Ducktales (1987) s01e22 Episode Script

Down & Out in Duckburg

Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes It's a duck-blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history DuckTales, ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales D-D-D-danger Watch behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab onto some DuckTales Ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales Ooh-ooh Not ponytails or cottontails no, DuckTales Ooh-ooh Well, Scrooge McDuck, can I sell you a suit? I'm having a special - buy one suit, get the second free.
Not today, Mr.
I just stopped by to see how business is going.
Business is good, thanks.
Glad to hear it.
Then you won't mind a rent increase.
More rent! Business hasn't been that good! Then I suggest you quit giving away free suits.
Good day, Mr.
I have just a wee bit of business here, Duckworth.
Then we must head home.
My favorite TV show is on tonight.
Wrestling for Dollars, sir? No, Lifestyles of the Filthy Rich.
Oh, goody.
I look forward to it.
Like I look forward to being run down by a bus.
Scrooge McDuck! Am I glad to see you.
You don't look glad, Captain Jack.
My boat has more holes than my fishing nets.
Would you loan me some money to make her shipshape? Certainly! What are rich friends for? Now then, what can you put up as security on the loan? - All I have is my boat.
- But it leaks.
Well, that's why I need the loan - to fix it.
A leaky boat against a loan is a bad risk.
When you get your boat fixed, I'll give you all the money you need.
Don't tell me.
We're out of gas.
What was your first clue, sir? You find some gas on sale.
I'll walk home.
Money for the poor? Help feed the poor? Oh, spare some money for the poor, sir.
How about $10? Ah, bless you, sir.
How generous.
- Have change for a $1,000 bill? - Of course not! Maybe next time then.
And this concludes another installment of "Lifestyles of the Filthy Rich.
" Be sure to tune in next week when we visit filthy rich Scrooge McDuck, a man who lives by his own Golden Rule - "He who has the gold makes the rules.
" Until then, ta ta from Robin Lurch, the man with all the dirt on the filthy rich! Uncle Scrooge, you're gonna be on TV? That I am.
And it's about time, too.
When it comes to being rich, I'm the filthiest there is! Did that come out right? Get out of my chair! You're crushing the velvet! Who do you think you are, coming in here like you own the place? I'm Fritter O'Way, and according to this contract, I do own the place! That ship is a model of the Golden Goose, which was owned and sailed by your ancestor, Seafoam McDuck, who was charged with making a delivery for my ancestor, Diddle O'W ay.
How much to deliver this barrel of marbles to the Cape of No Hope? Two shillings, or be gone with you.
Done, and done.
But I'll need a guarantee.
Sign here.
We sail with the tide.
But on its way to the Cape of No Hope, the Golden Goose was hit by a terrible hurricane! The ship sank, and with it, my ancestor's marbles.
Ah, Mr.
O'Way, in all my years at sea, I never saw anything like it.
No excuses.
You signed this contract to deliver my marbles.
According to the fine print, you owe me everything you own.
But all that I own sank at sea, except for this gold watch.
Then hand it over! What does that have to do with me? As Seafoam McDuck's only surviving relative, you're responsible for his debt! So give me Seafoam's gold watch.
I can't.
I don't have it anymore.
What happened to it? I used it to buy my claim on the Klondike, where I made my fortune.
Exactly! You made your fortune off my ancestor's gold watch! Does that mean everything you own belongs to him? I'm afraid Fritter has me over a barrel.
Surely you're not going to throw us out into the street just because your ancestor lost his marbles.
Of course not.
You can stay.
But you're gonna work for me! Duckworth, have you gone color-blind? It's all part of Mr.
O'Way's redecorating plan, sir.
What? What are all these weather balloons doing in here? It's inflatable furniture.
O'Way says he wants a new look.
What's he going to do with my furniture? Aah! You're all fired! Get out of my house! We don't work for you, pops.
Get lost! Ahh! What do you think you're doing? Getting rid of this old junk! Old junk? They're rare antiques! What fun is being rich if you can't buy new stuff? Hey, what have you got there? Just some of my clothes.
You mean my clothes! That must be my delivery.
What delivery? Uh, so where do you want the statue? What statue? Ahh! Just following Mr.
O'Way's orders, sir.
He wants it orange so it will match the mansion.
What? My mansion! You've turned it into a circus! This is lunacy! You cannot spend my money like this! I can, and I will, so get off my property, McDuck! Where Mr.
McDuck goes, I go, too.
I quit! Count me in.
I'm out.
We quit, too! My precious money! He's frittering it away faster than I could make it! What are we gonna do, Uncle Scrooge? I'll find a job, Webbigail.
I'm show that Fritter.
If it's one thing your Uncle Scrooge is not afraid of, it's hard work.
Scrooge McDuck needs a job? Ha-ha-ha! That's rich! That's rich! But I'm not rich anymore.
You've got to give me a job.
I'd like to, Scrooge, honestly.
But you raised my rent.
Now I can't afford to hire any help.
Where are we, Uncle Scrooge? I'm afraid my pockets are as empty as your tummies.
I have a standing account at Quack Maison.
They'd never turn me away.
Ha-ha! Monsieur McDuck, so good to see you.
Uh, your usual table, oui? We? Is he going to eat with us, too? May we have dessert, too? Of course.
Uh, garçon? Bring the dessert trolley.
Scratch dessert! And get out of my private booth, McDuck! Your booth? This has been mine for years! Not anymore! What was yours is mine.
Uh, how would you like to pay your bill this evening, Monsieur McDuck? Put it on my account.
Sorry, Scroogey! The account is mine, too.
Then put it on his account.
Uh, cash or charge, Mr.
McDuck? Charge! We'd better find shelter.
It's getting dark.
Let's stay with Launchpad! Or Gyro! No, no, I cannot ask them.
But they're your friends.
They were my friends when I was rich.
Now that I'm poor, they'll treat me like I treat poor people.
You mean like a greedy slumlord going for the tenant's last nickel? Yes.
Like an overstuffed vulture snatching the last morsel of food from a starving mouse? Well yes.
Like a bloodthirsty All right, Duckworth, we get the point! I know where we can stay.
Follow me.
I'm tired, Uncle Scrooge.
And cold! I know, lads.
We all are.
Is this our new home? Be it ever so humble.
Greetings, friends.
This is Robin Lurch.
This week we bring you Scrooge McDuck, Duckburg quintillionaire who used to live the life of the filthy rich, but now lives his life in a filthy ditch! Let's meet Scrooge's family.
This is Mrs.
Beakley, Scrooge's cook, housekeeper, and the children's nanny.
- Tidy bridge you keep here.
- Thank you.
And what culinary delight have you whipped up today? Cream of wheat.
And this must be Duckworth, Scrooge's dedicated servant.
Perhaps you'd be kind enough to give us a tour of this palatial underpass.
Scrooge has spared all expense.
This is the finest cardboard money can't buy.
What do you call this decorating style? French provincial? Rococo? Broke.
You mean baroque.
No, broke.
Definitely broke.
Well, oh! These must be Scrooge's nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie.
And look how resourceful they are, earning money by collecting newspapers to recycle.
No, trying to keep warm.
Uh, moving right along, perhaps we can get an interview with Scrooge.
Ah, there's the man himself.
Give it to me, you greedy mutt! Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Leave it to Scrooge McDuck to bring new meaning to the term "filthy rich.
" "Filthy rich.
" No no! Stop it! Poverty is the pits! Oh, Mr.
McDuck, what's the matter? Help me! You've got to help me! I've lost my fortune! Money for the poor? Money for the poor? I'm poor! Give me some! Police! Let me in! It's my mansion! My fortune! - Get a grip on yourself, sir.
- I must have it back! I can't live the lifestyle of the poor and pathetic.
Ah, if only that Seafoam McDuck had delivered those marbles, none of this would have happened.
Hey, Uncle Scrooge, couldn't you get your fortune back if you found those marbles and delivered them? Impossible.
That ship sank at sea over a hundred years ago.
Sir, I'm surprised.
What ever happened to the Scrooge McDuck who panned for gold in the Klondike? Yes! Who's afraid to retrieve a little barrel of marbles? You're right! I did it before.
I can do it again! I will get my fortune back! But I'd better hurry before Fritter O'Way lives up to his name.
Oh, no! I can't ask Captain Jack for help.
I wouldn't help him when he needed it.
What's the problem, mates? We need a boat! Never mind.
Forget we asked.
Climb aboard, mateys.
Let's set sail.
You mean, you're willing to help me, after I refused to help you? Aye, mate.
Don't suppose you've heard of the Golden Rule.
I could use some gold right now.
How many karats does it have? Uncle Scrooge, I think he means "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
" That's the one.
Hoist the gangplank, boys! Land ho! Cape of No Hope dead ahead! If I'm reading this chart right, the current should have swept the wreckage here.
Farewell, sir.
And do say hello to Duck Cousteau, should you bump into him.
Good luck, Uncle Scrooge.
The wreckage! Good grief! It's an auto junkyard for ships.
Sharks! We got to warn Uncle Scrooge! Uncle Scrooge, you gotta What's all that jabbering up there? I need more line.
Aah! That will teach them to pick on someone their own size.
More line! More line! Uncle Scrooge! Uncle Scrooge, speak to me! Pull him up fast! Oh, no! Ahh! I'm losing my air as fast as I lost my fortune.
The Golden Goose.
Great Scot, I found them.
Back! Get back! Oh, why do sharks have such one-track minds? We got to save Uncle Scrooge! Stand back, boys! I'm going after him! You, Mrs.
Beakley? Yes.
You're looking at the Duckburg High swimming champion of 19 uh, whatever.
But those are shark-infested waters! Well, now they're Beakley-infested waters! Air! I need air! Help us! He got the marbles! Let's hurry back to Duckburg before Fritter fritters away the rest of my money.
Easier said than done.
We're leaking badly.
You should have fixed this boat! Oops.
And to make matters worse, there's a hurricane brewing.
My boat won't hold together much longer! Now I know why they call this the Cape of No Hope.
Radio for help! News flash - Former zillionaire Scrooge McDuck is feared lost at sea, somewhere off the Cape of No Hope.
Good riddance! Wait a minute! Cape of No Hope? He must be after those marbles! I've got to make sure he stays lost at sea! Well, scrape my barnacles! Help's arrived! And it's the funniest-looking boat I've ever seen! It's my yacht! What's Fritter done to it? Who cares? At least we'll be saved! As if this boat didn't already look like Swiss cheese.
Abandon cheese! Uh, ship! Women and children first! Millionaires with marbles second.
Ha-ha-ha! Serves you right, Scrooge! You got what you had coming to you! Help! I can't swim! Here, Fritter, float on this.
No, no, you don't, McDuck! I won't accept the marbles.
Have it your own way.
It's a long swim back to Duckburg.
Wait! I changed my mind! Not so fast.
Sign here.
- What's that? - Delivery papers.
Before we pull you up, I want this deal on the up-and-up.
McHallelujah! I got my fortune back! Let's hurry back to Duckburg! We'll take my yacht.
Welcome again to "Lifestyles of the Filthy Rich"! This week, Scrooge McDuck, and a rare opportunity to see how Duckburg's wealthiest citizen spends his megabucks.
I suppose we're on our way to some exclusive restaurant where the food is as rich as the customers.
We're going to help Salvation Mary feed the poor.
Now, Mr.
Scrooge, you know I don't have change for a $1,000.
I know.
Keep it.
Why, thank you.
Thank you! The yacht's all yours, Captain Jack.
Nothing makes me happier than helping a friend.
I try to live by the Golden Rule, you know.
The real Golden Rule.
Does that mean you forgave Fritter for being so nasty? - I did.
I even gave him a job.
- Doing what? Keep up the good work, Fritter.
If I scrape any more paint, I'm going to lose my marbles!