DuckTales (2017) s01e07 Episode Script

The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks!

1 - (bagpipes playing) - (Scrooge groaning) (Flintheart groaning) (intensified angry groaning) Are we going to the store, or Quiet.
I'm in the middle of a Vision Beast battle of wills.
So, it's a staring contest? It's not just a staring contest! It's a (gasps) Nice try, McDuck, but your family bickering will never get me to look away, never! It's a staring contest.
Excuse me, this area of the Duckburg Billionaires' Club is only for our elite members, the crème de la crème, the finest ducks in Duckburg! (gasps) Is that? Yup.
Old guys, nice clubhouse you've got here.
Got a real "I'm so rich I don't care how I look" quality about it.
- Rich peeps! I'm tagging us.
- (phone clicks) I'm sorry, who are you? Seriously? Mark Beaks? Founder and CEO of Waddle? Soon-to-be newest addition to the of the Duckburg Billionaires' Club, come on! - Meh! - And creator of the newest tech innovation, Project Tahdah! It's everything you think it is and nothing you're expecting.
I'll flip you my Peep deets so you can follow my updates.
I don't understand half those words.
Whoa, weird.
I wouldn't have thought you successful guys would be so behind the times.
Allow me to take you to the future.
(bagpipe remix playing) Remix! Pew! Pew pew pew pew! Pew a-roo! Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Wait for it! (beat drops) Ohh! That was Mark Beaks! He's right in there! Oh, man, I'm almost breathing the same air as him.
(sniffing) Oh, ingenuity.
Come on, like I couldn't be a young, influential business guy? (sighing laugh) What? Oh.
Oh! You were serious? It's just you're more the crazy, irresponsible, fun guy than the serious, brilliant, successful guy.
You don't know! At least I'm not the guy who just reads about people who do stuff guy.
I could be a bigger deal than Beaks in three years, tops! (crashing, clinks) I'll pay for that in three years.
I am very sorry.
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Duck Tales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Duck Tales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do, just grab onto some Duck Tales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Duck Tales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good Not phony tales nor cottontails They're Duck Tales Whoo-ooh (heavy door opens) MARK: Keep making dat money, y'all! See you in $2 million and counting! Stuck up old money-duddies.
Don't even have a social media presence.
Mr.
Beaks, I'm Dewey, future astronaut president Can you sign this? You're my hero and a genius! Genius? You two, I like how much you like me! That shows real smarts! Come by the offices and I'll hook you up with a tour.
Maybe even an after-school job? Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew! Pew! Pew pew-pew! - You mean it?! - Sure.
Why not.
Amazing sauce.
I'll text you.
Internship starts maana! Ach (grumbling) What, did you say something? I was just grumbling.
Well, do it louder.
Then it's not grumbling! Gah, I hate this music.
We've got to do something about New Guy.
I never had Lou's Pie.
No, New Guy! Oh, agreed! Let's get rid of him! Great.
Now I want pie! (ding) Wait, no! Hah! See you tomorrow, Flinty.
(grunts) HUEY: Let's see.
Can Do Attitude, check.
Professional posture check.
Completed checklist, check.
Wow, I can't believe we get to be interns at Waddle for Mark Beaks! Yeah, I'm mostly doing it to show off this bad boy.
- What is that? - Oh, this? It's my super serious business briefcase.
"What brilliant business secrets is he hiding in there?" Who knows?! You can't open the lock, can you? Nope.
Welcome to Waddle, where imagination and innovation get married and have babies! (beeps) Digital high-five app, so you never get left hanging, or, you know, have to touch anyone.
Come, roll with Beaks.
Here are the high-impact trampolines, the low-impact trampolines, and, of course, the no-impact trampolines.
Those are fun.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Slides are the new stairs.
Ha! That's actually pretty cool! If, by cool, you mean statistically proven to increase employee productivity.
Huh! This guy.
Oh, before you ask, yeah, it's all made of candy.
You're welcome.
Ooh, wow! Who knew work could be so awesome? Mark Beaks did.
Blamo! He talks the way I want to live! Here are your official Waddle trainee beanies.
Congratulations, weenies! Oh, P.
S.
, there's only space for one intern, so one of you is going home by the end of the day.
Cool? Cool.
Beaks out! One internship?! Well, hehe, you didn't really want it anyway, so I'll just tell Mr.
Beaks to give it to me.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Sliding my way to billions? Licking other people's stuff? It's everything I never knew I always wanted! I am in! This is about more than just goofing around.
Whee! You're doing it wrong.
This is supposed to be efficient, not fun.
(unenthused) Whee.
Ha! I'm about to be a billionaire! And when Scrooge tries to follow me online, I'll block him.
Man, you are killing it today, Beaks! GUARD (muffled): Sir, you can't go in there! (blows landing, groaning) Stop right there! Ooh, neat! - (beeps) - (groans) Mr.
Beaks, allow me to introduce myself.
Falcon Graves, professional corporate saboteur and Professional is right, man! That suit game is on point.
(sighs) As I was saying, unfortunately for you, I've been hired to steal your coveted Project Tahdah.
- (phone clicks) - What are you doing? I'm just updating my status to "hostage.
" Feel like this could be huge for my online presence.
Oh, uh, were you not done with your speech? Get me to Research & Development.
Hey, let him go.
Aah! Immediately.
(techno music playing) Turn that nonsense off! I already tried.
It's impossible.
(beeps) Well, how was I supposed to know the "On" button and the "Off" button were the same button? Did you sleep here last night? Don't be ridiculous.
Who can sleep when you're plotting against a nemesis? That cocky Mark Beaks may be the only man I hate as much as you! I know the feeling.
So now I propose we get rid of him.
Do we really need a slideshow? Ha! Sweet, naive Scroogy.
Leave the devious planning to the professionals.
You're in my world now, McDuck.
Yeah, all right.
Show me what you've got.
No, you're actually on my side of the room.
Ooh, task lists! This is a place of dreams! Oh, I don't know, Dewey, this looks like a whole bunch of boring business-guy tasks.
You're not really equipped to handle them, so And lose this internship to you? No way! This place has free snow cones! Free snow cones! (beeps) (phone ringing) Thank you for calling Waddle.
Please hold.
Thank you for calling Waddle.
Please hold.
Please hold.
- Waddle.
- DEWEY: Yup, yeah, no.
I totally get it.
I hate talking on the phone, too, so that's why I kick my feet up, I'm leaning back Who are you talking to? Oh, uh Business-man-ning-ton-son? - (dial tone) - Oh, you just missed him! Okay.
One sandwich cut diagonally with no crusts, no pickles, but yes to pickles on the side, so you can decide which pickles to use.
I got pizza! Everybody loves pizza! (chanting) New guy! New guy! But I'm also the new guy There's the high-impact trampolines, the low-impact trampolines Mr.
Beaks, is the tour really necessary? Listen, Graves, if we're gonna keep this hostage stuff on the DL, I gotta act natural.
(louder) And naturally, I give tours of my awesome company! Must I wear the hat? You bet.
All trainees gotta wear the hat, and you are a trainee, right? Boop! Complimentary snow cone? Oops, you dropped it.
Here's another.
How 'bout blueberry? Ah, good call, that one stains your mouth forever.
- Look, see? Ahh - You do realize you're in quite a lot of danger right now.
I know! I'm gonna be trending online for days! Hostage selfie! Backup phones.
(groans) Excuse me, Mr.
Beaks.
I just tagged us together.
'Sup? Mr.
Beaks, here's my completed, color-coded, and categorized checklist.
I even made some categories for I ordered everybody pizza.
So who would you say is in the lead for the internship? Oh, uh, I guess you're tied.
- (techno music plays) - Oh, mandatory dance break! Whoo-whoo! Pew pew! Chicka-pew! And, lo, he shall pay for his arrogance as his world crumbles around him and Beaks will rue the day he heard the name Flintheart Glomgold! - (thunder crashing) - (maniacal laughter) (startles) Oh, and Scrooge McDuck, I guess.
(yawns) Ooh, are you finished? What? Every evil plot starts with a "Declaration of Hatred" speech.
Oh, you have so much to learn.
Great.
Now, can we talk about the actual plan? I thought you'd never ask! I asked several hours ago! Behold.
Our scheme to destroy Beaks begins with an invitation to a Billionaires' Convention on a yacht.
We'll tell him we're going, but then we won't show! First slam! Seems unnecessary, especially the part about the yacht.
Emotionally devastated, Beaks will seek solace and drown his sorrows at the buffet.
A yacht and a buffet for one person? I'm not paying for that.
Fine.
We'll use my yacht.
Now, distracted by delicious shrimp, Beaks won't realize he's being sailed into an active volcano, where it'll get so hot he'll jump into the yacht's pool, which, unbeknownst to him, will be filled with sharks! Where did the sharks come from? I've got a great shark guy.
Beaks will be so terrified by the sharks, he'll forget he's in a volcano and jump blindly into the lava! All while we watch from a bridge above.
Wait, wait, I though we wanted to boot him out of our club, not kill him! Although you have tried to kill me countless times, which usually ends up being more annoying than deadly.
That's right, I'm a genius.
Now, pay attention, 'cause this is where it gets complicated.
Ooh Listen, I got your most important task yet.
Getting my 2:15 artisanal cold-pressed coffee.
Now, I want almond-infused foam, not almonds in my foam.
Infused foam, understood? Coffee with stuff, got it! You don't even know where it is! - (both) Come on, come on - HUEY: Almost there.
Here's another XL Waddle T-shirt, a bunch of Waddle yo-yos, and a Waddle jetpack.
(whispers) Don't try it.
It's super broken.
(panting) Beaks, coffee! Winner! Oh, I ahem.
I'm sorry, why am I getting my 2:15 coffee at 2:14? I didn't get an email about it moving up.
- Hello.
- Just take the coffee! I didn't become an almost-billionaire by having coffee at random times of the day like some commoner! There's an order to things, my order, and I Mr.
Beaks, I have your 2:15 coffee at exactly 2:15.
Ooh, yummy! Man, things got real for a second back there, right? How is this not very real? Yeah, yeah, yeah, one sec.
Kid, what's your name? Huey, sir.
Ooh, don't love it.
How about brand-new Waddle intern Huey! Ha-ha! Achieve dream.
Check.
(huffs) Now, can we finally get to Project Tahdah? Whoa, is that an ironically fancy briefcase in my super-chill work environment? Uh yes.
What's going on in there, like, brilliant business secrets? You know it! Very chill.
Oh, I like how you roll! You are my new Vice President of Fancy Business.
Intern, you report to him now.
Boom.
Beaks out! - What?! - Yes! Faked it, maked it! I didn't even know this was my life's dream until today.
But but how did I win and still lose? I worked so hard and had so many completed checklists.
Do you need me to get a briefcase? 'Cause I can go get one and then become the Vice President of Being Chill! 'Cause I'm chill.
I'm straight chilling.
Like a villain, even! Oh, no, Huey's broken.
Or I could be Chief Manager of Being Broken! 'Cause anyone can just be anything! Look at me, everybody, now I'm the Duke of Making a Mess! (growling) Watch out for the Duke! Mr.
Beaks, is everything okay? Uh, this again.
(cracks knuckles) (blows landing, grunting) Oh, I missed that last punch.
Could you prop him back up and do it again? No more games.
You're all my captives now.
You, Vice President, take me to Project Tahdah! Yes, of course.
Sure.
Um Seriously? It's that way.
It's that way.
Of course it's that way.
Sorry, it's my first day, but, eh, let's go this way.
Huh! Welcome to the cutting edge of the latest technology.
See that in the air? What is that? It's called magic! Open the vault! - Now! - Ugh, fine! I'll (imitating Graves) "finally take you to Project Tahdah.
" Blech! Ugh.
- (beeping) - (tumblers clicking) Menacing man, small children, prepare yourselves for my greatest invention.
(whirring) What? Nothing? Everything you think it is, and nothing you're expecting! You got the nothing part right.
So, Project Tahdah is a hoax? Tahdah! I build hype for a fake product, everyone invests in my company, kablam, I'm a billionaire! This is ridiculous.
I'm calling my employer.
- (dialing) - (ringing) Go for Beaks.
(growls) You've got to be kidding me! Why would you hire me to steal something that doesn't exist? So he gets to say Project Tahdah was stolen, but he still keeps the money! See? Fancy Business gets it.
Why actually put in the hard work of inventing something when I can just tell everybody I did? Fake it till you make it, right? (chimes) And become a billionaire! Ba-bam! Just crossed the mark.
Aw, count them zeroes! One, two, three, four, five Bah, I'm bored.
You get it.
And it's all thanks to you, bud.
Get over here, Selfington! (growls) I can't believe I looked up to you.
You and your whole company are as fake as Project Tahdah.
Maybe, but the money and the buzz are very, very real.
I just got so many followers! - Pah! - Gravesy, there's a helicopter waiting for you on the roof.
You know what? Keep the beanie.
I do not like being lied to! Oh, this is fun.
Where we going? To the roof So I can toss you off it! Oh! Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Who loves being a pawn in my twisted evil plots? You! Yes, you do! Why on earth should we ever need this? Well, how else is Beaks going to know he's at the Annual Carrot Festival?! You clearly didn't understand the plan.
Let's start from the beginning.
- Behold, our - No! "Backstabbing Scrooge, version 3" What's this? Oh, I-it's nothing.
This whole thing is a trap for me, isn't it? What?! No Of course not.
Your new best friend would never No, stay right there.
Uh, heh, thank goodness you moved at the last minute, or you would've been destroyed by the axe.
How long have you been planning that one? More than six months? I don't want to say.
I can't believe I wasted a whole day obsessing over someone I don't like, and it nearly got me killed! Who am I, you? Ugh! Have fun with your new nemesis.
I'm gonna go beat you both by actually being a better billionaire.
(techno music plays) BEAKS (narrating): "Help.
Project Tahdah was stolen" and now I'm going to be tossed off the roof.
" Oh, should I add a sad face, or is that too much? (growls) Oh, ground.
Dude, not cool! - That's my last backup phone! - Yes! (exclamations from Beaks and Graves) We've gotta save Beaks.
Right? I mean, he's the worst, but it's the right thing to do.
Why? I'm sure your biggest, favorite friend will just fake his way through it like everything else.
Okay, first off, that's not what BFF stands for.
And secondly, guys like him, guys like me, we have to put on a show and fake it because smart guys like you are so good at making it.
We don't need this.
What we need is a checklist.
In fact, here's a checklist for how to get through this.
One, get a plan.
Two, ask Huey for a plan.
Three, do you have a plan yet? 'Cause honestly I don't know how checklists work! I got it.
HUEY: Hey, Graves, over here! DEWEY: Wha?! This is dumb.
I hate this plan.
Ha-ha, I win! Oh, gross! Your dumb fingerprints smudged my screen.
(huffs) Now, go be Dewey.
Aaah! Take this! And all of these! (grunting) Time out! We have to take off these stupid hats.
It's humiliating.
Tight end! Nyah! Dewey, whatever you do, do not tell Graves what's in the briefcase! What is in the briefcase? Oh, this briefcase? Just a bunch of fancy business secrets, very hush-hush.
You see the lock? Give me that.
What's the code? - Try 1111.
- No.
- Mmkay, 2222? - No.
Right, of course not.
3333.
Oh, now you're just guessing.
Have you tried the factory default? Of course I have Oh kay.
(slowed-down scream) Doink.
Ah.
Oh, that's it, I'm done! And I'm untagging myself from all those photos! (laughs) That's gotta be $20 million! Where did you get a briefcase full of money? Next to the suit of armor in the Billionaires' Club.
That place needs better security.
'Sup over here? Uh, we saved your life.
Right.
Hey, so obviously I have to fire you guys because you know the secret of Project Tahdah, and if you tell anybody I'll just say you're lying because you're mad I fired you.
Cool? Cool-cool.
"My face looks like a butt.
" And sent.
Seriously, that's your big plan? Who even cares about what It already has 1,000 likes! What? No! No! I can't delete it now! Give it back! Give it back! (opera aria plays) (slowed-down scream) Hah! Me and my phone are fine! (laughs) We totally crushed that fall! Aw, man! Letter for billionaire Mark Beaks.
Aha, that's me! Oh, an invite to a Billionaires' Convention on a yacht.
Awesometown, population Beaks.
I still get to be a Duckburg billionaire.
And everything that comes with it.
Get the sharks ready.
- (thunder crashing) - (maniacal laughter)