Dead End: Paranormal Park (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

Night of the Living Kids

[theme music playing]
-[both scream]
Ah! [screams]
[Norma laughing]
-Ah! No!
-[Barney yells]
-[Norma laughs]
[owl hooting]
Ding dong!
Anyone in there? Hello?
Temeluchus, your majesty.
Hi, it's me, Pugsley, the talking dog.
No, no, I don't need you.
I need who's inside you.
They say the eyes
are the window to the soul.
Be right back.
Hey, Patrick, happy birthday
to the best little brother in the world.
Sorry I can't be there.
-No! Too sucky. Too rusty.
-Sorry I haven't been there.
Sorry I haven't been
the greatest big brother.
Not rusty enough.
And I live in a theme park now.
[Norma] Are you ready?
Oh, yeah.
I was just, uh…
Uh, what's with the bag?
It's only an overnight shift.
Oh, just a few Pauline Phoenix
horror movies.
My favorite is…
[in ominous voice] The Night Hag.
Norma, these kids are like eight.
Won't that give them nightmares?
[normally] These are for me to watch.
I don't care what the kids get up to.
[Barney sighs]
Now, which eye is your favorite
and I'll start with the other.
Guys, wait for me, wait for me. Gu--
[ominous music playing]
[Barney] Kids these days are so lucky.
I'd have given anything
for a sleepover party
at a dinosaur restaurant in a theme park?
I'd have given anything to avoid that.
This is gonna be the worst.
[Barney] It's just a few kids.
How bad could it be?
-[children clamoring]
-Whoo-hoo! Guys, check it out! Follow me.
[unenthusiastically] Wow.
[Logs] Hey, Barney, Norma.
Thanks for saving us at such short notice.
No problem. How've they been?
They ate loads of sugar,
told ghost stories,
and now they're pretending
to be dinosaurs.
[laughs sarcastically]
There's no chance they're going to sleep.
[sarcastically] Great.
Here's the birthday cake.
And here is the list
of emergency contacts,
and extra blankets, and a first aid kit,
and some more blankets.
And a gluten-free cupcake for Leo.
He's still might barf,
but, uh, just use those blankets.
Oh, and you have to wear this.
Yeah, I'm good.
Ooh! Can I be the dinosaur?
Can I be the dinosaur?
Hey, can I be the dinosaur?
Uh, sure. Oh.
'Kay, well, I guess you got everything.
See you in ten hours.
Ah, there you are.
Come on, Pugsley.
It's just a melon baller.
Nice and quick.
[whimpers] Go away,
I need my eyes to look at Barney.
-[children counting down from ten]
-Whoa, cool. Huh.
"Happy birthday, Patrick."
Hey, that kid looks a lot like…
-Yeah! [giggles]
-…he could be your brother.
Uh. I need to go.
And leave me with all these kids?
No way, Jose.
No, Norma, that was my little brother.
He cannot see me.
Oh, no, he can. He took the blindfold off.
No, I mean, he can't see me.
[Barney] Oh, yeah. Good idea.
Ah, come on, Pugsley, it's just one eye.
Who needs both eyes anyway?
[scoffs] I mean they're not even making
3D movies anymore.
-Phew. [sniffing]
-[children singing "Happy Birthday"]
Patrick! [sniffs]
Happy birthday to you! ♪
[all] Yeah! [laughs]
Barney, why won't you text back?
Patrick, make a wish!
Oh, I'm sorry.
-[all cheering]
-[boy] Yay! Birthday, birthday! Whoo!
[Night Hag] Hello? Any living children
around here? Hmm?
Say good night to your sleep, boy,
because I, the Night Hag,
am stealing it forever!
Oh, no! Please don't steal my sleep!
Calm down, Leo. She isn't real.
Yeah, it's just a lady
in makeup and a sheet.
Um, actually it's a hand-painted
foam latex mask with a hog hair wig.
Guys, enough talking,
her monologue is coming up.
And why am I like this? [gasps]
Oh, it's a story few would believe.
Well, I think the Night Hag is real.
And once you've summoned her
and she's stolen your sleep,
she'll turn you into the sleepless.
-[both gasp]
-[Leo] Oh!
Frazzled, slap-happy, sleep-deprived
servants of the Night Hag.
They creep around looking for more victims
so she can steal even more sleep.
It's terrifying.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's summon that Hag.
I should stop this.
The summoning?
No, the movie.
I don't want to miss the monologue.
Oh, yeah, it's the best part!
You know, I was in a bidding war
for the original manuscripts,
but someone outbid me.
Wait, you're Playitcool-1-9-6-3?
You are WigsforDays?
How are you the Phoenix fandom admin?
You're like five.
Excuse you, I'm 11 next month.
Pauline had already filmed seven
commercials by the time she was my age.
Wow. You know your stuff.
Finally an intelligent conversation.
-[Patrick] seven, eight, nine, ten, 11.
[Patrick] Quick, now, we just got
to turn the lights on and off 20 times.
-Hey, you. Have you see you an alive dog?
-You're wrong…
About yea-high, cartoony looking…
-[chattering indistinctly]
-…smells like dumpster pizza?
No! You chant "Night Hag" 13 times.
-And what we have to do first is--
-[groans] Listen to me.
Gargle water for seven seconds
and then sing,
"Night Hag, fright hag, I summon thee"
into this wolf bone.
What? This kid looks like
they know what they're talking about.
Night Hag, fright hag, I summon thee! ♪
Wow. I feel powerful.
It's bedtime.
[all] Aww.
Okay, here's what I need to know.
What's your take on Barborah?
Don't tell me you believe
those conspiracy theories.
She claimed she was
the real Pauline for years.
That's just a rumor.
That's just the truth.
"I am Pauline."
"Phoenix's angry and quite athletic
stunt double dishes the truth."
Put those lies away. It offends me.
[speakers chime]
[announcer over pa system]
The park has now closed.
Thanks for visiting.
Hope you all had a fantastic day.
[crow caws]
And please, take good care
of your children.
Stay safe now.
[yelps and gasps]
[breathing heavily]
[mutters in sleep]
[continues snoring]
Courtney, before you gouge the demon
out of me, can I ask you a question?
What do you do about homesickness?
You can't go home and…
And… And neither can I.
And I miss Patrick and my little patch
of dirt that used to be a flower bed,
but I reclaimed as my sunbathing spot.
I know Barney doesn't like it there
and I'm happy being with him,
but I still feel--
[Courtney] Restless?
Like you're at a station
where the train's never coming,
but you can't help thinking
that any second now it might show up?
Yeah, exactly. What do you do about that?
I don't know.
You mind if I make a minor incision
in your cornea?
[gasps] Adella?
-[boy whimpers]
[muffled scream]
-[girl screams]
-Oh, wow! It worked!
Oh, no, it worked.
Oh, hey, Patrick, buddy bro.
Uh, so, yeah, I live here now
and I dress like a dinosaur? And…
And now, there's a demon
at the sleepover party.
Oh, no! Patrick!
[Barney] Patrick?
Patrick, where are you? Patrick!
It's exactly what it looks like.
[Barney] Hey, have you two seen--
[Barney yelling]
[Barney exclaims]
[objects clattering]
[whimpering and panting]
Of course, then there's Night Hag 2:
The Revenge, Night Hag 3D…
Night Hag Forever,
Night Hag: The Final Chapter…
Night Hag: Origins, Night Hag: Origins 2.
[whimpering and panting]
Hey! What gives?
[all snarling]
Faster, Barney.
[whimpering and panting]
[Barney exclaiming]
[Barney] What's wrong with them?
They've had every night of sleep
they've ever had
sucked right out of them by the Night Hag.
These kids have been awake
for ten years straight
and they're pretty cranky.
Good luck!
[Barney] All right,
thanks for the help, Courtney.
[gasps] Patrick.
Oh, I'm so glad you're safe.
Barney, what are you doing here?
Where have you been?
Oh, yeah. Uh, I dress here now.
I mean, I'm a dinosaur now?
Nope. Wait, you still sleep with Mr. Max?
Yeah, you gave him to me.
[children chattering]
Oh, no, my magazine!
I live here,
but I don't always dress like--
Happy birthday!
Oh, yeah! I talk now.
Oh, and I also have magic powers.
[Norma straining] Oh, yeah?
I could do with those powers
right now, Pugsley.
[both grunting]
[Vince] Help me!
-[Barney grunting]
Norma, you've seen the movie.
How did the hero defeat these things?
[straining] The Night Hag was actually
way ahead of its time.
The hero dies in the second act.
Actually, I think you'll find it's in
the beginning of the… [yelling] third!
[Barney whimpering]
[Pugsley whimpering]
[Norma panting]
[girl shrieks, chuckling]
[soft chittering]
[both exclaim]
[children chittering]
Why didn't you text back?
I did?
[sighs] I mean, I didn't.
I didn't know what to say.
How about "Happy birthday"?
I was gonna but… But then…
Ugh! It's complicated.
Happy birthday?
You left me!
No, no, never! I left
Mom and Dad say they accept me,
but then at dinner with Grammy Gram,
they just let her say
all that awful stuff to me
and acted like it wasn't even happening.
I felt invisible.
Mom will pick me up in the morning.
Come home, Barney.
I can't.
[Barney grunts]
-[Barney grunts]
[Night Hag cackling]
[snarling softly]
Barney, it's me! Your brother!
-Barney, no!
-[all snarling]
Patrick, over here!
[Barney snarling]
[Pugsley] Swim, Patrick. Faster!
Come on, swim!
Pretend you're being chased by a dinosaur
because you are!
[Patrick panting]
[Pugsley grunting]
-[Patrick yells]
-[Pugsley grunts]
[both whimpering]
[both panting]
[Patrick] Whoa!
[shrieking and snarling]
What? She's still here.
Oh, you guys are terrible at this.
Anyway, bye.
No, wait! Help us.
[groan] Okay.
Quick, Pugsley, give me your eyes!
What? No.
Eh, worth a try.
[Patrick yelps]
I'm fresh out of wolf bones,
so it looks like we're dead.
Oh, wait.
Why don't we use your magic?
[stumbling] But I… I don't know how.
I haven't finished--
[Patrick screaming]
Okay. What do I do?
You're going to summon a Day Hag.
A Day Hag?
Yeah, she's every bit as day
as she is night.
They'll cancel each other out.
Now focus, Pugsley.
[boy groans]
Focus on what you want.
Raise your paws and give it shape.
What do you want, Pugsley?
[stumbling] I don't know.
I just want this night to be over!
And how?
By, uh, saving everyone?
Because I want Patrick and Barney back.
I want to stop all of this.
So… So we can all go home!
So do it!
Day Hag.
[all snarling]
I summon thee!
How do I know if it--
Why, hello everyone.
So sweet of you to summon me--
Uh. You're looking well,
it's been a while.
43,000 years.
I'm sorry, okay?
It's not easy being the only day walker
in a family of nocturnals.
I can't stay up that late. I get bags.
Look, I should have told you
I was leaving,
but you have to understand,
I wasn't happy in The Grotto.
I needed to find my own people.
I'm now the manager of a cosmetics counter
at the mall of Necropolis.
I had no idea you felt that way.
But I still missed my sister.
And I've missed you.
Night Hags can have sisters?
Who are you calling "hags"?
It's what you're called in all the books.
[Cheryl] That's so mean!
Honestly, you spend a few millennia
eating children's dreams
and living in a swamp
and suddenly you're a hag.
[Linda] Come on, Cheryl.
Let's catch up somewhere
a little less judgy.
[all sighing and groaning]
-[Norma] Hey!
-You should all be sleeping!
Ugh [spits]
Pugsley, that was amazing!
He was very well instructed.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, nice to meet you in real life.
Sure you don't want this?
You can keep it.
I'm not ready for "the truth."
[chuckling] Your loss.
Please, Barney. Just… Just…
Oh, here they are.
Patrick, my baby.
Barney, I get why you left,
but please say hi to Mom and Dad,
so they know you're okay.
-[Roxie] Patrick.
-Hi, Mom.
How were they?
They didn't give you any trouble
getting to sleep, did they?
[Barney] Nuh-uh.
Oh, good.
We usually do small family parties,
but it's too hard to keep
the peace at home right now.
[Barney] Mm. Mm.
Did his brother show up?
That's a shame. I thought he might.
-[Barney] Oh, maybe he--
-[Roxie] You know kids, though.
He's done one of his little
disappearing acts. [chuckles]
[in deep voice] Maybe, uh,
he's, uh, just invisible.
I know, right?
Anywho, I'm glad Patrick got to have a day
off from everything and just have fun.
Have a good day!
[Barney, normally] Oh, hey!
Uh, [in deep voice] kid, kid.
Uh, don't… Don't forget your goody bag.
It's got your birthday present.
[sniffs] Thank you.
[Roxie] Oh, sorry, sir.
He's an affectionate kid.
I have to tell you something.
[Courtney sighs] Well,
let's try this again. Shall we?
[Pugsley] Open.
[elevator dings]
My train is at the platform!
It's been fun, won't miss you. Bye!
[Courtney] Ugh.
That was it, Pugsley. I'm done!
Oh, now I'm never going home.
[Pugsley] Oh, it's gonna be okay.
We'll get through this together.
We can be friends.
I'm sick of here. I'm sick of friends.
[Courtney sighs] Leave me alone.
[gasps] My little good boy hat.
[door opens]
[Barney] Hey, Pugsley! I'm home.
[elevator dings]
[closing theme playing]
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