DuckTales (2017) s02e06 Episode Script

Last Christmas!

1 Life is like a candy cane Here in Duckburg Snowflakes, presents Santa's sleigh It's a duck blur Might make bells jingle Or cap Kris Kringle Ducktales Christmas Eve We're out there Making Ducktales Tales of Christmas past And Yuletide luck tales Deck the lawn With tons of snowmen Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Hey! Get those inflatable abominations off my lawn! Waah! But you have the perfect yard for a winter wonderland! I also have a pilot who can't tell the difference between Christmas lights and landing lights! - [GULPS] - [PLANE PASSES OVERHEAD] [EXCLAIMING] - [CRASH] - [DONALD EXCLAIMING] Tinsel! Holly! Novelty ornaments! Pure Christmas magic.
I have some notes on your ornament distribution.
Magic! [SCROOGE SEETHES] Dear Santa.
I can explain.
- [SCROOGE SEETHES] - What Hey! Christmas Eve dinner will be served promptly at 8:15, followed by the annual screening of Christmas on Bear Mountain at 9:08.
And I've reset the cryptid traps.
Don't want another pesky sugar plum fairy infestation this year.
- [TRAP SNAPS] - Yow! Bah! Crass commercialism, empty sentiment and all the trappings of the holiday! And the endless monuments to that reindeer-rustling red-suited rep Who put this up? [SEETHES] Take that, ya Yuletide-ic traitor! [EXCLAIMING] Not so lively and quick now, are ya? - [GEARS WHIRRING] - Bah, humbug.
[GASPS] He said it! I'm going to bed! [SIGHS] Merry Christmas, Mom.
- [GASPS] - 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la la? Oh, um We're about to sing some Christmas carols.
Come on! I'm-I'm not really in a merry mood.
Yeah, sure, okay.
Well, if you change your mind.
[SIGHS] [WIND GUSTING] - Gah! Come on! [GHOSTLY MOANING] [GHOSTS] Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! [GHOSTS WHOOPING, CHEERING] [GHOST] Oh, my! What a man! [NERVOUS EXCLAIMING] Back, foul specters! Shoo! Get back, Grim Reaper! You won't take my incredibly old uncle today! [GRUNTS, GROANS] [GASPS] - [GRUNTING] - [CHUCKLES] And I thought we had spirit! Get it? Because we're ghosts! Oh, dear.
A party crasher.
I suppose it's a slight break in tradition, but The more, the merrier! I am more confused than usual.
[SIGHS] Dewey, meet the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
Years ago, they accidentally haunted my home.
Accidentally? Yeah, we were looking for a different Scrooge.
But your uncle was way more fun! But you hate Christmas.
That's a bit of an act.
I have so many responsibilities throughout the year My family, my business, secretly keeping the world-eating serpent Jormungandr at bay - The what? - I just need one night a year where I can really cut loose.
So every Christmas Eve, we use my trusty Timebrella to go back and revisit the best Christmas parties history has to offer! - So you don't actually hate ornaments? - Not really.
- And candy canes? - Nope.
- And Santa Claus? - No! That churlish chimney chaser is not to be trusted! I love having you all here, but I need a break now and then, you understand? [DONALD SINGING CAROL IN SPANISH] Yes, 100%.
I'll keep it quiet.
This time.
So, where's the party? Ah, ah! When's the party? Ugh, time travelers.
Take heed, rise, and walk with me! [ALL WHOOPING, CHEERING] [GASPS] So, where to first? A holiday happening at Andy Warthog's Factory? Reveling with the rebels crossing the Delaware? [ALL EXCLAIMING] Right back where we started? But not right back when we started.
- For you see - We get it! It's the past! [GASPS] [YAWNS] Huh? - Young me.
- Old me.
Bless me yesterdays, it's [GHOST] The first annual McDuck Enterprises Christmas Party! We always visit other peoples' festivities, so I thought we might crash your own past nativities.
Oh, this was a right corker.
I'd just started my company, and the future was bright.
Really? I always thought Future was kinda grim! Everyone was at their most carefree and joyous, even [CHANTING] Twenty-two! Twenty-two! Twenty-two! Twenty-two! Ooh! Huh! Huh! - [CHUCKLES] Yes! - [ALL CHEER] Oh, I gots to party with that lady.
Step aside, 22.
Let a Scotsman show ya You're a captain of industry with your own company now.
The point of this soiree is to network, strengthen business ties, not fritter away the night on feckless frivolity.
But [SIGHS] So, enjoying the party? [ALL MUTTER] No.
That's why I live in the now, you know? What we have is this moment now, and Not interested.
I like your cloak.
Conga line! [BUZZARD] I'm saying, given the current economic downturn, having a Christmas that is both holly and jolly isn't fiscally responsible.
I thought we were taking a break.
What good's a party if I have to work at it? This party's as dead as he is.
- Maybe we should go.
- Fellas, no! Christmases were so much better back then uh, now.
Look at all these cheery faces of the past.
Eh, I suppose I could mingle.
Look at them all.
I invited everyone to this party.
That's right, Scrooge.
Bless me bagpipes! Goldie! Mr.
McDuck, Professor Rhutt Betlah, and have I got a Christmas present for you.
- Yes, what a lovely rock.
Now - A perfectly square rock, procured at some great personal risk in the Andes.
I'm looking for someone to finance an expedition.
- What? No! Get out of my - [GRUNTS] - Mr.
McDuck! - Mr.
McDuck! - A moment of your time, sir.
- Mr.
McDuck, - have I got an investment for you! - Move! Ach! Even back then, all everyone wanted was a piece of my fortune.
Oh, come now, Scrooge.
Not everyone here is looking for a handout.
McDuck, I come to take your money and reclaim Beagleburg for my kin! Some of them just want to rob you.
Bankjob! Babyface! Bugle! Take everything that ain't nailed down! [SINISTER CHUCKLING] - Waah! - [PRESENT] Hey! You guys go on without me! I'm gonna stick with this crazy party crawl! [WHOOPS] [GROANS] Looks like the party's over.
- Let's just get back to my family and - No! I mean, you deserve a break.
It's Christmas! Give me one more shot.
I know the perfect party.
No family, no business, no responsibility.
- Oh, please, please, please? - Well.
I Ooh, thank you! Is this Your first Christmas in Duckburg, before family and fortune and business harassed.
It's the perfect Christmas! Just like you asked! Now, that is more like it.
No more nagging responsibilities.
Silent night, indeed.
Curse me kilts, this is boring.
Now I see your lesson, specter.
The minor frustrations of your life pale in comparison to the excitement they bring.
Hearth, home, family That's what Christmas is all about.
No more living in the past.
Take me back, spirit.
- No.
- What's that, now? Every year, I spend my Christmas showing selfish ingrates the true meaning of Christmas, only to be ditched the following year because they have to "look after Tiny Tim" or whatever.
Blech! But you were different.
You always came back to us.
- Then your family moved in.
- [GROWLS] How long before you decide to have Christmas with them, and I get left behind again?! [EXCLAIMS] So I brought you back where nothing, not even my fellow spirits, could distract you - from this glorious Christmas past! - [EXCLAIMING] And we can relive it over and over and over together forever! [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] [GROWLS] [EXCLAIMING] Take that, ya wistful wisp! [EXCLAIMING] You know, this is an amazing fight.
I know, right? What I wouldn't give to do it over again.
Nostalgia for a fight that started a minute ago? Now, that's living in the past! Let's do it! Oh, man, this is gonna be great! Uh, where was I? Oh, right.
[CLEARS THROAT] Every year Ha-ha! Good one, Scrooge! Get back here.
Or should I say, "Get back now"? [CHUCKLES] Scrooge? Uh He'll He'll be back.
Take heed, rise, and walk with me! [ALL WHOOPING] [GASPING, SHOUTS] [SHOUTING] [GRUNTS] Back where I started? But maybe not back when I started! Ha-ha! Good one, Time Traveler Dewey.
If this is really the past, then I can finally spend Christmas with - [GUITAR STRUMMING] - some weird emo kid? I say go But you say stay You can't tell me What to do Don't understand A word I say So phooey! Phooey! Phooey on you! Uncle Donald? Who are you?! How much did you hear? Did you like it? Answer me! Oh, uh, my name is Bluey, your 15th step-cousin on your great-grandmother's niece's side from Canada, eh? Oh, this is the most confusing family.
Wait, wait, wait.
If you're here, where's your sister? Della? [SCOFFS] Same place she is every year: camped out back, looking for Santa.
She's right out back? Come on, you got to help me find her! [SCOFFS] No, thanks.
Christmas is a bunch of kids' stuff.
Plus I'm thi-i-is close to writing the perfect song.
You're really not.
Snatch! Hey! What's the big idea? I'm comin', Mom! [GASPS] Give me that! Oh! - [SOUR NOTES] - Aw, man, it's all out of tune.
Wait, wait.
I don't hate it.
Della's not here.
I think she was attacked.
- Ugh! - Attacked by a case of the munchies.
- It's just jelly.
- What would you have done if it wasn't? Oh, why is Della making such a big deal out of this? She packed way too much food.
She brought a family-sized tent that she couldn't even set up by herself.
[GRUNTING] Like so.
Yaah! [SPUTTERS, GRUNTS] [EXCLAIMING] How do you explain this? Well that is weird.
- Ow.
- Whoops! Ow.
Ow! So Della must take you on awesome adventures all the time, huh? Ah, please.
I'm a little too mature for adventures with my sister.
I'm more of the soulful, devil-may-care loner type.
- Oh, totally.
Me too.
- Waah! But Della is amazing, right? I mean, why wouldn't you want to go on a Christmas adventure with her? She wanted me to, but Well, why aren't you with your family? The answer to that is complicated and full of paradoxes.
Della's tracks end here, but the others keep going.
Maybe it gave her a piggyback ride? I gave Della this scarf last Christmas.
- She never would have left it behind unless - [CREATURE GROWLS] That's not Santa Claus.
- Wendigo! - [BOTH SCREAMING] [SNARLING] I'll deck your halls, ya big palooka! [SNARLS] - [SNARLS] - [DONALD SCREAMS] [SNIFFING] [BOTH SHOUTING] - [BOTH EXCLAIM] - What is happening? Ugh.
You're not Santa Claus.
Della, you no-good, reckless [SPUTTERING] Della? Squawk, squawk, squawk.
Look who decided to come camping.
Just had to trip one of my Santa traps.
One day I'll catch that ho-ho hooligan and give Uncle Scrooge the best Christmas gift ever.
This dummy in your dumb band too? I am a solo act.
[CREATURE] Wendigo! - What is that thing? - I'd guess a Wendigo.
Legend has it that they're poor souls turned into monsters by obsession and desperation.
Hurry up and get us down, Dumbella! - No.
Not until you apologize.
- For what? - Wrong answer.
- Donald! Okay.
I'm sorry I called you Dumbella.
- Try again.
- Uh okay.
I'm sorry I used your toothbrush to clean my combat boots.
- You did what? - [ROARING, SNARLING] You don't even know what you did wrong.
Typical Donald.
How could I have done anything wrong? I haven't seen you all night! [GASPS] - That's what you did wrong! - [SNARLING] That's why she packed the extra food and the family-sized tent and left her scarf behind for you to follow her.
She didn't care about finding Santa.
She just wanted to spend Christmas with you.
But you were too caught up in your own thing to notice.
Locked in your room, ignoring everybody.
And I have a lot of apologizing to do when I get back.
Della, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have ditched you on Christmas.
All right, ugly.
What do you want? Wendigo! Scrooge! [TOGETHER] Of course.
[BOTH EXCLAIMING] [GASPS] [SEETHES] [SHOUTING] [ROARING] Wahoo! Crack-a-roonie! Now what? [ALL GRUNTING] - [ROARS] - [PANTING] Aw, listen, Della.
I really am sorry.
I promise we'll never spend another Christmas apart.
Thanks for helping us back there.
[GRUNTS] Uh, this is weird.
I've just always wanted to spend Christmas with my 15th step-cousin on my great-grandmother's niece's side, that was it.
You're a relative from the future, aren't you? What? No! Eh, eh.
We're the Duck family.
This is only like the fourth weirdest thing that's happened to us on Christmas.
Okay, well, I've gotta warn you about what's gonna happen in the future.
No! Keep your mouth shut! You can't warn us about our future! You'll disrupt the time stream! Haven't you ever seen any movie? - Oh, yeah.
- Stay here.
We'll go get Uncle Scrooge to take care of the beast.
[ROPE SNAPS] [SNARLING] Scrooge! Here, ya nostalgic night terror! Uncle Scrooge? I was flying these two back home through time when I spotted you down here.
What in blazes are you doing here eh, now? You could've Can we please just go back to our family? [GROWLING] Past? Wendigos Poor souls turned into monsters by obsession and desperation.
He's been lost in these woods this whole time.
Every Christmas Eve Waiting for me.
[SOFT WHIMPER] I'm going to give an old friend a present.
No one gets left behind on Christmas.
You mean it? Take heed, rise, and walk with me! [ALL EXCLAIMING] ["DECK THE HALLS" PLAYS ON PIANO] [ALL GASP, LAUGH] [BOTH LAUGH] [SNICKERS] Welcome back.
[ALL EXCLAIM, LAUGH] On the twelfth day of Christmas My true love gave to me Twelve days of Christmas Eleven planes a-flying Ten days of Christmas Eight days of Christmas Oops, forgot the ninth day Seven Samurai Six comes after seven Lots of Christmas days Four Christmas days Three Christmas days Two Christmas days And a cartridge of printer ink Ah! Nailed it! Merry Christmas, you guys.
See you soon.
Duckburg Christmas Is the time for friends And family To gather round the fire And when Christmas past Is home at last The bells will finally ring On Duckburg Christmas