Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e14 Episode Script

Greed Is Good

Welcome to high I.
Q.
-- the game show for geniuses.
Today we have six contestants.
By Friday, we'll be down to two, but only one can be our winner, taking home over $100,000 in cash and prizes.
And now here's your host-- mark merson.
Welcome tohigh I.
Q.
, the show for geniuses.
Let's meet our new set of contestants now.
She's single.
She really is a rocket scientist.
Her hobbies are calculus and pre-byzantine folk dancing.
Let's welcome Vicki rauseo.
How smart can she be? Works at a lab at m.
I.
T.
In his spare time, he's an anthropologist.
How did you talk me into this? This is a game for geniuses, right? Nobody's smarter than you.
It's a lock.
You are going to win $100,000 in cash and prizes.
Get real.
Scram, dink.
You bother my boy, I'll have you surgically removed.
I'm shaking in my keds.
Freshman year at Yale-- Kevin Walters! Our last contestant graduated college at 10.
At 16, he's a doctor.
I can't do this.
You can.
I can't.
You can! From the category of philosophy-- who was nicknamed "the dog philosopher" and why? Diogenes.
He'd bite people because he thought they were stupid.
Correct.
Music.
Identify the following piece by name, composer, and movement.
[Dvorak music plays.]
[Bell rings.]
Sean? Dvorak.
Concerto for cello in d minor.
[Buzzer.]
I'm sorry, that's-- Kevin? Dvorak.
Concerto for cello and orchestra inbminor, second movement.
That is correct.
Psychology.
The term mania is defined as Douglas.
Mania is defined as impulsive, abnormal, or Violent behavior.
Correct.
Kevin's in the lead.
Sean and Douglas are tied for second.
And we'll be right back.
And we're out.
Actually, this is fun.
I don't care if I win.
Good, 'cause you won't, egg brain.
[Imitating mark merson.]
Our next patient complained of decreased vision.
Ophthalmology did visual fields.
He's scheduled to have his optic nerve photographed this afternoon.
And now, let's meet the patient--Joe e.
Dunn! [Making applause noise.]
Hi, Mr.
Dunn.
I just saw you on that game show.
You're too young to be so smart.
Game show? Nothigh I.
Q.
? Won a free vacation to Hawaii.
I don't win anything unless I go all the way.
Mr.
Dunn, my name is Benjamin canfield.
I'm chief of services at eastman.
I wanted to shake the hand of the man who knocked out Jake lamotta.
That's kind of you, sir, but shake this young boy's hand.
He's going to win all those prizes.
Dr.
howser's onhigh I.
Q.
I got roped into it.
That's nice.
I just have to say I saw you fight sugar ray at the old garden.
You had a vicious left jab.
I did, sir.
Thank you.
So he was a fighter? Joe e.
Dunn wasn't just a fighter, he was an artist.
He should have won the '57 championship.
What happened? Weston got the decision.
It was a long count.
Joe knocked him out, but the ref didn't start counting immediately.
Weston got up at 9 and won a split decision.
But he knocked him out-- rumor was the fix was in.
So, if that game show asks you, "who was the champion of '57?" The correct answer is Lou Weston.
The right answer is Joe e.
Dunn.
Douglas.
Beta radiation-- high-energy electrons carrying a negative charge sent out by radioactive nuclei.
That is correct.
I'm getting excited all over again! That means, Douglas, you're in the lead again.
Let's take a commercial break, and we'll be right back.
Is this boy cleaning up or what? If I make it to the final round.
You're going to win it all-- a hundred thousand bucks' worth of prizes.
Frankly, Vincent, if Douglas wants to participate for the sheer joy of competition, that's commendable.
But tempt people with free prizes, and they become greedy.
Nothing brings out the worst in people more than greed.
Isn't that right, dear? Lighten up, David.
I want the microwave, but we have to give aunt Helen the washer/dryer.
but the one everyone wants.
Mark? Go on.
Vinnie, this is stupid.
No, it's not.
Chess players memorize the phone book to help their concentration.
What's the next section? Smiles, smiley, smilo, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith.
O.
K.
Smith You got that part.
You need a back rub to loosen up? How about something to eat? No.
Thanks.
I appreciate everything you're doing.
What are friends for, who are there for you all the time Who always stood up for you? What do you want? The new skis and the cd player.
Fine.
I hear the prizes get moe intense from now on.
A week in the Caribbean, a boat, a BMW--convertible.
Waah! Waah! What if I do win? What do you mean? You will.
What about that rotten kid? He is arrogant, obnoxious-- sounds like someone I know.
Hey.
Oofa! And sugar ray, there wasn't nothing sweet about him.
I can still feel his left.
Dr.
howser.
Hi, Mr.
Dunn.
You won again.
You'll go all the way.
Yeah.
Maybe.
So Let's hear it.
You have what's called angle recession glaucoma.
That doesn't sound like good news.
The reason you're having trouble seeing, is because fluid in your eyes isn't draining properly.
There's pressure we've got to try to relieve.
That's what I get for letting slapsy maxie go for my face.
I shouldn't have come inside on him.
We'll start you on eye drops.
If there's no response by Friday, we'll talk about alternatives.
Yeah.
I'm a fighter.
I only know winning and losing.
If you don't respond to treatments, eventually there could be a total loss of eyesight.
Well, just tell me what I have to do.
And say Keep on winning.
Everybody loves a winner.
Welcome to this week's third round ofhigh I.
Q.
Let's greet our four remaining contestants-- Vicki rauseo, Sean licht, Kevin Walters, and Douglas howser.
Well, Douglas, so far you're our big winner with $32,840 worth of prizes.
Thank you.
Let's move right on to the first round.
Today's categories are world war one, zoology, modern art, religion, Chinese literature, and political history.
Religion.
This religion was known as the puritanical islamic reform movement begun in Arabia, mid-18th century.
[Bell rings.]
Sean! Wahhabi.
Correct.
Chinese literature.
What are the five classics of early Chinese literature? [Ring.]
Vicki.
I ching, book of documents, book of odes, ritual prescriptions [Buzzer.]
[Ring.]
Douglas.
I ching, book of documents, book of odes, ritual prescriptions Wait.
No.
Yeah.
Andautumn annuals.
You are correct.
[Bell rings.]
You've answered a bonus question.
Let's see what you've won.
You've won a double strand of matinee-length cultured pearls with a rose cast, extremely high luster valued at over $1,500.
Boy, can she act.
We'll be right back after these messages.
Hi, honey.
You were wonderful, doogie.
Thanks.
And those pearls Yeah.
They're neat.
Beautiful.
They're yours.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
And those pearls are absolutely gorgeous.
I'll have to buy a new dress to match them.
Vladimir Lenin was a pseudonym.
His real name was Douglas.
Vladimir illyich Ulyanov.
Correct, and now Douglas, you're in second place.
Under the category of earth sciences, what's the range of temperature in the thermosphere? Kevin.
[Bell rings.]
That means our time is up.
Get this right, you'll be in second place and return tomorrow to play our final round of high I.
Q.
Against our leader Sean.
If you lose this point, Douglas, you'll return.
So I'll ask the question again.
What is the range of temperature of the thermosphere? Plus 400--no.
Minus 50 to Plus 927 celsius.
I'm sorry.
It's minus80 to 927 celsius.
I lost to that egghead? Which means, Douglas, you and Sean will return for finals when one will take home $100,000 in prizes.
I don't care about being a good sport! I don't have to be.
I'm 11! Join us tomorrow.
I hate you, and I hate this music.
I hate this show! Good night, everyone.
Aah! Oh.
Mom's been making me eat all this healthy stuff.
It's killing my concentration.
You couldn't sleep? Me, neither.
I guess I'm nervous about the show tomorrow.
I suppose I'm a bit anxious about it myself.
Those are great with peanut butter on them.
Hmm? Mmm! Anything I can help you with? Thanks.
I was analyzing the pattern of their questions.
I think I've broken the system.
If I'm right, tomorrow they should ask about 16th century math.
Did you read all this? I could recite it.
Son, this is all supposed to be a lot of fun.
Nothing more.
Whether you win or lose, it's irrelevant.
I know I should, but I want that boat.
I want that car.
Win that game, son.
I will, dad.
Freeman's sick! Which means I'm on duty till 6:00.
Can someone work my shift, please? I've got to get off.
I'll give my Hawaiian vacation in exchange.
Now you're talking.
He asked me first, so I'll take it.
I'll work it and your next two birthdays.
Doogie, I'll work every Christmas for you.
I'll see that and throw in Thanksgiving, new year's, and easter.
I can't take your shift, but let me leave you with this thought.
But I have a string bikini which fits in here.
- Unfair! - Low blow.
- Thanks very much.
- Come on, doog.
I'll make it easy on you.
You may have the afternoon off.
Thanks for bailing me out.
Of course, Douglas.
I couldn't believe the way they were acting.
Human nature being what it is, it was predictable.
I could have gotten them to do anything.
Well, they're overworked, exhausted, in desperate need of a vacation.
I guess i understand that.
I suppose it's because I, too, haven't been on a vacation in such a very long, long time.
I guess what I need is to get away someplace Tropical.
So, tell me something good, son.
I wish I could But I've just finished discussing your case with the ophthalmologist.
I'm afraid the treatment isn't working.
That can't be the good part.
We'll have to discuss other alternatives.
Let's talk real.
What are my chances of seeing a little better? That's all I want, just a little better.
I'm afraid your vision won't get any better.
There's always the possibility that a different treatment could arrest the condition.
Look, I'll make sure we exhaust every possibility.
I never lost a fight i didn't try to win.
I even lost a few i knew I won.
Canfield said they cheated you out of the championship in '57.
I believe they did.
I couldn't have handled that.
Didn't you just want to kill somebody? Life is what it is, but that doesn't mean i didn't put my fist through a wall when it happened.
But I knew in my heart that I'd won.
After the fame is gone and the money, the only thing you got, the only thing that counts, is what you know in your heart.
Hmm.
One minute, everyone.
One minute.
I guess this is it.
A brilliant deduction.
You're not allowed to smoke in here.
I always smoke before a victory.
Hey, I might win.
Yeah, right.
Look, kid, I've seen your so-called friends.
Every one's got their hand out.
After they're finished divvying the spoils, all you're gonna see is a big fat tax bill.
What if you win? I don't have friends.
Let's go, o.
K.
? Take it from me, kid.
People suck.
Sean.
James Watson and Francis crick discovered the double helix of DNA.
Correct.
The score is even.
From Latin, what is the English translation forabsilio? To leap or fly away from.
Correct.
Sean, you're in the lead.
[Bell rings.]
That bell means this is our last question.
Sean, because you're in the lead, you'll have the first chance.
If you are correct, you will be our champion.
If you're wrong, Douglas will have a chance.
The question is from the category of mathematics.
In 1945 cardan published his formula for the solution of the cubic equation.
In reality, he stole this formula from what 16th century mathematician? Descartes? I am sorry.
That's incorrect.
Yes! Douglas, if you answer incorrectly, Sean will be our champion, but if you answer correctly you will win the cd player, a double strand of fine pearls, a set of skis, boots, poles, and a complete skiing wardrobe, the washer/dryer, a completely new kitchen, a Hawaiian vacation for two, a cruise around the world with $10,000 spending money, a brand new BMW convertible, and a Bermuda forty sailing yacht.
Douglas, for the championship, in 1945 cardan published his formula for the solution of the cubic equation.
In reality, he stole this formula from what 16th century mathematician? Mendelssohn.
I'm sorry.
That's incorrect.
The correct answer is tartaglia.
Which means Sean is our champion, and you've won over $100,000 in cash and prizes.
[Knock on door.]
Consolation prize.
Correct me if I'm wrong, son, but you knew the answer to that question, didn't you? Yeah.
Then I'm not quite sure why you lost.
I didn't lose.
See, in my heart i know I won.
Everybody had their hand out.
I guess I didn't want to deal with it.
Well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I suppose i got caught up in the greed.
It does terrible things to you.
I hated the feelings i was having.
I'm sorry.
I know you wanted that boat.
When you graduated college at 10 and they had you stand on the phone book to reach the podium, I thought nothing could impress me more, until now.
Why? You have handled yourself with such rare distinction.
That is a far, far better prize than any boat you could give me.
Good night, son.
Good night.
It was a very beautiful boat.
It was a very beautiful car.
You heard.
You blew $100,000 in prizes and cash.
We were getting greedy.
Inwall street, Michael Douglas says greed is good.
It didn't make me feel so good.
I admit I got caught up in it, but when you were winning, i felt like a winner.
It was getting out of hand.
I guess you're right.
We were all getting greedy, but couldn't we have lamented about it in your new BMW? Vinnie All right, you're right.
If you can face this, so can I.
This is the sort of thing we'll look back on when we're old men, and we'll laugh.
Ha.
A convertible, a ski trip, a boat-- good night, Vinnie.

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