Doctor Who s07e87 Episode Script

The Great Detective

Hello and welcome to a special Children In Need mini-sode of Doctor Who And not just any mini-sode, that's just what we call them, this is the prequel to the Christmas special.
Now, if you remember when last seen, the Doctor said goodbye to his best friends Rory and to Amelia Pond.
The woman who will never be replaced in his hearts.
Hi! - Hi - Don't worry, she won't be watching.
- Of course not.
- She is in LA.
Exactly.
Run the mini-sode.
- Do we really call them that? - Yeah, mini-sode that's what they'd called.
That's a cool name.
Run the mini-sode.
In London in the time of Queen Victoria, there were many tales of a remarkable personage known as the Great Detective.
I refer, of course, to Madame Vastra, the lizard woman of Paternoster Row and her extraordinary adventures, her beautiful assistant, Jenny Flint, and their mysterious henchman, Strax, whose countenance was too abominable to be photographed.
What? There are also accounts of a fourth member of the Paternoster Gang, a shadowy figure whose assistance was only sought in the direst emergencies.
I'm so glad you came.
We have news, I think, of particular interest to you.
There was a meteor shower in the southwest, unexpected timing and density.
I've calculated there is a 34% chance it is the result of alien intervention.
24%.
Well, they could just be meteors but it is worth looking in to.
There is a very pleasant tea room in the area.
Also, there's a Professor Arasmus Pink who's claiming he's going to split the world open with a giant drill through the thinnest part of the Earth's crust.
I think we should investigate.
I mean he doesn't actually have a giant drill, and he's not really a professor, and he was a bit drunk at the time and singing a bit, but you know it is never too early to investigate a drill.
I've declared war on the moon.
Do be quiet, Strax.
Too long the moon has hung unmonitored and unsuspected in the sky.
It has gained an enormous tactical advantage.
- There's no one living there.
- Then it is clearly time to act.
- They won't suspect a thing.
- Who won't suspect a thing? Moonites.
Why do you keep doing this? What is the point? I have told you.
I keep telling you, I don't do this any more.
I've retired.
There's a man on Praed Street with an invisible wife.
Maybe he just doesn't have a wife.
You're wasting your time.
Merry Christmas! - I think he means it.
- Yes, my dear, I rather think he does.
Damn moon.
There you go! The Doctor has retired.
This Christmas they have to face a terrible danger but as all Humanity hangs on the balance will anyone be able to persuade the Doctor to save the day? Yes.
Well, so much for the dramatic tension(!) Blimey, Jenna! - Right, see you later for the very first showing of the Christmas trailer.
- See you later.