Doom Patrol (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

Puppet Patrol

1 [VIC.]
Previously on Doom Patrol [VON FUCHS.]
Yes, you must be Sturmbannführer Von Fuchs.
You've slipped through my fingers for the last time.
It's the Chief! [RITA.]
Look, it's all going to be fine.
Chief disappears all the time.
Into a fucking hole? This is what the world looks like when we try to live in it.
Where are you going? We're not heroes.
So that's it? I'm going this alone.
Did you see anything useful? [CLIFF.]
Yes, damn it! The donkey! What's the donkey got to do with it? [CLIFF.]
That's what I'm trying to figure out, asshole! The donkey is a door? We're going in! [BOTH YELLING.]
The worst thing about not knowing your own past - [SCREAMING.]
- is that you're doomed to repeat it.
Any sign of the Chief? We know he's alive.
I'm staying here until I find Niles Caulder.
Like hell you are.
Just go away! [MOB CLAMORING.]
We don't want you here! We don't care about the Chief! [MOB SHOUTING.]
[MAN 2.]
You fucked up our town! [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
- [MAN 1.]
Get out of here.
- [MAN 2.]
Goddamn bitch.
Just three weeks, Victor.
Making me sit out hurts the whole team.
They shouldn't have to suffer for my mistake.
Your father and I already discussed it.
What? Why do you think you only got three weeks? Your father wanted you to sit out for the rest of the season.
So you should be kissing my behind right about now.
You're the one who told me I should be spending more time with my friends.
Not at the expense of your grades.
Look, I know this seems like the end of the world.
But in ten years from now you won't even remember this happened.
This is bullshit! [BREATHES HEAVILY.]
Grid, show me security footage of Mom's lab five years ago, June 13th, 6:37 p.
Grid, authenticate footage.
It hasn't been tampered with or edited? Cute.
What have you got? [CLIFF.]
I think Chief might be a hoarder.
And a diabetic.
I've been trying to get Chief to organize this dungeon for years.
How are we supposed to find anything about this Nobody person in here? Or where he may have taken the Chief.
There's no rhyme or reason to any of it.
Oh, my God.
What? I found something.
Oh, look, that fucking donkey! What's up? We need to gather everyone for a briefing.
- A what? - A briefing.
It's a meeting where intel is disseminated.
" Just go get everyone.
This is your response because I wanted some ground rules? [LARRY.]
Did you pressure-check the APUs? [JOHN.]
I did.
What about the dive brakes? Oh, my God.
I'd forgotten.
This time tomorrow night - you'll be the fastest pilot on Earth.
- Hmm.
But right now, you're mine.
- John.
- Hey.
This is the one hour a week I get with you.
There's just a lot riding on tomorrow.
If all goes well, I'm on the next Mercury mission.
That's right.
You become a poster child for a country who hates you.
Nobody hates me.
Not all-American airman Larry Trainor, no, everybody loves him.
Am I missing something? I mean, you know that I've had my eye on Mercury.
All of a sudden it's a problem for you? [JOHN SIGHS.]
I put in for a discharge, Larry.
What? [SCOFFS.]
I'm done tip-toeing around these narrow-minded meatheads who'd sooner kick my ass than look at me if they knew who I really was.
- I'm out.
- Are you serious? Come with me.
- Oh, my God.
Make your flight tomorrow, then we'll leave.
We'd make a killing in the private sector.
You're a selfish prick.
I'm selfish? You couldn't wait 12 lousy hours to unburden yourself? - You had to drop all this on me tonight? - Oh, right.
How dare I have feelings that interfere with your needs? Well, the next time you wanna talk to me about me, have the balls to come out and say it.
I'm not the fucking coward here, Larry.
Go to hell, John.
Don't you get it? I have no say in our relationship, Larry.
It's always about you.
Your career, your family.
Right, because I'm the one who actually has something to lose.
Fuck you.
Hey, John.
John, hey.
Hey, hey, come on.
I'm sorry, all right? Look, we'll work this out.
I promise you, just Can you give me a minute to think about this? At least until after tomorrow.
It's our big day.
I'm going.
No matter what you decide.
Morning, dipshit.
Here's what we know.
Nobody's real name is Eric Morden.
He was a member of the Brotherhood of Evil, supervillain team from the 1930s.
What exactly are we doing here? It's, uh, a briefing.
- A what? - I'm not doing this again.
Are we really the best people to hunt a super villain? Morden disappeared while traveling through South America in the 1940s.
This photo places our donkey friend in Paraguay in 1948.
Something happened down there.
Something important enough that the Chief kept this photo.
Do you have a photo printer in there somewhere? No.
Then where did the photos come out from? - I said no.
- Is it your butt? I bet it's his butt.
All right, say we go to Paraguay, then what? Where do you get toner for your butt printer? Who died and made you team leader? Everyone, just shut up.
Chief saved all your lives.
You owe it to him to keep looking.
Are you the best people for the job? Hell, no.
But we're all he's got.
Someone else wanna take charge, be my guest.
Your first job, get us to Paraguay.
Any ideas? No? How does a private jet sound? [LINE RINGING.]
Everything all right? All good.
I need the jet gassed and ready to fly in an hour.
Are you ready to come home? [SCOFFS.]
Not until I find Niles, I told you.
Well, I think it's very brave of you to try to strike out on your own like this.
I should get going, lots to do before take off.
But being your own man means making your own way.
You don't want to give me the jet.
Fine, I'll charter one.
I'm not making myself clear.
This mission you're on is your mission, not S.
You're gonna have to gather your own resources and that means no S.
credit cards or corporate account privileges.
I'm asking you for help here.
- Can't you just help me? - You're a smart man, Vic.
I'm sure you'll figure something out.
Please, tell me, this is our ride to the airport.
Change of plan, hop on.
You seriously want us to drive to Paraguay? - [LARRY.]
Which takes a week.
- [VIC.]
No, it does not take a week.
It takes two.
- It's this left, here.
- Larry, I know where I'm going.
Where's the map? Where's the map? [JANE.]
Rita, the map! [VIC.]
Guys, I know where I'm going.
You know what wins championships? Extra absorbent diapers.
Hey, grandma, grandma's in town, [CLEARS THROAT.]
I am obeying the law.
Could you drive just a little faster? Just a little bit faster.
Come on.
- You just turn right over there - Give me this.
What are you doing? - [CARS HONKING.]
- [LARRY.]
Pedal on the right.
I'm gonna kill myself! [CLIFF LAUGHS.]
Don't do it.
- [LARRY.]
Jane, Jane! - [VIC.]
Hey! [CLIFF.]
She's doing it! Oh, shit! [LARRY.]
Hey, can you hear me? That stunt you pulled in the Chief's lab, completely uncalled-for.
Now, I admit my note may have been terse.
But endangering my life? I'm well within my rights to set boundaries.
It's my body, I call the shots, not you.
You're just a goddamn hitchhiker.
You're a soul-sucking parasite.
Whoa, whoa! What the hell's wrong with you? [CLIFF.]
What the fuck happened? All good.
We're all good.
What did you do, Larry? I didn't do anything, it was him.
Well, could you tell him to undo it? Look, we're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment.
Point of fact, I think he may be trying to kill me.
That would've been useful information to have before we let you drive.
Don't yell at him, it's not his fault he has no control over that thing.
Yes, I do.
I will, uh I'll get it under control.
Impressive leadership skills there, Batman, way to rally the team.
Justice League 2020.
Great news, they had one room left.
Hey You didn't have to wait up.
Everything will be fine tomorrow.
I promise.
What about the day after that? It will also be fine.
It's always a promise, isn't it? It's late.
And you got a big day tomorrow, I am well aware.
I'm going to bed.
You comin'? You promised things would change after we moved here.
You said there'd be no more late night beers with the guys.
And I meant it.
All right? Just let me get through tomorrow You said the same thing when we moved to Ellsworth.
And Charleston.
Why should here be any different? Because I'm telling you.
Maybe this is all my fault.
You haven't done anything wrong.
I keep waiting for you to change.
Maybe I'm the one who needs to make some changes.
I'm really scared, Sheryl.
I know it's not a very tough thing to say, but it's how I feel.
I could die tomorrow and the only thing keeping me from losing my mind is thinking about you and the kids.
Come here.
I can't do this without you.
Let's go to bed.
I'll be right in.
There's something I've been wanting to ask you about.
I'm curious how you managed to keep all of your people in line.
They're not "my" people, I don't control them.
I respect them and their right to exist.
Maybe if you weren't such an OCD, alpha douche-waffle, the negative spirit wouldn't treat you like one.
- [MAN ON TV.]
really be scared.
- [WOMAN.]
Johnny [MAN.]
I'm still afraid.
Stop it now, I mean it.
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
They're coming for you, Barbara.
Oh, hey there, little fella.
I'll bet you're real fuzzy, too, aren't you? This is ridiculous, Rita.
Even for you.
- Anybody seen the bus keys? - [RITA.]
Can't a lady floss in peace? - [CLIFF.]
Where'd you leave 'em? - [LARRY.]
For 45 minutes? Right here.
Now they're gone.
That's real irresponsible, Vic.
I bet Aquaman never loses his keys.
Two more minutes, Rita, then I'm taking it off the hinges.
Don't you dare.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
Shit! We ready? - What's going on? - Rita won't come out of the bathroom.
Someone's taken the bus keys.
Maybe a super villain took the bus keys.
Give him the keys, Cliff.
I didn't take the keys.
Oh, these keys! [CHUCKLES.]
- [JANE.]
Rita, honey.
It's Jane.
I got you a vanilla latte.
Also, get the fuck out of there before I rip your fuckin' face off! I'm sorry if my morning ablutions are inconvenient for you.
Maybe you should leave without me if you're in such a big hurry.
You heard the lady.
We'll swing by on the way back.
No, we do not leave people behind.
We don't force people to do shit they ain't up to.
- She'll be fine, Vic.
- Unbelievable.
So boring.
Hey, we're here! Yeah.
- How did we get here? - Flit got tired of waiting.
You could've teleported us? All along? It was Flit.
And Flit does what she wants when she wants.
Just like your little friend in there.
Well, why didn't Flit wanna bring Vic? Also known as the one person who knows what he's doing.
We don't need that bite-in-the-ass cramping our style with all his briefings and bullshit.
And years of practical crime fighting experience, but by all means, Cliff, take the lead.
We know Morden and the donkey were both here in 1948.
- [LARRY.]
And Oh, this is good.
Getting it done.
Hey, yourself.
Bus will be here any minute.
I'm sorry.
It's my first time, you can probably tell.
No sweat.
Us, too.
Really? What are you getting? Yeah, not sure, how about you? Well, I was saving up for the Morden.
But I just couldn't wait! [LARRY.]
The Morden? Uh, yeah.
Hey, hey.
Ain't you Cyborg? How you doing, sir? Man, what's Batman really like? I wouldn't know, never met the guy.
Shit, really? Hey, ain't you in the Justice League? Sir.
I really need to get this bus fixed.
Hey, no problem, Bob-lem.
Hey, name's Ring-Ding.
Copy that.
I thought you had a jet.
Damn it! Just - Say, "Super Friends.
So, bandages.
What are you here for? Touch up? Something like that.
I'm Jane.
That's Tarzan and our metal friend here is Cheetah.
Really? Uh-huh.
You said you wanted the Morden? What's that? I don't know, but it's supposed to be frickin' amazing.
I mean, Mr.
Nobody, right? But who has those kind of ducats? So I'm getting magnet feet instead.
Why? So I can walk up walls.
- Oh, my God, it's here.
Oh, thank fuck.
Welcome to Fuchtopia.
- Fuck-topia? - Fuchtopia.
- Spell it.
- We're fine.
This way, please.
The orientation is about to begin.
- [CLIFF.]
The fuck? - [JANE.]
Ich bin Heinrich Von Fuchs, and I'd like to welcome you to Fuchtopia, where great men and women are made greater.
Before you embark upon your life-altering journey, permit me to regale you with my own story.
It begins with a boy in Bavaria who dreamt of expanding the capabilities of the human body.
As a young doctor, I tried to implement some of my unique ideas.
They called me a monster.
- A psychopath.
- They didn't.
But then, the war broke out.
And suddenly, my ideas didn't seem so funny anymore.
Not in the brochure, but okay.
Oh, good, keeping up your strength.
You'll need it for when you continue to do absolutely nothing.
A body has to eat, Victor.
Low blood sugar tends to make one grumpy.
Do you even care about finding the Chief? Of course I do.
Then act like it.
Get up off your ass and do something.
Like what? What is it that I can do that will change our situation? Face it, Victor, Paraguay is not happening for us.
All we can do is wait here for the others to come back.
I was wrong about you.
You're not a star.
You're a chickenshit.
You've been dragging your feet ever since we left.
Why didn't you just stay in Ohio? [SIGHS.]
You're right.
I am afraid to look for Niles.
At least I can admit it.
- I'm not afraid.
- You're a hero.
You could've done this whole caper on your own, but you need us to come along for what? Company? [SCOFFS.]
Face it, Victor.
You're as afraid as the rest of us.
After the war, I relocated to Paraguay, for health reasons.
There I continued my groundbreaking research into imbuing the human body with metaphysical abilities.
You've no doubt heard of my most infamous client Eric Morden.
Whose procedure in my finest invention was going exactly to specification until fate brought a scoundrel to my door.
- Is that the Chief? - That's the Chief.
The despicable fiend escaped with something of great value to me.
But he failed to thwart my anatomical revolution, my greatest achievement, my Mr.
So beautiful.
Today, my descendants continue my legacy of making great men greater, here at Fuchtopia.
We have a power to suit every need.
You can start small with flight or super strength, or select our top tier options, the Morden, which draws metahuman powers from other dimensions.
Consultants are standing by to assist you.
Sadly, we no longer accept Groupons.
I don't know about you guys, but I don't need upgrades from a Nazi fuckhead, so let's just shag ass out of here.
Not yet.
We know the Chief was here when Mr.
Nobody Mr.
We need to find out why.
All three of you will be opting for the upgrades? - That's exciting.
- Uh, yeah.
- Can't wait.
- [LARRY.]
The Morden procedure, what does it do exactly? It embodies Von Fuchs' deepest wish, to make any man a better man.
This inter-dimensional chamber, it can do that? - [MACHINE BUZZES.]
Do you have an alternative form of payment? Mmm-hmm.
Oh Okay.
We are incredibly proud of It seems you gentlemen are having a small payment issue.
Let me see if I can help.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you and your friends to leave the premises immediately.
Okay, wait.
Um Your brochure says you have 28 superpowers to choose from.
I've got 64 personalities, each with their own superpower.
You hook up me and my friends, I'll give you some of my blood.
You can use that DNA to do whatever the hell you do.
One moment, please.
Wait, what can you people do for, say, a guy like me? That depends on what you mean by someone like you.
Uh, well, I'm a brain in a can.
There's that.
Look at me.
I'm not exactly a Uh, you know, I don't exactly just [SIGHS.]
I just don't feel.
Comfortable in your own skin? I don't feel anything.
You must feel something.
Something missing.
That's why you're here.
It's okay.
We are all missing something, aren't we? [YODELING MUSIC PLAYS.]
Follow me, please.
So we got a deal? Okay.
Nurse, can we put back on standby? [NURSE.]
Yes, sir.
Let's do an exploratory laparotomy to find and control the source of the hemorrhage.
Oh, my God.
- [MAN 1.]
No movement.
[MAN 2.]
Sir, there he is.
[MAN 1.]
Captain Trainor, stay where you are.
Your radiation levels are off the charts.
You're a danger to everyone around you.
Do not move! [OVER SPEAKERS.]
Larry, it's Sheryl.
Oh, it's so good to hear your voice, baby.
Are you okay? How are the boys, are they with you? No, I didn't bring them.
I sent them to stay with my folks.
That makes sense, I guess.
It's better to keep them away from all this for now.
I told them that Daddy had to go away for a while, and that he might not be coming back.
You Sheryl, listen to me.
Whatever those doctors told you is bullshit.
I'm gonna get better, and I'm gonna walk out of this place, okay? I promise you.
Just hang on a little longer for me.
I've been hanging on a long time now, Larry.
I don't think I can do it anymore.
Sheryl, please.
I know things have been rough for a while.
Just give me a chance to fix this, I swear to you You can't.
I love you, Larry, but you can't fix this.
You can't fix any of this.
You never could.
I can change.
We shouldn't be afraid to admit that we deserve better than this.
Sheryl, please.
Please don't do this to me.
I'm begging you.
I'm sorry.
I hope that you recover from this one day, Larry, and if that happens, I hope that you find the love that you deserve.
I really do.
Sheryl! Maybe it's time we see what better looks like.
- Dessert? - Hmph.
Look, I'm sorry I lost it back there, okay? You're right.
It is over.
This whole thing has gone to hell.
All because I was trying to prove myself to my pops.
I'm used to having my dad get into my head, but having that Nobody guy there, too I just don't know what to believe anymore.
I used to exercise rigid control over my diet.
But ever since my incident, keeping my figure takes Well, let's just say a level of control beyond Pritikin.
I've learned to manage over the years.
But that overblown psychopath got into my head, too, and I'm starting to lose control all over again.
Hey, Pops.
Everything's going great.
Oh, that's No.
I know where the airport is.
I have privacy mode enabled.
How are you listening? Daddy dearest to the rescue? The Starjet's ready and waiting if we want it.
Do we want it? Welcome, Jane.
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
I am Sturmbannführer Von Fuchs.
Do you like my puppets? [EXHALES.]
As a man of science, please indulge me.
How did you manage to obtain so many metahuman abilities? You want the deal or not? I would have to meet another of your personas and behold their power.
Except it doesn't work that way.
I don't control them, they don't control me.
Oh, dear.
I do imagine that must be ever so tiresome.
Constantly forced to cede authority to your inner demons.
If necessary, I could assist you with that.
It's over, isn't it? I'm free.
I'm free.
You could live out your days with unfettered autonomy.
I could extract the others and their powers and leave only your core persona in that body.
Tell me, Jane.
Are you not the core persona inside your little menagerie? [SINISTER LAUGH.]
When you get to wherever the hell you're going, send me a postcard, all right? [SINISTER LAUGH.]
What are you doing? [ECHOING.]
You and me are done.
Move the hell out of my way.
Get the fuck out of my way! Your core, Jane.
There was some kind of trauma in her past.
Yeah? When she was young.
This caused her mind to splinter, allowing you and your other personas to manifest.
All in order to protect this innocent little girl.
You want to know how I got my powers, asshole? A group of fuckhead scientists like you did terrible things to an innocent girl.
Except, the pursuit of science is worth any cost.
The man who helped me escape would disagree.
Actually, I think you may know him.
Niles Caulder.
This is good.
Meaningful silence is good.
You remember Niles, don't you? The guy who shot your Nazi ass.
Ten times the scientist you'll ever be.
Niles Caulder is a fraud whose intelligence is devastatingly limited, whereas my genius is revolutionary.
Is it, though? A creepy old Nazi shitbag keeping himself alive in some janky-ass iron lung doesn't feel super-revolutionary to me.
I don't get it.
We're free from one another.
Why won't you leave me alone? Leave me alone.
Fuck you.
Fuck you! Sorry, Cliff, but we can't allow you to leave.
Please remain where you are.
The fuck? [ALL.]
A friend of Niles Caulder is an enemy of Von Fuchs.
Von Fuchs is uber.
Von Fuchs is uber.
Von Fuchs is uber! You and I are not so different, Jane.
I find myself a little fragmented, too.
Whereas you are one of many personalities, trapped within a single body, I am a single personality spread across many bodies.
- [THUDS.]
Nazi fucks.
You wanna fuck with me? You want to fuck with me? [SHOUTS.]
I had a life before you.
People who cared about me.
I had a job, I had a future.
I knew who I was.
But ever since the day you crashed my jet, ever since you decided to live inside my body, my life has been a nightmare.
I had everything, and you fucked it all up! [SCREECHING.]
You fucked it all up.
I underestimated you.
We could do wonderful things together, you and I.
What do you say? Auf wiedersehen, motherfucker.
I win.
Even this insignificant victory doesn't belong to you, Jane.
Nothing in your life does.
Oh, God.
What did I do? [EXCLAIMS.]
I'm sorry.
I - You - Don't.
Should we search the place? Or that, yeah.
Jet's a mile that way.
We found the Chief.
Larry? Larry, you there, bud? It's John.
I'm here with a few of the boys.
We heard you were taking visitors, so we hopped in my truck and here we are.
Looks like they got you in a real VIP suite here, Trainor.
Like you're the sultan of I-don't-know-what.
Be a real thrill to hear your voice, Lar.
Oh, hey, here's a laugh.
Guess who re-upped? That's right.
Not going anywhere till the Air Force kicks me out.
Yeah, I thought about the poor bastard who'd get assigned to you if I left, and I just felt terrible for the guy.
I think I'm the only one who knows how to deal with your bullshit, Trainor so you're stuck with me.
You hear me, buddy? I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be right here.
Hey, Lar, uh I didn't read you, buddy.
You wanna run that back by me? Go.
Copy that.
You must be all kinds of tired.
We'll let you get your rest.
Be good, Trainor.
We're rooting for you.
First class all the way, huh? Yeah.
I, um, appreciate the help.
Thank you.
You know your old man will always bail you out, right? Listen, I, I gotta run.
Talk soon.
- All right? - Will do.
If you need anything else, you just let [DISCONNECTS.]
Guys? Was I supposed to be in here for so long? - [SCREECHING.]
- Oh! Cool.
What the [LAUGHING.]