure goodness.
Something's forming.
Can I peak? I'm gonna peak.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God? - What "Oh, God"? - Everyone focus.
Wait, is somebody thinking of I'm sorry, you said think of something pure, - and I thought - No, you didn't.
Again, I said I'm sorry.
Yeah, I can't stop thinking about him, either.
Guys, whenever you got [CREATURE SNARLING.]
What the Sam Hill is going on? I think this is part of Sara's plan.
Mm, I lo lo love you.
The Blue God He has returned.
That is your captain's plan? Where in the hell are Sara and the others? - That is Sara and the others.
- What? Beebo hungry.
Man, have I missed you guys.
Ow! Like the gods of Olympus made manifest.
- Huh? - [SNARLS.]
Oh! Hey, I know you're not gonna take that, Beebo! - Nana baa - Come on, guys! You got this! [SNARLS.]
Beebo can't breathe.
Don't you dare give up on me, Lance! [YELLS, GRUNTS.]
Beebo! - Ah! - Yeah! Come on, that's it! Kick his ass! Mm.
Not even the six can stop me now.
Beebo want cuddle.
- No! - [LAUGHING.]
Guys! Guys! - [ALL COUGHING.]
- Are you all right? - Guys, we did it.
Our totems united to create a single furry love child.
Worst orgy ever.
Uh, I'm sorry, Nora.
He died a good man.
Now I just have seen - about everything.
- [SPITS.]
So wait.
Wha That's it? You destroyed the demon? I'm just glad the ancestors aren't here to see this.
Yeah, but Rip would be proud.
- Yes! - [ALL CHEERING.]
- We did it, Mick! Get off of me! [DEVICE WHIRRING.]
The totems came together when the world needed them most.
Now it's time for them to find new bearers.
I trust you'll keep them safe until they do, Nana.
Are you sure you don't want the power to move earth, call on the dead? No, I'm good with just steel.
And I prefer being a speedster over a water wizard.
Too old for jewelry.
Nana baa.
Unhand me, you fiend.
You shall pay dearly for this.
He saved us.
Beebo is our one true god.
The bonny ones always be the craziest.
Well, I guess we'd better get to mind-wiping Mallus's three amigos.
Guys, you think this was crazy? Try having a kid.
- Oh, no, thank you.
- I bet you're damn good at it.
I'll be seeing you, Miss Lance.
Oh, you can count on it, Miss Sharpe.
Come on.
- No.
- Oh.
Well, seeing as though this is the last time we'll see one another Something to remember me by.
Oh, your dirty hat.
That's that's weird But sweet.
Hey, stop! I need to I need to talk to her for, like, two seconds.
Alone, please.
I lied.
It'll be more like 20 seconds.
So, uh, I found something on the ship that was your dad's, and I thought maybe you'd want something to remember him by.
As I spend the rest of my life rotting in a Time Bureau prison? This is my father's time stone.
He died to give you a second chance.
Don't waste it.
Are you glad I picked you up in Zambesi six months ago? [SCOFFS.]
I think the words you used were, "Just one more mission.
" It's better than the line they used on me.
"Come with us if you want to live.
" I almost die every week on the ship.
- But you found a home.
- I did.
And as much fun as this has been, it's time for me to go home.
Come on, you can't leave me and Sara and Yes.
My pleasure.
My pleasure.
You guys are my family.
Always will be.
But I have another family waiting for me in the years to come.
And they need me more.
Well, you always have a home on the Waverider.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
- Um, is that Jonah Hex's hat? - Shut up.
- Is there - I can't.
- Did they - Stop, please.
Wait a minute, is this Yeah, I guess this place is all right if you like untouched nature and beautiful views.
I do love it here.
But there are a lot of things I'm gonna miss, like cheese puffs and sports bras.
And you, Nathaniel.
You aren't gonna miss any of those things Because you're not gonna remember them.
I don't want to forget 'Cause if I do, I would have lost the only part of you that I'm allowed to keep.
Good-bye, Amaya.
Don't turn around.
Don't turn around.
Don't turn around.
Good call, Mick.
When I said Aruba, I meant me, not all of you.
Still, nothing helps a broken heart like a good tan.
Should have invited Ava.
- Oh, we've got plans.
And until then, she's busy fixing all those pesky anachronisms we left behind.
Well, that's the thing about defeating an ancient time demon Everything else seems boring.
- I'm good with boring.
- Mm.
Hey, idiot.
Get out of here.
This is a private beach.
Fancy meeting you lot out here.
Constantine? Did you really think I was him? It's me.
Gary, Ray obviously has been day drinking.
- The wig's too much, right? - No, it's very presidential.
Gary, what do you want? He's been with me, love.
Oh, I need a word with you sorry lot.
Now whose brilliant idea was it to let an ancient demon out of his bloody cage? Sara's.
Well, you opened a door, love.
And Mallus wasn't the only thing that got out.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode