Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e10 Episode Script

Don't Let the Turkeys Get You Down

Ah, cherie, you have arrived.
Pour vous.
You look stunning.
Come into my chambers.
Martini? Or would you prefer something more Intimate? What is this? This is the next big breakthrough in home entertainment.
I'm offering myself as a video escort for lonely women everywhere.
I figure it'll retail for $19.
95.
Come and sit next to me, darling.
Your hair is perfection.
Rumaki? Rumaki.
Is that class or what? I labored all day and night on this.
Nobody chews chicken liver quite like you.
So, what do you think? Of all your stupid get-rich-quick ideas, it's the most creative.
Face it.
I'm a dream date.
I'm personable.
People warm to me.
The camera loves me, and America will, too.
Not everybody warms to you, Vinnie.
What does that mean? We should talk about this later.
Hey.
Hey, we have no secrets here.
Vinnie, we have to face facts.
My parents kind of hate you.
You're exaggerating.
Vinnie, they offered to buy me a Volkswagen if I'd break up with you.
Are you serious? Yeah.
They even gave me the brochure.
Oh, a jetta.
Uh-huh.
I don't believe it.
That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
They must think you're shallow That they can buy you off with a car.
Well, I trust you told them what for.
Actually, I told them I wanted a sunroof.
Remember I love you, and nothing's going to change that.
Mm-hmm.
We'll get through it together.
Ha ha.
We've been through tougher things than this.
Ready? Irene.
David.
Mom! Hello, sweetheart.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Hello, baby girl.
Doogie? Katherine, he's a man.
Hi, grandma.
Oh, he's got a man's voice and everything.
Stop, Irene.
You're embarrassing the boy.
How are you? Hi, grandpa.
Is that a whisker i see there? Hmm! Oh.
Well, David.
Hi, don.
Huh! Slow down.
No, don.
No, no, come on.
David? I'll I'll go get the bags.
Yes, do.
Don't strain yourself, David.
Backs get tricky at our age.
"Dis"? That's not a word.
It's slang, mom.
I'll use it in a sentence.
My girlfriend dissed me when she dumped me for a car.
Just an example.
I see a pattern here.
"Dis," "dumped," "jilted," and your triple word score "screwed.
" What can I say? The letters just fell into place.
Is this door hung even? Well, either that or this house has slipped off its foundation.
Oh, you know how don is, David.
Contractors always criticize other people's houses.
And this one seems to be especially flawed.
Dad, it's your turn.
Let's see here.
Hey, what's this? "Deflagrate"? We're allowing medical words? I think you'll find deflagrate is part of everyday language.
You hear that, Irene? That's part of everyday language.
Just your regular seven-syllable word for the man on the street.
Well, it must be wonderful living with a walking dictionary.
"Heist.
" Good word, dad.
It's no deflagrate.
Well, that's 18 points.
Your turn, Vinnie.
Is "ViXen" a word or just a reindeer? Vinnie, you'll have to shake this off.
I can't help it.
I'm right, aren't I? Janine is showing no backbone.
A new car's a big prize to dangle in front of her.
I don't think it's fair of Janine's parents to make her choose.
When you see your kid taking the wrong path, you have to set them straight.
You have to let them go.
Part of being a good parent is respecting their wishes.
A girl of 20 doesn't know what she wants.
Actually, she's 17, but let's not pick nits.
It's a different ballgame when you have a daughter.
Many people want to take advantage of them.
Take advantage? By offering her a home and happy marriage? Marriage? Back up a minute.
Don't raise your voice.
There's no other way to make you listen.
Well, it's not going to happen now, buster.
Irene.
Whoa.
I can't believe your family got that upset about me and Janine.
Dad, what is going on between you and grandpa? Ask your mother.
Mom, obviously that fight wasn't about Vinnie and Janine.
You can tell me what's going on.
Well, when dad and i started dating, your grandfather had a real hard time accepting it.
He just felt your father was too old for me.
He's not that much older.
When you're 20 and you bring home a 35-year-old man, it seems like a whole lot older.
So what happened? Well, a lot of arguments.
Grandpa tried to stop me from seeing him, then he threatened not to come to the wedding.
We ended up eloping.
You said you had a small family wedding.
Oh, we did.
Just me and your father.
Great.
This is what our thanksgivings are going to be like for the rest of our lives.
Let's just try and make the best of it.
Dr.
h, happy Thanksgiving! Shh! Ooh.
Hide-and-seek? Who's it? I am, Vincent, and with any luck, no one will find me.
Oh, I get it.
You're hiding from demon don.
Heh heh heh.
Tough break.
20 years and he still hates you.
So you're a few years older than Mrs.
h.
I was shocked when i heard it was 15.
That'd be like me dating a 2-year-old.
You really robbed the cradle.
Vincent, how do you get so well-informed? Doogie tells me everything.
It's not like i want to know.
The kid's a blabbermouth.
Ain't you and I a pair? Outcasts, pariahs, the black sheep of brentwood.
I know you're my son's best friend, but I don't wish to discuss this.
I can appreciate that.
But let me just say one thing.
Why haven't you just told the guy to eat dirt and die? Because when you marry a woman you also marry her family.
It is one of the horrible facts of life.
Like losing your hair.
Yeah, but at least Mr.
h chose you.
My beloved is currently choosing between metallic blue and candy apple red.
The nerve! Shh! Shh! I mean, I'm polite, i bathe.
I don't pick my teeth in public.
What do I gotta do to become accepted? Vincent, you mustn't think in terms of pleasing other people.
What Janine's parents did is terrible parenting.
And that's their problem, not your problem.
There's something in that.
I mean, I'm a good catch.
Any parent should be thrilled that I'm hanging around their daughter.
Right? Dr.
h? There you go again, Vincent.
Looking to other people for approval.
What difference does it make what I think? Oh, right.
I see what you're sayin'.
I'm okay, you're okay, and everyone else can just stick it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi, mom.
Table looks good.
Look, I'm going in for a couple of hours.
Doogie, it's Thanksgiving.
I know, but canfield practically got down on his knees and begged.
Everyone else has families.
And you don't? No.
I I don't want to get into this.
Well, I am.
It's dad and grandpa, isn't it? Yeah.
Every year it's exactly the same.
Dad and grandpa start the meal by arguing about how to carve a Turkey.
We choke down our food.
There's a mass outbreak of indigestion.
It's not my idea of a great holiday.
I'm sorry if that upsets you, but that's the way I feel.
See you later.
Bye, grandpa.
Where's the kid going? He's going to work.
To work on Thanksgiving day? David put that into his head.
Part of the hippocratic oath? Work before family.
This is not David's fault.
It's your fault.
Every time you visit, you disrupt this family.
I can tolerate your punishing me for 20 years, but I can't tolerate you driving doogie out of the house.
Katherine, you're making too much out of this.
I'm making it what it is.
I know you've got for rejecting David, but you should need only one reason for accepting him I love him.
Katherine There's nothing left to say, dad.
Either you accept David as my husband or don't come here anymore.
Is there any pain here? No.
It feels like I got to go all the time, and I can't.
Think it could be a kidney stone? No.
No way.
Grandpa.
I passed a stone once.
Grandpa, please.
Wait.
Let the man talk.
He's been there.
What's it feel like? It's a living hell.
Grandpa, what are you doing here? Can't I watch my own grandson at work? This is my grandson.
He's a genius.
Just relax until we get the X-ray results.
I'm sure it's nothing serious.
How's everything else? You regular? Grandpa, how about a cup of coffee? I like the way you handled that guy.
You've got a great Watchamacallit- bedside manner.
Yeah, well, dad always said there's a fine balance between showing some concern and too much concern.
Bet he blew out a few brain cells thinkin' that one up.
Grandpa, what are you really doing here.
Your mother threw one of her tantrums.
So what do you do now, hang around till the next victim shows up? It won't take long.
Holidays are our busiest time.
People have nothing better to do than get sick on holidays? It's a stressful time of year.
There's a lot of domestic violence, suicide attempts, ulcer flare-ups, chest pains.
People make themselves sick from having to deal with their families.
That's nonsense.
It's not.
People have this Norman Rockwell ideal for the way their families should be.
They want them to be perfect.
When that doesn't happen, they drive themselves nuts.
It's got to come out somewhere.
Let me tell you something about families, son.
People sacrifice everything for their families.
They go to war for their families.
They lie awake worrying themselves sick over their kids.
When a man puts his whole life into something, he deserves to get what he wants.
Grandpa, it's Thanksgiving.
Dad's probably got heartburn already, mom's upset, and I volunteered to work.
Is that what you call getting what you want? Dr.
howser, emergency room, stat.
Dr.
howser, emergency room, stat.
And the holiday festivities continue.
We thank thee, lord, for the bounteous gifts you've bestowed And for what we're about to receive Go away.
Excuse me.
What? Can I come in? Uh, Mr.
and Mrs.
Stewart, I'll be brief.
Now, looking at this car issue with remarkable objectivity, what you did stinks up the universe.
It was terrible parenting.
You forced a very unfortunate situation on Janine at an age when's she's vulnerable, insecure, and shallow.
Vinnie! I'll get to you.
You may not think I'm the ideal date for your daughter, but I know I'm a good person.
And as for you, young lady, I'll tell you this.
There's a jar in my room with your name on it Janine.
I'd put my money in there to buy you things.
That jar made me happy 'cause I thought we had a place in each other's lives.
But now Well, I guess that's all I really have to say.
Except that's a nice-looking bird.
Happy Thanksgiving.
It looks juicy.
Is it a butterball? Doogie.
What happened? I got mcguire to take over the second half of my shift.
Well Sit down, the both of you.
The Turkey's getting cold.
Well, before we go any further, I have something to say.
I'd like to propose a toast to my son-in-law David Who has given my daughter a beautiful home, a great son, and a wonderful life.
I've just realized that in my own mind no man would have been good enough for my baby girl.
And because I've been such a pig-headed old man about it, I missed out on her wedding and the birth of my grandson and a whole lot of good times in between.
So I'd like to apologize To all of you.
And Well Here's to all the good times that still remain with us.
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
Don.
Do you want to do the honors? Oh.
Yeah.
Well, I I think you're doing just fine, David.
O.
K.
What do we have here? Let's see.
Cabernet sauvignon, 1988.
Is that a good year, David? Hi, guys.
Hi, Janine.
Can I speak to Vinnie for a moment? Oh.
Yeah.
Sure.
I'll You can say it in front of my true friend.
I'm sorry, Vinnie.
I told my parents i didn't want the car.
I said I'd rather have you.
Now you want to get back together with me? Yeah.
I really do.
Well, I don't know, Janine.
You broke my heart into a hundred pieces, much like I broke that jar with your name on it.
So, what are you saying? I'm saying woo me.
What do you mean? Woo, Janine.
Romance.
You'll have to work your way back into my affections.
How? You figure it out.
There's something a little demented about this, but o.
K.
Night.
Good night, Janine.
So this is the catbird seat.
I like it.
You really stood up for yourself.
And it's about time.
She'll have to work hard to get me back.
I miss you like crazy I miss you like crazy ever since you went away every hour of every day Ha ha ha! I miss you Hey.
That happens to be our song.
I miss you like crazy no matter what I say or do She's starting to get to me, doog.
I don't know what to do.
Well, what do you really want, Vinnie? I tried to deny it but I'm still in love with you I miss you like crazy I miss you like crazy no matter what I say or do there's just no getting over you