Doctor Who s07e02 Episode Script

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

Bye then! Lovely meeting you, sorry about the mess.
You think I'll let you leave without me, after what we've just been through? You've got the Egyptian people to rule, Queen Nefertiti.
They'll need reassuring after that weapon-bearing giant alien locust attack we just stopped, rather brilliantly.
HOOTER SOUNDS Sorry! Got it set to temporal newsfeed Oh, that's interesting! What is? Nothing! Not at.
Ohh! Never been there, exciting! Craft size approximately ten million square kilometres.
A ship the size of Canada, coming at Earth very fast.
Any signs of life? We sent up a drone craft, it took these readings.
Crikey Charlie, look at that! Ooh, I know someone who'd love a look.
And the Ponds! Mustn't forget the Ponds! Haven't seen them in ages.
I'm riffing, people usually stop me when I'm riffing, or carry on without me.
Can you communicate with this craft? She's with me.
Good question, Neffy.
No response on any channel in any recognised language.
If it comes within 10,000 kilometres of Earth, we send up missiles.
Oh, Indira, I liked you before you said missiles.
How long till the ship gets that close? Six hours, nineteen minutes.
Right, better get a shift on then! Leave it with us.
Come on then, Neffy! We're going to need help.
More stew? Where have you been, man?! Seven months! You were popping out for some liquorice! I had two very disappointed dancers on my hands! Not that I couldn't manage.
Riddell, listen, I've found well, something.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I shan't fall for that again.
What is it? I've no idea.
Do you want to find out? I think it's the fitting.
Dad, it's not the fitting, it just needs a new bulb.
You're wobbling the ladder.
I'm not! I don't want another loft incident.
How's my side, Brian? Perfect as ever, Amy.
Thank you, Brian! I don't know what he said to you to make you marry him, but he's a lucky man.
METALLIC THRUMMING Not here! Not now! Did you leave the back door open? What is he doing?! I'm going to kill him! Hello! You weren't busy, were you? Well, even if you were, it wasn't as interesting as this probably is.
Didn't want you to miss it.
Now, just a quick hop.
Everybody grab a torch! Spiders.
Don't normally get spiders in space.
What the? Don't move! D'you really think I'm that stupid I wouldn't notice? How did you get aboard? Transmat? Who sent you? Doctor > .
that's my dad.
Well, frankly, that's outrageous.
What? You think you can bring your dad along without asking? I'm not a taxi service! You materialised around us! Oh, well, that's fine then, my mistake.
Hello, Brian, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Welcome, welcome! This is the gang.
I've got a gang - yes! Come on then, everyone! Tell him something, quick.
Yes, thank you! I'm not entirely sure what's going on.
You know when Amy and I first got married and we went travelling? To Thailand.
More the entirety of space and time.
In that police box.
LOUD THUDDING All right, where are we, and what is that noise? And hello! Ten months! Orbiting Earth - well, I say orbiting, more like pre-crashing on a spaceship - don't know, and hello, Pond.
Ten months, time flies.
Never really understood that phrase.
This is Neffy, this is Riddell.
They're with me.
With you? They're with you, are they the new us? Is that why we haven't seen you? No, they're just people.
They're not Ponds! I thought we might need a gang, not really had a gang before, it's new.
What is it? No idea.
CREATURES ROAR Not possible! Run! Doctor! I know! Dinosaurs! On a spaceship! DINOSAURS ROAR In here! DINOSAURS ROAR AND CRASH (I could take one of them, short blow, up into the throat.
) (Or not.
We've just found dinosaurs, in space.
(We need to preserve them.
) (And who's going to preserve us?) Sshh! OK, so, how? And whose ship? There's so much to discover, think how much wiser we'll be by the end of all this.
Are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship? Brian, please! That would be ridiculous.
They're probably just passengers.
Did I mention missiles? Missiles?! Didn't want to worry you.
Anyway, six hours is a lifetime not literally a lifetime, that's what we're trying to avoid.
And we're all really clever! Let's see what we can find out.
(Come on.
) Eugh! How many dinosaurs do you think are on here? Oh, well done, whoever you are.
Looking for engines.
Thank you, computer.
Look at that, different sections have different engines, but these look like the primary clusters.
Where are we now, computer? We need to get down to these engines What happened? Oh, great! .
and find out how What?! We're outside.
We're on a beach.
Teleport! Oh, I hate teleports.
Must have activated on my voice.
Ah, yes, well, thank you, Arthur C Clarke! Teleport, obviously, I mean, we're on a spaceship, with dinosaurs, why wouldn't there be a teleport? In fact why don't we just teleport now?! Is he all right? He hates travelling.
Makes him anxious.
He only goes to the paper shop and golf.
What did you bring him for? I didn't! Why can't you just phone ahead, like any normal person? Can somebody tell me where we are, now? Well, it's not Earth.
Doesn't taste right, too metallic.
BIRDLIKE SCREECHING Is that a kestrel? I do hope so.
The beach is humming.
Is it? Oh, yes! Right, well, don't just stand there, you two, dig! I'm going to look at rocks.
Love a rock.
Dig with what? Ah! Well! Did you just have that on you? Of course! What sort of a man doesn't carry a trowel? Put it on your Christmas list.
Dad, I'm 31.
I don't have a Christmas list any more.
I do! METALLIC TING There's a floor under this beach! 'Doctor! Doctor!' Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called him? Doctor! After all this time! Bring them to me.
There are clearly more than just two of those creatures.
Hey, put that away, I need you sober.
It's medicinal.
And I don't take orders from females.
Then learn.
Any man who speaks to me that way, I execute.
You're very welcome to try.
Sorry, what was your name again? Lady of the Two Lands, wife of the Great King Amenhotep, Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.
I'll be damned Oh, my God! Queen Nefertiti! I learned all about you at school.
You're awesome! Big fan, high-five! Yeah, bit behind on that.
You're really famous.
Ssh! Listen.
At a guess, T-Rex.
Not yet full size.
We're in the middle of a dinosaur nest.
I propose a retreat.
Or perhaps forwards.
Just don't wake the baby.
Who are you, anyway? John Riddell.
Big game hunter on the African plains.
I'm sure you've heard of me, too.
You clearly have some alarming gaps in your education.
Or men who hunt defenceless creatures just don't impact on history.
Face it, she's way cooler than you.
And you, Amy? Are you also a queen? Yes.
Yes, I am.
See! Metal floor, screens in rocks.
It was just a short-range teleport.
We're still on the ship.
We're outside, on a beach.
No, it's part of the ship, Dad.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, it is quite ridiculous, also brilliant.
That's why the system teleported us here - I wanted the engines.
This is the engine room! Hydro-generators.
I have literally no idea what he's saying.
A spaceship powered by waves.
Fabulously impossible! Oh, think of the things we could learn from this ship if we manage to stop it being blown to pieces.
Plus, not dying.
Bad news is - can't shut the wave systems down in time.
Takestakes way too long.
If these are the engines, there must be a control room.
That's what we need to find.
Now, what do we do about the things that aren't kestrels? CREATURES SCREECHING Oh, my Lord.
Are those pterodactyls? Yes.
On any other occasion, I'd be thrilled.
Exposed on a beach, less than thrilled.
We should be going.
Where? Definitely away from them! That's the plan?! Amendments welcome! Move away from the pterodactyls! I think they might be noticing! Amended plan - run! Can't we just teleport or something? No, local teleport's burned out on arrival.
There's an opening in the cliffs over there! Come on, run! I'm trying! Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
What do we do now? There's no way back out there.
Through the cave, come on.
LOUD THUDDING That suggestion was a work in progress.
We're trapped! Yes, thanks for spelling it out.
Doctor, whatever's down there is coming this way.
Spelling-it-out is hereditary, wonderful! That sound's getting nearer! We're very cross with you! Bit of weedkiller wouldn't go amiss in here.
Whoever was running this vessel left in a hurry.
Maybe a plague came and took them.
No, there'd be corpses and bones.
Unless the animals ate them.
Whoa, Chuckle Brothers, lighten up, would ya? COMPUTER HUMS INTO LIFE How did you know how to do that? I've spent enough time with the Doctor to know whenever you enter somewhere new, press buttons.
What else have you learned from him? Don't stop at button-pressing.
'One hundred and seventeen years' Data records.
Ship's owners? Could be.
Come on, help us out '.
will remain cryogenic' DINOSAUR SNARLS AND SNORTS '.
space sleep I will continue to work' How about a picture? Come on, for me! '.
far beyond our mapping' Look! It's beautiful.
'I can't tell how far we have come.
'Far enough to avoid the destructive impact forecast for our planet.
'Far enough for me to feel a profound sense of loss.
' What is that? Silurian.
You're going straight on the naughty step! (What's the escape plan?) Why do we want to escape? (They have us hostage.
) They're taking us somewhere.
We might learn from it.
Oh, you see? So clever.
I missed you, Rory! Don't do that.
What if they kill us? They wouldn't do that! You're not going to kill us, are you, rusty? Who are you calling Rusty?! Have you seen yourself lately? You try being on this ship for two millennia, see how YOUR paintwork does! Don't listen to him, he's just being mean cos we captured him.
Oh, my goodness Whoa.
Herbivore, Brian, don't panic.
Ha! Beautiful.
Shall I shoot it? We're not supposed to shoot the creatures, stupid! Stop calling me stupid! IT ROARS "Rargh" yourself! Hello, cutie-pie.
Who's a lovely Tricey then, eh? Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
What do I do?! What do I do?! What's it doing?! You don't have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian? Only my balls.
I'm sorry? Golf balls.
Grassy residue.
What're you carrying those around for? Urgh! Eurgh! Argh! Aw, bless.
Get it away from me! Throw one.
Really? Is this what you want? Is it? And breathe out.
Right! Take us to your leader.
Really? Too good to resist.
Of the 50 species loaded, only one has had any difficulty in surviving.
All the others are thriving and we expect them to be able to repopulate.
We're on an ark.
A Silurian ark.
Lizard people herding dinosaurs on to a space ark?! Absolute tommy-rot.
Only an idiot denies the evidence of their own eyes.
Egyptian queen or not, I shall put you across my knee and spank you.
Oh, Lord.
Try and I'll snap your neck in a heartbeat.
Well, they certainly bred firecrackers in your time Aw, no, no, no.
Please, don't start flirting.
I will not have flirting companions! If the Doctor trusts Amy, so do I.
Stop doubting her.
If this ship was built by Silurians, yeah.
Where are they? Surprisingly good question.
Display life signs for homo reptilia.
But where have they gone? Perhaps they found another world, left the ship.
Why are the dinosaurs still on board? And why is the ship coming back to Earth? It doesn't make sense.
What's changed between then and now? Wait - computer, show me the ship at launch with all life signals.
Now show me the ship today with all life signals.
Thousands less.
But why? I mean Show me both images, then and now, side by side.
What are you looking for? OK, two images, spot the difference.
What changed? What happened to the Silurians? The centre.
Computer, zoom in to the centre.
Oh, no.
What is it? Another spacecraft.
This ship's been boarded before.
Love what you've done with the place down here.
Let him in.
Open the gate.
It's fine.
He's not interested in YOU.
Look, you need to learn some manners.
No, YOU need to learn some manners! No, YOU do! No, YOU do! MrManners! Fantasia in F Minor for four hands.
You know it.
Know it? Say hello to hands three and four! Schubert kept tickling me to try and put me off.
Franz the Hands.
Oh, that takes me back.
Well, this is cosy.
It's fate you came.
Is it? I'm the Doctor Yes, I know.
I'm Solomon.
COMPUTER BEEPS What's that? System malfunction, ignore it.
What happened to you? I was attacked.
Three raptors.
They cornered me.
The robots rescued me, but it was nearly too late Ah, yes.
The robots.
I got them cheap, from a concession on Illyria Seven.
The robots did as best they could with my legs, but .
you can help me so much more.
Oh, a "doctor" doctor! I see.
Let's have a look.
They chewed through part of the bone in my legs.
HE GASPS WITH PAIN Yes, very nasty.
But you can repair them.
If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs.
COMPUTER BEEPS Injure the older one.
What? Dad! Dad It's all right, Dad, it's OK, it's OK.
I don't respond well to violence, Solomon.
And I don't like questions, Doctor.
You boarded without my permission.
Now, fix me or the next bolt will be fatal.
I will take you apart cog by cog, and melt you down when all this is over.
Oh, I'm so scared(!) Actually, I might be.
A little bit of oil just came out.
Stay still.
It's just a burn, it's nothing serious.
What's that? Well, you carry a trowel, I carry a medpack.
It's all about the pockets in our family.
This is an ice patch.
It cools the skin.
Never seen one of those.
I look out for cool stuff wherever we go.
Some people it's cars and hardware, for me it is nursing supplies.
Now, this won't hurt.
Ow! I lied.
It won't hurt from now on, though.
All right.
You're done.
S'all right.
You get to see my awesome nursing skills in action for once.
PHONE RINGS What's that? Your phone's ringing.
In space! You get used to it.
I have to take this.
The wife.
Hello, Mrs.
Where are you? Still on board.
Met some pterodactyls and some rusty robots, that I'm going to MELT DOWN.
Rory, this is a Silurian ship.
How did you get on board, Doctor? Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me.
Let's talk about you.
Your cosy little craft embedded in a vast, old ship.
Very observant.
I'm a Sagittarius.
I'm transporting it to the Roxborne Peninsula.
The commerce colony.
You're a trader.
I search out opportunities for profit across the nine galaxies.
Ah, the purple light.
That's what it was.
An IV system - identify and value: the database of everything across space and time, allocated a market value.
Argos for the universe.
You were trying to find out how much I'm worth.
Would you like to know? You don't exist.
It's never done that.
That's me.
Unlike these creatures you have on board.
Very valuable .
given they're extinct.
Very slowly.
Doctor? Amy.
I need to take this.
This is an ark, built by the Silurians.
They were looking for another planet.
Where are they now? None on board.
I mean, thousands of stasis pods - all empty.
I'll see you soon.
(Be ready.
) The pain in my legs.
It's gone.
I can move them.
Thank you, Doctor.
What did you do to the Silurians? We ejected them.
The robots woke them from cryo-sleep a handful at a time, and jettisoned them from the airlocks.
We must have left a trail of dust and bone.
Because you wanted the dinosaurs.
Their ship crossed my path.
I sent out a distress signal.
They let me board.
But when I saw the cargo, things became more complex.
Piracy and then genocide.
Very emotive words, Doctor.
Oh, I'm a very emotive man.
The lizards wouldn't negotiate.
I made them a generous offer.
The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded.
I feel like you're judging me.
You said Roxborne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth? You're on the wrong course.
You don't know how.
Ha! Brilliant.
You couldn't change the pre-programmed course.
Without instructions, the ship defaulted, returned home.
Oh, dear.
The Silurians outwitted you, even after you'd massacred them.
So now you're a prisoner on the ship that you hijacked.
Not now you're here.
You're going to help me to where I want to go, Doctor.
Little bit of news, Solomon.
You're being targeted by missiles.
Get off this ship .
while you still can.
You think I believe that? You just want them for yourself.
You won't profit from me, Doctor.
Don't ever judge me by your standards.
Well, don't just stand there, Rory! Hey, he wants to see you.
Dad, up! What're we doing?! Just do exactly as I do! Doctor, no! Geronimo! Did you call? What're you doing?! Stop them! All right! Don't shout.
Useless machines! Go, Tricey! Run like the wind! TRICERATOPS BELLOWS How do you start a triceratops?! There they are.
I know! I saw them before you.
Tricey, fetch! Ha-ha! That-a-boy! Yee-hah! Come on, Tricey! Woo-hoo! They've stolen a dinosaur! I can see that.
Come on, Tricey! Faster, baby! Whoa! They're turning off, we're losing them! Which way did they go? I thought you were looking! No! Now they've got away.
We definitely used to be faster.
I'm riding a dinosaur! On a spaceship! I know! I only came round to fix your light! Come on, Tricey! Where are the brakes?! ALL: Whoa! Argh! THEY GROAN TRICERATOPS GRUNTS Good, that worked! OK Where are we now? Ooh.
Incoming message from Earth.
Hello, Earth! How are things? Doctor, the ship's coming through the atmosphere.
I have to start the missile program.
No, no, no - don't do that, everything's under control here, turning round any moment.
Need a bit of wriggle room on the timings I can't do that.
You can, of course you can.
Tiny bit more time, Indira, please.
This ship contains the most precious cargo 'My only responsibility is the Earth's safety.
' I'm launching the missiles.
Goodbye, Doctor.
No Indira! Hey, come back! Please! LOUDSPEAKER: 'Target identified.
'Navigation systems locking on to target.
'Missile launch procedure initiated.
Estimated impact: 30 minutes.
' Now these are what we need - dinosaur protection.
No weapons! Anaesthetic.
These are stun guns.
You're almost clever.
Enough to make a dinosaur take a nap.
Even the Doctor couldn't object to that.
You and the Doctor Are you his queen? No, no, I'm Rory's queen.
I'm his wife.
Please don't tell him I said I was his queen - I'll never hear the end of it.
And the Doctor, does he have a queen? I thought you had a husband.
A male equivalent of a sleeping potion.
You clearly need a man of action and excitement.
One with a very large weapon.
So, human sleeping potion or walking innuendo.
Take your pick.
'That's very bad indeed.
Completely unhelpful.
'Doesn't this ship have any defence systems installed?' Good thinking, Rory! Computer, show us weapons and defence systems.
Well, that was a waste of time, wasn't it? Getting my hopes up like that.
What ship doesn't have weapons? The ancient species, Rory - still full of hope.
What about the control deck? You said we should go to the control deck next.
It's too late, it won't make any difference.
We could at least try.
It won't work, Rory.
The missiles are locked on.
So, what? We're just giving up? I don't know.
I don't know.
You were telling the truth, Doctor.
Earth has launched missiles.
This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them, but I have my own ship.
You won't get your precious cargo on board, though.
It'll just be you and your metal tantrum machines.
We do not have tantrums! Shut up! You're right, Doctor.
I can't keep the dinosaurs and live myself.
But I had the IV system scan the entire ship and it found something even more valuable.
Utterly unique.
I don't know where you found it or how you got it here, but I want it.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.
'A face stamped across history.
' Give her to me and I'll let the rest of you live.
You think I won't punish those who get in my way? Whatever their worth? TRICERATOPS ROARS TRICERATOPS WHIMPERS TRICERATOPS WHIMPERS You must be very proud.
Bring her to me.
Or the robots will make their way through your corpses.
Bring her now.
What are you doing? I demanded to be brought here.
No, no, no, no - no way.
It isn't your choice, Doctor.
It's mine.
Listen to me, if you go with him, I can't guarantee your safety You saved my people.
I am in your debt.
No debts, you don't owe me anything Then I do it of my own will.
Neffy, Neffy, Neffy No! Take her, I shoot you.
Put your weapon down.
Let me make my choice.
Do it, boy.
My bounty increases.
And what an extraordinary bounty you are.
Never touch me.
I like my possessions to have spirit.
It means I can have fun breaking them.
And I will break you in, with immense pleasure.
Thank you, Doctor.
Computer? Take us back to my ship.
COMPUTER: 'Hostile targeting in progress.
'Hostile targeting in progress.
'Hostile targeting in progress.
'Hostile targeting in progress.
'Hostile targeting in progress.
' Bingo.
What is it? Doctor? OK, Control deck.
So, what's the plan? Come on.
The missiles are locked on to us, we can't outrun them, we have to save the dinosaurs and get Nefertiti back from Solomon, isn't it obvious?! It's sort of the opposite of obvious.
we need to turn this ship around.
You said it was too late, there wasn't any time.
Ah, yes, but I didn't have this plan then, did I? Riddell? Keep an eye out for dinosaurs.
I was rather hoping you'd say that.
No killing any.
Rory, Brian, get rid of the cobwebs.
Come on, come on.
We're not moving.
METAL CLANGS He's magnetised us.
We can't move away! SOMETHING GROWLS Keep walking, big chap.
SOMETHING GROWLS AGAIN Hell's teeth, that's really not fair! 'Missile target will be reached in 11 minutes.
' No - don't be like that! Really unhelpful.
What's the matter? Parallel pilot compartments, bio-configured, needs two operators of the same gene chain.
That's why Solomon couldn't change the ship's course and neither can we.
What? We can.
Me and Rory.
We must be the same gene thingy-you-just-said.
Brian Pond, you are delicious.
I'm not a Pond.
Course you are.
Sit down, both of you.
Ship does all the engineering, the controls are straightforward, even a monkey could use them - oh, look - they're going to.
Guys, come on, comedy gold.
Where's a Silurian audience when you need one? Anyway, two eye-line screens - velocity and trajectory.
Steer away from Earth, try not to bump into the moon otherwise the races who live there will be livid.
What? Primary controls in the arms of the chairs, principle's the same as any vehicle.
Eight minutes, 45 seconds.
Get us as far away as you can.
Right, phase two sorted.
Now for phase one.
Phase two comes after phase one.
Humans, you're so linear.
Shine a torch in here.
What're you doing? Mixing my messages.
How's the job? We're about to be hit by missiles and you're asking me that? I work best when I'm multi-tasking.
Keep talking.
How's the job? I gave it up.
You gave the last one up.
Yeah, well I can't settle.
Every minute, I'm listening out for that stupid TARDIS sound.
Right, so it's my fault, is it?! I can't not wait for you.
Even now.
And they're getting longer, The gaps between your visits.
Are they? I think you're weaning us off you.
I'm not, I promise.
Really promise.
The others, they're not you.
But you and Rory, you have lives.
Each other.
I thought that's what we agreed.
I know.
I just worry there'll come a time when you never turn up, that something will have happened to you and I'll still be waiting, never knowing.
No! Come on, Pond.
You'll be there till the end of me.
Or vice versa.
Doctor? This is a two-man job.
What're you doing? I'm easily worth two men.
You can help too, if you like.
A-ha! Doctor, what're you going to? LOUD ELECTRICAL HUM Quickens the blood, doesn't it? The sooner this lot go back to being extinct, the better.
You know what I want more than anything? Lessons in gender politics? A dinosaur tooth to take home.
Dinosaurs ahead, lady at my side, about to be blown up.
Not sure I've ever been happier.
Shut up and shoot.
Duck! I'm I'm flying a spaceship.
Rory! We're flying a spaceship! I know! Ha-ha! The ship's trajectory is changing It makes no difference.
The missiles have locked on.
How long till target? Seven minutes.
Go-o-o! That's it, that's it! That's it, that's it! Me, me, me, me! Yes, yes! This is better than golf.
Hello! Having trouble leaving? BOTH: Daisy, Daisy Give me your answer Ship's still magnetised, couldn't bear to lose you.
Release my ship, Doctor, or I kill this precious little object I am not your possession now, nor will I ever be.
Now stay there.
Don't mess with Egyptian queens, Solomon.
I hope you've learnt that now.
What're you doing?! Disabling this ship's signal and replacing it with the one from the Silurian ship.
I send this craft off emitting the signal they're looking for, the missiles will follow.
Hopefully Silurian ship safe, dinosaurs safe, everybody safe.
Bit tight for time though, shouldn't really be chatting.
Neffy, let's go.
How remiss of me, almost forgot - the thing about missiles, very literal, this is what they latch on to Now, one press on this and the ship's demagnetised.
Doctor, whatever you want, I can get it for you, whatever object you desire.
Did the Silurians beg you to stop? Look, Solomon.
The missiles.
See them shine.
See how valuable they are.
And they're all yours.
You wouldn't leave me, Doctor Enjoy your bounty.
DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DINOSAURS WHIMPER So, dinosaur drop-off time.
Actually, we think home for us.
Of course.
Not forever.
Just a couple of months.
Right, yes, I'm pretty busy anyway.
I mean, I've got to drop everyone back About that.
Can I ask a favour? There's something I want to see.
Oh MORE postcards from your Dad.
Do you know what? I think it is the fitting.
Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come .
thy will be done.
The gunslinger is a cyborg.
Half man, half machine.
You're really letting him do this? Save us all? Yeah, I really am.
Can everyone who isn't an American drop your gun?