Doctor Who s09e06 Episode Script

The Woman Who Lived

Whoa! - Stand and deliver! - Do as he says.
I've heard of this brigand.
He's known as the Knightmare! Faster than Sam Swift the Quick, deadlier than Deadly Dupont.
Dabbling lowpads the pair of 'em, with terrible pseudonyms to boot.
- Cash bags, jewels, the lot.
- I will not be robbed by some lone, ranting cavalier! Who says I am alone? Right.
We are cursed.
The Knightmare is in league with the devil.
Aye, Satan's sidekick, me.
- Where's the rest? - What else would you take from me, sir? You know what I want.
Hand over the amulet.
- Hello.
- Wah! - Oh, don't mind me, don't mind me.
I'm only going to be a minute.
Don't worry.
Oh, very warm.
- What are you doing? - Oh, just ignore me, I'm just passing through, like fish in the night.
- This is a robbery! - It's not fish in the night, it's something else.
- This is my robbery.
No, ships in the night.
Yeah, something like that.
Step aside or I shall blow your brains out.
Sorry, were you talking to me there? Try again, I promise I'll listen this time.
You have interrupted my robbery, sir, and you will step away, if you wish to take another breath.
- You're going to get us all killed, if you don't shut your mouth.
- Sorry.
Sorry, I really was planning to listen that time but, basically, I didn't.
Usually, someone hits me at this point, but she's taking the Year 7s for taekwondo.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Yes! Got you! Oh, hang on.
If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a robbery.
I am robbing these people, you are getting out of my way.
- I just need one tiny little thing from this box.
- This is my robbery! Well, can't we share it? Isn't that what robbery's all about? - Yargh! - Oh, no! No, no, no! - You bungled my heist.
- No, you bungled mine, Zorro! - Whey-faced fool! - Yeah, well, why don't you show your face? At least I show my face, what's wrong with yours? Nothing, Doctor.
- You?! - Yes, it is me.
What took you so long, old man? - "Old man?" - It seemed apt.
Life expectancy is 35 these days.
- Well, for everyone else.
- But didn't you know it was me? Of course, you don't forget the man who saved your life.
- It's good to see you.
- Yes, I didn't get that impression when you were threatening to kill me.
The Knightmare has a reputation to maintain.
- It's a very good voice.
How do you do that? - Practice.
Last time I saw you, you were founding a leper colony.
I was so proud of you.
Proud of me? You weren't even there.
Yes, I was.
You didn't see me, but I saw you.
- And you just left me there? - Well, you seemed fine.
In a leper colony? No matter you're here now.
- We should celebrate.
- Oh, no, this isn't a visit, I've got a job to do.
I'm here looking for an alien object which has no business being here on Earth in 1651.
It was just It just so happened, you know, that my tracking device, it led me to the carriage that you were, you know, robbing.
- There wasn't I didn't It was - You mean, - you haven't come for me? - No.
It was just a coincidence.
Oh, Ashildr, I'm sorry.
Who's Ashildr? You are, that's your name.
Ashildr, daughter of Einarr.
I used to call him Chuckles.
Do you remember? Yes.
- I think I remember the village.
- You loved that village.
If you say so.
Anyone in that village would have died for you.
Well, they're all dead now, and here I am.
So, I guess it all worked out.
- Ashildr - That's not my name.
I don't even remember that name.
Well, what what do you call yourself? - Me.
- Yes, you, there's nobody else here.
No I call myself Me.
All the other names I chose died with whoever knew me.
Me is who I am now.
No-one's mother, daughter, wife.
My own companion.
Anyway, I should get started.
Jump on, I'll give you a ride.
You can help me.
- With what? - Packing.
Come on.
It's a big place for someone who lives on their own.
I have a servant.
And all manner of visitors drop in.
Your device what is it? My curioscanner? Oh, it, er, it sort of scans for It scans for curios.
I've just realising how it got its name.
It's been tracking exoplanetary energy for the last couple of weeks.
I've been following it across the galaxy.
And do you know what you're looking for? I've got a pretty good idea, yes.
Why? I wasn't just robbing Lucie Fanshawe for her loot.
She's bragged about having the rarest gem in the land, an ancient amulet from foreign parts.
Could it be we are looking for the same prize? Clearly, you don't need money.
So why do you rob? For the adventure, Doctor.
Isn't that what life's all about? I've had 800 years of adventure, enough to fill a library if you write it down.
A medieval queen? How exciting.
You'd think.
It was paperwork and backgammon mainly, as I recall.
Ended up faking my own death.
Did a bunk before the evisceration.
Now this was much more my thing.
The Battle of Agincourt.
My first stint as a man.
No-one will ever know that a mere woman helped end the Hundred Years' War.
You're immortal, not indestructible.
You can be hurt, killed even.
takes to master any skill.
Over 100,000 hours and you're the best there's ever been.
I don't need to be indestructible, I'm superb.
You should have seen me.
I could shoot six arrows a minute.
I got so close to the enemy, I penetrated armour.
- How many people have you killed? - You'll have to check my diaries.
- You can't remember? - For what it's worth, I've saved many lives too.
I cured an entire village of scarlet fever once, almost got drowned as a witch for my troubles Fortunately, I'm really good at holding my breath.
Ungrateful peasants.
The Black Death, 1348.
I meant to warn you.
I got sick but I got better.
Of course, your immune system is learning too.
There's another bout coming.
- And a big fire that tears through London.
- Excellent.
- Maybe I start it.
- No, that was the Terileptils.
Surgeon, scientist, inventor, composer, it's a fantastic CV.
You should try my journals.
I read them myself now and then.
Drink pomace wine, have a little "me" time.
You don't seem the nostalgic type.
It's not nostalgia, it's curiosity.
I can't remember most of it.
That's the trouble with an infinite life and a normal sized memory.
It can't have been easy, outliving the people you love.
According to my journals hell.
You'll have to remind me, what's sorrow like? It all just runs out, Doctor.
I'm just what's left.
In fact, I've done all I can here.
I look up to the sky and wonder what it's like out there.
Please, take me with you.
All these people here, they're like smoke, they blow away in a moment.
- You don't know what it's like.
- I do know what it's like.
Then, however you fly, whatever ship you sail in, take me with you.
How do you know I had a ship? Because I'm incredibly clever.
It doesn't matter take me with you.
We'll talk about it.
- This thing you're looking for, I'll help you find it.
It'll be quicker.
- I don't need your help.
Yes, you do.
I know where Lucie Fanshawe lives, and I'm an excellent house-breaker.
We'll leave in an hour.
"Today is the day I should have died.
"Instead, I was re-born, by my hero, a man called The Doctor.
"My love is dying.
"It broke my heart when the questions started and I knew I had to leave him.
"I returned to find an old man who smiles and thinks I am a dream.
"I am flesh and blood, my love, but all you see is a ghost.
" "Tears.
" "The Plague.
"Mass graves.
" "Sightless children" ".
clutching toys as they sleep, never to wake up.
"My children.
"My screams.
"I could not save you little ones.
"Such pain.
"And yet, still still I am not brave enough to die, "to let go of this wretched life.
"I will endure "but no more babies.
" "I cannot "will not suffer such heartbreak again.
" "From now on, it's me against the world.
" Quiet, my friend.
We have a visitor.
I didn't get it, but I will.
If your promise stands, I'll have it by dawn My visitor can help me.
Don't worry, he doesn't know about you, only about the artefact.
He has no idea what we intend to do with it.
I read your journals.
Why are there pages missing? When things get really bad, I tear the memories out.
What could be worse than losing your children? I keep that entry to remind me not to have any more.
I've left you alone too long.
I had no idea how much you'd suffered, but I remember the person you used to be.
She's still in there.
I can help you find her.
Spare me your pity, I'm fine.
I think this is just another mask that you wear to protect you from the pain.
I think the alternative frightens you, that this is who I've become.
This is no way to live your life, de-sensitised to the world.
So you intend to fix me? Make me feel again, then run away? I don't need your help, Doctor, you need mine.
Just this once, you can't run off like you usually do.
How do you know? How do you know what I usually do? We've met once in a Viking village, I didn't give you my life story.
It's true though, isn't it? - You're the man who runs away.
- Oh, who told you that? Maybe I just worked it out.
Come on.
- Housebreaks can be tricky.
- Not for me.
Sonic technology.
It should be able to deactivate any alarms.
What's an alarm? - The most wanted in the land.
- Now is not the time to be showing off.
Now seems like a very good time to me.
You'll need a mask, sidekick.
- Watch and learn.
- Brought my own, thanks.
'Tis black as night.
I have a tinderbox somewhere.
Show off.
Know where you're going, do you? The servant's stairs.
Follow me.
Why are you still alone? What happened to the second immortality charge I gave you? Shh! No-one's good enough.
- Humans need - Hush! Humans need shared experiences.
I'm regretting sharing this one.
It isn't right for you to be on your own! Goodnight, Ma'am.
I'll wager there's a dressing room.
Come on! Doctor! Doctor, turn that thing off.
The Eyes of Hades! (Let's just go round and see if we can't get out the back.
) OK.
Lucie? Lucie? Lucie? There is an intruder on the premises! Bring me my blunderbuss! - What are you doing?! - It's kill or be killed.
- No, we can't.
We should hide! Guard the doors! Alert the militia! Your feet, you oaf! Oh, I said you'd be a liability.
Just let me shoot them and be done with it! You're the liability.
I never have this trouble with Clara.
Oh, is she still with you, is she? Oh, you remember Clara, do you? Of course.
I take particular note of anyone's weaknesses.
Search every nook and cranny! I warrant they will hang for this! - So what's wrong with Clara, then? - There's nothing wrong with her.
- Why haven't you made her immortal? - Well, look how you turned out.
She'll die on you, you know.
She'll blow away like smoke.
- Save your breath.
- How old are you, Doctor? - Older than you.
- And how many have you lost? How many Claras? Robbery, burglary, that's capital.
Meat and drink to the hangman, Ashildr.
I'm not Ashildr, I'm Me.
And I fear no hangman in Christendom! Ah-ha! Sam Swift the Quick! I wouldn't be so bold if I were you.
Don't you know who I am? The Knightmare, which is why I'm not alone.
- 'Tis hardly a fair fight.
- And it was fair when you stole my patch? Is that a fake nose, Sam? They should call you Sam Sniffed! What's wrong with it? It's perfectly normal, isn't it? - For an anteater maybe.
- Ooh! Well, never knew you were so puny, Knightmare.
Or should I say, Slightmare.
No, not the puns.
Line in the sand, no puns.
It's what's in my brain that counts, Bingo Boy.
- Well, no brain outwits a bullet, Dandyprat.
- This is banter.
I'm against banter.
I'm on record on the subject of banter.
Lay down your arms, hand over the loot, or I'll shoot.
We better had.
He'll probably aim to miss and hit one of us.
We could give you cash instead.
Who's this? Your sidekick? - You've got your dad as a sidekick? - I'm not his dad, I'm the Doctor.
Is that the best name you could come up with? What, says Sam Swift the Quick? That's trying a bit too hard, isn't it? Or are you a little bit slow? You what? Oi! I rest my case.
No-one outwits the Knightmare.
If you value the life of your sidekick, back off! Put the weapon down! Who's slow now, Doctor? - Good question.
- Please, Knightmare, I don't want to die.
- Let's have honour amongst us! - Also can you confirm that I'm not your dad? What do you say, Dad? I should kill him? He'll be dead in a minute, what difference does it make? Kill him and you make an enemy of me.
I know their lives are short, I understand, but those lives do matter.
Shut up.
You're not my dad.
I have a theory about the amulet.
Morning, sir.
Forgive me, but might I enquire into who you are? The Doctor.
Clayton, sir.
- Would you care for a cocktail, milady? - Oh, yes, please.
Half blind and deaf as a post.
He's no use any more really, but You keep him on.
See, you do have a heart.
You don't fool me.
- How do I look? - Pink.
Are you coming down with something? Look, why would an alien artefact resemble the Eyes of Hades, King of the Underworld? An ancient Greek talisman which wards off evil and protects those in death on their journey to an afterlife? - You tell me.
- Could it be that the mythology originated on another planet? - You can't wait to get going and find out, I'll wager.
- No.
I think I want to stick around and keep an eye on you for a while.
- Get me back on track? - Well, why not? Hey, we're a good team.
Then take me with you.
You don't want to get stuck with an old fool like me.
You have this whole wonderful planet to play on.
- It takes a day to get to Kent.
- In the future, you'll fly.
I want to fly right now.
I have waited longer than I should ever have lived.
I have lost more than I can even remember.
Please, Doctor just get me out of this.
I want more than this.
I deserve more than this! Why not? Why not?! Because it wouldn't be good.
Ashildr, please.
- Ashildr.
- I am not Ashildr any more.
Do you have a cat? It sounds like a very big cat.
Hence the very big cat flap.
Leandro, meet the Doctor.
You thought I was helping you.
In fact, it was the other way round.
Leandro, we have it.
My friend here was as useful as I'd hoped.
If somebody needed my help, why did nobody just ask? I am forced to assume you have plans and I wouldn't approve.
Oh, Ashildr Stop calling me that.
- Kill me! - Why? If you intend any harm to this planet, or its people, then killing me is by far your best move.
You invite your own death? No.
I just want you to attack first.
Then my conscience is clear.
- Of what? - You.
You are not of this world, or part of my plans.
I have no quarrel with you.
Then tell me why you are here and what you intend to do.
Otherwise, get on with trying to kill me.
But I advise you -- be very quick and very sure.
I am from Delta Leonis.
My tribe was overthrown, my world destroyed, my wife killed as we escaped.
Using the amulet? That's your means of travel? I lost it when I crashed to Earth.
I found him in my grounds.
He's been sleeping there while I searched for it.
The Underworld, gateway to an afterlife.
Another reality We need it to open a portal, travel the galaxy.
Oh! Oh, so what's the plan, Ashildr? Fancy yourself as his new Queen? Hunting, running errands while he sleeps.
Oh, dear God You're just like every other man.
I'm not looking for a husband, you oaf.
I'm looking for a horse to get me out of town.
- You said no.
- Oh, what? And you think you can trust him? - He knows what it is to be alone.
- So do I! Then how could you do what you did? - I'm looking for the headline here.
- The what? Well, you know, you want to escape? Well, go on.
Escape as much as you like! Why would I not approve? - The amulet - What about it? A death is required.
It is only way the amulet works.
Of course.
Every single death is a tiny fracture in reality.
Now the amulet can lever the fracture open.
Primitive, but effective.
It's just exploiting an abundant resource.
There's so much dying here.
Who dies so you can run away? Clayton? Coming, my lady.
No, you can't.
He loves you.
To the end, it would seem.
Would you rather take his place? Not the Doctor, we agreed! Oh, Ashildr, daughter of Einarr what happened to you? You did, Doctor.
You happened.
I know you've suffered.
Your children dying They would have died anyway.
Human life is fleeting.
People are mayflies, breeding and dying, repeating the same mistakes.
It's boring.
And I'm stuck here.
Abandoned by the one man who should know what eternity feels like.
Who should understand.
I do, now, but You still won't take me with you.
You gad about while I trudge through the centuries, day by day, hour by hour.
Do you ever think or care what happens after you've flown away? I live in the world you leave behind.
Because you abandoned me to it.
Why should I be responsible for you? You made me immortal! I saved your life.
I didn't know that your heart would rust because I kept it beating.
I didn't think your conscience would need renewing, that the well of human kindness would run dry.
I just wanted to save a terrified young woman's life.
You didn't save my life, Doctor.
You trapped me inside it.
And now I've found someone who can set me free.
Someone who understands.
Look, I don't know what Lenny the Lion is up to, but I know his type.
Very first argument, guaranteed he'll bite your head off.
Or I'll bite his off.
Perhaps I'll enjoy that.
You're playing with fire.
Open that portal and you have no idea what horrors might come through.
That's as good a reason as any to do it.
You're not like this.
I know you're not.
This is exactly what I'm like.
This is what you made of me! He'll kill you.
He'll have to be fast.
And if he does .
perhaps it's about time.
Lady Me? Oh, Lady Me, thank goodness you are safe.
Sam Swift has been captured and he swore the Knightmare was heading in this direction.
I've not seen him.
Sam Swift will hang in Tyburn at noon.
In half an hour? A guilty man destined to die? No harm in that.
I have not seen the Knightmare.
But this is his sidekick, the Doctor.
He was robbing me.
I only just managed to overpower him.
You will hang for this! No, listen, I was trying to help her, she tied Silence or .
we'll shoot.
He needn't hang.
But keep him under lock and key, for all our sakes.
Was that the door? Oh, dear.
Always the quiet ones.
Goodbye, Clayton.
You see? I do have a heart.
In which case, don't do it.
Do I look like some feckless thief? I'm on your side.
I'm an undercover constable from Scotland Yard.
Do you have Scotland Yard yet? Been on the cider, have we? The Dunbar Victory medal.
I was decorated for valour in battle.
Tell it to the Newgate gaoler.
All I want is to bring the Knightmare to justice.
But you were robbing Lady Me.
I came to warn her.
I fear her life is in danger.
Look! It's the Knightmare, cloaked and in disguise, bound for Tyburn.
You have to let me go or take me there.
- You wish to hang too? - Well Will you take me there if I say yes? Indeed! There's a bounty on your head for 20 pounds.
'Tis a small fortune to us.
Well, in that case, I know where Lady Me keeps all of her money.
Almost 30 pounds.
Now why didn't you say that in the first place? Hyah! Hang him! Hang him! All right, calm down! Steady on! Such a good turn out.
I'm honoured.
Yeah I, er Hey, he's new at this.
Someone will have to show him the ropes! Don't worry mate, you'll get the hang of it.
When I'm gone, they'll all say "That Sam Swift, "he was well hung!" Well, I think a few of you know that already.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure I recognise a few of you lovely ladies.
You and you I mean I'd introduce you all, but I can't remember your names.
BOO! It's a good job you're here, or they'd kill me.
Hats off, hats off Stretch his neck! Mary? Meg? Help me out here, miss.
That's Mrs Baxter to you! That's a funny name for a fella! It's time.
I've got plenty more.
Jokes, that is, as well as women.
Hang him now! Hang him! Hang him! Make us laugh, Sam! Aye For while you laugh, I live.
It was raining on the way over here.
But the hangman says to me, "It's all right for you, I've got to walk back through this.
" What are you paying for, my beauty? To make it quick.
A fitting end for you, Sam Swift.
Who should be the last to kiss these lips? Me! Me! Me! They must mean you, Lady Me! You remind me of someone.
And now I want to live more than ever.
Sorry, yes.
Sorry about the horse! Excuse me! Sorry, excuse me.
Excuse me! Sorry! Time to hang.
Hang him! Hang him! All right, all right, as God is my Highwayman.
He steals the most precious gift of all.
Life! Magical, filled with adventures! And at least I can say I lived mine to the full.
I love you, Sam Swift! Is that the Doctor? Doctor, Doctor! I'm a robber.
Have you taken anything for it? Doctor, doctor Quick man, I'm running out of patients! Have you ever seen such a sidekick so old? - I'm no-one's sidekick.
- He's so old, he farts dust! And his nose is so big that They'll have to widen the noose! Or, or bury him in a pyramid.
You know what they say, big nose Oooooh! Big handkerchief? - No! Doctor, don't leave me hanging.
- Wait! I have a pardon here for Sam Swift from Cromwell himself.
Sam Swift is pardoned! We didn't come all this way not to see someone hang.
What about the Doctor? Hang the Doctor.
Hang the Doctor! Hang the Doctor.
Hang the Doctor! Ssh You want to see someone die? How's this? No! Ashildr, no! Purple -- colour of death.
His life force is opening a portal.
To my new life.
Or to Hell.
A lion man! Look! Goodbye, Doctor.
You are going nowhere.
Doors work both ways.
They let people out and they let the enemy in.
What's that? What's happening? What are those things? Space ships, or they will be.
They're coming through the rift, actualising in this plane of reality.
You said you were the last of the Leonians.
We were meant to escape.
You shall.
In death.
No! Doctor, what have I done? What have I done to these people? Stop this! They are defenceless.
Ashildr! - He doesn't care.
- But I do.
Oh, God, I do.
I actually do, I I care.
It's awful, isn't it? It's infuriating.
You think you don't care and then you fall off the wagon.
Never mind about me.
What are we going to do about them? We have to help them.
They need you.
They need us.
- Welcome back! - Well? Do something then! OK! OK Erm Eyes of Hades, Afterlife, death opens up a gateway - We need to close it.
- Yeah, I know, but how? Sam Swift, he's the conduit.
The amulet, it's still in him.
It's his death that's opening the rift.
So what do we do? Reverse it.
You cannot reverse death.
Oh, yes, we can! Run! No, my lady.
They will destroy me for this.
The light of immortality.
Spare me, my brothers! I'm alive.
I'm alive! Ha-ha! Last thing I remember is you turning up, Doctor.
Good thing too.
Between you and me, I was running out of material.
Yeah, I could tell.
Gave a whole new meaning to dying on stage.
Gallows humour can be tricky.
But at least there's never a second house.
We've nearly finished these.
I'll get some more in.
Er, by the way I've not forgotten that kiss.
Is he immortal now? Do you want him to be? I don't think I want anyone to be.
Well, probably not.
Probably the power would have been drained by the whole opening and reversing the portal thingy.
There'll be enough power to bring him back, but not enough power to keep him here.
- Did you just make all of that up? - Yeah But it's hard to keep track of all this stuff.
Keep an eye on him though.
He might be around for a while.
Or not.
Who can say? You're still not going to take me with you, are you? People like us, we go on too long.
We forget what matters.
The last thing we need is each other.
We need the mayflies.
See, the mayflies, they know more than we do.
They know how beautiful and precious life is because it's fleeting.
Look how Sam Swift made every last moment count, right to the gallows.
Look how glad he is to be alive.
I looked into your eyes and I saw my worst fears.
That's why you can't travel with me.
Our perspectives are too vast.
Too far away.
You're not the first, you know.
I did travel with another immortal once.
Captain Jack Harkness.
Who? He'll get round to you eventually.
Who told you about me? The man who comes for the battle and runs away from the fallout.
Take your pick.
You've had an impact on this world.
You've made waves.
Sometimes tidal waves.
- I'm flattered.
- Well, you should be.
You're an extraordinary woman, Ashildr.
But .
I think I'm going to have to keep an eye on you.
- No? - Someone has to look out for the people you abandon.
Who better than me? I'll be the patron saint of the Doctor's leftovers.
While you're busy protecting this world, I'll get busy protecting it from you.
So are we enemies now? Of course not.
Enemies are never a problem.
It's your friends you have to watch out for.
And, my friend .
I'll be watching out for you.
Ashildr .
I think I'm very glad I saved you.
Oh, I think everyone will be.
Hey! Hello? Oh, hello! Hi! Did you miss me? Be more specific.
Who are you? Ha-ha(!) I've got a present for you.
- Why? Am I ill? - No.
- Are you ill? - No.
Are you never going to travel with me again, because I said a thing? - It's not a good present.
- Oh, well that's a relief.
OK, Evie Hubbard? Year Seven, you helped her out with her homework? Imaginary interview with Winston Churchill.
You basically cheated.
That was her fault because she should have stressed "imaginary.
" Anyway, she got an A and so .
she has sent you a selfie.
Yes, you're right.
That is not a good present.
- Come on - Do they make sherbet lemons any more? And I'd like a Ferrari.
What about a Ferrari? I knew you'd be thrilled.
OK, come on, let me see.
Let me see, let me see, let me see.
Ha What's wrong? Nothing.
Nothing at all! - Doctor? - Tell her next time, I'll take cash.
- So Where are you going to take me? - Wherever you want.
Hmm Somewhere Somewhere magical.
Somewhere new! Ah, there is nowhere new under the sun! Above it, on the other hand I've missed you, Clara Oswald.
Well, don't worry, daft old man.
I'm not going anywhere.
allowed to take human form and are now living amongst us.
Any living thing in this world, including my family and friends, could turn into a Zygon and kill me.
It's not paranoia when it's real.
They've kidnapped Osgood and they've stolen the location of every Zygon on Earth.
- Run away! - Doctor, the ceasefire's broken down.
He have a Zygon revolution on our hands.
We've won the first battle.
There will be truth And now we are going to begin the war .
or there will be consequences.
- I think you might be right.
- About what? The end of the world.