Dead End: Paranormal Park (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

The Nightmare Before Christmas in July

[opening theme music playing]
-[both scream]
Ah! [screams]
[Norma laughing]
-Ah! No!
-[Barney yells]
-[Norma laughs]
-[all scream]
[Pauline over speakers]
Merry, happy sweethearts.
It's everyone's second favorite holiday,
Christmas in July,
and that calls for my second favorite
chart topping song,
"It's Always Christmas in July Somewhere."
It's always Christmas
In July somewhere… ♪
Oh, the weather outside is… ♪
[groans] Too hot
to be wearing this sweater.
[Pugsley] Barney! [pants]
I didn't know we celebrated Christmas.
Technically, it's Christmas in July,
which is not a real holiday.
Well, then I guess
these presents aren't real either.
[gasps] Gimme!
[both panting]
I got you a little wizard hat
'cause you're a little wizard dog now.
This is the first present you've given me
I wasn't intended to eat.
[laughs] I don't mind what you do with it.
And for Norma, a doll!
Ugh. I appreciate the gesture,
but do I look like somebody
who plays with…
The limited edition
Y2K Millennium Bug Pauline?
Whoo-hoo! Thank you, Barney! [laughs]
Well, well, well, look who's a regular
Christmas in July Krampus.
I'm guessing you didn't get me anything.
I did. I got you…
-[flies buzzing]
Oh, great. Yeah, because I'm a demon,
I must love trash.
But you do?
That's not the point. Okay?
[groans] Leave me alone.
What's her problem?
I don't know.
You know, I try to do something nice…
Hey, buddy. Uh, you okay?
Sensing a lot of big sweatpants energy
coming off you today.
-[ominous music playing on TV]
It's the Real Housewives of Hades.
[woman on TV] Okay, Eurydice says
that Orpheus didn't look at her,
but he was totally
not looking at me instead. Okay?
Uh, sorry about the whole never being
able to go home to the Demon World thing.
[TV switches off]
I'm stuck with a bunch of whiny humans
in a theme park for the rest of eternity.
I'd literally rather be in purgatory.
So just let me wallow, would you?
-Not now.
-What's that?
It's a notification.
You've been selected for Hox's Castle,
the biggest show in the multi-plane.
So, come on down to plane ten to be in
with a chance to win
the greatest prize of all--
Oh. [chuckles] Great.
Okay, way to rub it in, universe.
I applied 500 years ago,
and now I can't even go.
[sighs] Leave me alone, Pugsley.
[woman on TV] Start your night off right
with a bowl of Norma's Beestings,
-now with organic flesh chunks.
-[Pugsley] Hmm.
[ominous music plays]
You want us to travel to the Demon World,
and go on a game show for some prize?
I didn't know there were
game shows down there.
Apparently, that's where
they were invented.
But wouldn't we be eaten alive,
or poked with those
little stabby trident things,
or I don't know,
bathed in smelly bathwater?
[hesitating] I don't know much
about demon culture. [chuckles]
It might be fun to learn.
Those demon books
can only teach us so much.
Hmm. I don't know.
Come on, Barney.
If we bring Courtney back this prize,
we'll beat her blues. I'm sure of it.
[elevator dings]
[ominous music plays]
Ah, fine. I guess cheering up Courtney
is the Christmas in July thing
to do after all.
Ha-ha, yay!
Is now a good time to mention
I'm scared of elevators?
[demonic automated voice]
Doors closing. Going down.
Oh. This isn't too--
[all screaming]
-[elevator dings]
[all groan]
[ominous music playing]
[Norma] Wow.
[Barney] Whoa.
[elevator dings]
[demon 1] Goat heads.
Get your sacrificial goat heads.
Whoa. This is incredible.
[demon 2 over PA] It's a hot one today,
folks, with a good chance of bloodshed.
Uh, you know,
it's not too late to just go buy Courtney
a mug or something.
My new contestants, I presume.
We don't get many visitors
from the neutral plane.
Step right in. [growls]
You know, I'm fine with this,
but if anybody else
wants to turn back right now,
[hesitating] I'll support you.
Huh, Pugsley?
[demon 1] Get your sacrificial goat heads.
[announcer] Welcome to Hox's Castle.
Give it up for your host,
Rancibalafloss El Hoxtrot!
[crowd cheering]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Too kind.
You can call me Hox.
[female demon] Hox, over here.
Look at me. Hi! I love you.
Welcome once more to Hox's Castle,
my castle.
Last week we unfortunately had
to say goodbye to the Pazuzu family.
-[crowd groans]
-Ha-ha! Losers!
Hopefully, tonight's contestants
will be a lot more robust
and a lot less chewy.
Let's go ahead and meet 'em.
Here we have Barry, Norman,
and a little snowman-looking creature.
How you doing?
What do you do for a living?
[chuckles] Uh, we work in a theme park.
As security guards.
And I'm the comic relief.
[audience laughs]
Beautiful, beautiful.
All right, let's get on with the show!
To win, these three must complete
a series of impossible challenges
with only one lifeline.
Careful how you use it.
Now, let's see what they'll be facing.
[sighs] Phew.
[chuckles] Oh, terrific, it's the Garden…
[ominously] of Pain.
[whimpers] Pain?
Welcome to your first challenge.
To progress, all you have to do
is cross this courtyard.
Here's a little hint
to help you on your way.
"The sand will sink
and the fires will rise.
The path will unfold before your eyes.
"But don't step off its well-trod stones,
lest the pixies pick your bones."
Who wrote this? [chuckles] Good luck!
Pugsley, this prize better be worth it.
Perhaps the true prize
is spending time with your friends.
What's the problem?
It sounds simple enough.
-We just got to step on that--
-[alarm blares]
Ow. Ow. What did I do wrong?
[buzzing angrily]
Ow. Ow! Ow! Get off me!
He said well-trod stones.
Look for the worn down ones. [grunts]
-[siren blares]
-[exclaims in pain]
-[pixies buzzing]
-Come on!
[man on TV] Plenty of sunshine through--
[woman on TV]
Fighting broke out overnight--
[Hox] Our contestants are itching to reach
the other side of the courtyard.
-Ugh. Hox's Castle. Great.
-[Hox] It's just right there, guys.
[Norma] Ow! I got it right.
-Ah! This isn't fair.
-Wait, that sounds like Norma complaining.
Norma, go away. I'm trying to watch TV.
[Norma] I definitely got that right.
Huh? What?
[knocking at door]
Hey, Norma, we still on for lunch?
[groans] Come on. I just want to watch TV
and hate myself in peace.
Come on. Open up.
[in sing-song voice] I brought soup.
[Norma on TV] Never mind that.
Just leave it.
[liquid pouring]
Huh? Oh, for crying out loud.
Oh. Hi, Norma's little red friend.
Do you know where she is?
-[Norma shrieks] Help!
[Norma grunting] Get off me.
[continues grunting] What is that? Ugh!
Norma's on TV?
Is this a game show?
Why didn't she mention this?
Uh, it's a surprise. [chuckles nervously]
So, surprise!
I'll take the soup.
You can leave now. Bye.
[Hox] Looks like we'll be saying goodbye
to our contestants after just one round.
[Courtney groans]
[grunting] We're all gonna die!
[demonic growling]
[in demonic voice] Enough!
[chuckles nervously]
What the here was that?
You didn't tell me
that this thing was a warlock.
Get casting on the line.
Where'd they all go?
Well, that's a first.
Ooh, did we set a record or something?
Uh, something like that.
[chuckles nervously]
Anyway, round two!
[slurping] So, how many rounds is it?
I don't ever remember seeing a round two.
[Hox] Well done, contestants.
Now you're going up
against the lightning round.
Yes, trivia!
[laughs] Not quite.
To advance, all you have to do
is climb these stairs.
I'll see you at the top,
and, uh, oh, take your time.
[laughs manically]
[breathes deeply]
[Barney whimpers]
Huh? Oh, it's okay. Come on.
This shouldn't be so simple.
Isn't it a good thing that it's simple?
[Pugsley] That's easy for you to say.
I never really got the hang of this.
But I don't get
what's lightning round about this.
[both exclaiming]
[Norma and Barney screaming]
What's this show's budget?
[all panting]
-[Norma screaming]
-[Barney exclaiming]
[Norma] Come on, Pugsley!
Ah! Ah! Ah! I wanna get off! Ah!
Why aren't we at the top yet?
These stairs go on forever.
[Hox] Take your time.
Wait. Everybody stop.
[Pugsley exclaiming] Oh, no! Ahh!
Pugsley, stay.
He said, "Take your time," and look.
Everybody, go slowly.
Oh, won't you look at that?
They solved another round.
[unenthusiastically] Yay.
[all cheering]
We're okay. We made it.
Whoo! Finally.
Well done, contestants.
Now you've made it to Sudden Death.
Huh? What's that?
-[gasps] No!
[Barney grunting]
Oh, no, what a shame.
Looks like we're down to
just two contestants. [laughs]
Did D-Did Barney just straight-up die?
I can't believe it. Pass me the popcorn.
[woman] Start your night off right
with a bowl of Norma's Beestings,
now with organic flesh chunks.
And now, back to Hox's Castle.
Wait. What about our lifeline?
I don't think that's what lifeline means.
I don't think that's what
Sudden Death means.
Come on. We want to use our lifeline.
Are you sure? You only get one.
That's not fair.
You just pushed him down the stairs.
My show, my rules, sweetheart.
So, will you use your lifeline?
All right. Keep your fez on. Here you go.
Oh, hey, guys, what's going on?
-Barney, you're back!
-[gasps] Barney, Barney, Barney.
Huh? What are you guys talking about? Huh?
All right, cool.
When we get back,
uh, remind me to call my therapist.
Congratulations, questers!
You've made it
to the third and final round
This next challenge
will test your might, your resolve,
-your charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and--
-[Barney clears throat]
Get on with it.
[groans] Fine.
[muttering] I can't believe
you made it this far anyway.
[normally] Prepare yourself
for the Chamber of Cuddles!
[Norma] Hmm.
Good luck.
Chamber of Cuddles? How do we get out?
Maybe we have to cuddle each other?
Oh, my ghost.
We're never getting out of here.
[shushes] Friends,
something's in here with us.
[Barney] Huh?
[chittering continues]
Aw. It's just a little crabby.
Hey there, little…
[high-pitched] guy?
[Barney] Whoa!
What has this got to do with cuddles?
That's his name. That's Cuddles.
Good luck.
Cuddles? Oh, talk about a callback.
He hasn't been on the show
since you guys were primordial soup.
[gasps] That reminds me. Soup?
-[growling on TV]
-[gasps, whimpers]
Help me!
Oh, no, you don't.
[Norma yells]
[Norma grunting]
[Barney] Put them down.
Oof. Come on, Barney.
You've always wanted to be a wrestler.
You've gone up
against guys three times your size.
[grunts] Now's your chance!
This one's called Seafood Suplex.
[gasps] Yes!
Go, Barney!
You can do it.
He didn't do it.
Oh, whoa.
-[Cuddles growls]
[in demonic voice] Enough!
Whoa. Pugsley?
[audience exclaims]
I knew that magic looked familiar.
It's Temeluchus.
I mean, uh… [chuckles nervously]
I mean, our secret celebrity guest,
-[audience cheering]
-How's that for a twist?
[demon] I love you!
We'll be right back
after this message from our sponsors.
[softly] Cuddles,
you have to throw the fight.
That's a member
of the Demonic royal family.
The crowd is loving him!
[groans distastefully]
[exclaiming dramatically]
[groans dramatically]
Yeah, and, uh, stay down.
Everybody, give it up
for Temeluchus and his human servants.
-[audience cheering]
-[demon 1] Whoo! Yes, human servants.
-My favorite.
-[demon 2] Go Temeluchus! Yeah!
By the way, I am not his servant.
We saw you clean up his poop
in a little baggy.
Oh. [chuckles] You got me there.
[demon 2] You picked up poo.
We have been bitten, electrocuted,
strangled and traumatized.
Where is our prize?
Uh… [chuckles] Yeah, your prize.
Yes. Yes, my king, uh…
How was I meant to know?
No one's ever won before.
Just get me something.
Get… Get me anything.
[chuckles nervously]
"My friend died on Hox's Castle
and all I got was this lousy mug."
Just something
to make you feel a little less homesick.
Look, I know it's not much, but…
[exclaims softly] I love it.
[chuckles] I guess you forgot
we had a lunch date, but it's okay.
-I saw you were busy on that show.
-You saw?
Yeah, you did so good. I want to apply.
Uh, well, the waiting list
is like a few thousand years, so…
-[laughs] Oh, Norma.
-[all laughing]
They say it comes but once a year ♪
A Merry Christmas in July, everyone.
It's always Christmas
In July somewhere! ♪
Temeluchus is ruling the neutral plane?
So unfair!
He always gets everything before me.
-It's time we pay big brother a visit.
-[thunder claps]
[laughs maniacally]
[theme music playing]
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