Doc Martin (2004) s09e03 Episode Script

S.W.A.L.K.

1 - Martin? - Good morning.
I have to take your temperature.
Why? Has something just happened? We need to track your Basal body temperature, so that we know when you're ovulating.
It's 6:45.
Mm-hm.
The reading's most accurate immediately after waking.
Is this absolutely necessary right now? Yes, we're going to do this every morning.
I missed most of your last pregnancy.
I want to be fully involved with this one.
God's sake.
BEEPING Get off there! Good morning, James.
I'm going to need this area tomorrow, if that's OK.
What for? Well, Sam's coming over, with my tutorial group.
We're taking turns doing presentations - and this week it's me and Tony.
- Who's Tony? He's one of the other students.
Don't you have a college for that sort of thing? Yeah, but Sam likes to keep it informal.
It's part of his teaching method.
What's in the notebook? Er, I'm using it to record your temperatures.
- I was gonna put up a wall chart - No, thank Notebook's fine.
Yeah.
Mm-hm.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, that Ruth's agreed to babysit on Friday.
- Because? - Because it's your birthday.
I don't celebrate my birthday.
Yes, I know, but I thought it'd be nice to this time.
So, I've booked us a table at the fish place on the Platt.
Oh.
- Or I could cook at home.
- Yes, I'd like that.
Yeah, well, I'll cancel Ruth, then.
- OK.
- OK.
So, you're saying someone broke in? Well, the door was open.
My things have been moved around and my purse is missing.
There's no sign of forced entry.
- Did you see anyone? - No.
- Did you hear anything? - No.
- How long was the door open for? - I don't know.
You're not making this very easy for me.
But don't worry, I'm on it.
- Is that a bag of rubbish? - Yes.
You'll need to leave it outside.
It's terrible what folk leave strewn about the beach.
- DOG BARKS - Shh.
What's in your pocket? - It's a finch.
- Where did you get that? Next patient.
- That's me.
- Go through.
- Doc - Yes? - Never mind.
- Waste of time.
Take a seat.
Did you know I moved next door to your aunt? Is that what you came to see me about? No.
I was making conversation.
Right.
What can I do for you? My HRT implant, I think it's time to get it replaced.
Not been feeling so good, so I imagine it's run out.
Hmm, well, the last one was three months ago.
I can do that for you now.
Get onto the examination table please.
I'll apply a local anaesthetic.
I will make a small incision at the top of you buttock - and insert your new implant.
- Amazing what medical science can do.
Stop talking.
Roll onto your side and loosen the top of your skirt, please.
HE SPRAYS Oh.
Normally, I'd recommend that you don't bathe for 24 hours, but in your case, that doesn't seem to be an issue.
Right, get dressed.
- How did that get in here? - I found him injured at the beach.
I was gonna take him up to the vet's later.
You can't bring an animal in here.
- Well, you have a dog outside.
- Well, that's completely different.
This is a wild animal, it doesn't belong in a doctor's surgery.
Careful, Doc.
He can't fly.
Oh.
He looks all right.
Here you are.
Now, before you go, may I interest you in signing Dr Ellingham's birthday card? - Not really.
- Everybody else has.
- Oh.
- Suppose it wouldn't hurt.
Most of these say, "Happy birthday, tosser.
" No, they don't.
Why would they do that? I could give it a guess.
What, after all he's done for these people? You can leave.
Go on.
Get out.
Out.
Get out.
Go! - You missed a bit.
- Can I help you, Joe? Official business.
Did you notice anyone strange in your pub last night? - Strange as in what way? - Strange.
Like they were planning a break-in.
And what does someone planning a break-in look like? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Someone broke into Ruth's, stole her purse.
Oh, no.
That's terrible.
Erm, I'm sorry.
No-one comes to mind, no.
Question number two.
Have you made a decision about your best man being me? I don't want to talk about the wedding, Joe.
Touchy subject? That was a weak proposal.
- You should do it again.
- I should propose again? Yeah.
Throw her a surprise engagement party.
Show her how much you care.
That's actually not a bad idea, Joe.
The sort of good idea only a best man could have.
Oh.
I didn't know you had a baby.
No, it's for my my grandchildren.
They're staying with me.
- Oh, that sounds nice.
- It is, they're lovely.
They rely on you.
You get to watch them change and And grow.
It's the most wonderful thing in the world.
Hang on.
- You live next door to Ruth Ellingham.
- And? - Have you noticed anything suspicious going on? - No.
- Any unusual behaviour.
- No.
Well, if you do notice anything, I'll Pack of ibuprofen, please.
- My headache's got a headache.
- Certainly.
Care to sign the card for Dr Ellingham? When's his big day? Oh, according to the birth records Wh Which I stumbled across purely by chance, - it's in two days.
- Lot of correction fluid on this.
You can draft yours first with a pencil, pending approval.
I'll make an appointment for you.
Al! - Morwenna.
Hey, all right.
- What you doing here? Oh, I just came to see the doc, actually.
- Oh, why? What's wrong with you? - Oh, nothing.
Nothing.
So why do you need to see the doc? Erm Blood pressure.
I need a blood pressure check.
- There's no appointment in the diary.
- Really? I must have forgotten to do it, been so busy.
It'll only take a second.
Er.
.
Well, he's got five minutes now, if you're quick.
OK, thank you.
Thank you.
Come.
I need you to check my blood pressure, Doc.
Your appointment's not due for another month.
Yeah, well, better safe than sorry, though, eh? Why are you shouting? Sorry, Doc Actually, I, erm I wanted to ask a favour.
Yes.
So I'm throwing Morwenna a surprise engagement party at the pub on Friday.
I was wondering if you could keep her at work for an extra hour, while I get it all set up.
Er, that'll be a bit inconvenient.
Well, OK, Doc, I wouldn't usually ask, but I really, really need it to be a surprise.
OK, you see I've messed up with Morwenna, big time And you of all people know what that's like.
So, I'm gonna use the party to propose again properly, and make it all up to her.
Please, Doc Erm, yes, I suppose so, all right.
Ah, you're a life-saver.
Obviously, you and Louisa are invited to the party, too.
Er, thank you, but, no.
Oh, OK.
Well, thanks anyway Oh, er, how's Ruth, by the way? She's fine.
Thank you.
Why? I heard she got broken into.
What? When? Is she all right? Oh.
I'm sure it's nothing.
It's good news about the blood pressure.
Really glad I came for my bimonthly check.
Thanks, Doc.
See ya! Morwenna, I need to step out for half an hour.
Is everything OK with Al? Yes.
So, if I could just take some details.
When did the robbery take place? - This morning.
- Excellent.
I mean, excellent that you're able to contact the police so swiftly.
- And how many mackerel were taken? - About half my catch.
Great.
I mean Thank you.
CATS MEOW Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Go away.
Go away.
- Martin? - I heard you were burgled.
Oh, I must have forgotten to lock the door.
Are you all right? Apart from missing my purse, I'll survive.
Have you cancelled your credit cards? - Not yet.
- What about the locks? Have you arranged to get those changed? Martin, could we have the questions some other time, - I was having a lie down.
- Yes, all right.
Don't forget you've got your bone-density test tomorrow.
- What time's the appointment? - Er, 10:30.
What are all these cats doing here? Oh, it's Paula, next door.
She keeps putting food out for them.
It's very irritating.
- I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- All right.
Disgusting.
Oh, God, go away.
Go on.
Stupid cats.
- Ruth, how can I help you? - Erm Paracetamol and, erm, codeine, please.
Would you like to sign Dr Ellingham's birthday card? Ellinghams don't really do birthdays.
I'll just fetch your tablets.
Ruth, I was just coming to see you.
You won't need to come over on Friday any more.
Come over for what? Erm, I did mention it the other day.
I was planning something for Martin's birthday, you were gonna babysit Oh, right.
Yes.
Yes, of course.
It's fine, cos we're staying home now.
Oh, are you cooking something special? Well, I haven't decided yet.
Well, I could always rustle up something nice for you, and bring it round, if you like? I know cooking's not your forte.
I'll be fine, thank you, Mrs Tishell.
Suit yourself.
That'll be £2.
50, please.
I had to raid the change jar.
Erm Erm Take what you want.
I'll see you later, Ruth.
So, we'll have a buffet there, balloons here - We could get a band in.
- Nice.
- What about a champagne fountain? - Oh, they're lovely.
I'm going to have one at my engagement party.
Who are you gonna marry? I don't know yet.
So band, buffet, champagne fountain, what do we think about a magician? I'm pretty sure Morwenna would like a magician.
Joe, enough.
What? You said I could organise your engagement party.
Er, number one, I didn't.
And number two, do you want to shout about it a bit louder? It's supposed to be a surprise.
We just want what's best for you, proper job.
All I need is a few people, a few drinks, and the girl I love.
- That's it.
- Aw.
So, she agreed to babysit and then completely forgot? It was like it was the first she'd heard about it.
You'd prescribe benzodiazepines for anxiety, wouldn't you? No, Ruth doesn't suffer from anxiety.
- No, it's for my presentation.
- What's it on? Anxiety cycles in teenagers.
I completely re-wrote the final section this morning, I really felt like I was on a roll.
Any anxiety medication should be prescribed with extreme caution, and after a careful consultation, you can become dependent on them very quickly and easily.
Ruth was struggling to pick out the coins to pay, too.
Was she? I'm going to see her tomorrow.
And I ran into Al, he told me about the party.
That was so nice of you to say you'll help him.
Well, I just said I'll keep her here for an extra hour.
Well, how are you gonna do that? By telling her I need to review her knowledge as a first responder.
Open.
That's not bad, actually.
Why don't we go along for half an hour, before dinner? - Really? - Well, I reckon it'd mean a lot to her.
30 minutes, then we can leave.
I'll see if Mel's free to babysit.
Are we planning an early night, then? Nope.
You're not ovulating.
SQUEALING SQUEALING CONTINUES Ruth.
Is everything all right? I heard a noise from inside.
Like a baby crying.
- Maybe it was the television.
- It didn't sound like the television.
Maybe you're hearing things, then.
It's quite late, so good night.
- What are they? - Hmm, what are those? Biscuits for my tutorial group.
- Would you like one? - No, thank you.
I thought you were giving a presentation, - not a cookery lesson.
- Well, I am, but to be honest, I've really struggled to fit in with this class.
You know, they're always on their phones, or texting each other, even when they're in the same room.
It's Oh, I don't know.
I just want this to go well.
So I thought I'd make some sort of horrible biscuits.
Hmm.
Well, I'm sure you'll get on fine.
Thank you.
Morning, Paula.
Ruth, I want to apologise for last night.
Why? What happened? You came round, remember? Did I mention about the cats? Because you know they're everywhere now, since you moved in.
It's a real nuisance.
Animals have rights, too.
They don't have the right to use my garden as a lavatory.
Ah, Ruth.
I've successfully found your purse.
- Where did you find it? - Caitlin's store.
Well, she found it actually, but she asked me to return it.
Oh.
Yes, I think I was in there.
Are you sure? The thief could have used the hot cash to buy something.
Is that what Caitlin said? No, she said you'd definitely been in the store, but Well, it's disappointing, really.
Not for you, obviously.
Although it doesn't explain the fish.
What fish? I can't tell you about the fish, it's an ongoing investigation.
Oh.
Maybe I just left the door open myself.
Yes.
You're getting very forgetful, Ruth.
Yes.
I think I am.
Wow.
It's a lovely house.
This is great.
Maybe we should have all our tutorial groups here.
Well, we've got tea and coffee, biscuits.
Oh, are they gluten free? Er, no, I don't think so.
Oh.
Never mind.
- Sam? - Sure, why not? Right.
Let's, er, get things kicked off, then, shall we? - Would you like a biscuit? - Oh! - Oh, no, no.
- Basal body temperature? No, no, that's not part of the presentation.
Louisa, shall we? Erm, well, shouldn't we? Shouldn't we wait for Tony? You might be waiting a while.
He'll be running on Tony time.
Yes, Mr Chegga, I imagine it is pretty painful.
OK, yeah.
Just be a minute - Oh, I'm just here for the - Look, take a seat.
Yes.
No, but as I said, you need to explain your symptoms to the doctor, and not to me.
OK, Scott? I, erm, only have a set amount of time, so maybe we should get started.
Erm What I'll film it.
- Post it on the WhatsApp group later.
- Great.
- Really? - Thanks.
Go ahead, Louisa.
Yeah, all right.
Erm, OK.
Erm, OK.
My presentation today is on how pressure to achieve fuels anxiety in teenagers.
Studies have shown that a sizeable majority of teenagers correlate success in education, with success in later life Your dog's eating the snacks.
Buddy, no, in your basket.
In your basket.
Obviously got the little guy well trained.
I'm actually allergic to dogs, y'know, so is it? Oh, do you want me to put him out? Louisa, that would be lovely, is that? Is that? Yeah, well, if that's what you need.
Come on, Buddy, you have to go out, I'm afraid.
No.
Come through.
Um.
OK.
Sorry, is this, er - Oh, I think maybe I'm not supposed to be - Door! Oh, bugger.
- You're struggling.
- I'm fine.
You have striae.
- I have what now? - Stretch marks.
- How long have you had those? - Um, a few months.
Yes, you're overweight.
I am planning to start exercising again.
- Do you bruise easily? - Yeah.
A little.
Um.
This is a doctor's consultation room, isn't it? Have a seat.
Roll up your sleeve.
I'm gonna take your blood pressure.
Why? Do you think there's something wrong with me? Shh! Sleeve.
So now we turn to Case Study A.
Would you pass that round, please? The promising musician who had continually excelled at her studies, up to the age of 17.
- HE SNEEZES - She's left to isolate herself.
She began to develop symptoms of OCD, - she suffered from panic attacks.
- HE SNEEZES - Oh! - Which, erm, impacted on her studies, which in turn caused her greater stress and eventually she was unable to take her exams, due to stress.
- What about her parents? - Sorry, we're not We're not quite at the question-and-answer phase yet.
Well, it just feels like you're placing the blame squarely on the student, when maybe it was her parents who were on her case all the time.
No, I did say she was in a high-pressured environment.
Not allowed to have any friends, social life, anything.
It's just a case study Audrey, maybe it's best to let Louisa finish first.
- Save the questions for later.
- Yeah, thanks, Sam.
- So, erm, Case Study A, then - HE SNEEZES .
.
high flying student who broke under pressure I, erm I need a minute.
Right, OK.
So as I was saying, the thing with Case Study A - I should, erm, go and check on her.
- Sure.
She's had a tough time.
Erm, yeah.
Has anybody heard from Tony? Nope.
Hmm.
Your blood pressure's high.
Are you taking steroids? No.
Aren't they illegal? No.
Do you eat a lot of fatty foods? Not really.
I'm vegan.
When you were picking up those books earlier, you seemed to be struggling.
Do you get fatigue in your arms and legs? Well, yes.
I haven't been feeling that well lately.
- Sorry, Mr, uh? - Dr Ellingham.
I I don't really understand what's going on here.
What is it you think's wrong with me? Based on your proximal myopathy, your weight and the redness of your cheeks, - I suspect that you have Cushing's disease.
- What? It's a condition caused by the adrenal glands producing too much cortisol, which controls blood sugar and regulates your metabolism.
Is it serious? Hmm, yes, if left untreated, it can be fatal.
Oh, my God.
I need to sit down.
You are sitting down.
I'll take a blood sample.
And if your cortisol is high, then I'll refer you to an endocrinologist, who will measure your hormone levels.
They'll also scan your adrenal and pituitary glands, to see which one has the tumour and whether or not it's benign or malignant.
Did you just say tumour?! And anxiety.
But anxiety medication should be prescribed with caution and only after a proper medical consultation, because you can become dependent on them quite quickly and easily.
So, in our next section, we'll be looking at the wider range of remedies and treatments.
And that's it.
Er, go on.
I can't.
Cos the next section's Tony.
- Oh.
- Actually, if you want, I'm fairly sure I could do his part of the presentation No, no, no.
No.
No.
No, you stay here.
I'll just I'll just go and check if he's outside.
I don't have your patient notes.
- Do you have them with you? - No.
Morwenna, have you got? What's your name? - Tony Williams.
- Have you got his notes? There aren't any.
I don't think he's one of your patients, Doc.
- What? Who are you? - Well, I Tony, what are you doing? We've been waiting for you.
Well, I was trying to find the tutorial group and then Well, this guy told me to go in there and it all just happened so quickly I'll write you a referral for your own GP.
All right, Ton, where you been, mate? Here he is, skiver! We've still got time to do the presentation if you'd like.
Tony, what happened? Are you ready? Sorry, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind right now.
Mate, are you all right? - I'm dying.
- ALL: What?! He's not dying.
Louisa, do you think you could encourage your study group to stay out of the surgery area, please.
I need to go.
I need to see my doctor.
- Well, hang on - All right, mate.
But But what about the presentation? I wouldn't worry.
You'll pass.
Everyone knows Sam loves you.
I'm so sorry.
Perhaps we should reschedule? - We'll, erm, talk about it next week.
- OK.
Martin, would you be free to see me? - You've got an appointment.
- No.
No, it's not a question, it's a statement.
You've got an appointment, it's not for 15 minutes, but I'll see you now, come through.
How did it go? It, uh It was a disaster.
Oh, your bone density seems normal.
- No signs of osteoporosis.
- Well, that's good.
Put your shoe back on.
Ruth, I've noticed, that, er, recently you've been becoming quite forgetful.
Yes.
I have.
It's become fairly obvious to me that I wasn't burgled.
I mislaid my purse and left my own door open.
You said you were feeling unwell.
Erm, headaches, tiredness, slight dizziness.
I'm probably coming down with something.
Hmm.
You don't have a temperature.
I think we both know what the problem might be.
No, we both know that it's a possibility and that's all.
I can't think of anything worse.
Ruth, you're a doctor.
We both know the hazards of leaping to conclusions, without solid medical evidence.
The truth is I've been forgetting how to do the most simple everyday tasks and Well, no, you're right.
Speculating doesn't do any good.
Why don't I give you a Mini-Mental State Exam? You are showing some early symptoms.
The exam will help us determine what to do next.
Hmm? Right, I'm going to spell a word forwards, and I want you to spell that word backwards.
The word is WORLD.
W-O-R-L-D.
Please, spell that in reverse.
D R L-O-W.
And, finally, in any order, please list the three objects I mentioned earlier.
Er, a football apple .
.
I can't remember the last one.
Don't sugar coat any bad news, Martin.
Your score here would suggest that there's a possibility you may have some form of dementia.
But let's refer you to a clinical psychologist for more a sophisticated profile and a neuropsychiatrist for a scan.
I've still got a few minutes before my next patient, if there's anything you'd like discuss? No, thank you.
I'll be on my way.
Oh, hello, Ruth.
Last patient, Doc.
Paula Kemp.
Er.
Go through.
Uh, how you getting on with your revision? All right, I think.
Well, if you stay behind after surgery tomorrow, I'll test you.
Well, it's Friday tomorrow.
It's basically the weekend.
You asked me to help you and I'm offering to help you.
After surgery, tomorrow.
- What can I do for you? - I've had a reaction.
- A reaction? - To the implant.
Since you put it in, I've felt really ill.
- I had a terrible night last night.
- Well, the dosage was correct.
It can't be anything to do with the implant.
I'll have a look at you.
What are your symptoms? My muscles ache all over and I've been having these hot flushes.
Came on around midnight.
Yes, you've got a temperature, which would suggest a virus.
You might be fighting off an infection.
I'll take a blood sample, that should reveal more.
I came to see if you were all right.
I didn't think that tea and sympathy were your style.
Come in.
I don't drink whisky.
I know.
You know that test is far from definitive.
There are many forms of cognitive disorder.
Oh, you are making me feel better.
There's no good form of mental deterioration, Martin.
Nevertheless, it's good to think about coping strategies, of which, drinking alcohol is not one.
I don't want to cope.
I was going to write another book this winter.
What was it going to be about? A confirmation that social factors don't play as prominent a role in crime when compared to psychological and medical conditions, with particular reference to childhood.
Sounds a bit derivative.
- Oh, thank you, Martin.
- No, I meant, there's already a number of publications on that subject.
None that are any good.
Well, you might want to write it sooner rather than later Oh? So, it's possible I might finish it before I lose my marbles.
No, I'm just saying that.
Maybe we do it all wrong.
You know there are societies, where the elderly just walk out into the woods when they think their time has come, never to be seen again.
Do they? What societies? I forget.
# Happy birthday to you # Happy birthday, dear Daddy # Happy birthday to Daddy.
Thank you.
Blow it out, then.
Clever Daddy.
Gotta make a wish now.
Yes, well.
James made you a card at nursery, didn't you? Let's have a look.
We think it's a giraffe, or maybe a duck.
- Happy birthday, Doc.
- Oh, hello, Joe.
- Make yourself at home.
No need to knock.
- Thanks.
Got you this.
- It's a card.
- Oh, thank you.
Open it, then.
It's a play on words, see, the surgeon's saying, "Nurse, I told you to remove his spectacles!" because she's removed, you know What's the matter with you? It's just a joke.
You seem to be experiencing some discomfort.
Oh, it's a migraine, been coming on for days.
You had migraines before? It's been a while, a few years, actually.
Have you done any strenuous exercise lately or changed your diet? Just came to give you a card, Doc.
But, no, I have not.
When did you start feeling ill? A few days ago, probably.
Since I investigated the "break-in" at Ruth's.
Really, how long did you spend much at Ruth's? A bit.
That day.
The day after.
I have a headache, too.
I'm sorry for you? Take two of these.
I have to pop out for a while.
- OK.
- Well done, James.
Ruth! Ruth Ruth! - Martin.
- Have you got a gas cooker? - What? - A gas cooker.
You've woken me up to ask if I have a cooker?! - Yes.
- Martin, I'm going back to bed.
No! Happy birthday, Doc.
It's your 60th, isn't it? Yes, thank you No.
Ruth! Ru-uth! What's the matter with you?! I thought I was the one who was supposed to be losing my mind.
Have you got a gas cooker? No, electric.
Got a gas boiler.
- Right, come out here.
- I'm in my dressing gown.
Come out of there, come here.
And give me your hand.
Are you going to explain any of this? Everyone who's visited your house recently, has had a headache.
Including me.
It can't be just hearing about your new book.
Now, there.
You've got severe carbon monoxide poisoning.
You could be dead.
You mean I've got a gas leak? Well, it would explain the loss of memory and your confusion.
It's a better explanation than senility, isn't it? Oh, God.
Of course, we can't rule senility out.
SHE SIGHS Yeah.
The carbon monoxide detector says your boiler is leaking.
You won't be able to stay here until it's fixed.
I'll need to find a hotel, then.
Oh, stay in one of our rooms! Happy to give you a discount.
And even happier to give you it for free.
- Of course, that's always another option.
- Yes.
- Well, if it's no bother - No, of course not.
We'll get your bags, while you lock up.
Right, boy.
Onwards and upwards.
Thank you, both.
SQUEALING Paula? Are you there? Anyone there? Paula! - Happy birthday, Doc.
- Tosser! Out the way! - Happy Birthday, tosser.
- Honestly, why? - Oh, God! - Martin, she's coming round.
What's that smell? It's like mackerel.
Er, Mrs Flint, er, Kent, can you hear me? Oh, what's that? What happened here? Oh, my God! What bit you? It's become seriously infected.
- Mrs King.
- She She didn't mean it - I'll call an ambulance.
- I already have.
I'll have to get that cleaned up.
SQUEALING SQUEALING Martin, I need you to come and see something.
SQUEALING AND SPLASHING There's a seal in the bath.
Oh, thank goodness.
I thought I must be hallucinating.
Did that seal bite you? - She was just playing.
- Ruth, can you phone Penhale, see if he can come and get rid of this animal.
The chances are you've got cellulitis.
It was only a nip.
I put some antiseptic on it.
That won't be enough.
Seals are filthy animals.
They carry all kinds of bacteria in their saliva.
I was trying to protect her.
I'll give you a strong antibiotic to help you protect against the infection.
- Penhale's on his way.
- Hold still.
SQUEALING I can confirm there is a seal in the bath.
We knew that.
Hang about.
Are you the one that's been stealing Stuart Bryne's fish? I was giving her baby formula, but it was just so expensive.
I was going to pay him for the fish eventually, once I'd released her back into the sea, but she got so heavy.
Why didn't you just take her to Penwith Seal Sanctuary? They said they were full up and would have had to find an alternative solution for her.
- You know what that means, don't you? - Too many seals.
They'd turn her into cat food.
Take it to the RSPCA, they'll know what to do with it.
That's two hours away.
I'll miss Al and Morwenna's engagement party.
Yeah.
Wear gloves.
They bite.
Right, come on.
It was just nice, having someone who relied on me.
Well, you have a dog.
You know how that feels.
No, I don't.
It's not my dog.
- SQUEALING - It's OK.
Steady.
That's it, it's OK.
You arrive at a scene and the patient's lying on the floor.
And you ask him or her if they're all right and you get no reply.
- What do you do next? - Erm, check the airway is clear.
Can you hold your arm like that, please? PHONE RINGS A patient is choking on a piece of food.
He can't breathe, he can't talk and he can't cough it up.
What do you do to help? Five back blows between his shoulder blades.
- Ah, that's very good.
- That's Mel on her way over.
Oh.
Are you going out? No.
Well, why have you got a babysitter, then? Because - We're going for a walk.
- That.
Your evening sounds about as exciting as mine.
Helping out at the pub, again! - Right, see you Monday.
- Morwenna, wait a minute.
All right, you can go.
SQUEALING Will you be quiet? I'm not gonna tell you again.
Blooming seals.
Room to your liking? Yes, very nice, thank you.
I'll have a large whisky, in both senses of the word.
- Right.
- All right, All right, OK.
All right, everyone.
Everyone, listen, she's at home, she's getting changed, she's gonna be here in five.
So, I want everyone to keep it down.
When she walks in, I want you all to shout, "Surprise!" And then I'll do my speech, and I'll propose, and then it's all beers and cheers and the rest of it.
OK? OK.
Ah, Doc, thanks for delaying Morwenna.
- Oh, mm-hm, you're welcome.
- Would you like a drink? No, just a glass of water for me.
Louisa? - Hmm, glass of white wine please.
- Really? Due to phenolic compounds, white wine contains antioxidants which are effective in moderation for a healthy heart and artery function.
Have you learnt that off by heart? No.
Of course not.
Oh, thank you, Al.
Thank you.
- SHE CLEARS THROA - Please.
Please Be quiet, please.
- Thank you.
- Shh! Now, I know we're all here to celebrate Al and Morwenna's engagement, but I couldn't pass up this opportunity of saying a few words about the person who I'm sure is uppermost in all of our thoughts today.
I am referring, of course, to Portwenn's resident GP, - Dr Martin Ellingham.
- MUTTERING Oh, no, I know, I know.
His time here has not been without its ups and its downs.
There is his blood phobia, yes, and the terrible uncertainty of the General Medical Council, which, well As many of you will know, today is Dr Ellingham's birthday.
Oh, God.
And, as a token of the village's thanks, excuse me, and my own chemist team - I have baked him - SHE GASPS .
.
a very special cake.
Ha-ppy birthday to you Could you please join in, everyone # Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Oh, Morwenna! There's a surprise birthday party for the Doc? - Why didn't anyone tell me? - No, this is for you.
- What? - # Happy birthday to you.
# Just a second.
Everyone, BE QUI-E-E-ET! Be quiet! Please, Mrs Til.
- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.
Um Morwenna Newcross, will you do me the honour of being my bride? I already said yes, you idiot.
I know, but will you say yes again? OK.
There you go.
CHEERING There was a time when you wouldn't have come to an event like this.
Actually, I'd quiet like to leave now.
- So you're only doing this for me? - Yes.
- I'd actually like to leave, as well.
- Well, come on, let's go.
Oh, Martin! Martin I mean, Doc.
You haven't had a slice of your cake yet.
- I don't eat cake.
Thank you.
- Oh.
Oh! Martin! Awkward.
You're home early Oh.
What's happened? - Did you hit him? - Joe Penhale.
Can't say I'm surprised.
It was gonna happen sooner or later.
You are very rude to that poor man.
No, no, he didn't hit, Martin.
It was It was the door.
Oh, course it was.
Well, James is sleeping, good as gold, upstairs.
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Aw, thanks, Mel.
You're gonna have a shiner there, Doc.
Good night.
Are you sure you're OK? Erm, well, I have no dizziness.
No ringing in the ears, no nausea either.
I don't think I'm concussed, just a bit sore.
Now, I know you told me not to, but .
.
I bought you a present.
It's a It's a Japanese Deba knife.
- It's for filleting fish.
- Yes, I know.
Thank you.
It's very thoughtful.
I hope it wasn't too bad a birthday.
- HE GASPS - Sorry.
It's all right.
Thank you.
Surgery's closed this morning.
GMC assessment.
- Oh, it's a complete farce.
- Oh, that's the spirit.
I think you should leave, lady.
Yes, please leave.
How may I be of assistance? Best chance would be the day after tomorrow.
Book me in, then.
You don't need an appointment.
You're my wife.