Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e19 Episode Script
Doogie's Awesome, Excellent Adventure
No way! Michael j.
Fox is cute, but tom cruise is sexy.
Michael j.
Fox is sexy.
What makes a guy sexy? Don't ask about things you'll never understand.
Oh, my god! I don't believe it! What? Griffin Marshall! Who is Griffin Marshall? Only, like, the most awesome guy in the world.
Kill me.
I, like, didn't know.
Griffin Marshall's the most popular guy in school.
People walk like him, they dress like him.
I don't.
He's in with the glam group.
He knows where all the great parties are.
I don't take you to great parties? He gets great concert seats.
He's an excellent dresser.
I'm a good dresser.
He has his own groupies.
I don't have that.
And he wears an earring.
I love earrings on guys.
What's an earring? A hole in your ear.
I'd kill to meet him.
You never told me you like earrings.
I'd kill you to meet him.
His insides are like everyone else's, gross and disgusting.
Griffin! He's also passed out.
Wanda, call 911.
Vinnie, get the bag out of my car.
Go get help or something.
Hey, what I'm a doctor.
He was having trouble breathing.
He's in anaphylactic shock.
If he doesn't get a shot of epinephrine, his vocal cords could swell and suffocate him.
All right.
This should bring him around.
What happened? You passed out.
Who are you? He gave you first aid.
Are you o.
K.
? Did you give me mouth to mouth resuscitation? No.
Then I'm o.
K.
Is that pillow comfortable enough? Do you need some more juice? Hey, there's my man! He is so cool.
See you.
Your tests turned out o.
K.
I called señor chili.
They do put peanuts in their chili.
I'm way allergic to peanuts.
You're fine.
You're free to go.
Hey, man, you saved my life.
That's, like, a heavy thing.
Oh, it's nothing.
It's what I do.
Naw, it was scandalous.
I owe you for this.
It's no big deal.
I got to pay you back for this.
I've been kind of busy lately, what, with going to medical school and being a doctor.
I haven't really exactly been able to, uh, sort of keep up with things.
You know, uh, clothes and music You want to be cool? That's cool.
I'm your man.
I'm going to make you the second coolest dude around, Darren.
Doogie.
We'll change that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now when I was a young boy at the age of five my mother said I'm gonna be the greatest man alive but now I'm a man I made 21 won't you believe me, honey? We'll have lots of fun I'm a man I spell "m" "a," child "n" that represent man no "b" "o," child "y" that spell mannish boy I'm a man I'm a full-grown man I'm a man I'm a rolling stone I'm a man I'm a hootchie-cootchie man sittin' on the outside just me, and I'm made I'm made to move come up two hours later one night, a man I spell "m" "a," child "n" "o," child "y" that spell mannish boy Aah! Doog.
Is that you under there? Savage, man.
Wow, doogie.
Babe, you are looking bodacious.
Thank you, doogie.
I can't believe the way you look.
Do you like it? I love it.
You look incredible.
The earring is very sexy.
I've been trying to get my husband to Pierce his ear.
It looks great, doogie.
Doc, that's what mi amigoscall me.
Hello, everyone.
Dr.
howser.
Dr.
howser? Douglas? Hey, my man! This is a new look for you, Douglas.
I'm just trying to hang easy, you know? Go with the flow.
No more bogus ties for me.
I guess I've just found who I am.
Can you find some pants that cover your knees? Bueno, dude Dr.
canfield.
Thank you, Douglas.
For what? For reminding me that my children aren't teenagers anymore.
Dad, can i take your 750 to the party tonight? Why? I've proven myself to be responsible and mature.
A mature person doesn't wear an earring, cut holes in a new pair of jeans, and call his father mongo dude.
Right, dear? I like the earring.
I think it's sexy.
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to get my beeper.
I'm on call tonight.
I think we should be going, dear.
What if I promise that nothing will happen to your car? I am sorry, son.
Besides, I'm not even sure that you're covered on my insurance to drive it.
Ride with your friends, or you could take your own car.
You're destroying my reputation.
If your reputation hinges on impressing kids with your father's car, then they weren't very good friends.
You bought the car to impress your friends.
Don't be smart.
I can't help it.
Dad, please, just this once.
I've made up my mind.
You've closed your mind.
That's enough.
The movie gets out at 10:30.
We'll be home by 11:00.
Mom, this is important to me.
Try to understand.
Your father loves his car very much.
He has a special relationship with it.
It's sick.
He's just very particular about it.
That's why we're taking my car tonight.
He doesn't want to park his on the street.
I just wanna use it once.
Maybe I can change his mind.
Don't even try.
So what are you doing, Einstein? My dad keeps his spare keys in a wall safe.
He's got a computer file with the combination on it.
If I can just find the password, then I can get in.
Mm-hmm.
Ha ha! I've got it, Igor.
You poked a hole in your ear.
I think you went into your brain.
Do you know what this means? You spit when you get excited.
I can take the car to the party.
You're gonna take your father's car? Yeah.
Without permission? Exactly.
We have liftoff.
You're gonna steal your dad's most prized possession in the world, even though you know he would kill you, and make you pay and suffer for the rest of your life? But he won't find out.
Great.
Don't you have to sandpaper your fingers or something? This has got to be the right combination.
O.
K.
, let's try her.
I'm sweating in places i don't want to talk about.
Wait till Griffin sees this! All right! Let's go.
Oh, uh, vin, Griffin invited me.
I don't think I can bring anyone else.
It's not an open party.
Oh, right.
Look, Vinnie Oh, forget it, doog.
If I'm not cool enough, I don't want to go.
You're in with the popular guys.
It's just one party.
I get the message.
You don't need me anymore.
Whoo! This car has severe speakers.
Wicked! You're a vicious dude.
I can't believe your father let you use his car.
He must really trust you.
Yeah.
Watch your step, Susan.
You don't want to ruin those spike heels on the upholstery.
Thanks, doc.
Eeyow! This is going to be an excellent party! What's wrong, doogie? This isn't the best place to park the car.
Doc, don't spaz out on me.
The car will be fine.
So will we when we're inside partying.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm charged.
Party time.
Yay! Yay! Yay! It's just that i have to be at the hospital by 11:00.
Otherwise, I'd stay.
Drop us at Ellen's.
She's having a party to celebrate this party.
Oh, my god! It's stolen.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god.
I'm dead.
My father is going to kill me.
Hey, doc, don't wig out here.
This wasn't your fault.
Your dad let you use the car.
You can't help it if it got stolen.
Stay and party.
Just tell your dad, "i couldn't get home.
The car was stolen.
" No.
You don't understand.
This was my fault.
I took the car without my father's permission.
Why didn't you tell me? We got to call the police.
It's not stolen.
It's been towed.
I'm going to live! What time is it? It's 10:00.
Oh, I'm going to die.
Look, I'm very sorry.
I know if this were me and dad's car got towed Whew! I'd be sweating bullets.
But it's not! Hey, doing all right! Jessie, could you drive us over to Ellen's? Sure.
Come on! If I don't get the car back in the garage by 11:00, my parents will kill me.
Let me take it.
I promise I'll pay tomorrow.
If you want your car, pay the fine.
$127.
But I don't have the money with me.
Then you don't get the car.
Legally you have no basis to hold my car when I can offer sufficient and proportionate collateral as compensation.
Take my girlfriend.
My father will pulverize me if that car's not back in 10 minutes.
Thank god.
Show a little gratitude.
I'm about to save your snotty butt.
I called him, doogie.
Time's running out.
You got to know how to talk to these people.
See? How much? $127.
It took me three years to save this.
I'll take you home, Wanda.
Thanks, Vinnie.
You're a great friend.
I wish I could say the same about you.
Don't be mad at him, Vinnie.
Why not? Griffin just sucked him in.
We all thought he was so cool and He's such a jerk.
A jerk my best friend dumped me for.
He knows what a good friend you are.
He should know how hard it is to be his friend.
How many guys hang out with a guy who works weekends and gets jazzed over blood, kidneys, and mucus? Doogie's really lucky to have you as a best friend.
I guess you're right.
I am his best friend.
Who else will deliver the eulogy? What eulogy? The one after his father kills him.
Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah That was a great movie.
Hi, honey.
How was your evening? Nothing special.
I'm just engrossed in this show.
Let's take a little of the oh, my gosh! The spray-on mousse that's very, very light.
You may need me to give you a haircut, mom.
Yes, well, I'm going to go upstairs.
Good night, doogie.
Good night, mom.
Douglas, I'd like to talk to you.
Yeah, dad? I believe I was unfair to you tonight.
What do you mean? I've been thinking about it.
I should've let you borrow my car.
Oh, no.
That's o.
K.
Really.
No.
No, it isn't.
You have proven yourself to be trustworthy, responsible.
I realize you would never abuse the privilege of driving my car.
No, son, I'm afraid i judged a book by its cover.
If there was ever anybody in this world who shouldn't be judged by appearances, it's you.
Now, this is only a symbolic gesture, but I would like you to have the spare set of keys to the car.
I'll get it! No, dad, that isn't necessary.
Yes, it is.
David, it's the hospital.
Oh.
Hello.
Start an I.
V.
With dextrose and saline and keep him n.
P.
O.
Uh Put an n.
G.
Tube by the bedside.
I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Son, you have earned these Because you've earned my faith and my trust.
I admit I'm a little embarrassed I didn't realize this before, and I hope this will make it up to you.
Tell your mother i had to go to the hospital.
You called me.
What do you want? You want to come in? I'm not sure.
I'm going to go to the bank first thing tomorrow and get your money.
You're good for it.
I don't see bruises.
You got away with it.
Yeah.
My father even gave me the spare set of keys to the BMW.
Oh, that's great! Griffin deserted me In a second.
And even though i didn't bring you to the party You saved my butt tonight.
Iama great guy.
Let's take your dad's car for a spin tomorrow.
I can't.
You can! I feel too guilty.
I may never be able to drive it again.
Nah! Nah! I got to go.
Welcome back.
It's nice to be back.
Fox is cute, but tom cruise is sexy.
Michael j.
Fox is sexy.
What makes a guy sexy? Don't ask about things you'll never understand.
Oh, my god! I don't believe it! What? Griffin Marshall! Who is Griffin Marshall? Only, like, the most awesome guy in the world.
Kill me.
I, like, didn't know.
Griffin Marshall's the most popular guy in school.
People walk like him, they dress like him.
I don't.
He's in with the glam group.
He knows where all the great parties are.
I don't take you to great parties? He gets great concert seats.
He's an excellent dresser.
I'm a good dresser.
He has his own groupies.
I don't have that.
And he wears an earring.
I love earrings on guys.
What's an earring? A hole in your ear.
I'd kill to meet him.
You never told me you like earrings.
I'd kill you to meet him.
His insides are like everyone else's, gross and disgusting.
Griffin! He's also passed out.
Wanda, call 911.
Vinnie, get the bag out of my car.
Go get help or something.
Hey, what I'm a doctor.
He was having trouble breathing.
He's in anaphylactic shock.
If he doesn't get a shot of epinephrine, his vocal cords could swell and suffocate him.
All right.
This should bring him around.
What happened? You passed out.
Who are you? He gave you first aid.
Are you o.
K.
? Did you give me mouth to mouth resuscitation? No.
Then I'm o.
K.
Is that pillow comfortable enough? Do you need some more juice? Hey, there's my man! He is so cool.
See you.
Your tests turned out o.
K.
I called señor chili.
They do put peanuts in their chili.
I'm way allergic to peanuts.
You're fine.
You're free to go.
Hey, man, you saved my life.
That's, like, a heavy thing.
Oh, it's nothing.
It's what I do.
Naw, it was scandalous.
I owe you for this.
It's no big deal.
I got to pay you back for this.
I've been kind of busy lately, what, with going to medical school and being a doctor.
I haven't really exactly been able to, uh, sort of keep up with things.
You know, uh, clothes and music You want to be cool? That's cool.
I'm your man.
I'm going to make you the second coolest dude around, Darren.
Doogie.
We'll change that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now when I was a young boy at the age of five my mother said I'm gonna be the greatest man alive but now I'm a man I made 21 won't you believe me, honey? We'll have lots of fun I'm a man I spell "m" "a," child "n" that represent man no "b" "o," child "y" that spell mannish boy I'm a man I'm a full-grown man I'm a man I'm a rolling stone I'm a man I'm a hootchie-cootchie man sittin' on the outside just me, and I'm made I'm made to move come up two hours later one night, a man I spell "m" "a," child "n" "o," child "y" that spell mannish boy Aah! Doog.
Is that you under there? Savage, man.
Wow, doogie.
Babe, you are looking bodacious.
Thank you, doogie.
I can't believe the way you look.
Do you like it? I love it.
You look incredible.
The earring is very sexy.
I've been trying to get my husband to Pierce his ear.
It looks great, doogie.
Doc, that's what mi amigoscall me.
Hello, everyone.
Dr.
howser.
Dr.
howser? Douglas? Hey, my man! This is a new look for you, Douglas.
I'm just trying to hang easy, you know? Go with the flow.
No more bogus ties for me.
I guess I've just found who I am.
Can you find some pants that cover your knees? Bueno, dude Dr.
canfield.
Thank you, Douglas.
For what? For reminding me that my children aren't teenagers anymore.
Dad, can i take your 750 to the party tonight? Why? I've proven myself to be responsible and mature.
A mature person doesn't wear an earring, cut holes in a new pair of jeans, and call his father mongo dude.
Right, dear? I like the earring.
I think it's sexy.
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to get my beeper.
I'm on call tonight.
I think we should be going, dear.
What if I promise that nothing will happen to your car? I am sorry, son.
Besides, I'm not even sure that you're covered on my insurance to drive it.
Ride with your friends, or you could take your own car.
You're destroying my reputation.
If your reputation hinges on impressing kids with your father's car, then they weren't very good friends.
You bought the car to impress your friends.
Don't be smart.
I can't help it.
Dad, please, just this once.
I've made up my mind.
You've closed your mind.
That's enough.
The movie gets out at 10:30.
We'll be home by 11:00.
Mom, this is important to me.
Try to understand.
Your father loves his car very much.
He has a special relationship with it.
It's sick.
He's just very particular about it.
That's why we're taking my car tonight.
He doesn't want to park his on the street.
I just wanna use it once.
Maybe I can change his mind.
Don't even try.
So what are you doing, Einstein? My dad keeps his spare keys in a wall safe.
He's got a computer file with the combination on it.
If I can just find the password, then I can get in.
Mm-hmm.
Ha ha! I've got it, Igor.
You poked a hole in your ear.
I think you went into your brain.
Do you know what this means? You spit when you get excited.
I can take the car to the party.
You're gonna take your father's car? Yeah.
Without permission? Exactly.
We have liftoff.
You're gonna steal your dad's most prized possession in the world, even though you know he would kill you, and make you pay and suffer for the rest of your life? But he won't find out.
Great.
Don't you have to sandpaper your fingers or something? This has got to be the right combination.
O.
K.
, let's try her.
I'm sweating in places i don't want to talk about.
Wait till Griffin sees this! All right! Let's go.
Oh, uh, vin, Griffin invited me.
I don't think I can bring anyone else.
It's not an open party.
Oh, right.
Look, Vinnie Oh, forget it, doog.
If I'm not cool enough, I don't want to go.
You're in with the popular guys.
It's just one party.
I get the message.
You don't need me anymore.
Whoo! This car has severe speakers.
Wicked! You're a vicious dude.
I can't believe your father let you use his car.
He must really trust you.
Yeah.
Watch your step, Susan.
You don't want to ruin those spike heels on the upholstery.
Thanks, doc.
Eeyow! This is going to be an excellent party! What's wrong, doogie? This isn't the best place to park the car.
Doc, don't spaz out on me.
The car will be fine.
So will we when we're inside partying.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm charged.
Party time.
Yay! Yay! Yay! It's just that i have to be at the hospital by 11:00.
Otherwise, I'd stay.
Drop us at Ellen's.
She's having a party to celebrate this party.
Oh, my god! It's stolen.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god.
I'm dead.
My father is going to kill me.
Hey, doc, don't wig out here.
This wasn't your fault.
Your dad let you use the car.
You can't help it if it got stolen.
Stay and party.
Just tell your dad, "i couldn't get home.
The car was stolen.
" No.
You don't understand.
This was my fault.
I took the car without my father's permission.
Why didn't you tell me? We got to call the police.
It's not stolen.
It's been towed.
I'm going to live! What time is it? It's 10:00.
Oh, I'm going to die.
Look, I'm very sorry.
I know if this were me and dad's car got towed Whew! I'd be sweating bullets.
But it's not! Hey, doing all right! Jessie, could you drive us over to Ellen's? Sure.
Come on! If I don't get the car back in the garage by 11:00, my parents will kill me.
Let me take it.
I promise I'll pay tomorrow.
If you want your car, pay the fine.
$127.
But I don't have the money with me.
Then you don't get the car.
Legally you have no basis to hold my car when I can offer sufficient and proportionate collateral as compensation.
Take my girlfriend.
My father will pulverize me if that car's not back in 10 minutes.
Thank god.
Show a little gratitude.
I'm about to save your snotty butt.
I called him, doogie.
Time's running out.
You got to know how to talk to these people.
See? How much? $127.
It took me three years to save this.
I'll take you home, Wanda.
Thanks, Vinnie.
You're a great friend.
I wish I could say the same about you.
Don't be mad at him, Vinnie.
Why not? Griffin just sucked him in.
We all thought he was so cool and He's such a jerk.
A jerk my best friend dumped me for.
He knows what a good friend you are.
He should know how hard it is to be his friend.
How many guys hang out with a guy who works weekends and gets jazzed over blood, kidneys, and mucus? Doogie's really lucky to have you as a best friend.
I guess you're right.
I am his best friend.
Who else will deliver the eulogy? What eulogy? The one after his father kills him.
Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah That was a great movie.
Hi, honey.
How was your evening? Nothing special.
I'm just engrossed in this show.
Let's take a little of the oh, my gosh! The spray-on mousse that's very, very light.
You may need me to give you a haircut, mom.
Yes, well, I'm going to go upstairs.
Good night, doogie.
Good night, mom.
Douglas, I'd like to talk to you.
Yeah, dad? I believe I was unfair to you tonight.
What do you mean? I've been thinking about it.
I should've let you borrow my car.
Oh, no.
That's o.
K.
Really.
No.
No, it isn't.
You have proven yourself to be trustworthy, responsible.
I realize you would never abuse the privilege of driving my car.
No, son, I'm afraid i judged a book by its cover.
If there was ever anybody in this world who shouldn't be judged by appearances, it's you.
Now, this is only a symbolic gesture, but I would like you to have the spare set of keys to the car.
I'll get it! No, dad, that isn't necessary.
Yes, it is.
David, it's the hospital.
Oh.
Hello.
Start an I.
V.
With dextrose and saline and keep him n.
P.
O.
Uh Put an n.
G.
Tube by the bedside.
I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Son, you have earned these Because you've earned my faith and my trust.
I admit I'm a little embarrassed I didn't realize this before, and I hope this will make it up to you.
Tell your mother i had to go to the hospital.
You called me.
What do you want? You want to come in? I'm not sure.
I'm going to go to the bank first thing tomorrow and get your money.
You're good for it.
I don't see bruises.
You got away with it.
Yeah.
My father even gave me the spare set of keys to the BMW.
Oh, that's great! Griffin deserted me In a second.
And even though i didn't bring you to the party You saved my butt tonight.
Iama great guy.
Let's take your dad's car for a spin tomorrow.
I can't.
You can! I feel too guilty.
I may never be able to drive it again.
Nah! Nah! I got to go.
Welcome back.
It's nice to be back.