DuckTales (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

The House of the Lucky Gander!

1 [Scrooge] The Temple of the Golden Cricket.
Every 50 years, at sundown, the golden cricket emerges singing its ethereal song.
Some say the song holds the answer to life's greatest mysteries.
How did we get here? What's our purpose in the universe? Wait, is that a neon hot dog? - Wow! - So cool! [Webby] I'm hungry! [Scrooge] Yes, yes, the city of Macaw is very exciting to look at, but you'll only find empty distractions there.
I can't believe Uncle Gladstone is here! - He's so charming.
- And funny.
He's, like, the luckiest guy in the world.
Uh, Uncle Donald you must've had the best time growing up with him.
Hey, $20.
Hey, $20.
- Hey, 20 - Dibs! [alarm blaring] He's the worst.
Just the worst.
Gladstone Gander is a complete layabout.
I don't know why we're responding to his call.
It was a call for help.
And like Uncle Donald says, "Family always helps family.
" Why did I say that? Plus, he's easily our coolest uncle.
- Hey! - Sorry, coolest non-trillionaire uncle.
[groans] Hey, come on, Uncle Donald is kinda cool.
We're all gonna die! I've wasted my life! [chuckles] Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails No, Ducktales! We leave for the temple in an hour.
Launchpad, I won't wait another 50 years to hear that cricket sing.
Sure thing, Mr.
McD.
I was just gonna swing over and visit an old girlfriend from these parts.
See, she's had some problems with the local crime family, and Yes, fine, whatever.
One hour.
I'm coming for you, Ziyi.
[elevator dinging] Why did I wear green? He always sees me in green.
Take it easy.
Yeah, if Gladstone's so great, then why did he call us for [Gladstone] Help! No! Don't Stop until you get that last kink out, Pei Pei.
[massage blows landing] [back cracks] [sighs] The worst.
Loose as a goose and ready to gander.
Kids! Uncle Scrooge.
D-Money.
I was so relaxed I didn't hear you come in.
Pei Pei here is a miracle worker.
Anyway, welcome to Macaw.
Help yourself to everything.
[Webby] Guys, try this! It feels like you're falling, but you're not.
- [gasps] - [laughs] - Whoa! - We're falling! We're falling! So, I thought you needed help.
Oh, I do need your help.
Spending all my winnings! Oh, lighten up.
Hey, hey, guys, who am I? Haggis and top hats! Bless me bagpipes! [imitates flatulence] [kids laughing] [sighs] This place is for no-account freeloaders looking to get something for nothing.
Ah, that's true, Scroogey McBillions.
And I am the best at getting something for nothing.
Best uncle! Thank you, Gladstone, for your inspiring message.
If you'll excuse us, we have an improbably enchanted insect to inspect.
- To the temple! - [kids laughing] Oh, but I want to stay.
Show me everything.
Especially the stuff you're not supposed to.
[laughs] I love this kid! He's like me, but short and with a cheaper haircut.
Now, you just gotta help me convince your Uncle Donald.
Well, forget it, then.
Been nice seeing you, Uncle Gladstone.
[Gladstone] Wait, wait, wait, wait.
D-Squared, you came all the way out here.
Let me show you guys around.
It'll be good times.
Fine, you can stay.
- I can? - And I'm coming with you.
- [Louie groans] - Come on, kids.
Let them play pai gow with a bunch of biddies.
We have a rip-roaring adventure awaiting us.
[kids] Adventure! [elevator dinging] [slot machines ringing] [Scrooge] Ah, ugh.
I can't make sense of this.
Where's the exit? Is that "X" hidden treasure? The "X" is obviously where we are, - but where are we? - Don't worry, kids.
I'll get us out of this monument to moochers - or my name isn't - Scrooge McDuck! What good fortune to have the highest of high rollers in my humble establishment.
Luck has nothing to do with it.
- Mister? - Liu Hai.
Toad Liu Hai.
Please be my personal guest.
Anything you need, just let me know.
At the House of Lucky Fortune, you are all kings.
Oh, good, street magic.
Well, thank you, but we really must be going.
At least stay for the floor show.
Aquarioon: The Sacred Waters of Aquarien.
The biggest indoor water spectacle in the eastern hemisphere.
Biggest waste of water is more like it.
I mean, how many million gallons are you going through a day, just for some dumb [announcer] In a time before time the Earth lies beneath a watery grave.
There is only light.
There is only ocean.
And among all the primal chaos there lives Aquarioon.
Water dancing.
A calm washing over me.
[orchestral music playing] Never felt so at peace.
I suppose we have time for one show.
But then it's right to the Temple of the Golden Cricket.
[music continues] This is the best anyone has ever looked.
Well, Green Bean, if you want to be a winner, you need to look like a winner.
And you can bill my suit to the room, please.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Mr.
Gladstone.
I cannot do this.
It would be such a great honor for me to know that you are out in the world wearing this suit.
[grunts] $2,000, cash only.
Just like the real thing, only cheaper.
[tag beeping] [Donald] Ow! Oh, man, Uncle Donald's gotta be the unluckiest duck in the world.
Ow! [Gladstone] I'm counting on it.
[announcer] And though noble Aquarioon fell that day, his soul lives on for we are all Aquarioon.
Bravo! We should really stay for the 3:15 show.
You'll always be with me, mighty Aquarioon! - [guests clamoring] - Thank you.
- Oh, you're too kind.
- [guests clamoring] I love it, baby! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Hey, where's Donald? Aah! [Grunts] There he is.
Try your luck, Mr.
Gander.
If I must.
[machine beeping, ringing] [applause] Do it again! How about you give it a go, Donaldo? Easy, peasy [grunts] [machine winding down] [Donald muttering] Aah! We've passed this gaming section like three times.
Wait, didn't that gift shop used to be over here? Everything looks the same in this blasted place.
They try to trap you here so you'll spend all your time and money on cheap thrills.
But we're better than that.
Yeah, we need some danger.
- Some - Tigers? Ooh, where did you come from? And more importantly, did you say "tigers"? The majestic jade tigers of Macaw.
Humanely raised in our natural wildlife pavilion and business center.
Actual tigers! Do the number of stripes tell you their age? Is it true if you stare at them in the eyes they won't kill you, or does that make them want to kill you faster? Oh, would you like one? [squeals] You can't give a child a tiger.
Especially not this child.
Dewey Junior, you're coming home with us.
Oh, and I already named him.
Oh, and I'm already super emotionally attached.
Oh, fine.
But I am not changing its litter.
Now, about that exit.
- [tiger growls] - [man exclaims] That guy at the mall with the iguana is gonna be so jealous.
Give her a spin! - [game ringing] - Whoo! Yeah! [Louie laughing] [laughs] Can't waste all the luck on me.
[scoffs] I got this.
[machine creaking] [patrons screaming] [items crashing, banging] [announcer] Attention, the 3:15 performance of Aquarioon: The Sacred Waters of Aquarien - has been cancelled.
- [Dewey] No! [chuckles] - Eight? - No.
- Five? - No.
Twenty-seven? No.
- Twenty-seven.
- No.
- Twenty-seven? - No.
How does he think he's holding up 27 fingers? I don't know, Lou.
I just don't know.
I navigated myself out of the Infinitaur's labyrinth.
Freed myself from the Forever Fields of Fantoom.
Why can't I find the blasted hotel exit? [Webby] Oh, don't worry.
I left a trail of snacks behind us to mark our path.
- [Webby groans] - He's a tiger.
You tell him not to eat something.
You look tired, Mr.
McDuck.
I implore you to check in to a room.
Oh, no, we are not interested.
At least stay for lunch at our Buffet of Many Lands! You can visit the entire world on a single dinner plate.
Imagine taco dim sum.
Fettucine eclairs.
Why would I want to imagine any of that? Sorry, sir, but the only thing we're hungry for is adventure and is that a fountain made of chocolate? You can dip positively anything in it.
- Strawberries? - Mm-hmm.
- What about my hand? - Sure.
What about your hand? Um, uh, fine.
Wait! What about the Temple of the Golden Cricket? What about the mysteries of the universe? What about a nice, warm bed? Fine, check me in.
Twenty-seven.
Twenty-seven.
Twenty-seven! Ugh, give it up, Uncle Donald.
Please.
No, no, no, no.
Let it ride.
- You're about to - Two? We have a winner! Congratulations.
You won a brand-new Thunderclutch sports car.
[laughs] Great.
This is the second car I've won for Four? [Laughs] You win again! Seriously? Wow, you really can't lose.
Yeah, I know.
So close, Big D.
Hey, how about we play Oh, I give up.
I came to help you.
And instead you embarrass me in front of the boys.
Wh I'm not trying to embarrass you.
I just wanted to give you and the fam a taste of the good life.
By showing them I'm a loser? Ugh, winners, losers, who cares? If you want to impress them, keep playing.
Your luck is bound to change.
[car horn honks] Hey, Uncle Gladstone! - [honks horn] - I'm done.
Wait, no! Uncle Donald's taking a break, huh? Well, then this is the perfect time for us to hit the big winner's tables.
I don't need you.
I need him.
You'll feel so much better after a night in one of our luxury suites.
Maybe a week.
Perhaps a year.
You may never want to leave.
I'll need a room with a personal sauna, a poolside view, and a distraction.
A what? [Scrooge] Check-in is always by the exit.
Thanks for the help, Liu Hai! Come on, kids.
We can make it in time for the Golden Cricket's last chorus.
I'm with you.
Let's go.
Where you going, cuz? There's tons more games.
Oh, and the buffet.
I get it.
You're the cool uncle.
I'm not.
Have fun! [Gladstone grunts] [laughing] Oh, dang.
Did I not mention I'm a prisoner here and that's why I called you for help? What? Why didn't you just tell us? [Liu Hai] Because I'd find out.
I am Liu Hai, ancient spirit of chance and fortune.
Now, let's test your luck.
Finally, a proper adventure.
[evil laughter] I sat through The Waters of Aquanadon three times when I could've been fighting a demon? It's Aquarioon.
[Grunts] Uh, yeah, you don't wanna mess with Toad.
He's a luck vampire.
He's held me captive here to feast off my natural good luck.
I'm that delicious.
Are you bragging about that? I hoped Donald would break my lucky streak.
- You know, 'cause he's - Bad luck.
- A total jinx.
- The worst.
Gladstone's good fortune has been satisfying, but surely, as the richest duck in the world, Scrooge McDuck's luck must be the most delicious feast of all.
Luck has nothing to do with my success.
Oh, really? I'll prove it.
One game.
If I win, you set us free.
If you win, we stay permanently.
Unless you think the spirit of luck and fortune will lose.
Hmm, I can't resist such a challenge.
Yes! Thank you, Screwdriver McDollarsigns.
I knew I could count on you.
Behold.
[Liu Hai] First to the end wins.
Okay, Toad, let's do this.
[Liu Hai] Unh-unh-unh.
My house, my rules.
Gladstone still belongs to me.
So he is my champion.
You get Hmm, him.
[gulps] The winner goes free.
The loser is doomed.
[evil laughter] I don't even get to be part of the blasted challenge? We came out here to help you and you put our family in danger.
I'm sorry, Don.
I really am.
But I literally just can't lose.
- Good luck.
- [groans] There is only ocean.
[Huey] There is only light.
And among the primal chaos lives Aquarioon! Oh! Ow, ow, ow! Aah! [Mutters] [Donald screaming] [panting] Whoa! [Donald screams] Whew! [Donald screams] Ow! Oh.
It's Dewey Junior! [growling] [Donald panting] [panting continues] Oh, come on! [grunting] Aah! The Buffet of Many Lands! [muttering] Man, I'm really sorry about this.
I mean, obviously not sorry enough to sign up for a lifetime of servitude, but Aww.
Huh? Huh? [groans] [low growling] [evil laughter] Oh, what's the point? [Louie] Come on, Uncle Donald! So you have the worst luck in the world.
Who cares? No matter how bad things get, like really, really bad, you keep going.
It's kind of ridiculous.
You never had the common sense to give up before.
Why start now? [growling] [Donald growls] [Donald grunting] [muttering] Hey, $20.
Where did that come from? [Donald grunts, mutters] [panting] - Whoa! - [laughing] What? [kids cheering] Well, at least I still have the luckiest buffet on Earth.
Bad fortune, Mr.
Gander.
Actually, Toad, Gladstone lost to Donald so technically, Donald is the new luckiest guy on Earth.
It's really him you should take.
Yeah! Wait, no! Hmm, a well-reasoned argument.
Donald Duck is my prize.
That wasn't the deal! All bets are off.
Uh-oh.
Uncle Donald! I can't believe you just gave him up.
The kid's not wrong, Uncle McDuncle.
What do we do? Three, two, one.
[Donald muttering, grunts] His luck, it's awful! So awful! [rumbling] So awful! You did it, Uncle Donald! You won! That was pretty cool.
I mean, especially for you.
How the heck did I win? I guess you're not so lucky, after all.
But if you think about it, we're all free.
So, me losing is the luckiest thing that could've happened.
Boom! Still the luckiest guy on Earth and a hero.
Huh? Eh, luck's overrated.
[panting] Whoa, Launchpad, what happened to you? Eh, you know, tourist stuff.
Goodbye, Ziyi, wherever you are.
Have I really just been coasting on my luck, charm, and ridiculous good looks? Who is Gladstone? I need to get my hands dirty.
Do something meaningful.
A new, noble purpose.
[Woman] Hey, handsome.
[yacht horn honks] I need to get rid of my boat for tax purposes.
I'll sell it to you for $20.
Gladstone is back, baby! [chirping] Okay, we can go now.