DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s04e15 Episode Script

Terms of Service

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" - It's a dragon egg.
- You're possessed.
Ray's gone.
I've taken over his body.
If Neron wanted John dead, he would have killed him on the spot.
I need you to open up a doorway to hell.
It's to bring someone here from the other side.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't me.
It was my nipple.
- Save me! - As you wish.
I'm not leaving Mona behind.
Do you really think that everyone in hell deserves to be there? This is your opportunity to make things right.
I'm gonna save Ray.
Honey, time to go.
Come on, honey, let's go.
We're gonna be late.
Zari? You better not be eating the Halva.
No, Mommy.
Zari Jaan.
Dessert's not for after breakfast.
What? It's only a kick.
Behrad must be anxious to meet you.
Now go put your shoes on so I can take you to school.
[ON TV.]
You might just want to soak it all in.
Violent people are pouring into our country illegal immigrants, terrorists, meta-humans.
Politicians promise to keep you safe but they've been hiding the truth.
There's a dangerous new threat already within our borders.
Hi, I'm Ray Palmer.
Yes, that Ray Palmer former CEO of Palmer Tech.
And I am here to warn you that creatures once thought only in legends and fairy tales are real.
Yes, folks, monsters are real, and they walk amongst us.
And they will stop at nothing until they destroy humankind.
Interested in learning more? Then join me at PalmerX 2019, where the power is in the Palmer of your hands.
I don't care if Neron's wearing my best friend's face.
- I want to punch him.
- Get in line.
Ogres are big softies that one wouldn't even hurt a fly.
Neron's been a step ahead of us for too long.
- We need to play offense.
- Agreed.
Sorry, what are we agreeing to? Look, it's time for us to fight back.
We're retaking the Bureau.
Gideon, pull up the blueprints at the Bureau and start fabricating an arsenal.
- Right away, Captain.
- Look, Gary has bonded with the Fairy Godmother, and while he might be an idiot, she is not to be underestimated.
Mick, Nate, you think you can handle Tabitha? - Granny's dead.
- Good.
Ava and I will handle Neron.
Yeah, I want a crack at him.
It's my bureau he's running his operation from.
Not to be a buzzkill, but even John and Nora couldn't out-magic Neron.
- I just felt a kick.
- Oh, I want to feel! Right now the smart play would be just to bide our time.
Wait for John-o to return with Ray's soul.
Shockingly, I agree with Charlie.
- I love you, little Wicksty - Oh, I felt it! I told you, it's kicking.
Okay, can you guys stop being dragon-baby crazy right now? Look, this commercial is proof that Neron is up to something big, and we need to stop him before it's too late.
Captain, I have an incoming communication from Nora Darhk.
- [SIGHS.]
Put her on.
- Sara? Talk to me.
What's your status? [GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
I'm tired of skulking around air ducts.
- I'm going after Mona.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're gearing up for an assault.
Hold your position.
- Hey! [SCREAMS.]
- Too late.
- Wait, where's Gary? - In Ava's office getting real comfortable.
Oh, Fairy Godmother? [WHOOSHING.]
Yes, my pet? I want to dig deeper on my next wish.
Excellent idea.
What do you have in mind? [MELLOW MUSIC.]
Well we've already redecorated my office.
I now have three nipples because a spare never hurts, and Perhaps you could make a wish regarding the Legends? You want me to wish something for them? I'm talking about revenge.
- Oh.
- They lied to you, Gary.
Promised you could be an interim Legend.
One wish, and you can send them all to hell with John Constantine.
Speaking of John, you think he's all right? That warlock sent thousands of demons to rot in the pits.
I think he's well and truly screwed, dearie.
Does this mean we're straight? I got a more important collection to make.
Who is that guy? That, my friend, is John Constantine in the flesh.
Congratulations, Mona.
I have selected you for a very special assignment.
That's okay, Ne-Ray.
Can I call you that? I'm okay here.
You see, before Nate's father decided he wanted to be P.
Barnum, we were working together, training monsters to do our bidding.
Actually, I worked extensively with your dear friend Konane I mean [CHUCKLES.]
Your dead friend Konane.
I found Mona.
Copy that.
This seems like overkill.
The Legends never included me in their pizza parties or asked me to play Dungeons & Dragons.
Make them suffer, Gary.
I can make them do whatever you want.
I just wanted to be part of the team.
As soon as Ava opens the portal, we go in firing.
Time to burn some freaks.
I wish Opening a portal in three, two, one.
- No.
Welcome to book club.
- Why, you little - [CLICKING TONGUE.]
I'd be careful how you speak to my charge.
Gary, why are you doing this? Because I would like to discuss "The Collector.
" - [GROANS.]
- Forget the book, Gary.
You helped a demon take control of the Bureau.
What happened to the Bureau creed? Oh, I could ask the same about you.
Article 27? Hmm? A supervisor must never show favoritism? You started a book club with another employee.
Gary, Mona is being tortured right now.
Neron said he's trying to protect humans from monsters.
You saw Mona gnaw off my nip.
- She did you a favor.
- Okay, um maybe we should just reschedule until after we've read the book? Oh, Fairy Godmother? Oh, no.
- Ow.
Book was terrible.
Oh, my head.
That's the spirit.
Sara, Ava, come in.
Where are you guys? Hey, Nate.
Can't talk right now.
Are you talking to Nate on comms? Tell him I say hi.
Gary says hi.
And we are at book club.
Move on to plan B.
- What's plan B? - I only listen for my name.
I assume it's like plan A, but, you know, with less people.
Well, without the Captain and the clone, the Bureau's a suicide mission.
Mick's right.
We need to sneak into PalmerX, do some recon, find out what Neron is up to.
Now that sounds like a plan Z.
- Mmm.
- Hey, baby.
Hey, you looking for a good time, handsome? I'm always looking for a good time, love, but, uh, regrettably, my time here is limited.
Maybe you can help me.
I'm looking for broker in the soul trade.
He goes by the name of Masher.
I might know something.
Well, this here is holy water.
Now, you can use this to burn the skin off any demon tosser who messes with you.
Masher likes to hang out at the strip club after trading is done John.
How do you know my name? Oh, I know who you are.
Half of demonkind is searching for John Constantine.
The holy water? Oh, this? Nah, this is just whisky, love.
Sure, our protagonist was keeping people hostage, but that's only because he never received love as a child.
Aah! They don't want you in their book club, Gary.
Doesn't that make you angry? Make a wish, and they will pay.
You're right.
They don't want to spend time with Gary Green, lowly Time Bureau agent.
But they would love to spend time with Gary Green Captain of the Waverider! Welcome aboard, Captain Green.
I have no quarrel with you, dear.
You didn't send me to hell like John Constantine and the Legends.
Yes I was in hell for 327 years.
And what was my crime? I sprinkled a little magic over Salem, trying to help a girl whose mother was accused of witchcraft.
Okay, well, you're out now.
Why help Neron? Neron rescued me in hell.
What can I say? True love bloomed.
I know what you're thinking he's so much older than me.
Sometimes you have to look past age.
You know, in another life, I think you and I could have been friends.
- Toodles.
- Wait, wha [GRUNTS, PANTING.]
Ray? Without all of the idiotic tendencies.
Make a move on me, and Mona dies.
Ray is good and strong.
He can fight his way back from hell.
Who do you think is having a worse time in hell? Ray, or your father? Turns out Daddy dearest isn't so tough.
I hear Damien Darhk is going stark raving mad in the pits.
Why am I here? Well, you and John tried to kill me nearly did.
If the doofus in the skin suit I'm wearing hadn't have interrupted, I'd have been obliterated.
I spent many nights just dreaming about how I was going to get my revenge.
And then it came to me what better punishment than making you sit front row to all of the fear and rage I'm about to unleash on the Earth, all while in the body of the man you love.
Smile for the cameras.
- ALL: Mr.
Palmer! - Are monsters real? What's tonight all about? Now, all of your questions will be answered soon.
- Oh.
Excuse me.
- What's wrong with you? Well, you know, a room full of people fearful of magical creatures just makes me a little bit fearful, all right? The worst part is, Ray loves tech events.
Good evening, D.
, and welcome to PalmerX 2019.
Now, you're all probably wondering, what in the heck is Ray Palmer doing back in the public eye? Well, folks, for the past two years I have been hunting magical creatures.
Hang with me here.
I have created an exosuit capable of combating the most ferocious of their kind.
What a douche.
But I can't do it alone.
I need your help.
I need you to help me find these creatures creatures that may be hiding right here amongst us.
Now, everyone take out your smartphones.
Better be Palmer Tech.
I have created a small, simple app, that will change the world.
And I want you all to download it right now.
The app is called Eyes.
Now, on Eyes, you will be able to share real-time, life-saving monster sightings.
Share them, and I will be there to save you.
Remember, the power is in the Palmer of your hands.
You really expect us to believe monsters exist? I thought you were going to offer us proof.
Thank you, Cindy.
You are absolutely right.
Here is your proof.
Now, this may look like a helpless hipster who should be working at a bookstore, but believe me, she is something altogether more dangerous.
- Masher.
- John? Yeah, yeah, all right, keep your hair on.
No need to tell the whole bloody club.
Oh, buddy, now I know you're out of your mind.
- What are you doing in hell? - I'm here to save a friend.
His soul belongs to Neron.
Cheers, love.
He's paying.
Nobody gets into Neron's soul vault without his say-so.
Except the Triumvirate, and I have a plan to deal with them, but first, there's a hunch I need to confirm.
What's Neron trading at? He's steady, but I'll let you in on a little secret.
His stock is about to rise.
I'm talking a massive soul collection on Earth.
You know what that means? Neron is finally making his play for the throne of hell.
Oh, cheers, Masher.
I can use that.
Be careful, John.
Not every demon you've sent to hell is as forgiving as I am.
Yeah, don't I know it.
You're dead, demon hunter.
I was going to be a demon proctologist, but the pay wasn't as good.
- Hold him.
- Oh! Oh, Calibraxis.
Hey, looking good, mate.
- You grow your beard? - John Constantine.
I'm really going to enjoy watching you breathe your last.
I invoke a parlay.
I demand to speak to the Triumvirate.
I'm a demon, not a pirate, John.
I thought you understood the rules.
Well, you little maggot, as long as I'm alive, then the Triumvirate can pass me around like a little sparrow amongst the cats.
But as soon as I die, you dim-witted dick, then my soul belongs to Neron, and then the Triumvirate lose out on all the tasty little bits of torture that they've got planned for me.
So you've got two choices: You can either kill me and royally piss off the old bags that run this place, or take me to speak with the Triumvirate.
I'm detecting a fugitive alert stop it at the Inquisition, Captain Green.
Oh, I don't do torture.
- Could've fooled me.
- Hey.
Play nice.
We have to distract Gary while the B team is plan B ing.
Would a fairy at the Great British Bakeoff suit your fancy? Shall we, uh keep calm and pastry on? [LAUGHS.]
I'll plot a course, Captain.
Get it? "Keep calm and pastry on"? - [BOTH LAUGH MOCKINGLY.]
- Good one, Cap.
- Hilarious.
- Thanks, guys.
Take a good, long look at her Mona Wu.
You saw her on the street, you wouldn't think twice.
Come on, Mona.
Don't give him what he wants.
But she has a strange and violent condition brought about when she fell in love with a repulsive creature.
I feel like a bridge scene should have more people.
Oh, no, we love three-people bridge scenes.
Yeah, otherwise we just end up standing around all day.
Oh, that's why Mick's always grumpy.
Come on, Mona.
I promised these fine people a show.
Let's not keep them waiting.
Shift now or end up dead like Konane.
Folks, proof of the world's very first werewolf.
That's what we're missing the boys! - No.
- Yeah.
Fairy Godmother? - Z.
- B.
- She made him disappear! - Well, well, well what do we have here? More magic in the audience? - She's one of them! - [GASPS.]
He's right.
I am.
She's a witch.
Witch, witch, witch! Witch, witch Don't worry, folks.
The witch won't get far.
Not as long as everyone downloads the Eyes app.
Share your sightings.
We'll find the witch.
It's only a matter of time.
Sara, you guys okay? Yeah, we're fine, as long as we keep placating Gary.
I guess Charlie and Z are our last hope.
- Great, we're toast.
- Welcome to hell.
Good evening, this is your captain speaking.
- Just - [MOUTHS WORDS.]
What? We'll be cruising at a high altitude on our way to save a bakeoff in Britain.
- Whoo, yeah.
- Yeah.
Gary, is that the Kid Steel costume? Uh-huh.
You like-y? Why would anyone wish to be a sidekick? - Close your legs.
- Oh, he's such an idiot.
Nothing, they're just teasing you.
- Oh.
- You're my Gar-bear.
We're gonna have so much fun.
Okay? #EyesApp is trending on Twitter below Kanye's surprise album and a cat getting a bath.
How many downloads? Only 2,000, Mr.
News cycle is so fast these days, it's hard to cut through all the noise.
But a monster attack on the capital will dominate the headlines for weeks.
And then what? More people will download some app? That's your big plan? Why, yes, it is.
Ah! My love.
Would you please escort our guest to a cell? Let's go, dearie.
Neron didn't say which containment cell to put you in.
Why are you helping me? Because you're a fellow witch, and I think we can help each other.
Mona? How do you feel? I've been better.
Remember, I'm just a "Fairy Godmother" away.
Trust me, we'll be safe here.
Where are we? My childhood home.
I thought you grew up in a dystopian city, Z.
You had a pool? In a couple years, A.
will use people's growing fear of meta-humans to seize control.
Of course, it didn't help that we were Muslim.
We were forced to move to a ghetto district in 2021.
Humans are so easy to manipulate.
I mean, you just show them a scary ogre or a dangerous meta, they just go barmy.
Haven't even been able to get into the Eyes app yet because the terms of service are so long.
No one bothers reading those.
It's a demon app.
I'm gonna read the fine print.
I can't believe it's just us left.
I mean, you and I both knew from the start that it was madness to storm the Bureau.
- Oh, my God.
- What? Z? In New Orleans, John said Neron needed more souls to take over hell.
Here it says in exchange for the service, the user agrees to forfeit their eternal soul to the demon Neron.
What, you're saying that anyone who downloads the app is going to hell? Yeah.
Oh, that is mental.
This little fairy was causing quite the fray around the soufflé.
- I think I know just the place for you, madame.
I can't take it anymore.
I'm gonna kill him.
Hey, Z, Charlie, please tell me you have something.
Well, we figured out Neron's app is a way to collect souls.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah, it gets crazier.
To drum up fear and increase downloads of his app, we think he may be planning a monster attack.
Okay, well, we'll stall Gary, but you got to get every single one of those monsters out of the Time Bureau.
I was afraid you were gonna say that.
- Who are you talking to, Sara? - What? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Gary! Baby, bubby, bubelah.
There's a whole big world of problems.
You know, Neron and your Fairy Godmother, they're not really your friends, but Do you know who your friends are? These guys.
Huh? Are you trying to schmooze me? Feels good, right? Uh, actually, it feels a little false.
Gary! You are our friend.
I mean, would we lie to an interim Legend? Ah, you see, that's just it, because I'm not an interim Legend.
You just promised me that to use me as bait.
- Pfft.
- You know what, Gary? It's a little hard to feel sorry for you when you're holding us all hostage.
You're not getting it.
This whole time, Tabitha has been trying to use me to hurt you.
All I wished was for us to hang out.
I was trying to protect you.
I get it.
I'm not cool.
But I don't deserve to be treated like a joke.
So, now now the joke's on you.
- What's he talking about? - Oh, Fairy Godmother! [WHOOSHING.]
Yes, my pet? Mick thinks he's a tough guy, but I think he's a big baby.
And Nate, who's never been bullied a day in his life, welcome to my high-school years.
And, Sara and Ava, the cool girl and the class president, you know what I want you to do for me? Dance! [WHOOSHING.]
Five, six, seven, eight.
Faster! Gary, stop it! Faster! Charlie, I get that you're scared, but the team is counting on us.
I'm not scared.
It's just, breaking the monsters out of the prison is a multiple-person job.
- You can be multiple people.
- Look, Z, yeah, I can, for a second, and you know what? It takes its toll.
Now, I could end up back in prison or even worse, dead.
When A.
came for my family, my brother, Behrad, told me to run.
And I did.
I've never forgiven myself.
You won't either.
We can't change my family's future, but we can save their present.
- Zari Jaan, make sure you take your shoes off before you go in.
- I know.
- Charlie? If I die, I'm gonna come back and haunt you.
I would love a ghost friend.
Come on.
Greetings, Satan, first of the fallen.
It's been a long time, John.
We've been looking forward to hearing the bunk you're pedaling.
And Beelzebub.
Not as popular, but you were always my personal favorite.
This is a waste of our time.
I take it you've noticed a certain demon's stock has been on the rise.
Neron's been doing very well for himself.
Neron is trying to take control of hell.
And let me assure you, his method for collecting souls, it won't be to sign on the dotted line in blood.
He's, uh, young, by your standards at least.
And let's just say, he means to disrupt the system.
If we interfere with Neron, we'll look weak.
Well, that's precisely where I come in, Bubby.
And what do you want in exchange? Not your own soul, I hope.
I'm here for the soul of Raymond Palmer.
You let us two leave hell, and I pledge to you that I will dedicate all of my crafty, wicked ways to thwarting Neron and securing your reign.
Are you really here for Raymond Palmer? We thought there was another A young girl whose life you destroyed.
Yeah, well, you know, I didn't want to be too greedy.
But, yeah, I'll take them both.
Both of them? That is greedy.
But if you were to choose, well, then that's a different matter.
John, help me.
John, you're here.
You got to get me back to Earth.
Please, John.
They're hurting me.
Make up your mind, John.
This offer won't last.
John? - Astra? - It's following me! Make it go away! [WHOOSHING.]
Come here, I've got you.
You can't have her! You can't save her.
You can't have her! You can't have her! John, get me out of here! [SCREAMING.]
I'm sorry.
I choose Astra Logue.
Stick to the plan, Charlie.
You mean the plan where I need to rely on my shoddy shape-shifting to portal creatures one by one out of their cells and on to the Waverider, where Gary may or may not wish them to Kingdom Come? Yep, that plan.
This isn't you, Gary.
Why are you being so cruel? Please! [MUFFLED.]
Stop! You're killing them! [TENSE MUSIC.]
I don't do mime, dearie.
Just stop! Everything! [SIGHS.]
As you wish [WHOOSHING.]
- Ooh.
- Ugh.
Mona? Hey, wake up.
Hey, Nora.
Oh, you're still here.
I'm book club forever.
Book club forever.
Oh, Fairy Godmother! Uh, I have to pop off for a second, Gary.
I thought we were going to play Settlers of Catan later.
Don't be silly.
We're not friends.
I am so sorry, Gary.
I took you for granted.
I never, ever should have let you do my dry cleaning or work overtime without pay.
I mean, that's illegal anyway.
I'm so sorry.
I still want to kill you.
Gary, when Rip first recruited the Legends, he picked the people that were insignificant to history the original losers.
You don't have to be cool to be a Legend.
And maybe we forgot that somewhere along the way, but - you are one of us.
- Now, come on, Gary.
Ray and Constantine are both stuck in hell, and you can help them.
Just use your Fairy Godmother powers for good.
Save her.
Sadly, my hands are tied.
But if you become Mona's Fairy Godmother, she could wish to be healed.
How do I do that? If another witch takes the wand [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
You'll take my curse but with it, all of my power.
Nora, no.
No Oh, it worked.
Quick, Mona.
Make a wish.
Uh, Fairy God-Nora, I wish to be safe on the Waverider.
Oh, how I've missed me.
Sadly for you, when you took on the wand's power and responsibility, you also took on its charge.
- Gary? - I'm afraid so.
Fairy Godmothers are prisoners.
Their magic is dependent on whiny humans and their petty demands.
You lied.
Excuse me.
- Oh.
Marilyn Monroe? - Why, yes.
I seem to have gotten a little lost.
Can you help me get back home? [STAMMERS.]
Of course, ma'am.
Let me just program in a year.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, my love! My love.
Uh, still no luck with Nora? - No.
- Oh.
Well, she'll take your curse soon.
After all, you are very convincing.
Well, I better head back.
Evil deeds to do and all that.
Well, that was bloody close.
I'm at the first cell.
Anytime now, Z.
Okay, just give me one second.
The public doesn't always know what's best for them.
So tonight we will release the Minotaur and scare them into accepting our protection.
It is done, mon amour.
How do I look? But you were just Oh, the shape-shifter.
Can someone sound the alarm? [ALARM BLARING.]
Charlie, Tabitha and Neron are onto you.
Yeah, I figured.
You need to get out now.
Open all the doors, turn off the force fields.
I'm not leaving.
Are you waiting for an invitation? It's a bloody jailbreak! [ENGINE THRUMMING.]
I mean, there are pros to trusting your apologies are sincere, and cons.
- Maybe I'll make a list.
Gary Gary, just go with your heart.
Oh, Fairy Godmother! [WHOOSHING.]
- Nora.
- Oh Go find John and help him rescue Ray from hell.
Oh, fiddlesticks.
- ALL: Wait, wait! - Gary! Gary, you dick! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Oh.
Come on, you lot.
Get a move on.
You don't have to tell me twice.
Faster, sassy! You're all right, little one.
Oi, ogre.
Catch! [GROWLING.]
Charlie, you're out of time.
Z, get out of here.
See you on the other side.
I'm going after Mona.
- Come on, my love.
- Let's get you out of here.
I hate shape-shifters.
Break her neck.
Patience, mon amour.
Get Mona.
Looks like things ain't going so well for you, Neron.
You wanted a monster to attack D.
Now we have every single monster in one.
You promised me you'd take me to see Astra.
Patience, John.
I made a pledge to you, and I expect you to keep your end of the bargain.
What the hell are you playing at? John? John, is it really you? Yes.
Yes, Astra, love.
It's me.
It's me.
This is Johnny.
Thank God God? You know better than to thank Him.
Astra? John is here to take you back to Earth.
You're welcome to go.
It's all right, love.
It's me.
Hold on.
What do you mean no? Looks like the deal is null and void.
Neron is a thorn in our side, John, but torturing you is too much fun.
John? It's following me.
Make it go away! Please! John, get me out of here! [ALL SCREAMING.]
Astra, love.
- This isn't you.
- Oh, of course it is.
Or would you rather I stayed that terrified little girl, crying and waiting for you to come and rescue me? I would have been waiting a long time.
I am so, so sorry, love, but this place, it's twisted you.
If anything it's made me more like you.
Right, John? You're not like me.
You're not.
You chose wrong.
You should have saved your friend.
Hey, watch it! Back off, freak! It's like a demented Noah's Ark.
What about Charlie? It's my fault.
I'm the one that convinced her to risk everything.
Hey, don't go down that road.
We'll do what we always do.
Yeah, forming stupid Beebos.
Hey, where are you going? Well, after everything, I just figured you wouldn't want to have me around anymore.
It's all hands on deck, Gary.
We're gonna need all our friends to defeat Neron.
Aye, aye.
You all right? Not really.
I'm glad you and Wicksty are okay.
What happened? Oh, my God.
My name is Zari.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode