DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s05e15 Episode Script

Swan Thong

1 Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" Only a weapon from hell can eliminate - a hell spawn to Encore.
- We could use those.
Yeah, let's just get them and get out of here.
The Loom of Fate is one of the most powerful tools in existence.
It gave our sisters and me control over everyone's lives.
None of this is how it should be! Screw the Fates.
Stop being so obedient.
They're free! Then I can't help them anymore.
- Oi, stop it! - Free will rules! Look, even I like the Blue Mush! Bollocks.
The Fates are always watching.
The world is perfect.
What kept you, sister? Oh, you know, running a TV empire is not as easy as snipping threads, sister.
I was skeptical when you pitched the idea of the Legends on TV, but they've helped pacify the masses.
Well, should we get started, then? We don't want to keep our worshippers waiting.
Any luck finding the Loom? Yeah, I think we found it, all right.
Yeah, well, our ride is still very much MIA, so don't destroy the Loom until we find the ship.
She has a weird voice, right? - You okay? - Acid reflux.
Too much Green Mush.
Ava better find that ship, because if we succeed, then we're gonna have three very angry Fates on our hands.
- Hey.
- God.
You're all from the TV, right? Yes.
Can we get your autographs? That depends.
How attached are you to your clothes? Oh, my Fates! It's the Legends! Gary, Mona, you're okay.
It worked! You're out of the TV! Okay, I've been dying to ask was I a Legend or a lovable rogue or a manic pixie dream boy? Time dweeb! Where is the Waverider? Is that like the "U.
Faterider" on "Star Trip"? Yeah, sure.
Have you seen it? No, but I bet it's in the Forbidden Dump.
Well, that sounds ominous.
It's where we send all the contraband items.
I know 'cause I work for the Historical Sanitation Department.
Okay, great.
So, uh, how would we infiltrate this Forbidden Dump? The Waverider better be here! If we stay, we'll raise suspicion.
Good luck, teammates! I don't get it.
Fuzzy dice, waffle maker, massage chair? This is all, like, the good stuff.
You know, if you make life bleak enough, people become so focused on survival, they forget they can revolt.
Start clicking, Mickey.
You're not allowed back here.
Yeah, for good reason.
Now! Oh, nice one, love.
Hope they had benefits.
- What do you need me in there for? - You'll see.
All right, keep your eyes out for any more guards, and let's get rid of these two.
All right, you take that one, I take this one? I hope I have benefits.
What is your request? More Blue Mush, please.
We shall weave it into the fabric of time this afternoon.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Speak, child.
Can you put my shows back on TV? Well, they'll be back in a tic.
The actors just need a bit of a rest.
- That's all.
- Why? Are they tired from the crossover? What is a crossover? The Legends are here.
Clotho I have let you play your childish game long enough.
It is time to grow up and face the music.
The Legends are my friends.
Are they? Time and again they have sown chaos into this world.
Well, sometimes they screw things up for the better.
I mean, think about it.
Encores, that wasn't their fault, and they've been mopping that up all year.
That's true.
The Encores are not the Legends' fault.
They're yours.
Ambitious villains are the product of the chaos you birthed.
Look at these people now! Do you see a future Joseph Stalin amongst these lambs? Of the three of us, you always loved these mortal creatures best.
What do you think they would want? More choices or a lifetime of peace? Peace.
Wise choice, sister.
I really wish you could see this, love.
Well, I can feel it.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Now destroy it once and for all.
All right, we found the Loom.
John's working on it as we speak.
I'm standing guard.
Any luck finding the ship? Yeah, we still haven't found it.
Mick, how do you know the batteries in that thing even work? For all we know, the Waverider could be anywhere in this mess.
Shut the front door.
Do you hear that? I hope you find the ship.
Now I'm gonna find my kid.
Okay, Mick will be fine on his own.
A spell to destroy something as powerful as this, it requires a considerable well of magic.
I played hooky at Hogwarts.
I learned magic the hard way, John in hell, it's dangerous.
You're Natalie Logue's daughter, aren't you? Your mother, she was a natural conduit for magic.
Her blood flows through your veins, meaning that you're a conduit as well.
Close your eyes and go with me, all right? Gideon, bring all systems online.
- G, you there? - Guys, we have a problem.
There is no Gideon, which means no flying.
Damn it, Fates.
Well played.
What would it take to get the ship off the ground manually? I mean, we'd need a superconductor to transfer a huge surge of energy to the Time Core.
We could look in the junkyard.
Or Huh.
I have an idea.
You sure this is gonna work? Honestly, I'm 60, 40, but I believe in you.
60, 40? You know, we haven't really caught up.
I don't know what you've been up to.
You spent a year in a totem.
- I mean - Guys, can we just focus? - I don't want to do this.
- I know.
Steel up now! All's quiet on our end.
What do you guys see? Sara, I've got eyes on Charlie Fate and Hippie-Mom Fate, no sign of Psycho Fate.
Found her.
You bear the scars from out last encounter.
My scars only make me stronger.
I need you to connect to your mother.
Now think back to the last time you saw her.
Feel your mother's power.
Let it flow through you.
That's good.
Now harness your connection.
Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme Remember me To one who lives there Mom.
It's working.
Natalie's helping us drain its energy.
For once she was A true love of mine I love you, Mommy.
My sweet girl, you mother is gone.
No, no, no.
Forget her, or you will never be the powerful woman.
I know you can be.
No! Whoa! Your power comes from me.
I alone am its master.
My power comes from my team.
John, open the door! Behrad, now! If my power comes from you, then maybe I can do this.
- Ava, where are you at? - Pulling up now.
Oh, Clotho, what have you done? Go, go! Let's move! I don't think we can hold this altitude.
Jump the ship! Do it! - Oh.
- Ow.
- Wait, when are we? - I don't know.
It's hard to see through all this trash That's not trash.
That's some of history's most iconic mementos.
I don't care what it is.
All I care is that I can see this face! Mm! Oh, I think my powers are gone.
Yeah, well, your powers were bestowed by a God.
And once that God kicked the bucket, then bye-bye powers.
Everything's back to normal? Well, there's only one way to find out.
Gideon's down.
Got to do it the old-fashioned way.
- All right.
- Sounds good.
- All right, let's go check it out.
- All right.
Okay, well, this feels like an improvement.
All right, this says we jumped a few months.
Well, it gives the world some time to get back on track.
Hey, Fate, what's the best way to work today? The subway.
Hey, Fate, what should I have for lunch today? Two soups and a smoothie.
Uh, what are the chances that everyone's watches got a weird update over the last four months? I'd say one in a monkey's ass, love.
So not only do Charlie and her sister have the Loom back, but now it's wearable.
Don't let choices get in the way of your destiny.
Trust in fate with FateWatch your link to the Loom.
Always connected.
I get the Fates rebuilt the Loom, but how did they put it in a watch? Well, that's why we're breaking into the bloody temple get some answers.
- What the hell? It's a - History museum.
It can't be all that bad.
Well, it's certainly an improvement on the Loom Temple.
"Welcome to the History Museum.
Here you will learn the truth about free will and the atrocities it has brought upon humankind".
Atrocities? "Join us as we examine the tragedies of choice and the horrors of our past, that we shall, with benevolence and fate, never suffer again".
So, they went from trashing history - to weaponizing it.
- But why? Well, if we want to know what happened in the past, we certainly came to the right place.
All right, first up, the Hall of Bad Ideas.
- Huh.
- Grey has that suit.
What the hell's a Shake Weight? Oh, you don't want to know, babe.
Oh, come on.
The bloody cheek of them.
John, you died of lung cancer.
- Come on, you know they're right.
- Yeah.
What's the "Thong Song"? Seriously? "She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck.
Baby, move your butt, butt, butt"? I think I'll sing it again Man, screw the Fates.
That is a Spring Break classic! As a matter of fact, I'll play it for you.
- I don't give a damn! - No, you won't.
Come on, we have to go to the Hall of Villains.
Later, Sisqó.
Okay, Other Z, I just rerouted the nav system.
Anything popping up yet? No.
Nothing yet.
Hey, try patching it to the secondary hard drive.
Maybe we can pull something up from the backup.
Zari, come on! Run! Behrad! Hey, you okay? I don't know.
It's There were these guys.
agents, they had guns.
Huge guns.
I thought they were gonna shoot you.
I must've smoked something way off.
Oh, um, I thought you were sorry.
I-I am.
No, I mean, totally.
I know.
- Uh, it's just it's weird.
- Yeah, I-I know.
Tell me about it.
Yeah, I'm hanging out with myself, and myself, it has the hots for John Constantine.
- You caught that, too? - Yeah.
It wasn't something you smoked.
It happened.
You told me to run, and I did.
You didn't.
And then I died? Every day since then, everything I've done has been to save you.
Whoa, this is, like, really uncanny.
Wait a second.
Are these villains ranked? I don't know.
Uh, who do you have over there? Uh, I got Vlad the Impaler, but he's number 14.
Hey, if he's number 14, who's number one? Oh, hey, Mick.
You're okay.
What did you expect? You left me us behind! Okay, calm down, please.
We were waiting for four months.
What took you so long? Yeah, that's a question for the other Zari.
Oh, book club lady.
What are you guys doing here? Well, when you guys broke the Loom, people panicked.
Suddenly all these memories came flooding back.
- No one knew what was real.
- Or what to do.
They were so used to Fates telling them.
So Gary and Mona found me and Dad, and we went into hiding.
- Hiding? Why? - Because we're Legends.
And if you were listening to what the Fates had to say, - we were - God killers? I've been called worse.
Is it weird that I'm offended that we're only number two? Well, then who's number one? Charlie.
How how did you can't be here.
You have to leave right now.
What are you talking about? Charlie, it's over.
You have to come with us.
No, Fate says to stay.
Fate Fate says She's gonna kill you if she finds you.
You have to get out while you can.
Charlie, I'm sorry, but you'll thank us later.
John? No.
Charlie? Hey, it's okay.
- You're home, Charlie.
- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
I have to go back.
She's gonna know! Where's my watch? I need it! That's how the Loom tells me what to do.
Why the hell do you listen to that thing, Charlie? Because I never should've destroyed the Loom to begin with.
I mean, greed and war.
Human suffering.
Yeah, all those Encores we were up against that's all on me! I'm the Loom Breaker.
I'm the creator of chaos.
Charlie, that used to be a badge of honor for you.
What happened? We left, that's what happened.
You know, Charlie, you were left all alone.
It's no wonder Lachesis has got into your head.
Lachesis, she's my family.
Family sticks together.
Hey, we are your family, and we're here now, all right? Charlie, what happened? Lachesis rebuilt the Loom.
She saved everyone.
She restored the peace.
I replaced my own mother, John.
Well, summoning a ghost can be difficult, even under the best of circumstances.
No, I mean in hell.
I was terrified, helpless.
Lachesis found me.
She took me in.
But the price for her protection was my humanity.
She trained me to let go of anything that made me feel.
And so I had to forget the person I'd loved the most.
Ah, you were just a kid just trying to survive, is all.
But I wanted to forget.
I saw what happened to good people down there, and I swore that would never be me.
You listen to me, all right? You are still her daughter.
Whose? Natalie or Lachesis? Okay, I know you think free will is a bad, scary thing.
So we did a little Dumpster diving to give you some counterpoints.
Two words The Beatles.
All right, they taught an entire generation that even during war and tragedy, we can still make beauty.
Whilst also inspiring Charles Manson to commit some of the most brutal murders in history.
Also, they let Ringo sing a song about an octopus.
Damn it.
- Okay.
- Just get out of the way.
"Mamma Mia! 2".
A celebration of free love, reckless abandon, and following your bliss, even if that bliss means creating a two-hour ABBA-palooza where Cher plays Meryl Streep's mom.
Weren't the Legends almost murdered by Napoleon because of ABBA? Two words "Octopus's Garden".
Gary, no.
Would this have happened in a world without free will? I mean, seriously, Charlie.
Look, I'm a clone.
- She's a clone! - You don't have to Anyway, think about all the people on this ship.
Think about how they came to be together.
Yeah, Nate's crazy conspiracy theory.
Mick's turn as a futuristic bounty hunter.
Zari and B's dystopian future.
You in that disco outfit.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, come on, Charlie.
We were all in our own worlds, but a twist in our stories brought us together and made us a family.
But humanity, they've made so many mistakes.
Sometimes a mistake is really just destiny.
What, you learn that being a Paragon? No, I learned that being a person.
So what do you think? Can we track the Loom signal with that thing? Yeah, I just need an external computer.
Something with GPS and Wi-Fi.
Well, that's perfect.
Hey! We all make sacrifices for the greater good.
Oh, really? How much THC is running through your system right now? I'm self-medicating for my Loom anxiety.
You know, the brain processes phone screens and drugs the same way.
Ha! That's why they're both so addicting.
All right, the Loom signal is coming from somewhere inside the building.
John, other me? We're gonna have to go floor by floor.
Well, that's a dodgy spot for the Loom of Fate.
You know, I've hosted many an exclusive party in a place like this.
Antithetically, it keeps the riffraff out.
Ah, hiding in plain sight.
Bloody brilliant.
Also, you can do whatever you want, and no one needs to know.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, God.
This is weird.
All right, uh, no windows, thick walls.
That's where I'd stash my artisanal, world-altering apparatus.
All right.
Guys, I think we found it.
I'm the worst.
Timing is impeccable.
Sara, we got to the Loom, but there is no Loom.
Gideon? Gidget.
Currently running Fate Protocol.
I cannot be interrupted.
She's controlling everyone with Gideon.
The watches are just running a program telling everyone what to do.
Wait, so there there is no Loom? We actually destroyed it.
Yeah, all we have to do is shut down the network.
What, and inspire panic when Fate abandons everyone all at once? You know, my sister was right about you lot.
You shoot first and play doctor later.
It won't matter anyway.
Lachesis will find another way to keep her hooks in because that is what she does best.
Okay, fine.
So we just expose her for what she really is.
She's a fraud.
We take her down a notch, show everybody that she can't control them anymore.
Charlie, she's your sister.
You're the only person that can stand up to her.
I'm sorry.
I can't help you.
The museum is now open.
For centuries, after my sister broke the Loom of Fate, the world was filled with pain Boo! Horror Boo! Outrageous hubris and brutality Chaos! But I could not let people suffer any longer.
Alone, I rebuilt the Loom and imprisoned my sister so that now and forever you may live in peace.
Here she is Loom Breaker.
Creator of calamity.
Do you accept your fate? No.
What did you say? I said no.
Your story is a load of crap.
Where is Clotho? That was always the question, wasn't it? Did you ever love me, or were you just looking to replace your sister? You wanted a mother.
I had a mother.
A woman who understood that, to love someone, you have to set them free.
Shut your mouth, dear, before you say something you regret.
Make me.
Come on, all powerful Fate, smite me.
Strike me down! Yeah, that's what I thought.
Why should these good people listen to you? Because she's telling the truth.
Oh, take forever.
How's it looking, Zaris? I need to get into her mainframe to shut her down.
This might take a minute.
You tricked everyone into giving up their freedom by making them afraid of the past.
That's rich, coming from some of history's most notorious criminals and killers.
Shame! Shame! All right! Yes, you're right.
We've made mistakes.
But sometimes things get messed up for the better.
Take Marie Antoinette, for instance.
Her indifference caused a revolution in France.
It gave them democracy.
Look, if you listen to her, your stories are over.
They're right.
Don't listen to me.
Listen to the Loom.
Oh, come on, Zari.
Okay, I made it past the first firewall.
Wait, is that Very well.
If it's chaos that you want, chaos you shall have.
That's more like it.
That's our move.
They stole our move.
Enjoy your free will, Legends.
Stalin, Caligula.
If they get out, they'll destroy the city.
Okay, got any ideas, Cap? Oh, just a lot of bad ones.
Let's go save the world.
This thing right here Is letting all the ladies know what guys talk about.
You know, the finer things in life.
Check it out.
Ooh, that dress so scandalous And you know another can't handle it So you shakin' that thang like who's the 'ish With a look in yer eyes so devilish You like to dance on the hip hop spots And you cruise to crews to connect the dots Not just urban, she like the pop 'Cause she was livin' la vida loca She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck Thighs like what, what, what Baby move your butt, butt, butt I think I'll sing it again She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck Thighs like what, what, what All night long Let me see that thong Baby You again? I see your manners have not improved, you smelly peasant.
Thief! Ooh, that dress so scandalous And you know another can't handle it So you shakin' that thang like who's the 'ish I liked you better when you were a coin! Ah! Not again! Baby, move your butt, butt, butt I think I'll sing it again These prats just won't stay dead.
Let me see that thong Because they're not Hell weapons.
That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong - Oh, thank God! - Come on! You got to get over yourself.
So 49% of life is crappy.
51% isn't.
And that's the 2% that's worth fighting for.
And how can you be so sure? 'Cause I am that 2%.
I'm the product of complete and utter chaos.
I mean, my dad time-traveled to his high-school reunion and then slept with his ex in a broom closet.
I don't think it gets much more chaotic than that.
And then he tried to erase you from existence.
But out of all of that insanity, I got a Dad.
And I love him.
And life is messy, but that's what makes it beautiful.
You want to go make a real mess? - We can't let them out.
- We can't keep them in.
Then why not destroy them? Now grab a Hell weapon, and let's drop the curtain on these bloody Encores! Hey, need a hand? I should've been here with you.
You're wild and unpredictable, just how we like you.
I guess it's time for me to stand up to my sister once and for all.
Well, you're gonna need this.
Good luck, Captain.
Gideon, reboot Fate Protocol! Gideon! Gideon! It's over, Lachesis.
Our whole lives, you humiliated me.
You made me feel so small.
I tried to run away, and you hunted me down.
What do you want? And all that time I thought that I needed your forgiveness.
But it turns out, it's you who needs forgiveness.
I forgive you.
You, who have left me with nothing.
I gave you back your power.
I gave you back your immortality.
When you destroyed our Loom, we all lost that gift.
I was a God! Now I'm I'm nothing.
You're not nothing.
You're a human.
And that means that you only have one life to live.
Now, don't go wasting that trying to keep everything under your control.
All right, that should do her.
Hola, konnichiwa, bonjour, ni hao, ciao, marhabaan, zdravstvuyte.
- What's she doing? - English detected.
Hello, what is your name, Captain? Captain? Ooh, I like that.
Working on Giddy without me? We tried comming you this morning, but you didn't answer.
Oh, uh Broken eye contact, flush cheeks? Mm! I mean, that's not fair.
I can't keep a secret from myself.
What are we keeping a secret? Well, bro, when a man and a woman love each other very much Are you talking about sex with Nate? That's not a secret.
Now, you and John, that's a secret.
- Behrad! - Behrad, nice.
Hey, what's - What's happening? - It's fine.
I'm You're not fine.
You're bleeding! It's me.
By being here I'm causing a temporal disturbance, and it's killing you.
What does that mean? It means there's two timelines fighting for control of Behrad's life, and in mine, you're dead.
I have to go back in the totem.
No way.
Behrad-jan it's my turn to save you.
Can I text you in a totem? No, there's no technology allowed.
Not even, like, a pager.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
Me too.
You know I have to do this, right? Yeah.
I just wish I wish I was leaving you with some something You you are, and you have.
I mean I've lost everything at Heyworld all of our memories, but you brought those back to me.
Now I get to remember the woman I love forever.
No regrets.
No regrets.
It's not fair.
We only just got you back.
Yeah, there has to be something that we can do.
You already did.
You found me and brought me home.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, there are two of them? Mick.
So, uh how are you gonna get back? Totem Master, remember? Bye, guys.
I need so many drinks.
I know the perfect place.
We're The Smell.
Now welcome to the best show of your lives, you wankers! Welcome to my cul-de-sac, friend That's a street that ends in a circle The thing about circles is they never end So our friendship can be universal It's Mr.
Parker's cul-de-sac Mr.
Parker's cul-de-sac Weren't they dead? I mean, who hasn't died? Whoa.
- Finally, some time travel.
- Mm.
I can't believe Charlie is the lead singer of The Smell.
That's insane.
They're my favorite.
Oh, and the Runaways.
We can go see them next.
It's a school night.
How about the weekend? Yeah.
Parker's cul-de-sac Excuse me, boss.
Cul-de-sac So, what's next for you, love? I guess I'll give life above ground a fair shot.
Ah, New York, Paris, Tokyo? I was thinking about this haunted house out in the sticks.
Were you, now? Got my rent covered.
All right, then.
So, if you're looking for a friend that's new A friend like you Welcome to my cul-de-sac, friend It's a street that goes on forever Mr.
Parker's cul-de-sac Mr.
Parker's cul-de-sac Mr.
Parker's cul-de-sac That's my girl! Guys, guys, guys, guys.
I can taste the moon.
And that's enough of these.
All right, all right.
We came, we partied, we conquered, and now it's time to go it's time to go home.
- Home! - Whoo-hoo! Actually, guys I think this is the end of the line for me.
- What? - Wait, what? - For reals? - Yeah.
It's time for me to just stay put for once and set down some roots.
All right, well, if you ever need anything and I mean anything you know where to find us.
Thanks, Captain.
Once a Legend - Always a Legend.
- Thank you.
Well, come on, all of you! Get in here! Oh, I love you! - I'm really gonna miss you guys.
- We'll miss you.
All right, come on.
Get out of here! - Go and enjoy your vacations.
- Whoo! - You've earned it.
- Whoo! Vacation! Vacaciones! - Vacation! - I really like this spot.
I think I'm gonna text Dion, or is that too desperado? This is why I don't have a phone.

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