Dear White People (2017) s03e07 Episode Script

Chapter VII

Joelle! Your thoughts on the passage.
You know, why don't we all read it again to ourselves, in private, like, in our rooms? Amen.
New Bible, who dis? It's Chester.
Think Moonlight meets Sex and the City but at Winchester and boiling over with all the tea.
And with the political eroticism of Mapplethorpe plus the intrigue of Dangerous Liaisons.
Kelsey, why are you here? Look, Pastor Kordell, if this is about the lesbian thing, I will see your Leviticus and raise you an extremely vivid 1st Samuel, chapter 18.
No, no.
All are welcome as long as we're reading scripture and not pure, unadulterated smut.
Who Who wrote this? Give me my copy back.
Thank you.
I got to get to class.
You haven't always had [KORDELL.]
The rest of the people The comfort of truth [LIONEL.]
A night of adventure awaited me, but first, a hot cup of joe to fight off a cold, cold world.
Honey, though sweet, can be spicy when used in the bedroom.
Other handy condiments include ketchup.
Are you finally doing your job and managing The New Independent? Didn't you hack in to run things on your own? What happened to you, Lionel? Do you even care about the news? No.
Balls! [MICHAEL.]
Work it, work it! Ooh.
Looks like fun was had.
Why are you dressed like that? Like I said, balls.
Can you be more specific? There's a quarterly drag ball at Rough Grade.
A chance for queens to pull the sticks out their asses that were rammed up there by the professors.
- But not in a fun way.
- Is there a fun way to have ? Oh.
Of course there is.
You guys better order something.
How dare you! My $75,000 tuition paid for that espresso machine! And your ratty apron.
Why wasn't I invited to this ball? Oh, honey.
It just didn't seem like your thing.
This is the deep end of the gay pool and you still got your little floaties on.
You got to dress up as Uhura from Star Trek and be celebrated for it.
That is exactly my thing! - I told you we should've invited him.
- Oh.
You You did? Sweetie, does kindness surprise you? To be honest, yes, it does.
And you took Sam! But not me? Young gay men with access to both wigs and liquor is dependably compelling.
Interesting alternative theory: could Sam be Chester? - Oh! - I do not have the stamina, but we get it, Michael, you're obsessed with Chester.
- We all are.
Of course I'm obsessed.
It's a highbrow exploration of an oft-ignored community with a pulp noir aesthetic.
It's also literary Viagra.
It operates on multiple levels.
Lionel, you write.
When?! What do you think? I think you have good taste.
Entirely too much time has passed without mentioning me or the fact that I won this.
- Oh.
- Was there a fight? - Yes, but that's not why it's broke.
This bitch slayed.
My category was realness of yore.
I was Marie Antoinasty.
And as soon as I hit the runway You know what? I'll just do it.
No one asked for an encore.
Do not encourage her! Oh, don't be jealous, U-whore-a, just 'cause you can't handle wearing heels for more than 20 minutes.
Do not be mad 'cause I got very convincing knock-off Gucci slides.
Listen up, you bougie motherfuckers! Sashay the cafe, bitch! As your job offers pour in from Wall Street, Silicon Valley, and Voldemort remember, you have a choice.
Join King Louis and myself by exploiting the proletariat and eviscerating the middle class! Or you can rise up, take me to the guillotine, and start a revolution! Make life better for everyone, including the real-life pier kids whose culture you're appropriating right now! Excuse me, but we are not zoned for live entertainment.
This part's my favorite.
No, seriously, we could get shut down.
- It's like an insurance - So let's be fierce and tell Winchester what we want.
Let's run the government like we run these cobblestone streets, and that's when I broke the trophy.
I would have loved to see that.
You just did! But without the sound of Brooke turning life's simple joys into tedious power struggles.
Bitch, I'm fun sometimes! I can handle the deep end of the pool.
In that case, you want to put on your scuba gear? - Tomorrow night is - Oh! [GASPS.]
- Another ball? - Balls are involved.
But more on the deep deep deep end.
You dive? Oh.
What? - That's what I thought.
- No! No.
I'm in.
My water wings are off, just me and my trunks.
Those will be off, too.
I guess this proves Darwin's theory of natural selection wrong.
knock-off Gucci slides.
Listen up, you bougie motherfuckers! Sanctimonious Christians.
Imagine knowing, living, feeling deep in your soul you are your gender, and the whole world just thinks you're An abomination.
That's how I'm treated as a practicing Christian on campus.
You know, some of the greatest minds in history were devout, but suddenly there's there's no room for faith in academia.
Would headphones kill you? [SIGHS.]
What are you doing down here? The room's free.
You and Reggie finally wear each other out? God, your abs must be so toned.
Yeah, and my quads.
- I had to give the whole body a break.
- Damn.
- God, I feel like a reality star! - Oh.
Should I start a fight with someone? Please, I'm sorry.
Am I disturbing you? I'll put headphones in.
Bitch, play the clip.
My worldview hasn't been changed by Winchester, but Winchester will be changed by my worldview.
- God! - Do you have another angle? I'm sure you look vain in that one, too.
As long as I'm not being edited to be the villain.
Don't Phaedra me.
You offered to flip a table.
That girl was young and naive.
This woman knows better now.
And if I'm going to get Queensfield's recommendation, I need to protect my brand.
Hey, Joe, can you use your evolutionary biology minor to explain why Co is so extra? I mean, we're biologically wired to find exotic people to index ourselves against.
That's why we believe Kim Kardashian's interesting.
So, how Co lives and dies by the word of Queensfield, even though he's just some old, wrinkly white man with coffee breath Coffee breath would be a welcome reprieve from the scent of children's tears and meat burps.
I feel like pre-Sasha Fierce Beyoncé.
Perfect in every way, yet still not good enough for the relentless white masses.
- Yeah, that sounds right.
- Yeah, that tracks.
I mean, can we ever be good enough for them? I want to be the first black woman to get this fellowship, but also I want there to be a second and a third, and I don't want them to go fucking nuts because they're trying to balance achieving their dreams and making sure they're still palatable.
The girls, I mean.
Well, and also their dreams.
I mean, girls shouldn't have to wonder if their dreams Is this a human 404 error? - Co, are you okay? - I don't know.
Ask me in a couple of days.
Hey, Co.
Maybe the second girl needs to see the first girl do it without Queensfield.
Is that a new issue? No, but I keep re-reading it hoping Chester gets some satisfaction.
I mean, are all guys this wishy-washy? Hot one minute, then cold the next, then they get what they want and jump onto the next thing, whether it's another boy in the stacks or a hot older tech genius who used to work at Google.
I'm starting to think we're not talking about Chester anymore.
You really should talk to Reggie.
We're not really in the "confrontation and baring my soul" phase.
I'm still in the "pretending I like wearing uncomfortable g-strings" phase.
You know what's really great? The "granny panty" phase.
Oh, can't wait.
Speaking of which, I got to go.
Well, get your little granny panties out of here.
Please on every motherfuckin' thing - How much time do we have? - Fifteen minutes.
How was your shift? Oh.
I got to scrape condoms off the bar floor this afternoon.
- How's your day so far? - Right now, fantastic, but I am dreading my meeting with Jerry Skyler tomorrow.
Well, I mean, he might say good things.
Oh, what? Like, "Your film needs more thoughts"? Please stop imitating Jerry Skyler right now.
I've stumbled onto something interesting and I'm just not ready to have my bubble burst - when he doesn't get it, you know? - Mm-hmm.
Plus, I've been way too distracted thinking about a stupid pyramid.
Thought you and Lionel were done with all that.
Yeah, well, like America's addiction to white women in peril running around in a dystopian future, it won't go away.
What do pyramids make you think of? [GABE PANTING.]
Um - Egypt? Mummies? - Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
- Uh - Brendan Fraser in The Mummy? - Oh, my God, he was so hot in that.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, well, so was Rachel Weisz with that hot English accent.
Is that what does it for you? [IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
Biscuits, Brexit, Parliament.
Yeah, it does.
But back on topic.
You know, pyramids are small on top and big on the bottom.
Like you.
Top up above you Joelle was saying something today about leadership and celebrity, how we enshrine them in stone.
Fuck, what was she saying? Fuck, we really got to stop bringing up other people during sex.
Cynthia Fray emailed me back.
I just sent her a little welcome to Winchester note.
"Hey, girl, how you been? I disagree with the decision of the faculty panel.
" Supes profesh.
And it looks like she agrees.
She was moved by my bold email.
Yeah, well, boldness is your superpower.
It's also your Achilles' heel.
But we're going to focus on the positive.
You're two minutes late.
You know, you don't have to go to college to be a prison guard.
What's the point? [PHONE CHIMES.]
Liar! You pretended you weren't like everyone else, but you are like everyone else.
I'm just not ready for all this right now.
What about what I'm ready for? You never even asked.
It's just only about what you want.
- That's not true.
- I told you that I wanted to go slow, but no, you took advantage of me while I was dealing with the horrific tragedy of my mother getting pregnant with a baby that she's very excited about.
Do you ever look back at the people that you hurt? Sometimes, if we've swapped nudes.
At least we have our friendship.
It takes two people to make a friendship, Brooke, and you can't have it just because you want it.
- We're the 1%, the 1% - Yeah, yeah, yeah [LIONEL.]
The banality of this suburban abode belies the backdrop for a bacchanal.
Turn a black light on this place, and suddenly it's the set of NCIS: Special Victims of Rock Hard Units: Vancouver.
- The 1% - Yeah, yeah, yeah Bye-bye, 99 Bye-bye, bye-bye 99 Bye-bye, 99 Bye-bye, bye-bye 99 One, one, one, one, one, one One, one, one, one, one, one One, one, one, one, one, one One, one, one, one, one, one And I've never been shy about my body.
I'm wearing my birthday suit to gratify the lesser gods.
Occupy the streets Our glamour is elite So average bitches, have a seat Because we're too pretty to compete You probably will delete So sorry we'll defeat 'Cause all y'all bitches obsolete Better have your bitches wash my feet Return to sender, keep receipts We fly first class, you No, Vanjie.
Those are for on the way out.
Don't make a rookie mistake.
What else am I going to do? - This party's a little - Bitch.
Follow me.
My sex is my weapon Of course the action's underground.
Like picking up a rock and seeing hundreds of ants.
Try and bury the human libido if you want.
These two here? Hot.
Could be hotter if they added a third.
- My weapon - My sex is - My sex got that big dick - [PANTING.]
My sex gonna fuck with no shame My sex is Lionel? You sure you want to do this? It's not everyone's jar of poppers.
Not the church, not the state My own faith My sex got that Yes, we have the chance to reinvent human sexuality without puritanical oversight, but it's perfectly valid to just, you know, have a boyfriend and be basic.
The first one sounded better.
I already tried being basic and I was boring.
Those are my bus condoms! - You are so proud of that bus.
Okay, well, you go have fun.
But if you see me, do not approach, look at, or talk to me.
You are basically my younger, less confident brother, and incest fantasies are where I draw the line now that I've given up molly for Lent.
When is Lent again? And is it over? Never mind.
Got to go.
Boy, D he wanted a piece of this.
You could see it from space.
But me, I needed to find a different black hole.
My sex My sex rules Come on, baby.
tell you what to do My sex My sex rules Ah.
The gay hello.
And he added a "how do you do.
" Is there any possible way to just maybe have a conversation in here? People don't come for the conversation.
They come for me.
Which side do you want? Liberal or conservative? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I just want a boyfriend.
Doesn't anyone here just want a fucking boyfriend?! [CLUB PATRON.]
Not right now! A note.
This isn't the place to find Mr.
Right unless you have virtually no short-term memory.
What I mean is I get you.
This used to be fun.
But I think I keep coming here for the conversation.
Are we at the same party? Get community where you can.
But I'm ready for something new.
Usually I move with as little words exchanged as possible, but conversation with Lil' Brown Eyes was blowing my mind.
Well, I hope you aren't leaving on my account.
It was a little extra in there.
Did you see the guy sucking himself off? - Yes! Yes! - [LAUGHS.]
Why even come to the party? You clearly don't need anyone.
It is the epitome of anti-social behavior.
You're funty.
And starving.
You want to grab some drunchies? Talk more? I try to avoid open-air hot wings set next to a table of condoms and lube.
If only he didn't come with so much baggage.
Uh I need some sleep.
Some other time? Nah.
You're dead to me now.
Hey, bud.
God, Cynthia Fray is brilliant.
Aww, thank you.
You're a lifesaver, but I can't stay.
I'm super happy for you, babe.
If you decide to leave me for her, uh, you know, I I'll understand.
Well, if Professor Skyler asks, tell him I'm sick.
- Oh, no.
- Do you still want this? - Mm-hmm.
- Bye.
- Bye.
The delivery estimate was 30 minutes.
I called Postmates.
You've already been fired.
Hi, Ms.
I'm Samantha White.
Of course you are.
I didn't know you lived here.
Just for a month.
You really moved in.
All they needed was permission to show their whole racist asses.
I decided to use slow motion to really capture the jubilation in each face.
I thought it said so much.
Oh, yes.
I saw all the slow motion.
Fray, thank you so much for meeting with me.
The department paired me with Jerry Skyler.
Oh, incredible.
Did he make you write a dissertation about his last movie? Mista Griggins Gets His Groove Back: The Viagra Tales? [FRAY LAUGHS, INHALES.]
That movie made so much money.
You are a thousand times better.
Make Correct Decisions changed my life.
I I had never seen anyone who looked like me, talked like me, filmed with so much love and artistry.
It is what I do.
So let's get to the main course.
I think I've stumbled onto something cool, but I'm not quite sure.
I'm sure it's fine.
Has your worldview changed since coming to Winchester? [COCO.]
My worldview hasn't been changed by Winchester, but Winchester will be changed by my worldview.
God, I feel like a reality star! [D'UNTE.]
But more on the deep deep end.
You can rise up.
Take me to the guillotine! And start a revolution! So, - what was cool? - Um Did you notice the edit between I guess I really don't know what to do.
It is very difficult to make a documentary.
Well, do you have any thoughts on this one? None have yet been provoked.
You've seen my films, right? I can obviously see the influence.
I guess, but I really am trying to do my own thing Perhaps if you stop trying to be me, your problems will be cleared up.
Um Thanks for your advice.
You know, some of the faculty wanted us to meet.
Now I can say I did.
It's always nice to meet a fan.
Are we allowed to talk without Joelle or ? - How does this work? - No.
And we are actually in violation right now, so I'm kidding.
Have you ever admired someone, and then were pretty sure you'd hit it off, and then you get together, and then the whole thing goes to shit? And then stays awkward forever until Joelle's around? Oh, shit.
'Cause, see, I thought I had changed the subject.
You ain't the only one with jokes.
We're fine.
We're friends.
I'm good.
Yeah, I haven't seen you smile this much since I have never seen you smile this much.
Must be real nice to meet your hero and not have them shit all over you.
You know what? I finally found my people.
And you will, too.
You know, I was really resistant, but sometimes the things you resist are just the things you need.
That's the sentiment of the day on the app, isn't it? It is.
It's also true.
Oh, hey.
How are you feeling? I'm not sick.
I lied.
I met with Cynthia Fray today.
How'd that go? Not at all as I expected.
She used to be a hero to me, too.
Guess that's why they say never meet your heroes.
But it did make it that much more satisfying to buy the island she vacationed on.
"Vacationed"? Did you ban her? I named it "Griggins Isle.
" She never came back.
Rich people level trolling is a compelling argument for selling out.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
Have a seat, Sam.
If you don't mind.
I appreciate that you and Cynthia make films in this beautiful, like, Italian neorealist style, and I get that I just took the Chitlin' Circuit and made it Hollywood-ready, but Europeans invented your style.
Black people invented mine, but I'm the sellout.
I shouldn't have been an asshole to you.
It's all right.
Faculty warned me about you.
The hell did they say? That Sam would be an asshole to you.
But they also said she was a really talented visual stylist, and a very promising filmmaker who just needed, like, a little bit of guidance.
Look, what you don't need is Cynthia "chasing her first movie" Fray to tell you that you're good.
Let her be king crab, all right? The rest of us crabs, we're going to get out of this barrel, but it's not going to be by looking up.
Okay? We got to Look around? Yeah.
Like, you are surrounded by allies the minute you decide to be.
So, tomorrow at 10:00, me and you? Sam? Yeah.
Yeah, sorry, I think you just helped me figure something out.
Well, look at Gort! [KNOCKING.]
Velma, I figured out the pyramid.
- I know, aliens.
- No! I figured out what Bell Tower Bob was saying, what it means, and Jerry Skyler helped me get there.
I have been thinking that one type of storytelling is better than the other, - but it's just different.
- Hmm? I am climbing this pyramid, Lionel, because it's wired in me, and I'm chasing what I've been told is the best, but when you look at the pyramid from God's eye view, what do you see? - Aliens? - You see the whole thing.
Flat, same level.
Everyone connected by You look at the pyramid from above and you see an X.
- And where does your eye take you? - To the four corners but We're all in this together.
Oh, God, I think that's the moral of the last Mista Griggins movie.
The one called Mista Griggins: We're All In This Together? Uhh.
Fuck that movie! I feel so conflicted.
Did Jerry Skyler just take you down a notch? Yes, and that is the whole point.
And I think you should go for Lil' Brown Eyes.
- Huh? - You're Chester.
What? No! Come on.
In the Venn diagram of young black gay men and people who use the word "egad," you are the only one in the middle.
I thought I got rid of all the egads.
Get rid of the hierarchy, Lionel.
You're only hurting yourself if you think he's beneath you, or that you're beneath him.
Don't turn that into some weird sex joke.
That was brillz.
Just sit with it.
It's in my head when it goes down When it goes When it goes It's in my head You don't have to hide from me.
Based on what evidence? That's fair.
It's in my head Where the demons lounge Where the demons Where the demons You ready? Oh, shit.
I meant to ghost you.
I didn't think you'd be here.
Just kidding! [LAUGHS.]
It's like the third pair of jeans I've tried on.
You're just trying to get me to look at your pants.
Don't hate the play.
It's in my head Where the demons lounge I wonder if he was at that party.
The departure of Ms.
Morgan from The New Independent was imminent due to leadership's inability to get their act together.
Morgan's wisdom promises a great future ahead.
A future filled with tenacity and journalistic integrity.
When I signed up for his class I don't know, I had no idea things would get this hard.
I mean, I idolized him.
But things got They just got so weird, and he invited me over to his house, and I just felt like I had to.
I've been thinking about it, Coco, and I wasn't okay with it, like I'm not okay with it.
Muffy, what do you want to do? I don't know.
He's everybody's hero.
Moses is no hero of mine.
Certainly not after what he did to you.
Well, what do you think I should do? [DRUMLINE PLAYING.]
Woo-hoo! [LAUGHS.]