Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e21 Episode Script
Whose Mid-Life Crisis Is It Anyway
Scalpel.
Sutures.
Ok.
Let's close him up.
Mmm.
Your patient looks tasty.
Da-d-d-d-dah da da da dah Dee d-d-d-Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee d-d-doo doo doo doo doo Dee d-d-d-Dee Dee happy days are here again yes Done.
Finished.
Completed.
Ho ho.
Terrific, honey.
What's finished? My study i know.
I've kept it to myself.
For the past six years, I have conducted a research study, using my office patients.
Tomorrow morning I am fed-ex-ing my work to the new england journal of medicine.
Sounds great.
It sure does.
After six years, I finally get my day in the journal.
What's it about, dad? Glasses, glasses.
Little one is yours.
Ahh! A toast To Dr.
David howser's theory on impotency and its treatment in males between the ages of 40 and 55.
Oh, I'm very proud of you, David.
Can I read it? Mmm.
It would be an honor and a privilege.
Well? It's terrific, dad.
The research is very comprehensive.
It supports your theories.
There's just one thing.
June, June, June Here it is.
June, 1987.
I think it was page 146.
The New Jersey health news.
The what? This is exactly my study.
Actually, he researched impotency in, uh Males of all ages.
I don't believe this.
In here, my study would be reduced to a mere footnote.
Well, he had a rich research Grant behind him.
At least he validated your work.
Nice try, son.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
from Mexico City.
No electricity.
Clean water? Not a chance.
Sounds awful.
Awful? It was great.
Sign up for this program, and you'll see what medicine is all about Club feet, leprosy, gangrene Didn't Dr.
Gilbert return from there with that six-month sleeping sickness? That's the exciting part of this Experiencing hard-core, combat-like medicine.
If I go to Mexico, it's the beach.
The point is to go to rural areas and live nothing but medicine for two weeks.
How often will you see a 4-foot tapeworm? I pulled two out of a teenager.
Ugh.
Code blue.
Emergency room.
We have no pulse.
Get an airway in.
Been hit in the heart.
I'm opening him up.
Still no pulse.
Let's move to the O.
R.
No time.
Scalpel? Retraction.
Retractor.
Right here.
Clamp.
Too much blood.
Get some suction in here.
Stat.
Where's the basin? Basin's here.
It's out.
Can you get control? Yeah.
Plugged it with my finger.
I'm massaging the heart.
How's the pressure? Great work, doog.
Alert O.
R.
we're coming.
We got to move him.
Whoa.
Oh! Hello, Douglas.
Oh, hi, doogie.
Hi, Mrs.
Leonard.
You ok? Ok? I'm alive, thanks to your father.
I was tending my champion roses when a yellowjacket stung me in the rump.
And this wonderful man of medicine performed an emergency surgery.
Great.
All in a day's work.
How was your day? Nothing special, just Same old junk.
These are for a Dr.
howser.
What a nice surprise.
Beautiful! I wonder who these are from.
"Dr.
howser, I wanted to show my appreciation "for what you've done for my husband.
"Pulling that bullet and pumping life back into his body was a miracle.
" Wow! A real hero-type dude, huh? Thank you.
Thanks, good doctor.
And I thought my little bug bite was important.
These are for you.
What miracle will i have to perform next? Poison Ivy? Hangnail? Dad, I get accident victims every day that require no more than a band-aid.
Thank you, son.
You don't have to compare notes with me.
You perform meaningful, lifesaving medicine on a daily basis.
I don't.
You've been moping about your study for three days.
I put six years of my life into that.
How were you supposed to know it was already published? It was in a totally obscure medical journal.
Who reads the New Jersey health news? You do.
And I should have.
Obscure or not, i didn't do my homework.
So do another study.
I'm tapped out.
At my age, you don't come up with new studies.
We'll do one together.
Let's come up with an idea.
Thanks for being so charitable.
You'll probably have two dozen papers published by the time you're 30.
You don't need me holding you back.
It was a wonderful dinner, Katherine.
I think I'll retire for the evening.
A year ago I could do two sets of these.
A year ago I didn't have hair growing in my ears.
You, too? Whoa.
Recently, I've been a little bored with work.
Going to the office has become a struggle.
At least you get to practice medicine.
I specialize in memo writing and budget allocation meetings.
Was the human body meant to do this? Yes.
But our bodies haven't been human for 20, 30 years.
The exercise bikes are pretty safe.
Good idea.
Whatever happened to all those big dreams we had? I guess we realized some And the others, well, they still make pretty good dreams.
How come it doesn't bother you? It does.
But this is what I am.
I make the best of it.
Very few of us can be stars.
I think we're supposed to be pedaling.
Why ruin a comfortable seat? I think I need a nap.
Wow! Those are nice.
I thought we could use a little cheer around this house.
Your father's on his fourth day in a row.
The girls in the office are asking questions.
He's just taking time.
He'll be back to work Monday.
Glorious day.
Hi, honey.
What did you do? I drove up the coast highway, stopped at a seafood place, had some chowder, and watched the waves.
It was delightful.
Sounds nice.
It gave me time to think.
I've been in a mood the past few days.
It's high time i do something about it.
I'm going to sell my practice and retire.
What? Where was i when this was decided? It'll work out fine.
We have plenty of money.
Selling the practice will enhance our position.
Our lifestyle will not change.
Forget money.
Medicine is your life.
Was my life.
We'll leave the medicine to the real doctor in this family.
What do you plan on doing? Well, you know Things.
Golf, fishing, or this.
My new toolbox.
There are a lot of projects i plan on tackling.
I don't believe this.
It'll all work out.
Trust me.
I'm going to go out in the garage and set up our workshop.
This is not happening.
Doogie, answer this for me.
Has he flipped? I think he's in a mood.
It's more intense, but temporary.
Can you imagine him around this house every day, sawing and banging away? That thought is frightening.
Then what do we do? Is there some sort of therapy? Maybe a drug? If I were dad's physician, I'd take blood tests to rule out organic depression.
After those precautions, we could narrow it down to a functional depression, in which case we're talking about psychotherapy, and maybe biological therapy, in the form of antidepressants like tofranil and Prozac.
But if that doesn't help, we'd have to go to a last resort E.
C.
T.
E.
C.
T.
We'll zap him.
Shock therapy.
Doogie! Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure we'll find a simpler solution.
Dad needs an attitude adjustment.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm throwing these old medical journals out.
Why? I've memorized most of them.
I got my favorite educational journal memorized, too.
Which one? Playboy.
It's like weird.
I have all kinds of trouble in history class, but I can tell you miss July 1987's favorite pastimes are skiing, riding horses, and baking.
Is there a medical term for this? I think you'd be diagnosed as a horn dog.
That's my dad.
If I hadn't remembered that article, if I kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened.
Wrong, doog.
The magazine still would have rejected your dad's stuff.
Then he'd really be embarrassed.
It's just a big mess.
He's just giving up.
Like George Bailey.
Who? George Bailey.
Jimmy Stewart's character in it's a wonderful life.
He thought his life was a waste until this angel showed him the good he did for others.
Oh, yeah.
I saw that again last Christmas.
Vinnie You're a genius.
Dr.
Peterson, please check your beeper.
Thanks.
How are we feeling, Mr.
Moore? I'm alive.
You the wonder kid that saved my life? No big deal.
Any doctor could have done it.
It's a crazy world.
Some nut case sticks a gun in my ribs and demands my hard-earned money.
I told him he'd have to kill me first.
Technically, he did.
What is mankind coming to? The criminal element is everywhere.
Well, it's not here.
Just rest and recovery.
You're quite a young man.
You know In the recovery room, i made a decision.
I'm retiring.
My life has been stagnant Boring.
I figure, what's the point? I don't accept that, Mr.
Moore.
Well, I do.
The same old jobs, one after another.
Oh It becomes tiresome.
We live in a young man's world.
Not true.
You've got plenty of productive years.
Now's the time to get out and do bigger, better.
Pass on your valuable experience.
Reach for the gold.
You think? No one's ever taken the time to talk to me, to care about me.
Thank you, young man.
Hello, Archie.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a This is David Moore.
Alias Archie agelhoff.
FBI.
Archie's wanted for in seven states.
Well, so much for your productive years.
For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny A few friends stopped by.
Dr.
howser, good to see you.
Hi, Dr.
howser.
Hi.
How are you? Mrs.
w.
Surprise! Oh.
Maki.
Oh.
Aw.
Katherine Dr.
howser? William Craig.
- Marines? - Airborne.
You reset my leg.
I wouldn't be jumping out of planes if you didn't.
Hey, doc! Is that Charlie Wilson? It sure is.
Charlie, how are you? I got the call from your fine son and lovely wife.
I drove all the way down from Bakersfield.
Thank you, Charlie.
I wouldn't miss this.
It was 1970 at my gas station on Wilshire when that engine blew up.
I had burning fluids on me.
You were there, doc.
Flushing my eyes clean.
Saved my eyesight, i do recall.
What a blessing.
Excuse me, doctor? Darlene Cunningham.
August 5, 1979 A four-car accident on sunset? Yes, yes, yes, but I didn't operate on you.
The paramedics got a specialist at eastman to perform the operation.
Oh, I know, but you held my hand for three hours through it all.
God bless you, Dr.
howser.
I never realized.
We always have.
I, uh I thought i might emulsify a few words about the man we've assembled to pay tribute.
Oh, no.
Ahem.
Dr.
howser's a great guy.
From the way this room sounds, a great doctor.
He's saved a lot of people from nasty stuff.
When I was 6, he pulled me from a drainage ditch.
I had rips everywhere.
The good doctor's sewn them up.
At 12, playing toy soldiers, I got a howitzer stuck in my throat.
I could hardly breathe until he dislodged it.
Vinnie, i He's saved my life so many times.
I love this man.
Vinnie.
When I was 15, I had a rash For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny You know I needed a slap in the face.
In a special way, you and your mom did that for me.
Hey, it was easy finding people you helped.
Some more time, we could've filled the forum.
Thank you, son.
Oh.
I'm going to take a trip.
Fishing? No.
Ben canfield and i will spend two weeks in the hills of arriaga, Mexico providing much-needed medical attention, and when I return, it's back to my medical practice.
That sounds great, dad.
Yeah.
It does.
Good night, son.
Hmm.
Sutures.
Ok.
Let's close him up.
Mmm.
Your patient looks tasty.
Da-d-d-d-dah da da da dah Dee d-d-d-Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee d-d-doo doo doo doo doo Dee d-d-d-Dee Dee happy days are here again yes Done.
Finished.
Completed.
Ho ho.
Terrific, honey.
What's finished? My study i know.
I've kept it to myself.
For the past six years, I have conducted a research study, using my office patients.
Tomorrow morning I am fed-ex-ing my work to the new england journal of medicine.
Sounds great.
It sure does.
After six years, I finally get my day in the journal.
What's it about, dad? Glasses, glasses.
Little one is yours.
Ahh! A toast To Dr.
David howser's theory on impotency and its treatment in males between the ages of 40 and 55.
Oh, I'm very proud of you, David.
Can I read it? Mmm.
It would be an honor and a privilege.
Well? It's terrific, dad.
The research is very comprehensive.
It supports your theories.
There's just one thing.
June, June, June Here it is.
June, 1987.
I think it was page 146.
The New Jersey health news.
The what? This is exactly my study.
Actually, he researched impotency in, uh Males of all ages.
I don't believe this.
In here, my study would be reduced to a mere footnote.
Well, he had a rich research Grant behind him.
At least he validated your work.
Nice try, son.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
from Mexico City.
No electricity.
Clean water? Not a chance.
Sounds awful.
Awful? It was great.
Sign up for this program, and you'll see what medicine is all about Club feet, leprosy, gangrene Didn't Dr.
Gilbert return from there with that six-month sleeping sickness? That's the exciting part of this Experiencing hard-core, combat-like medicine.
If I go to Mexico, it's the beach.
The point is to go to rural areas and live nothing but medicine for two weeks.
How often will you see a 4-foot tapeworm? I pulled two out of a teenager.
Ugh.
Code blue.
Emergency room.
We have no pulse.
Get an airway in.
Been hit in the heart.
I'm opening him up.
Still no pulse.
Let's move to the O.
R.
No time.
Scalpel? Retraction.
Retractor.
Right here.
Clamp.
Too much blood.
Get some suction in here.
Stat.
Where's the basin? Basin's here.
It's out.
Can you get control? Yeah.
Plugged it with my finger.
I'm massaging the heart.
How's the pressure? Great work, doog.
Alert O.
R.
we're coming.
We got to move him.
Whoa.
Oh! Hello, Douglas.
Oh, hi, doogie.
Hi, Mrs.
Leonard.
You ok? Ok? I'm alive, thanks to your father.
I was tending my champion roses when a yellowjacket stung me in the rump.
And this wonderful man of medicine performed an emergency surgery.
Great.
All in a day's work.
How was your day? Nothing special, just Same old junk.
These are for a Dr.
howser.
What a nice surprise.
Beautiful! I wonder who these are from.
"Dr.
howser, I wanted to show my appreciation "for what you've done for my husband.
"Pulling that bullet and pumping life back into his body was a miracle.
" Wow! A real hero-type dude, huh? Thank you.
Thanks, good doctor.
And I thought my little bug bite was important.
These are for you.
What miracle will i have to perform next? Poison Ivy? Hangnail? Dad, I get accident victims every day that require no more than a band-aid.
Thank you, son.
You don't have to compare notes with me.
You perform meaningful, lifesaving medicine on a daily basis.
I don't.
You've been moping about your study for three days.
I put six years of my life into that.
How were you supposed to know it was already published? It was in a totally obscure medical journal.
Who reads the New Jersey health news? You do.
And I should have.
Obscure or not, i didn't do my homework.
So do another study.
I'm tapped out.
At my age, you don't come up with new studies.
We'll do one together.
Let's come up with an idea.
Thanks for being so charitable.
You'll probably have two dozen papers published by the time you're 30.
You don't need me holding you back.
It was a wonderful dinner, Katherine.
I think I'll retire for the evening.
A year ago I could do two sets of these.
A year ago I didn't have hair growing in my ears.
You, too? Whoa.
Recently, I've been a little bored with work.
Going to the office has become a struggle.
At least you get to practice medicine.
I specialize in memo writing and budget allocation meetings.
Was the human body meant to do this? Yes.
But our bodies haven't been human for 20, 30 years.
The exercise bikes are pretty safe.
Good idea.
Whatever happened to all those big dreams we had? I guess we realized some And the others, well, they still make pretty good dreams.
How come it doesn't bother you? It does.
But this is what I am.
I make the best of it.
Very few of us can be stars.
I think we're supposed to be pedaling.
Why ruin a comfortable seat? I think I need a nap.
Wow! Those are nice.
I thought we could use a little cheer around this house.
Your father's on his fourth day in a row.
The girls in the office are asking questions.
He's just taking time.
He'll be back to work Monday.
Glorious day.
Hi, honey.
What did you do? I drove up the coast highway, stopped at a seafood place, had some chowder, and watched the waves.
It was delightful.
Sounds nice.
It gave me time to think.
I've been in a mood the past few days.
It's high time i do something about it.
I'm going to sell my practice and retire.
What? Where was i when this was decided? It'll work out fine.
We have plenty of money.
Selling the practice will enhance our position.
Our lifestyle will not change.
Forget money.
Medicine is your life.
Was my life.
We'll leave the medicine to the real doctor in this family.
What do you plan on doing? Well, you know Things.
Golf, fishing, or this.
My new toolbox.
There are a lot of projects i plan on tackling.
I don't believe this.
It'll all work out.
Trust me.
I'm going to go out in the garage and set up our workshop.
This is not happening.
Doogie, answer this for me.
Has he flipped? I think he's in a mood.
It's more intense, but temporary.
Can you imagine him around this house every day, sawing and banging away? That thought is frightening.
Then what do we do? Is there some sort of therapy? Maybe a drug? If I were dad's physician, I'd take blood tests to rule out organic depression.
After those precautions, we could narrow it down to a functional depression, in which case we're talking about psychotherapy, and maybe biological therapy, in the form of antidepressants like tofranil and Prozac.
But if that doesn't help, we'd have to go to a last resort E.
C.
T.
E.
C.
T.
We'll zap him.
Shock therapy.
Doogie! Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure we'll find a simpler solution.
Dad needs an attitude adjustment.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm throwing these old medical journals out.
Why? I've memorized most of them.
I got my favorite educational journal memorized, too.
Which one? Playboy.
It's like weird.
I have all kinds of trouble in history class, but I can tell you miss July 1987's favorite pastimes are skiing, riding horses, and baking.
Is there a medical term for this? I think you'd be diagnosed as a horn dog.
That's my dad.
If I hadn't remembered that article, if I kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened.
Wrong, doog.
The magazine still would have rejected your dad's stuff.
Then he'd really be embarrassed.
It's just a big mess.
He's just giving up.
Like George Bailey.
Who? George Bailey.
Jimmy Stewart's character in it's a wonderful life.
He thought his life was a waste until this angel showed him the good he did for others.
Oh, yeah.
I saw that again last Christmas.
Vinnie You're a genius.
Dr.
Peterson, please check your beeper.
Thanks.
How are we feeling, Mr.
Moore? I'm alive.
You the wonder kid that saved my life? No big deal.
Any doctor could have done it.
It's a crazy world.
Some nut case sticks a gun in my ribs and demands my hard-earned money.
I told him he'd have to kill me first.
Technically, he did.
What is mankind coming to? The criminal element is everywhere.
Well, it's not here.
Just rest and recovery.
You're quite a young man.
You know In the recovery room, i made a decision.
I'm retiring.
My life has been stagnant Boring.
I figure, what's the point? I don't accept that, Mr.
Moore.
Well, I do.
The same old jobs, one after another.
Oh It becomes tiresome.
We live in a young man's world.
Not true.
You've got plenty of productive years.
Now's the time to get out and do bigger, better.
Pass on your valuable experience.
Reach for the gold.
You think? No one's ever taken the time to talk to me, to care about me.
Thank you, young man.
Hello, Archie.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a This is David Moore.
Alias Archie agelhoff.
FBI.
Archie's wanted for in seven states.
Well, so much for your productive years.
For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny A few friends stopped by.
Dr.
howser, good to see you.
Hi, Dr.
howser.
Hi.
How are you? Mrs.
w.
Surprise! Oh.
Maki.
Oh.
Aw.
Katherine Dr.
howser? William Craig.
- Marines? - Airborne.
You reset my leg.
I wouldn't be jumping out of planes if you didn't.
Hey, doc! Is that Charlie Wilson? It sure is.
Charlie, how are you? I got the call from your fine son and lovely wife.
I drove all the way down from Bakersfield.
Thank you, Charlie.
I wouldn't miss this.
It was 1970 at my gas station on Wilshire when that engine blew up.
I had burning fluids on me.
You were there, doc.
Flushing my eyes clean.
Saved my eyesight, i do recall.
What a blessing.
Excuse me, doctor? Darlene Cunningham.
August 5, 1979 A four-car accident on sunset? Yes, yes, yes, but I didn't operate on you.
The paramedics got a specialist at eastman to perform the operation.
Oh, I know, but you held my hand for three hours through it all.
God bless you, Dr.
howser.
I never realized.
We always have.
I, uh I thought i might emulsify a few words about the man we've assembled to pay tribute.
Oh, no.
Ahem.
Dr.
howser's a great guy.
From the way this room sounds, a great doctor.
He's saved a lot of people from nasty stuff.
When I was 6, he pulled me from a drainage ditch.
I had rips everywhere.
The good doctor's sewn them up.
At 12, playing toy soldiers, I got a howitzer stuck in my throat.
I could hardly breathe until he dislodged it.
Vinnie, i He's saved my life so many times.
I love this man.
Vinnie.
When I was 15, I had a rash For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny You know I needed a slap in the face.
In a special way, you and your mom did that for me.
Hey, it was easy finding people you helped.
Some more time, we could've filled the forum.
Thank you, son.
Oh.
I'm going to take a trip.
Fishing? No.
Ben canfield and i will spend two weeks in the hills of arriaga, Mexico providing much-needed medical attention, and when I return, it's back to my medical practice.
That sounds great, dad.
Yeah.
It does.
Good night, son.
Hmm.