DuckTales (2017) s02e10 Episode Script

The 87 Cent Solution!

1 [HUEY.]
Uncle Scrooge! You're sick, you shouldn't be on your feet.
I have to make my morning meeting.
A stuffy nose and clogged ears won't kill me.
Yeah, he's vanquished mythical beasts, demonic armies, robot uprisings! Which would probably wear out someone half his advanced age.
- Advanced age?! - [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
- For the last time, I'm not sick! - [GASPS.]
According to the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, your sickness could be Finally.
A quick dip before my meeting is all I need to vim my vigor.
Ahh! [GASPS.]
I've been robbed! [THEME SONG.]
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history - DuckTales! - Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making - DuckTales! - Whoo-ooh Tales of daring do Bad and good luck tales Whoo-ooh D-D-D-Danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some - DuckTales! - Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making - DuckTales! - Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not ponytails or cottontails - No, DuckTales! - Whoo-ooh All right.
I know you have this insane competition with Scrooge.
But we also run this charity with him, so we have to look respectable, focus - Focus! - What the?! Wait Listen, Owlson, I know we've had our differences, but I'm very close to figuring out the perfect scheme! I may have a way to make more money than Scrooge, win the bet, and take over his company.
You're supposed to be smart, maybe you can help.
I just need to figure out how - [GRUNTS.]
- Ah-ah-ah! N.
: No Elaborate Schemes Today.
- What about tonight? - No.
- Tomorrow? - Still a "T".
Well, at the very least Tuesday! No! No more schemes! We run a multi-billion dollar business.
We can be a force for good in this world, but not if you keep ruining my our our reputation with your stupid, obviously evil schemes.
You want to beat Scrooge, don't you? Yes, Ms.
Well to do that, you need to be more like him: Poised, calm, respect [GROWLING.]
It was you! I know it was you! Admit what you did, you cockamamie kleptomaniac! Ha-ha-ha! Yes, of course, I did! Wait, what did I do? You stole money from my bin! He's been here all morning.
I have the stress headache to prove it.
That's impossible.
I did binventory just last night.
It was all accounted for.
Are you okay? You seem a little, well the opposite of sane.
Manny! See these two out.
Somebody broke into this bin and stole from Scrooge McDuck.
Until I find out who and how, only authorized employees at the Bin.
I'll need my top men.
Follow me.
The security system is fully operational and primed to wreak maximum havoc.
If a thief had entered this building, he'd have been caught and placed in cold storage awaiting genetic experimentation for Operation Gyrobutapocalypse.
It's all in the budget.
- What? - Nothing.
Everything's fine.
Chicken soup? Restorative nutrients! Get me Gizmoduck.
Glomgold was with Zan Owlson.
Mark Beaks was live posting at Crowchella, and the Beagles were at ConCon, convict convention.
What about Magica? Still no sign of her.
Hmm [HUEY.]
I get that this is a big deal, but Scrooge is in no condition to take on this stress right now.
- His nasal passages are dangerously clogged.
You'd be concerned too if your impenetrable fortress were robbed.
You know, I'm surprised we haven't heard from We've been robbed?! Oh, the humanity! Give it to me straight, Uncle Scrooge, how much did I lose Uh, we you lose? Eighty-seven cents.
Sorry, did I miss a part of that? Like $2 million and 87 cents or [SCROOGE.]
The amount doesn't matter.
What matters is, the bin has been compromised.
If it's only a couple of coins, how could you possibly know they're actually missing? Because Uncle Scrooge knows every coin in there like the feathers in his tail.
Exactly Webbigail.
That's how I stay smarter than the smarties.
Once that goes, it's a slippery slope into being as smart as the smarties and then [GASPS.]
slightly less smart that the smarties! Uh, did you check your pockets? Did I check my pockets? Ha! Of course I checked my pockets and they're not in my pockets! How can you be sure they're even gone? You'd have to count every coin in the bin to prove it.
And that would be crazy.
Huey and his stupid nerd brain.
Four-hundred-and-fifty-five, 456 I, for one, think there's too much pressure on him.
He needs a good eight hours of sleep.
Four hundred and f Uh Oh, come on! [SPUTTERS.]
One, two, three Don't you think Uncle Scrooge seems a bit off? [SCROOGE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY.]
Ha! He's never been more on.
He's at the height of his powers.
He's losing his mind! Let me look at the symptoms in the Junior Woodchuck Guide Aah! Where's my Junior Woodchuck Guidebook?! [SCROOGE CONTINUES MUMBLING.]
Phew! Must have fallen out.
Ah! - [ALL.]
What? - Gold fever.
"A serious condition caused by prolonged exposure to gold.
Symptoms include confusion itchiness - paranoia" - I will find you! Nobody gets away with this! "and going to outlandish extremes.
" It may be fatal! Last week he bought a country to save on foreign postage.
That's just Scrooge.
- Nothing is weird.
This is Scrooge McDuck, the bin is on total lockdown.
All non-security personnel are hereby banished from the premises.
Good day.
Okay, this might be a little out of the ordinary.
Hello, Duckburg.
By now you know that my precious wee ones were kidnapped this morning.
Here is a recent picture.
Two quarters, two dimes, a spry gang of nickels, and a couple of scared little pennies.
Coins, if you're watching I miss you very much.
What? Scrooge loves money? How weirdly uncharacteristic of him.
This is important.
We have to protect every remaining coin in the bin.
This is what waits for the heartless monster that took them.
A ransom? Oh, no.
A bounty on the foul head of the coin-napper.
Two million dollars! Ooof, yep, he's got Gold Fever.
He has to be stopped.
So what's the plan for capturing the intruder? Rope slings? Trip wires? Oh, no, no, no.
No, none of that will be necessary.
Because I have a full arsenal at the ready! I'd like to see you try to get in now, Chester! Hey, Uncle Scrooge, this is all great.
Looks like everything's taken care of so you can go home and get some rest, huh? What part of "I shall not rest" do you not understand? Hyah! You cannae be too careful.
The Faceless Fiend struck again.
He stole my spats! But I made new ones out of those tissue boxes you left me, lad.
Who's the sick one now, Chester?! [NERVOUS LAUGH.]
Who is "Chester," was it? He's the unknown.
He's the question.
- There he is! - I'll get him! Gizmoduck! Fire! I don't see anything.
Hurry, attack, before he gets away! That's an order! Um, engage Midriff Missiles.
No, he's not of sound mind! Don't fire! My mind is perfectly sound! Blow it all to pieces! [SHOUTING.]
Ahh! Smoke? I haven't even hit the ground yet! - I'll handle this! - [MECHANICAL CLUNKING.]
- I'll handle this - [MECHANICAL CLUNKING.]
My Helmetcopter's stuck! Will someone else handle this! - [ALL.]
Dewey! - Oh, no! It's every nightmare I've ever had! Blathering Blatherskite! - [WHEEL SKIDS.]
- Dewey! [BOTH GASP.]
Authorities are already calling the disaster "Bridgemageddon.
" And the rampant chaos was needlessly caused by Scrooge McDuck himself.
McDuck's increasingly erratic behavior has driven investors to pull their money from his company and give it to safer, more stable businesses like Okay, this can't be right.
Glomgold Industries? I didn't think it was possible but Ha! Hear that, McDuck?! I'm more stable than you are! Debateable.
He must be there somewhere, the swindling swine.
McDuck, there's been a break-in! [GASPS.]
Now I have you, Chester, you thieving! Oh Uncle Scrooge, we need to talk.
I'll start.
"Dear Mr.
McDee, they say it's not the years in your life, but the life in your years.
" Happy birthday! Gimme that.
What Launchpad means to say is, we're all really worried about you.
Some of us are just here to see you triumphantly capture the thief.
You have to face the truth.
No one stole 87 cents from you.
You have gold fever and you're very, very sick.
Any more exposure to gold could kill you.
Don't worry, Scrooge.
Dewey and I believe in you.
There's something about your uncle firing missiles and a plane at you - that sort of changes your mind.
- Dewey! This is about saving Scrooge's life, not choosing sides.
E tu, Headless Man-Horse? Well, forget all of you! If you don't want to help me find the intruder, then I don't need you, you bunch of traitors! There's a perfectly simple explanation for all of this.
It's all Chester, the inter-dimensional imp! He prances in and out of reality, attacking me bit by bit.
First the sneaky scoundrel licked everything in my office, and stole my spats! Then he nabbed my 87 cents.
You think you have everyone fooled, but, oh no, not me, I'm onto you! [MANIACAL LAUGH.]
Look at all the weight you've lost.
Your clothes don't even fit.
That's Chester! He dances in my clothes while I sleep and stretches them all out! Maybe you're right.
Maybe it is all Chester.
But maybe you should listen to Huey, step away from the gold and get some rest, just in case you're wrong? No.
I'll prove it to you.
I'll count the money myself! Please, Uncle Scrooge! If you jump into that gold, you could die! [GRUNTS.]
Stop this! Maybe you're both right? No.
Because I know I'm not crazy! - Out of my way.
No, Mr.
McDee, not on your birthday! [ALL SHOUTING.]
Nobody keeps me from my gold! In shocking market news, Glomgold Industries rises to the top of the stock index, making Flintheart Glomgold the richest duck in the world.
Congratulations, Flintheart.
I've literally never been more surprised by anything in my life.
Thank you, Owlson.
I cannae wait to shove this in McDuck's smug face! [GLOMGOLD LAUGHS MANIACALLY.]
This just in.
Scrooge McDuck has apparently died of gold fever.
Oh, no! He was too young! Oh, no! Engage Bagpipes.
All I do is win, win, win, no matter what I got money on my mind I can never get enough [RHYTHMIC GRUNTING.]
Everybody's hands go up! And they stay there, yeah And they stay there, yeah And they stay there, yeah I win! [EXAGGERATED LAUGH.]
- [ALL.]
Huh? - [GASPS.]
I'm so very sorry.
I'm so Owlson! Help me up onto his casket so I can dance on it! [CONTINUES LAUGHING.]
We'll be taking our seats.
Oh, fine, I'll sit down so you can mourn the second richest duck in the world.
And I beat him, fair and square! [OWLSON GRUNTS.]
Well, technically, no, you didn't.
Gold Fever did.
But, again, this is a wildly inappropriate time to discuss it.
Ohh! Uncle Scrooge taught us all so much.
But perhaps the most important thing was the importance of listening to your family.
After he passed, we decided that it would only be fair to his memory to at least consider his theory.
If this hypothetical thief were real, he would have to have been a master genius.
It would have to have been a scheme so elaborate and so complex some might even call it the perfect scheme! Was this indeed a master criminal genius? In the end, the sad truth is, there could never be any master villain capable of pulling off such a genius scheme.
- [SIGHS.]
Scrooge died of gold fever.
No! It was me! I did it! I'm the evil genius! It was me! And my Time Teaser.
Greatest scheme ever! In your face, Owlson! Dead Scrooge, mourning family, I'm the richest duck in the world and here's how I did it! - For the last time, I'm not sick! - [GASPS.]
Hmm All right.
I know you have this insane competition with Scrooge Ha-ha.
I get it.
You're ignoring me.
Owlson? Owlson! Hello?! Why aren't you moving?! Is this some kind of game?! Answer me, baby! [GRUNTS.]
Your will is strong, baby.
You remind me of a young me.
But we also run this charity with him, so we have to look respectable, focus - Focus! - What the? [GLOMGOLD.]
And having mastered space and time, I immediately enacted my scheme to rob Scrooge blind! [GASPS, THEN SCREAMS.]
But I realized, why take it all when a little would drive him insane! Whose schemes sound crazy now?! This one still does.
But you haven't heard it all! I know what you did, you cockamamie kleptomaniac! Are you okay? You seem a little, well, the opposite of sane.
What? You're alive as a horse?! Yes, of course I'm alive, you idiot.
I took my own advice and listened to my family.
Okay, maybe I am a wee bit sick.
But maybe you're not crazy.
I rested for a day.
Then we put our heads together and realized this was obviously all your idiotic scheme to win the bet.
You were "Chester"! So we staged the funeral to get you to admit that you committed fraud.
Legally making me the richest duck in the world again.
Thank you.
You're alive?! - You're alive! - [ALL GASP.]
- You forgot to tell Donald? - Whoops.
See, you could never beat me, Flinty, because I have my family to keep me grounded.
Also, I'm Scrooge McDuck and I'm even better at being crazy than you.
They must have reversed the Time Teaser.
What do you do the next time your uncle goes mad with suspicion? [ALL.]
Call Mrs.
Fake Scrooge's death.
Thank you, Beakley! Don't mention it.
See you tomorrow, Flinty.