Diary of a Future President (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

Disaster Relief

1 [ELENA.]
So, diary, everything has been changing pretty expeditiously.
Wait, what? [ELENA.]
My mom had her first boyfriend since my dad died.
Never thought that I'd be back here dating someone new again.
Bobby was pretty pumped about being tennis captain.
Did you just get a "nice" from Monyca with a Y? [ELENA.]
And me, well, I was just trying to stay afloat in these tumultuous middle school waters.
I'm here for it Facing fears and chasing dreams Just winging it And I'm staying true to me Hello world, I wonder who I'll be No matter what I do It's all about my journey Lo puedo lograr [CHATTERING.]
So, Sash, wanna listen to the new Skyler Zaxton album after school today? When he left Sugah Boyz, I didn't think I'd like him solo, but his new album really speaks to me.
Sorry, can't hang.
Gotta write my advice column for newspaper.
'Bummed in Biology' really needs me.
Wow, you've been really putting in your 10,000 hours at newspaper lately.
Well, yeah, duh.
My advice column is my raison.
- Your what? - My raison d'être.
That's French for "reason for being.
" I read it on a specialty chocolate wrapper.
Everyone has a raison.
Ryan's is football.
Claude's is his allergies.
Jessica and Melissa's is ribbon dancing for the Swansbabes.
What about the Brits? Oh, you mean Brittany and British Oliver? - Yeah.
- Theirs is being too cool for everything.
- Oh, that's brilliant.
- Isn't it though? Huh.
Joey Feldstein's is obviously being hot.
Wait, you're right.
Everyone does have a raison.
What's my raison? Your raison is school, duh.
That isn't a real raison.
Everyone goes to school.
Well, yeah, but you, like, really go to school.
Guys, I hate to do this, but it's time for the morning announcements.
Today's lunch is God, it's hot in here.
What does that say? Sweat in my eye.
The cast list for this year's musical.
There are 120 students and four separate casts.
Oh, boy, here we go.
Yeah, this is not the vibe.
Playing the role of storekeeper's wife will be Well, I guess my raison can't be the musical.
Penny Lopez.
What about xylophone band? You wanna join New 'Phones, Who Dis? Who are you, Mozart? Four square team! They already have all four squares.
Plus, four alternates.
All these flyers are either past the deadline or not for sixth graders.
Since when did everyone need a raison? Well, we're in middle school now.
Diary, it seemed like everyone had a raison.
But what was mine? [BELL RINGS.]
Guys, I have the most life-changing news ever.
Monyca with a Y wants to see you, Bobby Cañero-Reed, tomorrow behind the dumpster during the xylophone assembly.
- Whoa, that's cool.
Wait, she said behind the dumpster? Dude, everyone who meets behind the dumpster goes to Miami second base.
Just ask Becky and Trey.
I know it might be corny to say, but someday I hope to find a love like that.
Okay, uh, so obviously, I know what it is, but just so we're all on the same page here, what exactly is "Miami second base"? Well, uh [CHUCKLES.]
Uh Well, um Hey, just wondering if you could proofread this brief for me real quick.
Don't you have a paralegal? Uh, she's sick.
Maybe just real quick? [INHALES.]
Um You're missing punctuation on "Would you like to join me for dinner?" Aw, Sam.
As much as I've enjoyed our sneak away lunches, and breakfast and Answerama at your house, we never really had a proper first date.
Maybe I could treat you to a nice dinner tonight, just the two of us.
That's so sweet, Sam.
Both kids'll be home, so I'll have to leave them with frozen pizza and dead bolts on the windows, but yes.
That sounds really, really lovely.
I'll make a reservation at Patty's.
Most extensive menu in southern Florida.
I recommend the sushi tower and the cannoli.
I can't wait.
Ooh, somebody's got a date tonight.
Am I a bad mom for leaving my kids to go on a date? [SIGHS.]
You are being paranoid and crazy.
Just checking.
Oh, no.
I'm excited.
I get to go on a nice date with my boyfriend.
There's my girl.
Somebody call HR, 'cause I can feel the heat up in this office.
- Oh, please don't.
Before we start talking about the cataclysmic demise of our planet, I'm looking for a Hurricane Watch Captain.
This lucky student will track storms with me, and we'll collect nonperishable items in the event of a hurricane.
Sasha, this is it.
My raison.
It's calling out for me to pluck it from the trail mix of life.
Hurricanes are your reason for being? And hurricanes will only increase in the coming year and for many years to come.
So, hey, you'll be busy.
Any takers? Me.
I will serve as Orange Bay Middle's Hurricane Watch Captain.
Wow, I really thought it was gonna go unfilled like it has the past two years.
Okay, great.
Well, the position comes with this captain's hat.
Wait, free hat? [GASPS.]
I wanna be captain.
Two takers? God, I've got to tell my therapist about this.
This is unprecedented.
The job's not big enough for two people.
We'll have a stump speech.
Tomorrow, at the xylophone assembly, you'll each convince the school why you should be Hurricane Watch Captain.
I promise to give a speech that will make students as passionate about hurricanes as I am.
I'll talk in front of people.
Okay, great.
To say the end of the world is near is optimistic.
No one was gonna keep me from my raison.
Especially not Ryan.
I never knew that the name "hurricane" came from the Mayan god of wind, Huracan.
Or that the first human record of hurricanes appeared in Mayan hieroglyphics.
My Broomsbriar Academy warlock boyfriend is Tobias.
Sasha, please focus.
This speech needs to be good enough to get everyone to share my passion for wind and hot rain and stuff.
I just need to beat Ryan and get my raison.
He's really popular for some reason.
Claude, look.
Ryan, quit it.
You know about my gluten allergy.
Our moms are friends.
Elena, I'm really sorry to say this, but hurricane facts are just really boring.
I hear you.
But what if I told you that the largest hurricane in Florida wasn't even named.
A category five in 1935.
I can name it.
Hurricane Snooze.
If I'm not even able to capture the attention of my BFFAESNSOTBFBU, I might need to try a different approach.
Can I hide here? Ryan went to his locker to put on polyester, and now he wants to give me a hug.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
You expect me to put this caca on your lips? [CHUCKLES.]
No, no, no, no.
Use this one.
I've been saving it for a special occasion.
It's not exactly appropriate for Bobby's tennis matches.
Now this, this will do.
Ay, mi linda.
Help me help you.
What's with the fuchi face? Sorry.
I was just going over my checklist.
Dead bolts.
Emergency numbers of 20 of my closest relatives.
You're kinda making me grateful for my wildly unsupportive parents.
You know what? I'm fine.
The kids are fine.
Gabi, I promise it's okay to leave your kids for a night.
- But - Okay, sweetie.
I love you, but you were neurotic before Robert died, and now, ay, ay, ay! You work hard.
You are a great mom.
You deserve to have fun for once.
You're right.
It's true.
I do.
Plus, look at yourself.
Now let's see the whole picture.
- So, what do you think? - [SIGHS.]
Oh, except Wow, it really has been a while for you.
You can't have that sticking out.
You need your black bra.
The Bra-zé-Bra brand with the demi cup and the adjustable straps.
- Qué boundaries? - I - [SIGHS.]
Well, Danielle and I are taking a couple's cooking class so that means I gotta go grab dinner before.
But hey, can you please pretend you don't have kids for two hours, okay? Okay.
You're a lawyer.
You speak persuasively.
Yes, I do.
Well, I hope I do.
What are some tricks to writing a good, persuasive speech? Well, it helps to be personal.
Sometimes it's good to give an anecdote and then relate it back to your point.
- Oh, no, that's Sam.
Elenita, can you get that for me? And just tell him that I will be ready in a minute.
Is it an Elena minute or a Mami minute? 'Cause those are two very different time measurements.
Let's be real, Mami minute.
You haven't seen a black bra around, have you? Never mind.
- Elena.
- Nice threads, Sam.
Thank you.
Which thread is your favorite? - It's a bad joke.
- Yeah.
Ooh, you got a vocab test coming up? You must be on the G's by now.
Germane assumption.
But no.
I'm trying to figure out how to write the best speech about hurricanes.
Well, I always think humor is the best way to grab people's attention.
But just the thought of hurricanes makes me shudder.
So, Jeremy Peet told me that his brother said that Miami second base is similar to Tampa first base.
But instead [CHUCKLES.]
Dude, no way.
That's what it was, like, three years ago.
Now it's this.
I don't know where you get your news because I know for a fact that that is New Orleans second base.
I thought New Orleans second base involved hot sauce.
Maybe I'm thinking of Chicago second base? Guys.
Maybe I should just tell Monyca with a Y to meet me somewhere else, like next to the math trailer.
Next to the math trailer? Are you gonna propose? [CHUCKLES.]
Come on, dude.
You got this.
What if I do this? Dude, that's Nova Scotia third.
You're not emotionally ready for that.
I need to check the [ZIGGY GASPS.]
Oh, my God, Mom.
Does a sign mean nothing to you? Okay, boys.
I think it's time for you to go home.
- [LIAM.]
Good idea.
- [DANNY.]
Oh, uh, just for the record, I was extremely respectful with the pillow.
You know we have to have that talk now, right? No.
You're not gonna get out of this one, mijo.
I'll be right back.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting but I actually Wow, Gab.
You look incredible.
Thank you.
You look great too.
I heard Patty's is having a seafood special tonight.
So, keep your eyes peeled for flying shrimp tails.
But it'll be fun, right? Maybe one will fall into a wine glass, and we'll laugh and laugh.
Oh, Sam.
I'm so sorry, but I don't think that I can make it tonight.
Oh, everything okay? Yeah.
I just found Bobby and his friends in a situation, and now I have to give him part four of my eight-part sex talk series.
Well, that sounds thorough.
I just need to be a parent tonight.
I hope you understand.
No, no.
I, I do.
I mean my version of a sex talk was watching Basic Instinct with my parents.
- So, you're one of the good moms.
Maybe we can try Patty's again tomorrow night? Yes, please.
I think it's pierogi night.
Good luck.
God, Mom.
Don't you think volumes one through three were enough? Let's start with A, amniotic fluid.
Oh, God.
We made eye contact.
Nothing my mom talked to me about prepared me for Miami second base.
Well, I stole some hot sauce for you just in case.
I realize we're all very excited to see a performance from our electrifying xylophone group, New 'Phones, Who Dis? [CHEERING.]
But before that, for the first time in Orange Bay Middle School history, we have two students running for Hurricane Watch Captain.
What's that? After the speeches, you will all decide who wins by applause.
First up, Elena Canero-Reed.
It's Cañero-Reed.
The year: first grade.
The season: hurricane.
The place: my tía's bathtub.
We filled it to its brim just in case the water went out.
That year was the worst hurricane Miami had seen since the unnamed category five in 1935.
To this day, just the thought of it makes me shudder.
And you know what, the water did go out.
And so did the power.
But we were prepared.
We made mac n cheese, arroz con pollo, even dulce de leche.
We stayed hydrated too.
All with that bathtub water.
If you vote for me for Hurricane Watch Captain, I will make sure that we are all prepared.
I will be Orange Bay Middle School's personal bathtub.
- [BOY 2.]
Wonderful job, Elena.
Next up we have Ryan Tyler.
Hey, guys.
What up? I'm Ryan.
Hurricanes suck 'cause then you can't play football, and football doesn't suck.
- [BOY 3.]
All right.
I'm outtie.
Go Swansbys! [CHEERING.]
Thank you, Ryan.
Now we will all vote by applause for our Hurricane Watch Captain.
Let's hear it for Elena Cañero-Reed.
Yeah, Elena.
Category three.
Very nice.
Very nice.
And now for Ryan Tyler.
Wow, that is hurricane category five.
No survivors.
Let's hear it for our new Hurricane Watch Captain, Ryan Tyler.
And now, take it away, New 'Phones, Who Dis? [XYLOPHONES PLAYING.]
And in that very moment, diary, Hurricane Ryan demolished my raison.
- Hi, Bobby.
- Hey.
You look nice.
This shed really brings out your eyes.
Uh, thanks, I think.
So wanna take a trip to Miami? What? We're in Miami.
Oh, no.
You know, like, a baseball field in Miami.
Are you asking me to go to Marlins Park? No, no.
Miami second base.
You know, what everyone does behind the dumpster.
- I mean that's what you wanted to do when you asked me here, right? Oh [CHUCKLES.]
I'm an idiot.
I'm I'm sorry I ruined the mood.
No, you didn't.
I honestly just picked this spot because I wanted some privacy to tell you that I like you, Bobby.
Really? Yeah.
Well, I like you too, Monyca with a Y.
So cool.
So, I guess this means you're my girlfriend, right? Uh, yeah.
I think so.
Also, I don't really know or care about whatever Miami second base is.
The base system is outdated and patriarchal anyway.
Yeah, totally.
I also came to that conclusion separately.
Okay, Elenita.
I'm a little old man who lost his Chihuahua, and I'm coming to your door to ask for your help.
I won't open the door.
Elena, you okay? Oh, talk to me, mi amor.
Everyone has a raison, AKA a reason for being, except me.
So I tried to make Hurricane Watch Captain my raison, and I worked hard on my speech, but I lost anyway.
And now I'm just a big bowl of bran with no raisins.
Elena, Elena, slow down.
Take a deep breath.
Now, dime.
Since when are hurricanes your reason for being? I just felt like everyone else had everything all figured out.
Elena, no one has everything figured out.
- You do.
Of course I don't.
It takes years for people to figure out what their raison is, and there will be many stops on the road to finding it.
This is a time to play around, hmm? And discover the things you find fun.
It was fun to give a speech.
Do you want to hear it? I used an anecdote.
The year: first grade.
The season: hurricane.
This sounds so good but I have to run.
I am late for dinner with Sam.
Bring me home some bread pudding.
It has raisins.
You know what? Why don't you come? Yes.
I love pierogi night.
Bobby, we're leaving for dinner.
All the numbers are on the fridge.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Who are you? I'm Monyca.
It's with a Y.
Um, I'm Bobby's girlfriend.
You must be his mom.
But he said you weren't gonna be home.
No, no.
Oh, yeah.
Uh It's the only way I could come.
We're just having pivotal life moments all over the place here.
Oh, okay.
No problem.
I got you these flowers.
- Thank you.
- Oh, sweet.
Monyca with a Y, these are for you.
Aw, thank you.
Let's do some scooting.
I ordered fondue for two but we could easily order another pot of hot cheese.
I'm lactose intolerant.
We'll figure it out.
This is good.
This is great.
You know, it's okay.
Maybe you'll find your raison in high school.
Or college.
Or retirement.
That's when my grandpappy found beekeeping.
But I'm not really in a rush.
- Hey, guys.
Hate to break up the jam sesh, but it's time to watch Dr.
Cooper do the announcements.
Today's soccer game will be against [SIGHS.]
Sorry, I lost my place.
Uh Lunch will Oh, I was on soccer.
Get it together, Coop.
Diary, it might have taken me three books and four academic journals on hurricanes to get to it.
But I think found at least a stop on the road to my raison.
- Hey.
- [SAM.]
So, sorry about last night's surprise party of five.
Monyca seems like a nice young lady.
We share an affinity for prosciutto.
Thank you for being so cool about everything.
I know it was less than ideal.
I'd love to try again soon.
How about this? A weekend in Palm Beach.
A little sun, a little R and R, some tropical drinks.
Mm, that sounds amazing.
Bobby's into boogie boarding.
Elena loves the tide pool.
I'm gonna look up and see - when they have - No, I meant just us.
Oh I mean, obviously, I'd love that.
But at least for right now, I don't think I can leave the kids for a romantic vacation.
I don't think any of us are ready for that.
Look, Sam.
My kids are my raison.
I mean, sorry, my reason for being.
I'm still navigating what our lives are like now.
And I'd I don't have everything figured out.
I get that.
You know when you and I were doing our sneak away lunches? We were living in a sort of fantasy, but last night was real life.
I'm a little out of my depth here.
I get that.
My ex-wife and I never had kids, so I just assumed that ship had sailed for me.
I knew this was a packaged deal, I just never thought about what that looks like.
So, fondue for two could at any moment become fondue for four? You okay with that? Um I'm not sure.
Don't miss out on the four square game in the yard today.
If it's anything like last week's, it'll be intense enough to throw you into a quarter-life crisis.
Good luck, Swansby Quads.
And if you're feeling sleepy in homeroom This is the vibe.
Diary, it's funny.
I thought I'd missed the boat on finding my reason for being.
And now, let's throw it to Ryan with the Hurricane Watch.
Uh, no hurricanes today.
Thanks, Ryan.
But there's no need to rush the things that matter.
Because if it really does matter, you'll figure it out eventually.
And sure, I don't know what my true raison is yet.
But I'm already enjoying the journey.
For Orange Bay Middle, I have been Elena Cañero-Reed.
And I'm here for you.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode