Doctor Who (2023) s01e06 Episode Script


Lord Barton, you are a rake. A cad.
You have dishonoured my sister.
Lord Galpin, remind me
to which dishonouring are you referring?
The one in the kitchen?
In your study?
In the stables?
You will marry her, sir!
I will do no such thing.
Now, I'm awfully bored of your shouting.
If you wish to challenge me to a duel,
then please, sir, do.
Then I can shoot you dead.
Wow. You really are
wonderfully bad, aren't you?
Beg your pardon?
Oh, you gamble, have affairs.
You're an absolute snake.
Meanwhile, I'm all noble and serious.
Look at me.
I'm so dull.
I'd rather be you.
Unhand me!
What are you
That's impossible!
Now I get to be the bad one.
Oh, my Bridgerton.
This is my actual dream.
It's brilliant, isn't it?
And the dances.
Oh, Ruby, the dances.
I can't dance. Not like this.
- How do I know these moves?
- Psychic earrings.
Choreography beamed
into your motor system.
Tap twice to choose your moves.
It's like instant Strictly.
Just don't set them to battle mode.
Well, I thought I knew everyone
at my ball, but it appears not.
What a delight.
Wonderful party, Your Grace.
Some are saying best of the season.
A triumph.
- A new standard set.
- Mmm.
I, of course, could not comment.
But I think the real estimation
of an evening is in the matches made.
Don't you agree, Miss
Uh, Ruby.
Lady Ruby Sunday
of the Notting Hill estate.
This is the Doctor.
Oh, my dear, you aren't unwell?
- Oh, no, no. He's just a friend.
- Mmm.
Oh, good.
Well, a young lady needs
suitors, not friends. Come.
Oh. Oh, she's so posh. I love her.
- I'm getting feedback.
- On the earrings?
Ooh, interesting.
Sonar interference.
Lady Ruby, attend.
Uh, s I'll handle this.
Just-just try not to get engaged
or accidentally invent tarmac.
1902 got away from me.
Okay, go, go, go. Enjoy.
My dear, stand tall, eyes bright.
Lord Barton approaches.
Ooh, that's a tall glass of heartbreak.
Your Grace, where have you been
hiding this absolute delight?
With hair like golden strands
spun in the rays of the evening sun.
Oh, you're not a tall glass at all,
you're half a pint of shandy.
My dear, you should learn
to be admired in silence.
Yeah, well, if you spoke
to me and the girls like that
on a Friday night down
at the Spinning Wheel,
then we'd rip you a new one, mate.
Now get out of my way, Lord Stilton.
It's a very difficult cheese.
Oh, uh, Your Grace. Who is that?
The Duke's late mother.
Her eyes still follow me about the room.
Constant judgement.
But, my dear,
the way you spoke to Lord Barton,
you were rather splendid.
Is it always like that in the North?
Oh, well, fellas like
that are ten a penny.
Oh, he's moved on.
Who's he with now?
Miss Emily Beckett.
She's bookish and vapid,
I fear, but good teeth.
Oh, by the Saints! Lady Wallace.
No, no, no!
- Wait here, dear.
- Mm-hmm.
Excuse me. Oh, no. Not now, Lord
Brooding. Good look.
Do you practise in the mirror?
Bit more frown maybe.
Yeah? Like this.
Yeah? Like this, really.
Really, like this.
I didn't know the duchess
employs a court jester.
Well, I'm hilarious.
And you're kind of funny.
Standing here.
Good vantage point.
Keeping an eye out on the exits,
like you're expecting trouble.
Are you?
Honey, I'm here for fun.
Then go and pursue your facile
pleasures, and leave me alone.
Okay, rude.
- Lord
- Not a Lord.
Does not-a-Lord have a name?
Nice to meet you.
I'm the Doctor.
Just the Doctor?
Just Rogue?
I think you and I should go outside.
Fast mover.
- Lady Wallace.
- Yes, I think so.
- Lady Wallace.
- Yes?
How brave of you to wear
that gown this evening,
after I wore it so beautifully
last season.
How absolutely rude of her.
What on earth are you doing here?
My housekeeper, outside,
where you can be seen?
You disgrace me!
I made a stupid mistake
choosing to be staff.
It's all work.
Cooking, cleaning, mopping up
while you lot are out here
having a right old shindig.
I'll have you sacked, woman.
You will not sour my evening.
People look to me
as an arbiter of taste.
What? In that dress?
I beg your pardon.
How dare you!
Maybe it will look better on me.
Emily, please. I beg of you.
But you consume me, sir.
I think about you my every waking
hour, and I hate myself for it.
And what would you have me do?
I rely on the favour of my aunt,
and she would never
approve of this match.
I would be destitute!
But you'd have me to love.
I will not marry you.
Not now. Not ever.
Then go.
You stole my heart, now
leave me my reputation.
And yet
you tempt me still.
Um, I should not be here.
Uh, good evening.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to, uh interrupt.
Are you okay?
I'm ruined.
Oh, what-what-what do you mean ruined?
A couple caught alone is a scandal!
If the man refuses to marry the lady,
she will no longer be acceptable
to polite society.
Oh, this is so Bridgerton.
I love these old skies,
ripe with constellations
being found and named.
The Bear. The Ram.
All chosen by the
astronomer de Lacaille.
Great with stars, bad with names.
Called one star system Norma.
Do you never stop chattering?
Okay, Rogue.
You're tall, you're handsome,
you're arrogant.
You look great in that jacket.
So there's one thing I have to ask
Is that a shoe?
No one walks away from a situation
with one less shoe. You'd notice.
I suggest look for the other shoe.
Over there.
A shoe and a leg. Oh, no.
Oh, man. Oh, m
This is the duchess.
This is the duchess's clothes.
I'm sorry.
This is no way to die.
And you knew.
You didn't even flinch.
Because it's obvious.
This is a murder far beyond
the technology of planet Earth.
It could only be done
by someone brilliant.
- And monstrous.
- And ruthless.
- Contemptible.
- You.
No, you.
Excuse me, I think
If you ask me, he's an idiot.
Honestly, my mate Bex, she'd tie
him to a lamp post in his pants.
The funny things you say.
But his station in life is too tenuous.
He must find a good match,
and I have no dowry to speak of.
Oh, pfft. You know what?
He sounds like he's choosing
his cushy lifestyle over love.
Comfortable, like a cushion.
I like it.
Yeah, okay. Uh, maybe
don't use it a lot.
Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Ah.
Your words amuse me.
It's such a pleasure
to meet you, Miss
Oh, Ruby.
And I'm Miss Emily Beckett.
But most people here would
delight in the gossip,
not offer me comfort.
Well, nah. You know what my mum says?
"If it's not your life,
why are you telling it?"
She's annoyingly smart.
Right. You know how
I forget about a man?
I go dancing.
You know this is not a good
look for you in any century.
Keep moving.
So who do you think I am?
I know you're a Chuldur.
The shapeshifters.
I mean, I've heard of them.
I've never met one.
Unless I have.
Drop the act, Doc.
There's a Chuldur
at work on this planet,
and I've been paid
good money to find you.
Okay, firstly, "Doc"?
No, thank you, sir. Please.
Secondly, you are a bounty hunter?
That is so cool.
Catching monsters, getting into scrapes.
Meeting handsome strangers.
I'm here for the money. Nothing more.
So where are you taking me?
My ship.
Where'd you hide a spaceship in 1813?
It's cloaked past that shed.
Shed? That's my ship.
You travel in a shed?
Love the shed.
- Why isn't it cloaked?
- It's behind a tree.
Now that's a ship.
A wonderful party, Your Grace.
Thank you.
Nice costume.
Tight fit.
Oh, you're the duchess?
Of course. I should've scented you.
I wanted to be her next.
Too slow, love.
Although, I was hoping
someone here would be royal.
Nevertheless, I have picked
my outfit for the wedding.
Oh, really? Who?
Lady Ruby Sunday.
She just seems so different.
So, this place is a mess.
- Rogue, honey, you need company.
- I live alone.
Baby, I can see.
But was that always the case?
Why do you ask?
This is an old asteroid hopper
piloted by two.
Not anymore. Stand there.
What do those things do?
It's a trap.
Tri-form on.
Tri-form activated.
Oh, I see.
My name is bond.
Molecular bond.
It works as a transport gate.
It just needs time to charge up.
Transport to where?
The incinerator.
It's a death sentence.
You're a killer.
Oh, well.
How about tri-form off?
- Tri-form off.
- It's deadlocked.
You can't turn it off until it's
charged, and once it's charged
- I press send.
- Yeah?
Well, my gadget can do more
things than your gadget.
You're not scaring me.
The ship would've registered
that as a dangerous device.
Instead, it says
- screwdriver.
- Yes.
Which is convenient because
I've been wanting some
new shelves over there.
Oh, ha-ha. No.
But it does do all sorts of things.
Did you get your name
from Dungeons and Dragons?
Roll for Insight.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Was that a wee smile
from the most serious man in history?
And it says that you're wired for sound.
Now, this is a surprise.
Oh, I love this.
I'm just standing still, baby.
Give me Give me that device.
Boy, your lovin'
is all I think about ♪
Have your fun, Doctor.
You've got very little time left.
Rogue, I am telling you, you
have got the wrong man, okay?
And I can prove it.
This authenticates me as non-Chuldur.
- It says, "You're hot".
- Does it?
I'm sorry No. It's broken.
- Is it you're hot or I'm hot?
- I No.
- It is just that it's
- Who's hot, Doctor?
It means the temperature.
Ah. It suits you. Flustered.
It's a good look.
- You should try it more often.
- Says the man about to kill me.
Gotta do my job, but
just for the paperwork
This job has so much paperwork
ever since we got that new boss.
Deep scanner confirmed.
Transport gate charging.
Press send in ten vexils
I'm just so trigger-happy.
How long does a vexil last?
- nine
- Oh, that long.
- Nice knowing ya, Doc.
- eight
Rogue, I am telling you,
you've got the wrong man.
If you kill me, you leave a Chuldur
out there on 19th-century Earth.
Think of all the innocent
people that would die!
- And if I've only got five vexils
- four
- then I beg of you, look.
- three
Press send.
Press send.
I'm not a Chuldur.
I'm something much older
and far more powerful.
I'm a Lord of Time from the lost
and fallen planet of Gallifrey.
Now, let me go, bounty hunter.
We have work to do.
We can't keep hiding.
Oh, we can. They all wanna find
you a husband downstairs,
but you can do whatever you want.
- Oh, you are revolutionary.
- No, I mean it.
You can do whatever you
like without Lord Barton.
Come on, what do you
wanna do with your life?
Well, I'll marry someone
lesser and smaller.
There may not be love, but
perhaps a kindly smile at dinner
and then a shared grave.
Aw. Right.
- So, you mean till death?
- What choice do I have?
Oh, so much more, Emily.
Oh, let me tell you.
This life may seem small, but
there are horizons out there
and adventures and mountains
to be climbed No!
Who is that?
You ready for this?
It's not my first shed.
Oh, my God.
Come with me and you'll be
in a world of pure imagination ♪
Take a look and you'll see
into your imagination ♪
I'm in love
with this machine.
Dimensionally transcendental
and so clean.
Yes, the things that you don't
recognise are called surfaces.
Oh, man. You make me sound so boring.
What was that?
Nothing. Indigestion.
She gets upset by bounty hunters.
It's the moral void. No offence.
And this. From the ancient
and fallen world of Gallifrey.
- Where the hell is that?
- Well, I might take you one day.
All right.
In a few minutes, it will
no longer be a deathtrap.
You are welcome.
Why? What does it do now?
Well, whatever the Chuldur
has done, I can't let you kill it.
I also can't let it kill others.
So, instead, we will transport it
to a random, barren dimension.
No one to hurt. No way back.
- Huh.
- Okay.
Who did you lose?
You lost someone.
- How'd you know that?
- Because I know.
There was
We travelled together.
We had fun, you know?
And then a day came along,
and at the end of that day
I lost them.
What about you?
I lost everyone.
At the party, I saw you with that woman.
Hmm. My best friend.
Do you ever wonder
- Why keep going?
- Because we have to.
We have to live each day
because they can't.
You don't have to stay
a bounty hunter, Rogue.
You could travel with me. Oh,
the worlds I could show you, Rogue.
And what if I like what I do?
Would you travel with me?
That is quite an argument.
I'll tell you what. When
we both get out of this
let's argue across the stars.
I'd like that.
The trap is ready.
Now, let's get back to this party
before anyone else dies!
- There's a body upstairs.
- There's a shapeshifter killing people
- Someone has killed her.
- Oh, you know?
Should we be telling humans?
Ruby, 2024. Rogue, outer-space
bounty hunter. Nice lady?
- Emily.
- Emily, 1813.
The duchess,
a shapeshifting Chuldur. Okay?
I know the word, "Okay".
Okay, but what does anyone get
out of killing these people?
I mean, I know they're
posh snobs and all that,
but we found the housekeeper dead.
I mean, why would anybody do that?
The dance. The drama.
The emotion. Oh, man. It's cosplay.
All of this. The Chuldur is cosplaying.
You said a Chuldur comes to a planet
and tries on people like outfits,
all for the fun of it.
Exactly like cosplay.
Wait, so you mean it's literally
dressing up and playing at Bridgerton?
Could be. I mean, those TV signals
beam out across the stars.
What are these TV signals?
N-No time.
Uh, we need to get the duchess
outside on her own.
And if there's one thing
that attracts her, it's scandal.
And outrage. And plot twists.
So, come on, Rogue.
Shall we?
I don't see how us dancing
will create a scene.
Then you should have researched this era
a little more because we are scandalous.
So, what is this ancient
Earth tradition of cosplay?
Oh, Rogue.
It's when fans dress up as
characters that they like,
and in our Chuldur's case,
it's Bridgerton.
Who is that?
Quite the sight.
Oh, my, ladies. This is shocking.
We need to have a big fight so we
can storm out and draw her to us.
The Chuldur cosplay. Not me.
This is the wrong time to be strong
and silent and so attractive.
How dare you, my lord?
Oh, this is new.
You would ask me to give
up my title, my fortune,
but what future can you promise me?
You cad!
Tell me what your heart wants,
or I shall turn my back on you forever.
Say anything.
Sorry, I ca
I can't.
- Oh, I must play them.
- Intercept.
You go that way.
What? By the Lord.
Oh, it's him. It's not the duchess.
What is he?
How can you even talk
like this? Who are you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now keep the duchess talking.
A Chuldur is strong, and if she starts
to change you, it won't stop.
Quick question. How many
does this trap hold?
Because there's only one Chuldur, yeah?
- It's a Chuldur family.
- Uh-huh.
I want to be the Doctor.
- Who wants to fight for the other one?
- Run.
- I'm normally the one that says that.
- Me. Me. Me.
I found them!
Gentlemen, we just want some fun!
I would love to be the Doctor.
Breaking spines. Removing tonsils.
Live vivisection!
Now find them!
I want a new look.
Where are they?
- Any luck?
- The stables are empty.
Back to the house.
We must advance with the wedding.
That should get them out of hiding.
She said wedding?
But four of them.
We've only got a trap
for one. What do we do?
When we start the action,
these human beings
will panic and scream.
It'll ruin the authenticity
of the evening.
Oh, but I like the panic
and the screaming bit.
This is what we came for.
The gossip, the romance, the scandal.
We still have the big finale wedding
to come, and then London.
We can play our games
on a magnificent scale.
Parliament first. Then
royalty. I can be king.
And we can start wars with the French
and the Spanish and the Portuguese,
and everyone who doesn't look British.
And bloodshed.
- And cannons.
- Gunpowder.
We're gonna cosplay
this planet to death.
Thank you.
- A little bit of zizz.
- Zizz?
Technical term. I can make
this transport gate carry four.
There might be others.
Right. Uh, six. Six maximum.
The problem is too much weight.
This can now only work once.
We've got one try at
this, Rogue. Just one.
We've gotta get it right first time.
Oh, Emily.
Emily, I'm sorry. I know
it's hard, but trust me.
There are scary things in the universe,
but the good things
always outnumber 'em.
How can you say these things?
You with your TV and your okay.
Uh, okay, look, the truth is
Nah, you've seen enough.
I'm not from your world.
I come from the future.
You are truly remarkable.
And I thought I was interesting.
A bookish little wallflower,
risking it all for a secret love.
But you?
You are wild
and brave and rude.
Living a life of adventure
from times yet to come.
Oh, Ruby Sunday
I want to be you.
Oh, come now, loves, a party
isn't a party without a costume change.
And don't I look fabulous?
- Any sign of Ruby?
- Not seen her.
They've locked the doors.
This is the endgame.
- Chuldur leave no witnesses.
- Darlings
They'll slaughter everyone.
now it is time for
the season finale.
And what could be better than a wedding?
And here they come.
Bride and groom.
How does it feel to be Lady Ruby?
Mmm. Delicious.
- I'm sorry.
- They got her.
She looks good on you.
Doctor, look.
You know I can't stop her,
and I wouldn't wanna do that.
And if anyone deserves to see
it all, feel it all, it's Ruby.
But I'm still her mum.
I need to know she'll be okay.
You'll keep her safe?
I will keep her safe.
I promise.
Now, every wedding needs a vicar.
Step forward, sir.
Madam. Your Grace. Your "birdiness".
I cannot sanction wedlock
for creatures from hell.
How long do they live for?
- Chuldur?
- Mmm.
They have a lifespan of 600 years.
Good. Good.
It's a long time to suffer.
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today
in the sight of the unholy
Oh, whatever. Et cetera,
praise be, holibobs
to witness the marriage
of Lord Barton to Miss Ruby.
I object!
Sorry, had we reached that bit yet?
It's very hard to hear out here.
I object to this wedding
and to all that you are, Chuldur.
Taste his inhuman scent.
Mmm. Breathe it in deep, baby,
because I am exuding,
and I am one of a kind.
He is quite unique.
He's something unknown.
I want to be him!
I want it! I want it!
And I want you standing
exactly there for this.
One-third of a transport gate?
One-third of a trap.
One-third of a brain, Doctor.
Of course.
I need the other two pieces.
I wonder where they are.
For the desecration of Ruby Sunday,
you deserve only this.
Tri-form on!
Trap locked at five.
How dare you, sir?
You'll pay for this.
But when?
Because five passengers in
a transport gate gives about
uh, 80 vexils.
- So
- Doctor, how long's a vexil?
Don't pretend.
No, I'm not. It's me, Doctor.
Nice try.
Me mum's called Carla,
and me gran's called Cherry,
and it snowed when I was born,
and we met space babies,
and I'm really, really sorry.
But how?
I cosplayed.
Battle mode.
Doctor, I can't move.
That's what she did to me!
How could you mistake her for me?
She has the scent of a Chuldur.
You idiot! It's a false scent
from that cheap psychic jewellery.
Tri-form Tri-form off.
Tri-form off! Tri-form
off! Tri-form off!
Transport gate charged.
Press send.
You won't press send.
You're too soft and feeble
to dispatch your little blonde friend.
Emily, you have my full permission.
Become the Doctor.
Trap locked at six.
Doctor, press send.
- We've only got one chance.
- I can't.
He's too much of a coward.
Press the button.
- It will send Ruby.
- No, Doctor. It's fine
No! No, no! No!
If you don't send, the
Chuldur will escape,
and Ruby dies anyway.
Transport gate charged.
It's fine.
Press send.
They'll kill us.
Then this house. Then
London. Then the world.
You know that.
You absolutely know it.
So can you do it?
Can you lose your friend
to save the world?
I know.
Rogue, no!
Matter exchange.
Trap locked at six.
Find me.
- You okay?
- Mmm.
Just sending the ship into
orbit around the moon,
so it can wait, as long as it takes.
Can't we use the TARDIS and go find him?
There are as many dimensions
as there are atoms in the universe.
Don't even know his real name.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, it is what it is. So, onwards.
Fine. Next. Off we go.
Where shall we go?
- Anywhere.
- Doctor, you don't have to be like this.
I have to be like this
'cause this is what I'm like.
Onwards. Upwards. New horizons.
- Moving on. It's fine
- Okay, can you just shut up a second?
It's good to have you back, Ruby.
And you, Doctor.
Everywhere I land, a woman appears.
In every dream, I'm there.
She doesn't know why,
but she remembered them.
Doctor. There's something wrong.
Whatever it is, here it comes.
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