Drop Dead Diva s06e12 Episode Script
Hero
See that aspiring model there? That's me Deb until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[Screams.]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [Laughs.]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
La, la, la, la-la-la-la Previously on "Drop Dead Diva" Grayson.
Shock.
Asystole.
Check for pulse.
Calling it.
Time of death 5:17 PM.
Jane, it's me.
It's Grayson.
This isn't funny and I'm hanging up.
I hit "Return" and I'm back.
Ian Holt was executed last night.
Dead a full two minutes, and then his ticker started up again.
Cold-blooded killer like Holt gets a second chance.
I don't even connect with this body.
None of this feels like me.
I'm gonna figure out a way to get you out of here.
I love you.
Ian Holt.
And I love you Jane Bingum.
Hey.
Thought I heard you out here.
Are you drinking coconut water at midnight? Mm.
Wait.
Is that part of some new celebrity cleanse that I missed out on because of the pregnancy? Nope.
I'm replenishing my electrolytes.
Ian is in the bedroom and, I got to tell you, Jane-Ian sex is giving Deb-Grayson sex a run for its money.
[Both laugh.]
But Owen is here.
So? So, a few hours ago, he saw you and Ian kissing.
So? As far as Owen knows, Grayson just died, and Ian was a client on death row who you met two days ago.
And now Owen thinks I've gone off the deep end.
Yeah.
And if he knew that you were in your bedroom having sex with Ian, he would totally freak out.
You know what? I don't care.
I'm exhausted jumping through hoops trying to make my life look normal to the outside world.
I'm done.
Okay.
- Just do me one small favor.
- Uh-huh.
Keep Ian in your bedroom until Owen leaves for work.
Keeping Ian in my bedroom is something I can do.
[Laughs.]
Now, if you'll excuse me, my break is over.
Oh.
[Laughing.]
[Door opens, closes.]
I'm so sorry I'm late, Rose.
The arbitrator wouldn't let anyone leave until we all came to an agreement.
Please tell me the baby's asleep.
[Whistles.]
Give me the bag.
Now.
Oh, my God.
Please don't hurt me.
Now! I'm a mom.
I have no idea why you're still talking.
Give me the Aah! [Gasps.]
What are you doing, you freakin' weirdo?! - [Zip ties clicking.]
- Who are you? [Raspy voice.]
Are you all right, ma'am? I-I-I think so.
Call 911.
Okay.
[Groans.]
[Breathes deeply.]
I swear to God, he was wearing a mask and tights.
Let me guess.
He drove away in the Batmobile? No.
After he tackled the mugger, he waited for the police to arrive, and then he just took off into the night.
Well, I had a scary night, too.
I saw Jane and Ian kissing.
- Who's Ian? - Ian Holt.
Our death-row client.
Oh.
Yeah, it wasn't just a peck on the cheek.
They were going at it, like a soldier returning home to his wife in a porno.
Oh, well, that's disturbing, to say the least.
Stacy thinks that I was overreacting.
She says Jane is just dealing with her grief in her own way.
Excuse me, Ms.
Kaswell? Yes? Do I know you? I-I'm Hank.
The court bailiff.
Kim, you see him almost every day.
Hank, how ya doing? I'm okay, thanks.
Ms.
Kaswell, may I speak with you privately? Sure.
Uh, yeah, right this way.
This is my son, Dean.
He died two weeks ago.
I'm so sorry.
He was a high-school football star.
The sport was his ticket to a college education.
He was hoping to be recruited by Stanford.
What happened? He attended a football camp run by Zach Riley.
The hall-of-famer? Yeah.
His camp helps high-school students get noticed by the top college programs.
Okay.
[Voice breaking.]
Dean collapsed during "Two-a-days.
" It's two complete practice sessions, back-to-back, while wearing full pads.
I never should've let Dean go to that camp.
You can't blame yourself.
You entrusted your son to the professionals, and they betrayed your trust.
I'm assuming you want to sue the camp.
Yes, but I don't want money.
I just want to make sure no other mother loses a child, like I have.
Ms.
Larkin, I know exactly what this is.
Zach Riley's camp is part of that whole sports industry that is exploiting talented kids for profit.
And with me by your side, you're gonna change all that.
Thank you.
So, Ms.
Kaswell, how are you feeling today? Um I'm fine, Hank.
How are you feeling today? I'm referring to last night.
You were mugged.
Yes.
How do you know about that? Because I was there.
I'm the one who saved you.
[Sighs.]
No offense, Hank, but the man who saved me, he was much taller and bigger build than You.
I call myself [Raspy voice.]
"The Midnight Flyer.
" [Exhales sharply.]
What, you're some sort of superhero? [Normal voice.]
No, ma'am.
There's nothing super about me.
I-I'm just a regular guy who wants to help people under the cloak of anonymity.
So, what? You just run around in the middle of the night, tackling muggers in a a costume? Usually I just give directions to tourists and help find lost pets.
Last night was the first time I actually stopped a mugging.
My heart's still racing.
[Chuckles.]
Hank I can't thank you enough for saving me.
If there's anything you ever need, please That's why I'm here.
Your mugger is now suing me.
He says he was injured when I tackled him.
How does he even know who you are? I gave the police my name, in case they needed a witness.
This is a frivolous lawsuit, right? Well, unfortunately, a criminal doesn't lose his right to sue for personal injury.
That's so unfair.
Don't worry, Hank.
You helped me, and now I'm gonna help you.
[Footsteps approach.]
What are you doing in your old office? You've got to get out of here.
I'm checking my e-mail.
Good news.
I won my fantasy basketball league.
Now, how do I collect? You don't! Sorry.
I know how tempting it is to go back into your old life.
I checked my e-mail for two years after I died.
I mean, mostly for the coupons, but still The point is, you have to let it go.
It's not your e-mail anymore.
[Clears throat.]
Hey Owen.
Can I help you? Uh, I'd like to speak with you.
Alone.
Okay.
Well, if it concerns both of us, you can just talk to both of us.
Okay.
Jane, the man that you loved died two weeks ago.
Please consider that you're jumping into a new relationship to avoid dealing with it.
And, Ian, is it possible that you're confusing gratitude for Jane with actual feelings? I appreciate your thoughts.
I'm just concerned that you're moving so fast.
My personal life is none of your business.
Just listen to me, Jane Please go! Now! Mr.
Riley, we demand that your football camp cease operation until meaningful change is implemented.
My client's program is in full compliance with state law.
The staff needs to be re-trained to identify early signs of heat exhaustion, the players need more down time between practices, and you need to cease all Two-a-days when the temperature is above 90 degrees.
Why don't they throw in some mandatory nap time, as well? Look, Ms.
Bingum Dean's death broke my heart.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
These kids are like my own, which is why we already go to great lengths to protect their health and safety.
What happened to Dean was an accident.
You know, when an "Accident" happens once, it's unfortunate.
When it happens twice, it shows a pattern of gross negligence.
What are you talking about? Two years ago, another teenager died at Mr.
Riley's camp.
Isn't that right? And just like Dean, he was pushed too hard, under too much heat, with too little water.
That young man had an undiagnosed cardiac arrhythmia.
His death had nothing to do with this tragedy.
Well, a jury may see it differently.
You want to go to court? Unless you agree to modify your camp practices according to this list that I have prepared, we will be filing a wrongful-death suit.
Let's go.
My client suffered a debilitating neck injury, and your client's responsible.
You hurt me really bad, dude.
And you're gonna pay.
Are you forgetting that you aimed a gun at me? This man is a hero.
Who irresponsibly tackled my client, putting him in a neck brace.
Please.
That brace is a prop, and this is a shakedown.
I don't buy it for a second.
Oh, no? Show her.
Show her the note from my doctor.
I have an affidavit from the ER doctor detailing his traumatic neck injury.
[Scoffs.]
So, what do you want to settle first the actual damages or pain and suffering? Look, your client will go to prison for mugging me.
The only question is how long he will remain behind bars.
And as the mugging victim, I decide your fate when the ADA calls to offer up a plea.
If I say "No deal," your case will proceed to court, where I will take the stand.
And I can cry on cue, so I will make sure you receive nothing less than the maximum sentence.
So I suggest you drop your suit against Hank, and when the ADA calls, I'll accept that plea.
You'll still go to jail, but you'll be out before you're 60.
I'm also gonna need you to apologize to Hank for interrupting his work day.
He is a very busy bailiff.
[Clears throat.]
I'm sorry.
[Chuckles.]
You were amazing in there! If wonder woman were a lawyer, she'd be you.
Oh, well, I've always liked her bracelets, so I'll take that as a compliment.
[Both laugh.]
[Cellphone rings.]
Oh, excuse me.
That's not good.
What's wrong? My boss just suspended me.
For what? "Behavior that reflects poorly on the bailiff's office.
" For going out as The Midnight Flyer? Yeah.
Two months without pay.
What am I gonna do? You know what, Hank? Why don't you let me worry about that? Hey, Ian.
You're eating a burger? Medium-rare.
It's delicious.
But you don't eat red meat.
As Grayson, I didn't.
As Ian, I can't get enough.
Yeah, I remember when Deb became Jane and she first ate fried calamari.
She talked about it for a week.
[Both laugh.]
What's in the box? Oh, your mom Well, Grayson's mom is cleaning out your place, so Jane sent me over there to get a few of your old things.
How's she holding up? As well as can be expected.
Your class ring.
It fits.
[Chuckles.]
This picture.
Feels like yesterday.
And a million years ago.
Yeah.
In the beginning, photos were hard for Jane.
She felt like she was looking at another person's life.
When I feel down have to remind myself I'm getting a second chance with this woman.
Only woman I've ever loved.
Now remember, when we plead Hank's case to the administrators, speak with deference and respect.
They see the courthouse as their personal fiefdom, and they rule with an iron fist.
You act like we're walking into an episode of "Game of Thrones.
" Exactly, but with less nudity and more paperwork.
Mr.
Myerson, we believe Hank Spencer's suspension was made in error.
You're saying we made a mistake? What my colleague means to say is, what Hank does in his free time has no bearing on his performance at work, nor does it reflect poorly on the bailiff program in any way.
Does Mr.
Spencer not dress up in a silly costume at night and call himself The Midnight Flyer? - Well - Yes.
Does he not put his life, as well as the life of others, in jeopardy when he gallivants around the city in said costume? - Define "Jeopardy.
" - No.
Suspension is upheld.
Next order of business.
Hold on! This man should be celebrated, not punished.
I mean, he actually wants to make a real difference in people's lives, not just stand in some corner of this building, offering the illusion of security to professional bureaucrats.
You're right.
We did err in suspending Hank.
As chief administrator, I'm hereby firing Mr.
Spencer.
I'm fired? Sir, we ask you to reconsider.
Your request is denied.
You know what? That's actually just fine by us.
Let's get the hell out of here.
- Kim - No.
But please do something.
I really need this job.
Don't worry, Hank.
I'm gonna file a wrongful-termination suit immediately.
You're taking the courthouse to court? Yes, we are.
My son was a straight-A student.
He never got into trouble or messed with the wrong crowd.
Did Zach Riley's camp make any assurances during the application process? They said they'd take care of him.
Thank you.
Ms.
Larkin, how long had your son been doing drugs? Dean didn't take drugs.
I'd like to introduce his toxicology report into evidence.
Objection.
I reviewed the coroner's report.
It showed no drugs in Dean's system.
The coroner's office only tests for narcotics, so we had them forward the blood sample to a private lab for a more detailed analysis.
That lab identified a diuretic that was never disclosed to camp personnel.
There must be some mistake.
Let me see that.
It's a well-known fact that athletes abuse diuretics for rapid weight loss.
My son didn't believe in shortcuts.
Your honor, Mr.
Carlyle intentionally withheld these lab results to spring them on us in court.
It's called representing my client to the best of my ability.
Your honor, the dehydration caused by the drug in Dean Larkin's system induced organ failure.
Therefore, that drug is the proximate cause of his death, which clears the camp of any liability.
As such, we request immediate dismissal of this case.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[Chuckling.]
Slow down.
I need time to review the report.
You have 24 hours.
[Gavel bangs.]
I got independent confirmation that the diuretic was found in your son's system.
No.
No way.
There's got to be an explanation.
He was too smart.
He had too many other options.
I know that this is hard to accept, but No.
I mean, he would never take a diuretic.
If anything, Dean was trying to put on weight, not lose it.
Please, Jane.
Don't give up on him.
Okay.
Okay.
Can you get me a list of all of Dean's friends at the football camp? What are you hoping to find? If everything you told me about Dean is true, then he would only have taken a diuretic if someone he trusted gave it to him.
Someone at that camp.
Maybe a trainer, maybe a coach.
And if we can prove it, we would still have a case.
[Exhales.]
Ms.
Kaswell, how long have you known Hank Spencer? Since I started litigating at this courthouse, so eight years.
And would you say that Mr.
Spencer's actions on the night he was mugged reflect poorly on him or bailiffs in general? On the contrary, Hank's actions that night only improved my opinion of bailiffs and the bailiff program.
Thank you.
Your witness.
I have no questions.
Uh, okay.
Um, at this point, we'd like to call Hank Spencer to the stand.
Your honor, we request that Mr.
Spencer testify in his Midnight Flyer costume so the jury can see how his alter ego makes him unfit for service.
I can't wear the costume, not in court.
- Objection.
- On what grounds? On the grounds it's intended to denigrate my client.
And frankly, it's ludicrous.
[Chuckles lightly.]
Well, let's see.
I have a former judge representing a former bailiff in a case against a courthouse in one of their own courts.
I think we're well past ludicrous.
- Request granted.
- Your honor the plaintiff to change.
[Gavel bangs.]
Hey.
Check out my leather jacket.
[Chuckling.]
Hey.
I gave you that on your 30th birthday.
I remember.
I found it at the bottom of the box Stacy gave me.
It's like a hand-me-down from myself.
Well, it still looks great on you.
And it really looks great with your boxers.
That's good, because it clashed with my briefs.
[Chuckles.]
You know what? You are just the diversion I need from my case.
I thought the case was over.
Yeah, there's just still one fact that bothers me.
- What's that? - Okay.
Diuretics make you lose weight, right? Dean wanted to bulk up.
Why would a diuretic be found in his system? Well [Sighs.]
There's another reason why an athlete might take a diuretic, but it's not what you want to hear.
Tell me.
Athletes can take diuretics to conceal steroids on a drug test.
If Dean wanted to gain weight quickly, he might've taken steroids, and then flush his system with a diuretic.
Which is why the private lab found a diuretic but no steroids.
That's a distinct possibility.
Oh-ho.
Ian, thank you.
Any idea where your counsel is, Mr.
Spencer? Well, they should be here.
I don't [Door opens.]
[Laughter.]
Sorry for the delay, your honor.
What's going on, Mr.
French? Call me Pro Bono Man! And I'm Lady Adjudicator! Plaintiff's counsel is making a mockery of these proceedings.
You're the one that requested that the defendant wear a costume.
If he can wear one, so can we.
In fact, everyone in this courtroom is wearing some sort of costume your judge's robe, your honor, the bailiff's uniform, your poly-blend suit that came with extra pants.
Mr.
French and I have just swapped one costume for another.
Proceed, Pro Bono Man.
Thank you.
Mr.
Spencer, in your decade as a bailiff, how many times have you been cited with improper conduct? Never.
I'd like to thank you for your many years of commendable service.
No more questions.
[Sighs.]
Mr.
Spencer, why did you become a bailiff? To uphold the law.
Why not become, say, a police officer? I have great admiration for the LAPD.
In fact, you tried to join the LAPD, but you failed their entrance exam.
Isn't that right? Objection! This trial is about Hank's tenure as bailiff.
Actually, this trial is about whether or not Mr.
Spencer has the mental stability to remain a bailiff, and these questions go right to that.
Answer the question.
It's true.
I didn't pass their exam.
How many times did you not pass? Four.
I took the exam four times.
Isn't it possible, then, that your recent behavior the costume, the vigilantism is the result of years of frustration finally boiling to the surface, pushing you over the edge, making you unfit to be a bailiff? Objection! Withdrawn.
One last question.
If you walked down the street and you saw a man wearing the outfit that you're wearing, what would you think of him? Come on.
A grown man wearing a mask and a unitard? [Sobs.]
You'd think he's a loser, right? Objection! Your honor.
Withdrawn.
We'd like to request a recess.
That's not necessary.
My job here is to determine whether the courthouse administrator has acted within his purview.
While I have great respect for Hank, based on what's been presented here today, I do not have the authority to overrule his decision.
What? Come on, Hector.
You were his best friend.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
I just need to know where he got the drugs.
You're wasting your time.
He didn't juice.
Okay.
We know that Dean was trying to put on muscle mass, fast.
Sure.
And a lot of guys do cheat the system but not him.
The only thing he took was this supplement called Power Blast, and it's 100% natural.
Here.
I can show you.
See? An all-natural supplement.
"Power Blast 20% more effective.
" Yeah.
Stuff works great.
You mix it with water, and you drink it before a workout.
Okay.
Ms.
Bingum? Mm-hmm.
I loved Dean like a brother.
I'm not hiding anything from you.
I promise.
Okay.
[Sighs.]
Ian, can I help you? No, I'm just waiting for Jane.
Of course you are.
Is that Grayson's ring? [Sighs.]
Jane gave it to me.
She just gave you her dead boyfriend's college ring? She did.
If you don't believe me, you can go ask her yourself.
Look, I don't know what it is you're after, but I will give you $10,000 if you go far, far away from Jane and never come back.
It's always about money with you, isn't it? Excuse me? You see a problem, you think money can make it go away.
Did did Jane tell you that? She didn't have to.
Look, I'm not going anywhere, so I would suggest you stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours.
[Sighs.]
[Billiard balls clack.]
I'll have what he's having.
What's up? Are you here to tell me to stay away from Jane, too? Well, that would be dumb.
After everything you two have been through, you guys belong together.
Wait.
Jane told you about us? Good God, it burns.
It's scotch.
It's awful.
Why do people drink that? Why are you here, Paul? I need to tell you something.
I'm, um Jane's guardian angel.
That's why I'm always around.
Whoa.
Yeah.
She was gonna tell you, but, uh then you got shot, so that kind of changed the plan.
So, what exactly do you do for her? Well, Jane's pretty self-sufficient, so I spend most of my time just soaking up the SoCal lifestyle.
To be honest, I live an extremely charmed after-life.
Why are you telling me this now? Because I've offered to do double duty.
I am now officially your guardian angel, as well.
[Chuckles.]
Really? At your service.
Just don't ask me to cook, clean, or shop for bras.
Otherwise, I will do everything I can to make sure your transition back to earth is as seamless as possible.
Can you get Kim and Owen off my back? I don't understand.
Well, since they don't know I'm Grayson, they want me to stay away from Jane.
Mm-hmm.
It's upsetting her, and it's pissing me off.
So can you convince them that I'm not a threat to Jane so that they'll leave us alone? I don't see why not.
Cheers.
Ms.
Bingum, I rushed right over.
What's going on? I spoke with your son's best friend, and he said that Dean was taking a supplement called Power Blast.
He didn't do drugs.
No, I know.
Listen to me.
It's advertised as all-natural, so I sent a scoop of the powder to a private lab, and get this Power Blast contains two unlisted and dangerous ingredients a diuretic and an anabolic steroid.
Dean took steroids? Well, yes, only he didn't know he was taking them.
He thought he was taking something natural and safe.
Oh, my God.
I called you here because I just filed an emergency injunction to get Power Blast off the shelves.
So let's go do this for Dean.
Thank you.
Dr.
Kaufman, as a chemist at the Sports Health Institute, you analyzed the contents of Power Blast, correct? - Yes.
- Could you please tell the court if you found any ingredients not listed on the label? I certainly did.
Power Blast contains Objection! Witness' testimony is beyond the scope of this hearing.
His testimony goes to the heart of this matter.
Dr.
Kaufman is about to testify to the ingredients of Power Blast, a dietary supplement.
But under the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994, only the FDA has the legal authority to evaluate said contents.
This report proves that Power Blast contains dangerous and illegal ingredients.
Without a ruling from the FDA, that file is nothing more than your opinion.
It has no legal bearing.
This is not an opinion.
This is a scientific fact.
Your honor, please instruct my opposing counsel to sit down and be quiet.
The hidden chemicals in their product killed my client's son.
Ms.
Bingum, while it pains me to say it, your opposing counsel is correct.
Under federal law, supplements fall exclusively under the FDA's jurisdiction.
I have no choice but to deny your request.
Hank, I'm so sorry about how your case turned out.
Aw.
Well, no, no, I'll be okay.
Yesterday, I went to the Sherman Oaks Galleria, and I applied to be a mall cop.
Can't be that bad, right? Well I get to ride a scooter.
I like food courts.
Hey, how would you like to head up security at a high-profile downtown law firm? Seriously? You would trust me with the safety and the security of Harrison & Parker? Absolutely.
I know I feel safer when you're around.
I'd like that very much.
[Both chuckle.]
Commissioner, we really appreciate you meeting with us today.
Of course.
The FDA takes these complaints seriously, especially when the research is this compelling.
Well, we're really glad to hear that.
See, we're helpless to get Power Blast pulled from the shelves because your agency has exclusive authority.
I will draft a strongly worded letter immediately.
A strongly worded letter? That's it? Well, we were hoping that you would order the product off the market.
Under the law, I'm required to write a letter and then wait for the supplement maker to draft a response.
At that point, we can officially open an investigation.
The whole process takes at least a year.
You have to take action before anybody else dies.
I wish I could help you.
Whoa.
Hold on.
So the law that gives you power also prevents you from doing anything to enforce it? Exactly.
How is that possible? One word politics.
The law was bought and paid for by the supplement lobby, courtesy of a Utah senator, where the supplement business is the state's number-one industry.
This law is more dangerous than the supplement that killed Dean.
Agreed.
But I can't take on the US government.
Well, maybe not.
But I can.
Tell me if this sounds crazy According to US law, the only real difference between drugs and supplements is that drugs are synthetic and supplements are natural.
And do you know who determines if a product is synthetic or natural? The manufacturer.
That law is inviting corruption.
And by declaring that Power Blast is a supplement and not a drug, the company doesn't have to meet any standards, prove any benefits, or adhere to any safety guidelines.
Well, if you can't win because of Power Blast's classification, then the answer is to change their classification.
- [Cellphone rings.]
- Hold on.
Hello.
Oh, no.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, no, I'll I'll be right there.
Thank you.
What's that about? My client was arrested.
I've got to go bail her out.
[Sighs.]
Jane, thank you for coming.
Of course.
The desk sergeant said you were arrested for criminal mischief at the mall.
I went into a health-food store.
There was a big display for Power Blast.
And when I saw who was endorsing it, I snapped.
I started grabbing cans off the shelves and throwing them at his smug face on the poster.
Denise, slow down.
What poster? Whose face? The poster advertising Power Blast.
I ripped one off the wall.
Here, I'll show you.
[Scoffs lightly.]
I'm confused.
My lawyer said the case against my camp was dismissed.
No, that's true.
That's not why you're here.
You endorse Power Blast, correct? A product that contains an anabolic steroid and, not to mention, a diuretic used to mask the steroid.
The steroids in Power Blast are what killed Dean Larkin.
Power blast is all-natural.
It says so on the label.
Well, read the lab report.
I can't believe this.
It gets worse.
I just confirmed that the other teenager who died at your camp was also a dedicated user of Power Blast.
Turns out, his cardiac arrhythmia was only fatal because of the chemicals in his body, chemicals that he didn't even know were there.
I swear to God, I didn't know anything about the steroids.
Regardless, you have opened yourself up to a personal lawsuit from anyone who bought Power Blast because of your endorsement.
[Sighs.]
I think I need a lawyer.
Now, hold on.
I have a better idea.
- [Wolf-whistles.]
- [Chuckles.]
From Pro Bono Man to James Bond in one day.
Eh, it's for the wedding.
Stacy wanted me to try it on.
Does it make my butt look big? [Chuckles.]
Is that why you wanted to see me? No, HR told me you offered Hank the non-existent job - of head of security? - Yeah.
All the big firms have one.
Here.
Well, all the big firms have the money to pay for that position.
We don't.
So take Hank's salary out of mine.
Are you serious? As a heart attack.
Sorry.
Probably shouldn't say that in front of you.
Ha ha.
Funny.
Kim, you're generally known as the hard-ass around here.
What's going on? Well, my life has been littered with unreliable men my dad was never around, my stepdads were all pathetic.
And don't even get me started on Parker.
And then there's Hank.
I mean, to him, I'm just some lawyer who never learned his name, but he still risked his life for me.
Okay.
If that's what you want.
- It is.
- [Knock on door.]
Am I interrupting? Because I have freshly baked cookies.
You're never interrupting when you've got carbs.
Ian baked them.
For the record, Ian's a hell of a guy.
I'm so glad he and Jane found each other.
Aren't you guys? We have concerns, Paul.
Oh.
Well, as someone who lives with Jane, let me put those concerns to rest.
Okay.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
Well, um, their love is written in the stars, like Brad and Angelina, William and Kate, Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo and Juliet were 15-year-old kids who knew each other for three days and then killed themselves after Juliet took a roofie from a priest.
Paul, two weeks ago, Jane was in love with Grayson.
It's too soon.
Au contraire, mon frère.
If it were too soon, why would they be planning a future together? And just this morning, they were talking about getting joint bank accounts.
And Jane gave him a credit card.
That's real trust, guys.
Gives me hope that you can meet someone and just like that [Fingers click.]
You know you're meant to be together.
If you ask me, you two should support their love and just be happy that they're happy.
Anyway, enjoy Ian's cookies.
Ian doesn't fool me.
I don't trust him.
We have to do something.
We got to get rid of Ian before he takes Jane for all she's worth.
Kim, you're not gonna believe this, but, uh Oh, my God! What are you doing? I'm pumping my breast milk.
I sent you a text.
When you said you were pumping, I thought you meant you were pumping iron.
- [Scoffs.]
- I'm sorry.
Anyway, here's Hank's background check for your review.
Wait, Paul.
What am I not gonna believe? [Sighs.]
Hank's criminal background check turned up something interesting.
Please tell me he's not a criminal.
The opposite.
He was rejected from the police academy on four separate occasions.
Yeah, we know that already.
Yes, but do you know why he was rejected? Paul, have Hank meet me here in an hour.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, and Paul? In the future, can you knock? Yes, ma'am.
Your honor, this matter has already been settled.
This court has no jurisdiction over the FDA claim.
Oh, we're not suing under the supplement law.
I'm filing a breach-of-contract claim against Power Blast for violating their contract with my client.
Power Blast has no contract with Denise Larkin.
Yeah, that's right.
But they do have a contract with my new client, football great Zach Riley.
Mr.
Riley, would you care to join us at the plaintiff's table? W-what's going on here? Power Blast lied about the contents of its product that Zach Riley endorses.
Therefore, we're suing for damages.
What damages? Zach Riley earned nearly $6 million annually through endorsements and public appearances.
Power Blast's deceit put all of that at risk.
[Sighs.]
Congratulations, Ms.
Bingum, you've got yourself a trial.
Actually, your honor, we don't want a trial.
All my client wants is a formal apology for not being informed of the synthetic additive included in Power Blast.
That's it? That's all you want? Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Just a simple apology.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, this offer expires in 5 seconds.
My client accepts your offer.
Yeah, I kind of thought you would.
So, I drew up this paperwork.
[Chuckles.]
Just need a little sign.
[Chuckles.]
And at this point, I would like to introduce the court to an FDA commissioner sitting in the gallery.
Well, the FDA has no jurisdiction here.
Oh, that's where you're wrong.
See, by signing that document, you admitted to the existence of something synthetic in Power Blast, meaning it no longer qualifies as a natural supplement.
Under the law, Power Blast is now treated as a drug, and as such, the FDA has a greenlight to shut you down, to seek damages on behalf of those hurt by your product, and to even file criminal charges.
We intend to do all three.
At this point, we are adjourned as the FDA will now take over.
[Gavel bangs.]
How could I ever thank you? [Chuckles.]
Lieutenant Franks, are you aware that Hank Spencer was rejected from the LAPD not because he scored too low on his entrance exam but rather because he scored too high? That's quite possible.
We do have a cap on our entrance scores.
Wait.
I-I got rejected for doing too well? That doesn't make any sense.
It does when you consider how expensive it is to train each cadet.
High-aptitude individuals tend to get bored with police work, quitting within a year.
It's merely a cost-saving move the city council approved years ago.
Lieutenant, that policy is discriminatory.
[Chuckles.]
High intelligence is not a protected class.
You know that.
You know what? You're right.
I'm sorry.
I didn't call you here to threaten legal action.
I just wanted to give you the heads up that a reporter from the "LA Times" will be contacting you for a quote regarding an upcoming article headlined "LAPD rejects best and brightest.
" You went to the press.
Not yet.
But we will.
No.
No, we won't.
Ms.
Kaswell, I sincerely appreciate everything you've done for me, really.
And while I have always wanted to be a cop, I have far too much respect for the men and women in blue to let anyone malign them publicly.
Don't worry, Lieutenant.
There won't be an article.
Is he for real? He sure is.
You put the interests of the department above your own.
We could use more officers like you, assuming that you're still interested.
[Chuckles.]
I-is that a job offer? To be a cop? Absolutely.
Ms.
Kaswell, i-if I say yes, I'll have to turn down your kind offer to run your firm's security.
You know, Hank, it's gonna be really hard to find someone as qualified as you, but I insist you accept his offer.
Lieutenant, with utmost humility, I accept your offer.
Welcome.
Jane.
Hm.
Can we talk? Sure.
I realize this is hard for you to hear, but we're only saying it because we care about you.
Look, I know you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but coming from a woman who hasn't had great experiences with men, I need to tell you that Ian's using you.
You can't see clearly because you're grieving for Grayson, but trust us he's not good for you.
I see.
And, quite honestly, he's not good for the firm, either.
I mean, despite his innocence, he's an ex-con.
He doesn't belong here.
Well, I would never want to hurt the firm.
I'm glad to hear that.
Yeah.
And, look, anything you need from us anything we're here for you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Owen, Kim I quit.
What? Given your opinion about Ian, as well as your supposition about my state of mind, I think it's clear to me that I no longer belong here at Harrison & Parker.
So I quit.
Have a good night.
Jane, please [Scoffs lightly.]
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[Screams.]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo! [Laughs.]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
La, la, la, la-la-la-la Previously on "Drop Dead Diva" Grayson.
Shock.
Asystole.
Check for pulse.
Calling it.
Time of death 5:17 PM.
Jane, it's me.
It's Grayson.
This isn't funny and I'm hanging up.
I hit "Return" and I'm back.
Ian Holt was executed last night.
Dead a full two minutes, and then his ticker started up again.
Cold-blooded killer like Holt gets a second chance.
I don't even connect with this body.
None of this feels like me.
I'm gonna figure out a way to get you out of here.
I love you.
Ian Holt.
And I love you Jane Bingum.
Hey.
Thought I heard you out here.
Are you drinking coconut water at midnight? Mm.
Wait.
Is that part of some new celebrity cleanse that I missed out on because of the pregnancy? Nope.
I'm replenishing my electrolytes.
Ian is in the bedroom and, I got to tell you, Jane-Ian sex is giving Deb-Grayson sex a run for its money.
[Both laugh.]
But Owen is here.
So? So, a few hours ago, he saw you and Ian kissing.
So? As far as Owen knows, Grayson just died, and Ian was a client on death row who you met two days ago.
And now Owen thinks I've gone off the deep end.
Yeah.
And if he knew that you were in your bedroom having sex with Ian, he would totally freak out.
You know what? I don't care.
I'm exhausted jumping through hoops trying to make my life look normal to the outside world.
I'm done.
Okay.
- Just do me one small favor.
- Uh-huh.
Keep Ian in your bedroom until Owen leaves for work.
Keeping Ian in my bedroom is something I can do.
[Laughs.]
Now, if you'll excuse me, my break is over.
Oh.
[Laughing.]
[Door opens, closes.]
I'm so sorry I'm late, Rose.
The arbitrator wouldn't let anyone leave until we all came to an agreement.
Please tell me the baby's asleep.
[Whistles.]
Give me the bag.
Now.
Oh, my God.
Please don't hurt me.
Now! I'm a mom.
I have no idea why you're still talking.
Give me the Aah! [Gasps.]
What are you doing, you freakin' weirdo?! - [Zip ties clicking.]
- Who are you? [Raspy voice.]
Are you all right, ma'am? I-I-I think so.
Call 911.
Okay.
[Groans.]
[Breathes deeply.]
I swear to God, he was wearing a mask and tights.
Let me guess.
He drove away in the Batmobile? No.
After he tackled the mugger, he waited for the police to arrive, and then he just took off into the night.
Well, I had a scary night, too.
I saw Jane and Ian kissing.
- Who's Ian? - Ian Holt.
Our death-row client.
Oh.
Yeah, it wasn't just a peck on the cheek.
They were going at it, like a soldier returning home to his wife in a porno.
Oh, well, that's disturbing, to say the least.
Stacy thinks that I was overreacting.
She says Jane is just dealing with her grief in her own way.
Excuse me, Ms.
Kaswell? Yes? Do I know you? I-I'm Hank.
The court bailiff.
Kim, you see him almost every day.
Hank, how ya doing? I'm okay, thanks.
Ms.
Kaswell, may I speak with you privately? Sure.
Uh, yeah, right this way.
This is my son, Dean.
He died two weeks ago.
I'm so sorry.
He was a high-school football star.
The sport was his ticket to a college education.
He was hoping to be recruited by Stanford.
What happened? He attended a football camp run by Zach Riley.
The hall-of-famer? Yeah.
His camp helps high-school students get noticed by the top college programs.
Okay.
[Voice breaking.]
Dean collapsed during "Two-a-days.
" It's two complete practice sessions, back-to-back, while wearing full pads.
I never should've let Dean go to that camp.
You can't blame yourself.
You entrusted your son to the professionals, and they betrayed your trust.
I'm assuming you want to sue the camp.
Yes, but I don't want money.
I just want to make sure no other mother loses a child, like I have.
Ms.
Larkin, I know exactly what this is.
Zach Riley's camp is part of that whole sports industry that is exploiting talented kids for profit.
And with me by your side, you're gonna change all that.
Thank you.
So, Ms.
Kaswell, how are you feeling today? Um I'm fine, Hank.
How are you feeling today? I'm referring to last night.
You were mugged.
Yes.
How do you know about that? Because I was there.
I'm the one who saved you.
[Sighs.]
No offense, Hank, but the man who saved me, he was much taller and bigger build than You.
I call myself [Raspy voice.]
"The Midnight Flyer.
" [Exhales sharply.]
What, you're some sort of superhero? [Normal voice.]
No, ma'am.
There's nothing super about me.
I-I'm just a regular guy who wants to help people under the cloak of anonymity.
So, what? You just run around in the middle of the night, tackling muggers in a a costume? Usually I just give directions to tourists and help find lost pets.
Last night was the first time I actually stopped a mugging.
My heart's still racing.
[Chuckles.]
Hank I can't thank you enough for saving me.
If there's anything you ever need, please That's why I'm here.
Your mugger is now suing me.
He says he was injured when I tackled him.
How does he even know who you are? I gave the police my name, in case they needed a witness.
This is a frivolous lawsuit, right? Well, unfortunately, a criminal doesn't lose his right to sue for personal injury.
That's so unfair.
Don't worry, Hank.
You helped me, and now I'm gonna help you.
[Footsteps approach.]
What are you doing in your old office? You've got to get out of here.
I'm checking my e-mail.
Good news.
I won my fantasy basketball league.
Now, how do I collect? You don't! Sorry.
I know how tempting it is to go back into your old life.
I checked my e-mail for two years after I died.
I mean, mostly for the coupons, but still The point is, you have to let it go.
It's not your e-mail anymore.
[Clears throat.]
Hey Owen.
Can I help you? Uh, I'd like to speak with you.
Alone.
Okay.
Well, if it concerns both of us, you can just talk to both of us.
Okay.
Jane, the man that you loved died two weeks ago.
Please consider that you're jumping into a new relationship to avoid dealing with it.
And, Ian, is it possible that you're confusing gratitude for Jane with actual feelings? I appreciate your thoughts.
I'm just concerned that you're moving so fast.
My personal life is none of your business.
Just listen to me, Jane Please go! Now! Mr.
Riley, we demand that your football camp cease operation until meaningful change is implemented.
My client's program is in full compliance with state law.
The staff needs to be re-trained to identify early signs of heat exhaustion, the players need more down time between practices, and you need to cease all Two-a-days when the temperature is above 90 degrees.
Why don't they throw in some mandatory nap time, as well? Look, Ms.
Bingum Dean's death broke my heart.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
These kids are like my own, which is why we already go to great lengths to protect their health and safety.
What happened to Dean was an accident.
You know, when an "Accident" happens once, it's unfortunate.
When it happens twice, it shows a pattern of gross negligence.
What are you talking about? Two years ago, another teenager died at Mr.
Riley's camp.
Isn't that right? And just like Dean, he was pushed too hard, under too much heat, with too little water.
That young man had an undiagnosed cardiac arrhythmia.
His death had nothing to do with this tragedy.
Well, a jury may see it differently.
You want to go to court? Unless you agree to modify your camp practices according to this list that I have prepared, we will be filing a wrongful-death suit.
Let's go.
My client suffered a debilitating neck injury, and your client's responsible.
You hurt me really bad, dude.
And you're gonna pay.
Are you forgetting that you aimed a gun at me? This man is a hero.
Who irresponsibly tackled my client, putting him in a neck brace.
Please.
That brace is a prop, and this is a shakedown.
I don't buy it for a second.
Oh, no? Show her.
Show her the note from my doctor.
I have an affidavit from the ER doctor detailing his traumatic neck injury.
[Scoffs.]
So, what do you want to settle first the actual damages or pain and suffering? Look, your client will go to prison for mugging me.
The only question is how long he will remain behind bars.
And as the mugging victim, I decide your fate when the ADA calls to offer up a plea.
If I say "No deal," your case will proceed to court, where I will take the stand.
And I can cry on cue, so I will make sure you receive nothing less than the maximum sentence.
So I suggest you drop your suit against Hank, and when the ADA calls, I'll accept that plea.
You'll still go to jail, but you'll be out before you're 60.
I'm also gonna need you to apologize to Hank for interrupting his work day.
He is a very busy bailiff.
[Clears throat.]
I'm sorry.
[Chuckles.]
You were amazing in there! If wonder woman were a lawyer, she'd be you.
Oh, well, I've always liked her bracelets, so I'll take that as a compliment.
[Both laugh.]
[Cellphone rings.]
Oh, excuse me.
That's not good.
What's wrong? My boss just suspended me.
For what? "Behavior that reflects poorly on the bailiff's office.
" For going out as The Midnight Flyer? Yeah.
Two months without pay.
What am I gonna do? You know what, Hank? Why don't you let me worry about that? Hey, Ian.
You're eating a burger? Medium-rare.
It's delicious.
But you don't eat red meat.
As Grayson, I didn't.
As Ian, I can't get enough.
Yeah, I remember when Deb became Jane and she first ate fried calamari.
She talked about it for a week.
[Both laugh.]
What's in the box? Oh, your mom Well, Grayson's mom is cleaning out your place, so Jane sent me over there to get a few of your old things.
How's she holding up? As well as can be expected.
Your class ring.
It fits.
[Chuckles.]
This picture.
Feels like yesterday.
And a million years ago.
Yeah.
In the beginning, photos were hard for Jane.
She felt like she was looking at another person's life.
When I feel down have to remind myself I'm getting a second chance with this woman.
Only woman I've ever loved.
Now remember, when we plead Hank's case to the administrators, speak with deference and respect.
They see the courthouse as their personal fiefdom, and they rule with an iron fist.
You act like we're walking into an episode of "Game of Thrones.
" Exactly, but with less nudity and more paperwork.
Mr.
Myerson, we believe Hank Spencer's suspension was made in error.
You're saying we made a mistake? What my colleague means to say is, what Hank does in his free time has no bearing on his performance at work, nor does it reflect poorly on the bailiff program in any way.
Does Mr.
Spencer not dress up in a silly costume at night and call himself The Midnight Flyer? - Well - Yes.
Does he not put his life, as well as the life of others, in jeopardy when he gallivants around the city in said costume? - Define "Jeopardy.
" - No.
Suspension is upheld.
Next order of business.
Hold on! This man should be celebrated, not punished.
I mean, he actually wants to make a real difference in people's lives, not just stand in some corner of this building, offering the illusion of security to professional bureaucrats.
You're right.
We did err in suspending Hank.
As chief administrator, I'm hereby firing Mr.
Spencer.
I'm fired? Sir, we ask you to reconsider.
Your request is denied.
You know what? That's actually just fine by us.
Let's get the hell out of here.
- Kim - No.
But please do something.
I really need this job.
Don't worry, Hank.
I'm gonna file a wrongful-termination suit immediately.
You're taking the courthouse to court? Yes, we are.
My son was a straight-A student.
He never got into trouble or messed with the wrong crowd.
Did Zach Riley's camp make any assurances during the application process? They said they'd take care of him.
Thank you.
Ms.
Larkin, how long had your son been doing drugs? Dean didn't take drugs.
I'd like to introduce his toxicology report into evidence.
Objection.
I reviewed the coroner's report.
It showed no drugs in Dean's system.
The coroner's office only tests for narcotics, so we had them forward the blood sample to a private lab for a more detailed analysis.
That lab identified a diuretic that was never disclosed to camp personnel.
There must be some mistake.
Let me see that.
It's a well-known fact that athletes abuse diuretics for rapid weight loss.
My son didn't believe in shortcuts.
Your honor, Mr.
Carlyle intentionally withheld these lab results to spring them on us in court.
It's called representing my client to the best of my ability.
Your honor, the dehydration caused by the drug in Dean Larkin's system induced organ failure.
Therefore, that drug is the proximate cause of his death, which clears the camp of any liability.
As such, we request immediate dismissal of this case.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[Chuckling.]
Slow down.
I need time to review the report.
You have 24 hours.
[Gavel bangs.]
I got independent confirmation that the diuretic was found in your son's system.
No.
No way.
There's got to be an explanation.
He was too smart.
He had too many other options.
I know that this is hard to accept, but No.
I mean, he would never take a diuretic.
If anything, Dean was trying to put on weight, not lose it.
Please, Jane.
Don't give up on him.
Okay.
Okay.
Can you get me a list of all of Dean's friends at the football camp? What are you hoping to find? If everything you told me about Dean is true, then he would only have taken a diuretic if someone he trusted gave it to him.
Someone at that camp.
Maybe a trainer, maybe a coach.
And if we can prove it, we would still have a case.
[Exhales.]
Ms.
Kaswell, how long have you known Hank Spencer? Since I started litigating at this courthouse, so eight years.
And would you say that Mr.
Spencer's actions on the night he was mugged reflect poorly on him or bailiffs in general? On the contrary, Hank's actions that night only improved my opinion of bailiffs and the bailiff program.
Thank you.
Your witness.
I have no questions.
Uh, okay.
Um, at this point, we'd like to call Hank Spencer to the stand.
Your honor, we request that Mr.
Spencer testify in his Midnight Flyer costume so the jury can see how his alter ego makes him unfit for service.
I can't wear the costume, not in court.
- Objection.
- On what grounds? On the grounds it's intended to denigrate my client.
And frankly, it's ludicrous.
[Chuckles lightly.]
Well, let's see.
I have a former judge representing a former bailiff in a case against a courthouse in one of their own courts.
I think we're well past ludicrous.
- Request granted.
- Your honor the plaintiff to change.
[Gavel bangs.]
Hey.
Check out my leather jacket.
[Chuckling.]
Hey.
I gave you that on your 30th birthday.
I remember.
I found it at the bottom of the box Stacy gave me.
It's like a hand-me-down from myself.
Well, it still looks great on you.
And it really looks great with your boxers.
That's good, because it clashed with my briefs.
[Chuckles.]
You know what? You are just the diversion I need from my case.
I thought the case was over.
Yeah, there's just still one fact that bothers me.
- What's that? - Okay.
Diuretics make you lose weight, right? Dean wanted to bulk up.
Why would a diuretic be found in his system? Well [Sighs.]
There's another reason why an athlete might take a diuretic, but it's not what you want to hear.
Tell me.
Athletes can take diuretics to conceal steroids on a drug test.
If Dean wanted to gain weight quickly, he might've taken steroids, and then flush his system with a diuretic.
Which is why the private lab found a diuretic but no steroids.
That's a distinct possibility.
Oh-ho.
Ian, thank you.
Any idea where your counsel is, Mr.
Spencer? Well, they should be here.
I don't [Door opens.]
[Laughter.]
Sorry for the delay, your honor.
What's going on, Mr.
French? Call me Pro Bono Man! And I'm Lady Adjudicator! Plaintiff's counsel is making a mockery of these proceedings.
You're the one that requested that the defendant wear a costume.
If he can wear one, so can we.
In fact, everyone in this courtroom is wearing some sort of costume your judge's robe, your honor, the bailiff's uniform, your poly-blend suit that came with extra pants.
Mr.
French and I have just swapped one costume for another.
Proceed, Pro Bono Man.
Thank you.
Mr.
Spencer, in your decade as a bailiff, how many times have you been cited with improper conduct? Never.
I'd like to thank you for your many years of commendable service.
No more questions.
[Sighs.]
Mr.
Spencer, why did you become a bailiff? To uphold the law.
Why not become, say, a police officer? I have great admiration for the LAPD.
In fact, you tried to join the LAPD, but you failed their entrance exam.
Isn't that right? Objection! This trial is about Hank's tenure as bailiff.
Actually, this trial is about whether or not Mr.
Spencer has the mental stability to remain a bailiff, and these questions go right to that.
Answer the question.
It's true.
I didn't pass their exam.
How many times did you not pass? Four.
I took the exam four times.
Isn't it possible, then, that your recent behavior the costume, the vigilantism is the result of years of frustration finally boiling to the surface, pushing you over the edge, making you unfit to be a bailiff? Objection! Withdrawn.
One last question.
If you walked down the street and you saw a man wearing the outfit that you're wearing, what would you think of him? Come on.
A grown man wearing a mask and a unitard? [Sobs.]
You'd think he's a loser, right? Objection! Your honor.
Withdrawn.
We'd like to request a recess.
That's not necessary.
My job here is to determine whether the courthouse administrator has acted within his purview.
While I have great respect for Hank, based on what's been presented here today, I do not have the authority to overrule his decision.
What? Come on, Hector.
You were his best friend.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
I just need to know where he got the drugs.
You're wasting your time.
He didn't juice.
Okay.
We know that Dean was trying to put on muscle mass, fast.
Sure.
And a lot of guys do cheat the system but not him.
The only thing he took was this supplement called Power Blast, and it's 100% natural.
Here.
I can show you.
See? An all-natural supplement.
"Power Blast 20% more effective.
" Yeah.
Stuff works great.
You mix it with water, and you drink it before a workout.
Okay.
Ms.
Bingum? Mm-hmm.
I loved Dean like a brother.
I'm not hiding anything from you.
I promise.
Okay.
[Sighs.]
Ian, can I help you? No, I'm just waiting for Jane.
Of course you are.
Is that Grayson's ring? [Sighs.]
Jane gave it to me.
She just gave you her dead boyfriend's college ring? She did.
If you don't believe me, you can go ask her yourself.
Look, I don't know what it is you're after, but I will give you $10,000 if you go far, far away from Jane and never come back.
It's always about money with you, isn't it? Excuse me? You see a problem, you think money can make it go away.
Did did Jane tell you that? She didn't have to.
Look, I'm not going anywhere, so I would suggest you stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours.
[Sighs.]
[Billiard balls clack.]
I'll have what he's having.
What's up? Are you here to tell me to stay away from Jane, too? Well, that would be dumb.
After everything you two have been through, you guys belong together.
Wait.
Jane told you about us? Good God, it burns.
It's scotch.
It's awful.
Why do people drink that? Why are you here, Paul? I need to tell you something.
I'm, um Jane's guardian angel.
That's why I'm always around.
Whoa.
Yeah.
She was gonna tell you, but, uh then you got shot, so that kind of changed the plan.
So, what exactly do you do for her? Well, Jane's pretty self-sufficient, so I spend most of my time just soaking up the SoCal lifestyle.
To be honest, I live an extremely charmed after-life.
Why are you telling me this now? Because I've offered to do double duty.
I am now officially your guardian angel, as well.
[Chuckles.]
Really? At your service.
Just don't ask me to cook, clean, or shop for bras.
Otherwise, I will do everything I can to make sure your transition back to earth is as seamless as possible.
Can you get Kim and Owen off my back? I don't understand.
Well, since they don't know I'm Grayson, they want me to stay away from Jane.
Mm-hmm.
It's upsetting her, and it's pissing me off.
So can you convince them that I'm not a threat to Jane so that they'll leave us alone? I don't see why not.
Cheers.
Ms.
Bingum, I rushed right over.
What's going on? I spoke with your son's best friend, and he said that Dean was taking a supplement called Power Blast.
He didn't do drugs.
No, I know.
Listen to me.
It's advertised as all-natural, so I sent a scoop of the powder to a private lab, and get this Power Blast contains two unlisted and dangerous ingredients a diuretic and an anabolic steroid.
Dean took steroids? Well, yes, only he didn't know he was taking them.
He thought he was taking something natural and safe.
Oh, my God.
I called you here because I just filed an emergency injunction to get Power Blast off the shelves.
So let's go do this for Dean.
Thank you.
Dr.
Kaufman, as a chemist at the Sports Health Institute, you analyzed the contents of Power Blast, correct? - Yes.
- Could you please tell the court if you found any ingredients not listed on the label? I certainly did.
Power Blast contains Objection! Witness' testimony is beyond the scope of this hearing.
His testimony goes to the heart of this matter.
Dr.
Kaufman is about to testify to the ingredients of Power Blast, a dietary supplement.
But under the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994, only the FDA has the legal authority to evaluate said contents.
This report proves that Power Blast contains dangerous and illegal ingredients.
Without a ruling from the FDA, that file is nothing more than your opinion.
It has no legal bearing.
This is not an opinion.
This is a scientific fact.
Your honor, please instruct my opposing counsel to sit down and be quiet.
The hidden chemicals in their product killed my client's son.
Ms.
Bingum, while it pains me to say it, your opposing counsel is correct.
Under federal law, supplements fall exclusively under the FDA's jurisdiction.
I have no choice but to deny your request.
Hank, I'm so sorry about how your case turned out.
Aw.
Well, no, no, I'll be okay.
Yesterday, I went to the Sherman Oaks Galleria, and I applied to be a mall cop.
Can't be that bad, right? Well I get to ride a scooter.
I like food courts.
Hey, how would you like to head up security at a high-profile downtown law firm? Seriously? You would trust me with the safety and the security of Harrison & Parker? Absolutely.
I know I feel safer when you're around.
I'd like that very much.
[Both chuckle.]
Commissioner, we really appreciate you meeting with us today.
Of course.
The FDA takes these complaints seriously, especially when the research is this compelling.
Well, we're really glad to hear that.
See, we're helpless to get Power Blast pulled from the shelves because your agency has exclusive authority.
I will draft a strongly worded letter immediately.
A strongly worded letter? That's it? Well, we were hoping that you would order the product off the market.
Under the law, I'm required to write a letter and then wait for the supplement maker to draft a response.
At that point, we can officially open an investigation.
The whole process takes at least a year.
You have to take action before anybody else dies.
I wish I could help you.
Whoa.
Hold on.
So the law that gives you power also prevents you from doing anything to enforce it? Exactly.
How is that possible? One word politics.
The law was bought and paid for by the supplement lobby, courtesy of a Utah senator, where the supplement business is the state's number-one industry.
This law is more dangerous than the supplement that killed Dean.
Agreed.
But I can't take on the US government.
Well, maybe not.
But I can.
Tell me if this sounds crazy According to US law, the only real difference between drugs and supplements is that drugs are synthetic and supplements are natural.
And do you know who determines if a product is synthetic or natural? The manufacturer.
That law is inviting corruption.
And by declaring that Power Blast is a supplement and not a drug, the company doesn't have to meet any standards, prove any benefits, or adhere to any safety guidelines.
Well, if you can't win because of Power Blast's classification, then the answer is to change their classification.
- [Cellphone rings.]
- Hold on.
Hello.
Oh, no.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, no, I'll I'll be right there.
Thank you.
What's that about? My client was arrested.
I've got to go bail her out.
[Sighs.]
Jane, thank you for coming.
Of course.
The desk sergeant said you were arrested for criminal mischief at the mall.
I went into a health-food store.
There was a big display for Power Blast.
And when I saw who was endorsing it, I snapped.
I started grabbing cans off the shelves and throwing them at his smug face on the poster.
Denise, slow down.
What poster? Whose face? The poster advertising Power Blast.
I ripped one off the wall.
Here, I'll show you.
[Scoffs lightly.]
I'm confused.
My lawyer said the case against my camp was dismissed.
No, that's true.
That's not why you're here.
You endorse Power Blast, correct? A product that contains an anabolic steroid and, not to mention, a diuretic used to mask the steroid.
The steroids in Power Blast are what killed Dean Larkin.
Power blast is all-natural.
It says so on the label.
Well, read the lab report.
I can't believe this.
It gets worse.
I just confirmed that the other teenager who died at your camp was also a dedicated user of Power Blast.
Turns out, his cardiac arrhythmia was only fatal because of the chemicals in his body, chemicals that he didn't even know were there.
I swear to God, I didn't know anything about the steroids.
Regardless, you have opened yourself up to a personal lawsuit from anyone who bought Power Blast because of your endorsement.
[Sighs.]
I think I need a lawyer.
Now, hold on.
I have a better idea.
- [Wolf-whistles.]
- [Chuckles.]
From Pro Bono Man to James Bond in one day.
Eh, it's for the wedding.
Stacy wanted me to try it on.
Does it make my butt look big? [Chuckles.]
Is that why you wanted to see me? No, HR told me you offered Hank the non-existent job - of head of security? - Yeah.
All the big firms have one.
Here.
Well, all the big firms have the money to pay for that position.
We don't.
So take Hank's salary out of mine.
Are you serious? As a heart attack.
Sorry.
Probably shouldn't say that in front of you.
Ha ha.
Funny.
Kim, you're generally known as the hard-ass around here.
What's going on? Well, my life has been littered with unreliable men my dad was never around, my stepdads were all pathetic.
And don't even get me started on Parker.
And then there's Hank.
I mean, to him, I'm just some lawyer who never learned his name, but he still risked his life for me.
Okay.
If that's what you want.
- It is.
- [Knock on door.]
Am I interrupting? Because I have freshly baked cookies.
You're never interrupting when you've got carbs.
Ian baked them.
For the record, Ian's a hell of a guy.
I'm so glad he and Jane found each other.
Aren't you guys? We have concerns, Paul.
Oh.
Well, as someone who lives with Jane, let me put those concerns to rest.
Okay.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
Well, um, their love is written in the stars, like Brad and Angelina, William and Kate, Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo and Juliet were 15-year-old kids who knew each other for three days and then killed themselves after Juliet took a roofie from a priest.
Paul, two weeks ago, Jane was in love with Grayson.
It's too soon.
Au contraire, mon frère.
If it were too soon, why would they be planning a future together? And just this morning, they were talking about getting joint bank accounts.
And Jane gave him a credit card.
That's real trust, guys.
Gives me hope that you can meet someone and just like that [Fingers click.]
You know you're meant to be together.
If you ask me, you two should support their love and just be happy that they're happy.
Anyway, enjoy Ian's cookies.
Ian doesn't fool me.
I don't trust him.
We have to do something.
We got to get rid of Ian before he takes Jane for all she's worth.
Kim, you're not gonna believe this, but, uh Oh, my God! What are you doing? I'm pumping my breast milk.
I sent you a text.
When you said you were pumping, I thought you meant you were pumping iron.
- [Scoffs.]
- I'm sorry.
Anyway, here's Hank's background check for your review.
Wait, Paul.
What am I not gonna believe? [Sighs.]
Hank's criminal background check turned up something interesting.
Please tell me he's not a criminal.
The opposite.
He was rejected from the police academy on four separate occasions.
Yeah, we know that already.
Yes, but do you know why he was rejected? Paul, have Hank meet me here in an hour.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, and Paul? In the future, can you knock? Yes, ma'am.
Your honor, this matter has already been settled.
This court has no jurisdiction over the FDA claim.
Oh, we're not suing under the supplement law.
I'm filing a breach-of-contract claim against Power Blast for violating their contract with my client.
Power Blast has no contract with Denise Larkin.
Yeah, that's right.
But they do have a contract with my new client, football great Zach Riley.
Mr.
Riley, would you care to join us at the plaintiff's table? W-what's going on here? Power Blast lied about the contents of its product that Zach Riley endorses.
Therefore, we're suing for damages.
What damages? Zach Riley earned nearly $6 million annually through endorsements and public appearances.
Power Blast's deceit put all of that at risk.
[Sighs.]
Congratulations, Ms.
Bingum, you've got yourself a trial.
Actually, your honor, we don't want a trial.
All my client wants is a formal apology for not being informed of the synthetic additive included in Power Blast.
That's it? That's all you want? Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Just a simple apology.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, this offer expires in 5 seconds.
My client accepts your offer.
Yeah, I kind of thought you would.
So, I drew up this paperwork.
[Chuckles.]
Just need a little sign.
[Chuckles.]
And at this point, I would like to introduce the court to an FDA commissioner sitting in the gallery.
Well, the FDA has no jurisdiction here.
Oh, that's where you're wrong.
See, by signing that document, you admitted to the existence of something synthetic in Power Blast, meaning it no longer qualifies as a natural supplement.
Under the law, Power Blast is now treated as a drug, and as such, the FDA has a greenlight to shut you down, to seek damages on behalf of those hurt by your product, and to even file criminal charges.
We intend to do all three.
At this point, we are adjourned as the FDA will now take over.
[Gavel bangs.]
How could I ever thank you? [Chuckles.]
Lieutenant Franks, are you aware that Hank Spencer was rejected from the LAPD not because he scored too low on his entrance exam but rather because he scored too high? That's quite possible.
We do have a cap on our entrance scores.
Wait.
I-I got rejected for doing too well? That doesn't make any sense.
It does when you consider how expensive it is to train each cadet.
High-aptitude individuals tend to get bored with police work, quitting within a year.
It's merely a cost-saving move the city council approved years ago.
Lieutenant, that policy is discriminatory.
[Chuckles.]
High intelligence is not a protected class.
You know that.
You know what? You're right.
I'm sorry.
I didn't call you here to threaten legal action.
I just wanted to give you the heads up that a reporter from the "LA Times" will be contacting you for a quote regarding an upcoming article headlined "LAPD rejects best and brightest.
" You went to the press.
Not yet.
But we will.
No.
No, we won't.
Ms.
Kaswell, I sincerely appreciate everything you've done for me, really.
And while I have always wanted to be a cop, I have far too much respect for the men and women in blue to let anyone malign them publicly.
Don't worry, Lieutenant.
There won't be an article.
Is he for real? He sure is.
You put the interests of the department above your own.
We could use more officers like you, assuming that you're still interested.
[Chuckles.]
I-is that a job offer? To be a cop? Absolutely.
Ms.
Kaswell, i-if I say yes, I'll have to turn down your kind offer to run your firm's security.
You know, Hank, it's gonna be really hard to find someone as qualified as you, but I insist you accept his offer.
Lieutenant, with utmost humility, I accept your offer.
Welcome.
Jane.
Hm.
Can we talk? Sure.
I realize this is hard for you to hear, but we're only saying it because we care about you.
Look, I know you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but coming from a woman who hasn't had great experiences with men, I need to tell you that Ian's using you.
You can't see clearly because you're grieving for Grayson, but trust us he's not good for you.
I see.
And, quite honestly, he's not good for the firm, either.
I mean, despite his innocence, he's an ex-con.
He doesn't belong here.
Well, I would never want to hurt the firm.
I'm glad to hear that.
Yeah.
And, look, anything you need from us anything we're here for you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Owen, Kim I quit.
What? Given your opinion about Ian, as well as your supposition about my state of mind, I think it's clear to me that I no longer belong here at Harrison & Parker.
So I quit.
Have a good night.
Jane, please [Scoffs lightly.]