Deli Boys (2025) s01e09 Episode Script

1
["Luna Mezz'o Mare"
by Lou Monte playing]
[singing in Italian]
-[neighbor 1] Chief Saab!
-[neighbor 2] Chief Saab!
[neighbors chattering]
[neighbor 3]
Chief Saab!
Remember, family's everything.
[neighborhood kid]
Thanks, Chief Saab.
Chief Saab, Chief Saab,
my mother, she's very sick.
Hmm.
Your mother's a good woman.
Take care of her.
Thank you. Thank you.
Chief Saab, Chief Saab.
[kisses hand]
My wife, she loves apple juice.
I may need a favor
from you someday.
Anything.
Chief Saab, Chief Saab.
I want to be just like
you when I grow up.
[Mir Dar]
That's a smart kid.
When he's of age,
bring him to me. I'll train him.
Yes, sir.
[both gasp]
["Luna Mezz'o Mare" fades out]
-[sign buzzing]
-[ominous music playing]
[Baba Dar] You're
not boys anymore.
You're Dar men.
Wear it well.
[voice echoing]
Alright, looks like
we got everybody.
Where's Ahmad?
Oh, he's at home getting
ordained online
so he can officiate
the ceremony.
Question, how are we supposed
to pay our debt
to the Peruvians without anyone
to move our coke?
And this was our final payment.
That's right.
We're almost out of the hole!
I'm gonna talk to our
Peruvian associates later today.
I'll explain everything
to them. They'll get it!
Oh, yeah.
They're real understanding.
I think I gained a little bit
of cred by outsmarting the Feds
and saving the business.
Don't you think?
You saved it from your
own brother's witch doctor.
[Ali] The Peruvians
will kill us if we don't pay.
Look, guys,
I know no matter how well I do,
you're gonna criticize me,
but I need you to trust me.
Okay? Business will be
back to usual very shortly.
Hey, well, how come
you're not letting Raj talk?
-[Mir] Hmm?
-Hey, Raj [speaks foreign language]
-We good?
-Is he still even your Co-Chief Saab?
Of course he is.
Raj, say something.
-Like what?
-See?
There's the zany
Raj we all love.
Oh, and I have a surprise
for you.
I booked a stretch Hummer
to bring you guys to
the wedding weekend,
-so you'll be in style
-[Maaliks exclaim]
-[Mir] for the two day ceremony.
-I love Hummer.
Great. See you soon.
So we're gonna kill
those two idiots, right?
-[Dawar chuckles]
-Yeah.
[funky upbeat music playing]
[gunshots]
[bullet shells clinking]
-[hip-hop music playing]
-[phone buzzing]
Hi. Please make it quick.
What the fuck do you
think you're doing
leaving me off the call
and as the officiant,
you smug piece of shit?
You broke our trust
when you tried to kill Prairie.
She was a liability.
-She was a Co-Chief Saab's
-Twin flame.
I can't say that.
-Say it.
-Girlfriend.
What? Put, put Raj on the phone.
Hard pass. Forever.
Look, I think we're both done
talking about it.
Just get the money back
from the hitman.
That's an order.
-[birds chirping]
-[water trickling]
Oh, look at this shit!
Are you kidding me?
Fits like a glove.
Starving myself for three weeks
really paid off.
-Look at this.
-Wow.
You okay?
Run, Prairie. Run! Run!
[Prairie panting]
Maybe I should have
gone with her, man.
And miss the first
day of my wedding?
Not a chance.
Are you kidding me?
The next two days
are gonna be life changing.
-Yep.
-Enjoy it.
[Mir] I'm trying. I mean,
there's a lot going on.
I don't know if
I remember all the steps
for our Brother's Dance,
and I'm pretty sure
my mother-in-law still hates me.
Nah, what makes you say that?
She always gives me,
like, an awkward side hug.
It's very dismissive.
Hmm. Not me.
Seema gave you a full frontal?
[chuckles] Dude,
I couldn't tell you
where I end and she began.
But don't worry about that, man,
because today
she is gonna realize
that you, Mir Dar,
are the freakin' man.
Hey, as long as I
have my big bro
by my side, I'm good.
I got you.
-Let's do this shit.
-Let's go.
[somber music playing]
[golf ball thuds]
[Lucky] Sorry about
the mishap on this job.
Know that I do not hold
you responsible.
My nephew fucked it up.
[assassin]
It got pretty crazy.
Soon as the kid smelled
the Drakkar Noir,
I knew it was over.
Murderwalla has gotta
change that shit up.
-[golf ball thuds]
-Reimbursement for Prairie.
Full hundred K?
Only for a loyal customer
like you.
Hey, I always have guys to kill.
[golf ball thuds]
My colleague, Bruno.
Colleague in wet work?
He's a fucking
shark in the water.
-[golf balls thudding]
-[ominous music playing]
-[upbeat music playing]
-To Mir and Bushra.
[all cheering]
-Come here, oh.
-Very sweet.
Very sweet.
Alright, my turn.
Let me get in this, come on.
-Okay.
-Oh, thanks.
Okay. [chuckles awkwardly]
[phone ringing]
Hold on, one second.
It's business.
-I have to take this. Sorry.
-What? What?!
Buenas tardes!
Yes, distribution is not quite
up and running yet,
but trust me, we are on it.
So I'm humbly requesting
un poquito extensión,
por favor.
[phone beeping]
Fuck!
[panting]
[phone clatters]
[staff resumes chattering]
[sighs]
Oh, man.
Look, I'm flattered,
but let's not do it here, okay?
I don't wanna lose
the membership.
What are you, do
What are you doing?
Oh! God!
[grunting] What the hell?
[both grunting]
What do you want?
[groans]
Golf ball hit on Baba Dar.
Was it you?
What is he,
a boyfriend of yours?
-[Lucky grunts]
-[Bruno screams]
Okay, it was anonymous!
It was anonymous!
Who gave you the money?
[panting] It was,
it was a blind drop, okay?
[grunts] Look, there was a
an envelope with cash
and a picture
of the target's calendar book
with the, uh, tee time
written in it.
Show me.
[Bruno panting, grunts]
Can you [panting]
[Lucky]
Zoom in, Ken Doll!
[Bruno]
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
[Bruno panting]
Who the fuck are you?
-[Bruno] Wait, there's mid-digital hair.
-Huh?
The guy, look, he's got hair
on his middle knuckles.
It's a rare genetic trait.
Oh.
[Bruno panting, sighs]
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Look, I know this sounds weird,
but you wanna maybe grab
a drink sometime?
-A drink?
-Yeah.
I should have just killed
you right now,
but you're just a little bitch
doing your job.
Come on, Ali, pick up.
Pick up, pick up! Shit!
Dude, there you are.
Why are you hiding back here?
Peruvians keep hanging up on me,
I don't know where
the Maaliks are,
even though they should be here,
and where is Lucky, man?
I need that money!
Mir, what are you doing in here?
Everyone's looking for you.
Hi, my love.
I'm actually just making sure
that the butter chicken
is buttery enough, and it is.
Good job, everybody!
It is our wedding day,
so do not run off like that.
-Okay?
-Okay.
Now come say hi to
my four cousins
with similar names and faces.
Oh, yay.
I'll text Ali.
Don't worry, I got this.
[chuckles] Hi. Well, salam,
it's Haris, Faris,
Qaris, and Nargis.
Hey, Ali bhai,
why you smoking that
like it's a little dick, bro?
[all laughing]
[Ali] Fuck you,
I'll smoke it how I like.
So how we doing this, huh?
Yeah, do we off Mir before
or after the ceremony?
Are we gonna kill
Raj too, or what?
I kinda like the guy,
even though he doesn't
do shit, man.
-[Dawar] Good vibes, man.
-[speaking foreign language]
[all cheering]
Cheers, chutiya.
[Maaliks chattering
and laughing]
[engine starts]
[tense music playing]
[wedding guests chattering]
[Lucky] They have hair
literally everywhere
except their mid-digits.
Look who decided to show up.
The shaman killer.
-Boys. I have something incred
-Incredibly important, right?
You know, every time you say that shit,
it turns out to be a lie.
-Yeah. And I
-[Bushra] Mir,
I want you to come meet
my chacha and dada.
Go enjoy yourself.
I'll handle Lucky.
You'll handle me?
When did you drop the
"Auntie" part?
You have the cash,
Auntie Traitor?
[upbeat music playing]
[bell ringing]
-[Raj Dar] Money for the Peruvians.
-[Mir] Thank you.
It is now time for
the Drinking of the Milk,
or Doodh Pilai.
[Patika] Oh, Nandika,
this is going to be you
and Raj in four years.
This is my favorite part.
Reminds me of our wedding.
-Oh.
-Oh, God, please, no, stop.
When you guys are romantic,
it makes my skin hurt.
[Matthew] Mir,
you must now bargain with Seema
and Bushra's two sisters,
Sadia and Amina
for a price on the milk.
If they're satisfied,
only then may you take home
your beautiful bride.
[laughter]
Let's start at $5,000.
[all cheering]
-Wow. Pretty steep.
-$5,000 is a lot.
But have you guys ever heard
of a $100,000?
[all exclaiming, cheering]
Did he say Did he say
Did he say 100,000?
What did he just
How much did you say?
[Seema and Bushra laughing]
Give him the milk!
[all cheering and applauding]
[Mir]
I hope that's oat milk. [laughs]
[cheering continues]
My son-in-law!
-[all cheering]
-I am in the family!
-[Mir laughing]
-[crowd cheering]
Did you just give her
the whole bunch?
Listen, 100 K is
barely making a dent
in our debt with
the Peruvians.
But Seema's respect
can last me a lifetime.
-Yeah, but that doesn't you gotta offer
-Raj!
I know what I'm doing.
-[Mir chuckles]
-If you say so.
[softly] Matthew, Matthew.
[loudly] Matthew!
Come here.
[Matthew]
What? What?
I have to tell you something.
God, I cannot believe
you're the first person I'm telling,
but you're all I got,
you white idiot.
-What's going on?
-Come here.
Baba's death was
not an accident.
-[golf ball thuds]
-[Baba grunts]
[tense music playing]
Someone hired a
specialized assassin
to crack him in the head with
Tell me who!
I'll fucking kill them!
Calm the fuck down.
It's definitely someone
inside DarCo.
It's definitely someone Brown,
maybe some lower-level-type
person
trying to make a move.
And the only other thing I know,
hair on their middle knuckle.
Let's find this hairy freak
and end them.
That's my boy.
[sniffles] For Baba.
I do not have time for this.
It's my wedding.
We made good on most of Baba's debt.
You know we're good for it!
[over phone]
We just need a week.
But I have heard that
Colombian coke
is cheaper and just as good.
So if you make our
lives too hard,
we might just start
dealing with them.
[phone beeps]
Get Chacho on the phone
[hip-hop music playing]
[Raj exhales forcefully]
Alright, man, you ready?
I don't know, man.
Uh I think I bought
us a minute
with the Peruvians.
No, dude, the dance.
The Groom's Brothers' Dance
will commence momentarily.
Go top off your drinks.
Oh. Shit. Yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Um, okay, wait, wait.
In the breakdown, is it step,
step, turn, twist, turn, step,
or is it step, step, turn,
twist, turn, twist, step?
Just, just feel it out.
It'll be good.
Okay.
["Mundian to Bach Ke"
by Panjabi MC playing]
-What the fuck is this?
-Hmm?
I thought we agreed
on Mustard Fields
by Talvin Singh.
-Did you change it?
-Dude, nobody wants
to hear that pretentious
bullshit.
This is a crowd pleaser!
Mir, no.
-No what?
-I'm not dancing to this shit.
-Matthew, turn it off.
-[Mir] No, no, Matthew,
-Matthew, keep it the way it is. Look.
-[Raj] Turn it off.
Just fuckin' do it.
Don't fuckin' talk to me
like that, okay?
You're not the boss of me, Mir.
I am the boss of you.
This is my wedding.
You know what?
You're being a fuckin' dick.
Hey, I'm trying to get us back
to making money again,
and it never fucking ends.
And that's the price
of being the boss.
And you're sure as shit
not gonna make that sacrifice.
You're marrying the love
of your life. You won, Mir.
Okay, I've been stabbed,
beaten, robbed,
and I'm never gonna see
my twin flame again,
so don't you fucking dare
tell me about sacrifice.
Really? Is that my fault?
-Hi.
-Huh?
Hi, beautiful outfit.
Or is it the guy
who was too high
to know his girlfriend
was a fucking rat?
Don't you call her
a fucking rat.
Hey, when were you gonna
tell me about
that little Tallahassee trip
you have planned?
You're spying on me now?
You're bailing on me.
That's not surprising,
because you've
always been selfish.
Hey.
[guests gasp]
-["Mundian to Bach Ke" continues]
-What the fuck.
-Hey. Fuck you.
-Don't.
-Stop! Stop!
-[Raj] Fuck you. Bitch.
You piece of shit.
I'm gonna hit you in the dick.
-Fuck this, I'm out.
-Good.
[music stops]
-[Mir panting]
-[guests murmuring]
[Mir chuckles awkwardly]
I can do it!
I don't need anybody.
Okay.
-I can do this by myself.
-[Bushra chuckles]
Hit it!
["Mundian to Bach Ke"
resumes playing]
[guests murmur]
[feet tapping]
[guests exclaim]
[guests clapping rhythmically]
[all cheering]
[singing in Punjabi]
[cheering and clapping continue]
♪♪
♪♪
[guests]
Hey! Hey! Hey!
-[song ends]
-[all cheering]
Love you.
-[cheering and applause]
-[Mir chuckles]
-[reception continues in distance]
-[muffled music playing]
[Nandika] Hi.
Hi.
Thanks.
-I loved your dance with Mir.
-[Raj scoffs]
It was, like, super conceptual.
Shut up, give me that.
So I know you, like, hate me
because we're engaged
or whatever, but you can relax.
I'm not
I'm not gonna hold you to it.
Really?
Yeah. My parents are so annoying
about me meeting someone.
I just agreed to marry you
to shut them up.
Though it is insane
you don't wanna marry me.
I'm, like, so fun at parties.
[both chuckle]
But seriously, like, [exhales]
I would be totally happy
just having sex with someone cool
for the rest of my life.
-Same.
-[Nandika chuckles]
Seriously, like, I like myself,
so I wouldn't let tradition
control my life like that.
-Huh.
-What?
[slight chuckle]
Are you, like,
surprised I have depth?
Yeah, I-I actually am. Yeah.
That's okay.
I'm surprised you have depth too.
-Oh. Ouch. Mean.
-[chuckles]
I gotta go take
my drunk-ass parents home.
They keep making out
in the middle of the floor,
and it's really disgusting.
Oh, God.
But, um, I'll see you
at the ceremony tomorrow.
I will see you there.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Look, I think we should talk.
You know what, dude?
It's fine, okay?
Today's your day.
But when this is all over,
yeah, we should talk.
Okay.
Well, the Maaliks
finally got here.
Tardy assholes.
Well, you should probably
go greet them, huh?
That feels right, doesn't it?
Chief Saab?
No. Hey, we're still
in this together.
Let's go give 'em
a Co-Chief Saab welcome.
Okay.
Are you allowed to
do that indoors?
-Dude, I can do whatever I want.
-Hmm.
-Where are these guys?
-I don't know.
[tense music playing]
[Maaliks whispering in car]
-Hey.
-Hello?
Open the door, man!
The child lock is on!
[all shouting over each other]
-Open the door!
-No! No! No!
[Raj]
Hey, what's happening, man?
[Maaliks shouting]
-[Hassan] Let's go! Come on, hurry up!
-[ominous music playing]
[Maaliks muttering]
[Mir gasps]
What is it? What is it?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
[ominous music playing]
[breathing heavily]
-[paper rips]
-[Mir] "Last warning. Pay tomorrow."
[gasps]
[police siren wails]
What a fucking shit show.
Dawar is just the beginning.
We're next.
[police radio chatter]
[approaching footsteps]
Sorry I'm late.
This looks like a problem.
It's nothing we can't handle.
You look a lot browner
than usual.
I got a refresh on the tanner.
I go weekly.
A little too fresh, maybe?
[dramatic sting]
[tense music playing]
["Bullseye" by MOO$H playing]
Yeah, bullseye, we got 'em ♪
They be hidin', we find 'em ♪
Whole team, it's no problem ♪
Suited up when we spot 'em ♪
Ain't no breakin'
these columns ♪
Got a crew and we wildin' ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
We got 'em, we got 'em ♪
We goin' straight
up the middle ♪
Not even budgin' a little ♪
We gotta stay on a swivel ♪
Never gon' pick up
the dribble ♪
Y'all better stay
in your lane ♪
Know that we bringin'
the pain ♪
It's funny,
they think it's a game ♪
We knock it right
outta the frame ♪
It's no time like right now ♪
-Stay dangerous ♪
-Stay dangerous ♪
Came in and we shook it up,
they can't hang with us ♪
Can't hang with us ♪
I'ma hit you with some free game,
don't play with us ♪
Don't play with us ♪
Everybody on the front line,
yeah they came with us ♪
-Yes, sir ♪
-Let's go ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
They be hidin', we find 'em ♪
Whole team, it's no problem ♪
Suited up when we spot 'em ♪
Ain't no breakin'
these columns ♪
Got a crew and we wildin' ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
We got 'em, we got 'em ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
They be hidin', we find 'em ♪
Whole team, it's no problem ♪
Suited up when we spot 'em ♪
Ain't no breakin'
these columns ♪
Got a crew and we wildin' ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
We got 'em, we got 'em ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
We got 'em, we got 'em ♪
Bullseye, we got 'em ♪
We got 'em, we got 'em ♪
[fanfare playing]
[fanfare plays]