DuckTales (2017) s01e16 Episode Script

Day of the Only Child!

1 - Eeee! - You guys! Scrooge just got a new security bot, and it can melt through solid steel, and it is adorable! Aah! Unh! Wait, where are Huey and Louie? - Who? - Um, your brothers? Webby, I don't have brothers.
I'm an only child.
Don't be ridicu.
[GASPS] Oh, no.
We must be in some sort of dystopian alternate dimension.
Calm down.
Everything is fine.
Exactly what an evil Dewey-doppelganger would say! Yaah! Give it up, Dew-pelganger! Where is Dewey! Webby, stop! That is Dewey! He's just doing a Dewey thing! Oh.
Thank you, good Samaritans.
You restored my faith in the kindness of random strangers.
Not even one hour in, and your stupid "Only Child Day" has already almost gotten one of us killed.
"Only"-what-now? - It's a beautiful holiday.
- That he made up.
Where, for a whole day, we get to be sibling-free and do all the amazing things that an only child gets to do! Make our marks on the world! Not have to answer to anyone! Be horribly alone? For once! He's been threatening to do it for years, but I never thought he could get into my password-protected sibling calendar.
I have my ways.
[BLOWS] Of course he put it on the day I need them both The annual Junior Woodchuck Three-Man Cookout.
- Bo-ring.
- Uch.
Well, as the now sole heir to Scrooge's fortune, I can finally make friends with Doofus Drake, the richest kid in Duckburg.
He only mingles with other obscenely rich heirs, so - What a snob.
- He's the worst.
[GASPS] You see the judgement that I have to live with? Well, today your heartless criticism can't deny me my dream of being shamelessly spoiled.
What are you gonna do, Dewey? I don't have to explain myself to you! I'm an only child! I don't get why you're doing this.
Isn't being a triplet awesome? Thank you! Who are you again, sassy stranger? The brother you rudely take for granted! Right, Louie? This random passerby clearly loves Only Child Day, right, Louie? Or whoever you are? I just want to use a rich kid for his infinity pool! [CRYING] Why can't I have that for myself?! Stop fighting! And this is why we need Only Child Day.
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails - No, Ducktales! - Whoo-ooh! Stupid Dewey.
Why can't I just have brothers that blindly listen to me for once? I don't say this enough, but I sure do love being a trio! Yeah, good things come in threes.
Ooh! Like the three legs on this tripod.
Even three cheers: Hip - Hip - [UNENTHUSED] Hooray.
See? [LAUGHS] What do you mean I can't go? If I don't participate, I'll never get my commemorative Cookout Badge.
That means a lopsided sash, Launchpad.
A lopsided sash! Sorry, but it's the Three-Man Cookout.
I didn't get to be a Troop Leader by bending the rules.
I got it by crashing the bus during a camping trip and the other leaders quitting.
- [SIGHS] - This is perfect! We can't nab all four of those brats, but we can definitely nab one! Uh, Big Time, we're starting to think you have an unhealthy obsession with kidnapping.
We're here if you want to talk about it.
Actually, there is something I'd like to say.
- [SLAP] - [CROWS CAW] Get moving! I can easily do the work of three Woodchucks twice my size, see? [STRAINING] Sorry.
Unless you can find two other scouts Ooh! How 'bout them? And what are your names, mysterious Woodchucks I've never seen before? Tim.
[MUMBLING] He's, uh, Timbo.
[WHISPERING] Launchpad, those are the Beagle Boys in disguise! Junior Woodchuck Rule number 413: never speak ill of a fellow Woodchuck.
Unless you don't want that badge Mmm mmm Possible death? Definite badge.
Possible death? Definite badge.
Definite badge.
Definite badge! Hey, look, we found some firewood for you next to a normal pile of twigs.
[FRUSTRATED SIGH] If I'm gonna get captured, I'm at least gonna be captured right.
If you can't even build a proper pit trap then how do you expect us to earn our Cookout Badges? What?! That is a pit trap? Here, let me show you.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Mmm! Aah! Mm-hmm, the poacher's knot was a good instinct, but what you want here is a double overhead noose.
Wow, that does work better! All right, fold the ends over.
Go ahead.
Aah! Whoa-aah! - Oh! - [BIRDS TWEETING] Aah! Ohh! D'oh! [CHUCKLING] [ALL LAUGHING] Mmm! Ahh! Oi! Wow.
Dewey and Louie would never have gotten this done so fast, or, you know, even tried.
So what do you want to eat? You want me to choose? You earned it.
It's only fair.
"Faaiirr"? Junior Woodchuck Rule 72: always be fair to your fellow Woodchucks.
I I think I know somethin'.
[SNIFFS] [BLOWING] Junkyard Stew.
Mmm! Is that cumin? Yeah.
It complements the root vegetables.
It's exquisite! Really? Why, I've never eaten it before.
It's just usually thrown in my face.
Well, we don't do that here.
A Woodchuck looks out for his fellow scouts.
You know, Tim and Timbo, it's nice to finally have brothers who actually appreciate camaraderie.
I'm gonna go hang up this stew.
Every bear in the forest is gonna want this! What's taking you idiots so long? Ma's waiting for me to be the hero! That's not fuh-air.
Mm-hmm! So? And we should ask Huey if he wants to be snatched first.
Ask? Ugh, fine.
If you numbskulls can't do it, I'll grab him myself! We can't let you do that.
What're you doin'? [HUMMING] Um, Big Huey, sir? We kidnapped someone for you.
[MUFFLED EXCLAMATIONS] You did what?! Well, he was gonna kidnap you first.
No! No! A Junior Woodchuck looks out for his fellow Woodchucks, whatever the cost.
He's gonna get killed! He's your brother! We like you better, New Big Time.
You'll love it back at the junkyard.
You'll never be lonely again.
Ahh! Just help me get him down! You got it boss! Rrr, this overhead noose is perfect.
Why'd they have to actually pay attention to me? Dewey never would have tied this right! - [THUMPING] - [GASPS] No, No! I meant, carry him down, not cut him down with impeccable chopping technique! Sure thing, boss! Gah, no! Don't blindly listen to me! I am not your boss! - No! - No! Can I help you? Greetings! I'm Sir Louie Duck Esquire the Third, your well-to-do neighbor and Scrooge McDuck's only nephew.
I am here to meet fabulously wealthy Doofus Drake? Is this his his house? No, this is the servant quarters.
This way, please.
It's like he gets whatever he wants.
No one says no to Master Doofus.
[WHISPERING] No one! [SLURPING] Oh, hi! [AHEM] Allow me to introduce myself.
Sir Louie Duck Esquire the Third, the only nephew of Scrooge McDuck.
[SLURPING] Well, since we're so alike, you know, both solo heirs, I figured it was high time that we rubbed elbows and Geeeee-aaaaaaah! Brain freeze.
Friend present.
Oh for me? I like to play with my friends.
All right, friend.
[CHUCKLES] Let's play! [MUSIC PLAYING] Ahh! Literally living the dream.
[SNIFFING] Aaah! You seem stressed.
Come with me! [GASPS] This is where I come to blow off steam.
Is that an original Stradabearius violin? That's worth more than every house Uncle Donald has ever owned! Are you nuts? Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble? Meh! Of course.
Real wealth is not caring if people think you're crazy.
Because they can't stop you anyway! [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] Gonna ignore that sweaty palm! - Geememama! - Oh! Uh uh what? [BOTH] Geememama.
Geememama Francis, my dear deceased Grandma, who left me her entire fortune.
No one touches her portrait, no one! I let you eat wall cotton, you impudent brat! Are you smiling, servants? Is this funny to you?! [VIOLENT SCREAMING] - [OBJECTS BREAKING] - So you're his butler, huh? My butler's a ghost.
Yeah, he's dead.
We're dead inside.
We're Doofus' parents.
Sorry, what? He used to be such a sweet boy, but the money and power changed him.
Aaaah! [PANTING] Go.
Before it's too late.
[PANTING] What's next, friendy-friend? You know, I just noticed it's getting a little late, and, uh, so I'm just gonna head home, fondly remember all the good times we had.
Cool? All right, bye.
- [ZAPPING] - [GASPING] You are home, friend present.
Help! Guys! I don't want to be an only child anymore! The sooner you give up, the better.
Hope only makes it worse.
No! If the three of us work together, we might just be able to get out of here.
Are you with me? The new one's a traitor.
But I stopped him out of loyalty.
Because I love you, Doofus.
You're pathetic.
No! He's lying.
I would never do that.
I'm your friend present.
Ew, gross.
I don't think I like you anymore, new friend.
Maybe you need a lesson in friendship.
What's that for? What is he going to do with the umbrella and walnuts? [GROANING] Louie! Ahh! I'm safe! Ooh, new new friends.
- Aah! - Aah! Whoops.
Sorry, security-bot.
Just innocent kid stuff.
Finally alone.
They'll never know my darkest secret.
- [BRASSY THEME MUSIC] - Live, from McDuck Manor, most celebrated duck in Duckburg! And also Scrooge McDuck.
It's Dewey Dew Night! Tonight: laughs! Thrills! A visit from Monsieur Saucy! And as always, the Dew Crew House Band! And now, the man of the hour: Dewey! [APPLAUSE] Ha ha! Thank you, thank you very much.
And welcome to the best show in this wing of the mansion! So what's going on? What's in the news? Oh, did you hear about this? - I'm an only child today! - [APPLAUSE] It's gonna be great! It's all about Dewey now.
[BASS PLAYS] So the big question is, what "Dewey" do? What "Dewey" do? [COUGH] Woof.
Audience is a little stiff tonight.
Am I right, Dewey? A-ha! Ha ha, that joke crashed so hard, you'd think it was Launchpad! [CANNED LAUGHTER] Nailed it, we got 'em back! Dewey, play me to the desk! [JAZZ PLAYING] Cool cool cool cool.
This is, of course, a sample episode of our totally amazing show.
So if you're a TV producer looking for a hit so fresh, so unique, and so top secret even my brothers can't know about it, this is the show for you.
So my first guest is I'm very excited for my first gue uh Maybe shoulda thought about this before I kicked everyone out.
Oh! Please give a warm round of a applause to my first guest and former bro Huey! [APPLAUSE] Hey, Huey, thanks for coming on the show.
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Appropriate response to introductory salutation.
Let me check the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook.
Hello, Dewey.
Thanks for having me.
Hey, buddy, good to have you.
So how are you enjoying Only Child Day? [ROBOTIC VOICE] I fear it deeply.
Being a triplet is a way of life.
Things are better in threes.
Super weird.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions.
Here we goooo! What's your name? [ROBOTIC VOICE] Huey.
Do you love calendars? [ROBOTIC VOICE ] Yes.
- Are you a robot? - Yes.
I mean, no! I mean yerp bleep bleep bleep bleep! I knew it! Boom boom.
I am here to destroy.
Aah! I will eat your buildings! [GASPS] Aah! [ROBOTIC VOICE] I will pet your cat, but in a very aggressive way! DEWEY: Robo-Huey is on a rampage! Now that's good television.
Speaking of, my next guest um, my next Uh [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] What's up, McDuck Manor? Louie in the house! Oh, boy! Oh, no, a robot! [ROBOTIC VOICE] Destroy Duckburg, destroy Duckburg! [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] It's attacking me! Oh, boy! Submit! Submit! Die, robot scum! Hiya! [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Thanks, Dewey! You're my hero.
Oh, stop.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] You're no anonymous middle child.
You're the unique glue that holds us brothers together.
Aww! Comedy, action, and heart? Who wouldn't want to watch this show? - [GASPS] - [CRASH] Robotic intruder detected.
My demo tape! We gotta go! My apologies to Monsieur Saucy! [WHIMPERING] This is bad real bad! Huey, you got a plan, right? [ROBOTIC VOICE] Sorry, I'm technically you, and since you don't have a plan, neither do I.
Hey, I don't need you! I'm self-sufficient! Louie, you can talk your way out of this, right? [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Yeah, sure, no problemo.
Wait, no, I'm also you, h'boy! Aah! Stupid Only Child Day! Aah! Hello, intruder.
You are cornered.
Perhaps you shouldn't have pushed your brothers away.
Maybe appreciate that fact, because certain people would do anything to have siblings.
No one you know.
Certain hypothetical people.
Webby, you can come out.
[NERVOUS LAUGH] How did you get in there? Oh, I just jammed it open and ripped out a bunch of wires to make room.
What were you doing? What? Me? [LAUGHS] Nothing.
[WHISPERING] She knows.
Shut up, Louie! I can't believe you're spoiling my Only Child Day.
You couldn't just let me have this one thing? I'm sorry.
But you guys just got here.
I don't want you splitting up.
Webby Intruders detected! Put your hands in the air.
You have twenty seconds to comply.
We're complying.
Why doesn't it see we're complying? I, uh, sort of cut some of its processing circuits.
You have five seconds to comply.
- Four three two - Ha-yah! - Dewey! - Waah! Aah! Ohh-aaah! Aaah! Aah! Yaah! - Aah! - Oof! Huey! Louie! Beagle Boys.
Psycho rich kid.
Haywire robot.
[ALL] Brothers again? Brothers again.
Triple threat! Gimme, gimme for my gimme tree! Robot! Activate protocol save me! You're funny.
I'm keeping you.
Aah! Unh! Aah! Just a quick rewiring of the manifold.
One of us! One of us! You two jerks are going to help me kidnap those boys, or I'm gonna scald you with more than soup.
I'd rather be soup-blinded than have to stare at your dumb face! Hey! If there's one thing I know, it's that you hate each other.
You yell at each other, you fight with each other, you fail Ma Beagle with each other.
Because you're the Beagle Boys.
And who in this world can antagonize you more than your own brothers? Oh, please.
Like that's gonna Let's never not fight again! Okay! - Whoo-hoo! - You guys! Wait, are you brothers again, or did this whole thing happen in another dimension and you're all evil doppelgangers! [ALL] No, no, no, definitely brothers! Or whatever makes you not hurt me! So you're not gonna break up? Of course not.
We never were.
We need each other.
Yeah, I love being a triplet.
But we still have to be our own people.
Well, I guess Only Child Day wasn't an absolute disaster after all.
Uh, sibling calendar?! I'm a hundred percent sure I'm going to regret this, but fine.
All right, Louie! We did it! Pretty sure Louie was with me on this.
I still have two more hours of Only Child Day.
You guys figure it out.
Good point.
Au revoir, strangers.
So, uh, how much did you see, you know, when you came into my room? - Oh.
- Good.
Dewey Dew Night Do do do do do do do do do [SCAT SINGING] Dewey Dew Night