Dynasty (2017) s02e13 Episode Script

Even Worms Can Procreate

1 [narrator.]
Previously on Dynasty: - Have you checked your Instagram today? - [Sam.]
Oh, my God.
Crazily, my accidental self-love mantra is trending.
- You're an influencer now? - [Sam.]
Focus on the positive.
I am going to start posting daily affirmations.
There is no us, not anymore.
I am definitely not in good shape.
I need your help.
You had one good move that got you this job, so, I figured I owe you one of my own.
- Oh, hell, no.
- Oh, hell, no.
You looked so serene for someone who doesn't know whose baby they're carrying.
- How did you? - The lab called about your paternity test.
There is no Mark Jennings in my heart.
[Tony.]
Some guy named Mark Jennings could be the baby daddy.
Hello.
Is this Mark? - Whoa.
- Easy.
Looks like someone's ready for their Triple Crown.
Hardly.
I thought I was gonna give her a workout, and I'm the one who's exhausted.
You sure that's safe for the baby? My mother rode horses when she was pregnant with me, - and I turned out to be fine.
- I wouldn't say that.
You turned out perfectly.
Speaking of the baby Have you gotten word on the results from the DNA test? I don't get them till tomorrow.
But when I do, have you come around to the idea that the baby I'm carrying might not be yours? I'm not gonna lie.
It's been hard.
But not as hard as life without you.
I love you, Cristal.
And I've realized that even if this baby is Mark's, it's gonna be yours, and part of you.
And how could I not love it too? So, whatever the results, we'll raise this child as if it's my own.
Wow.
As long as we keep this between us.
I need your word that if it's not mine we lie.
And it goes in the vault.
I don't know why she lied to you, but you deserve to know.
Mark, I think it is your baby.
And what makes you so sure it's mine? Because I overheard Cristal talking to Blake about it.
If I am the father, why wouldn't Cristal talk to me about it? Hmm.
Clearly, you don't know Blake.
He's a very powerful man, and a jealous one.
I believe that Cristal is afraid of him, and she's right to be.
I should know.
Cristal and I have become good friends over the past few months, and it pains me to see her hurting like this.
And I would intervene myself, but I'm sure that Blake would make me pay for it.
So, you mustn't let them know that I have anything to do with this, do you understand? I got it.
Don't worry.
I won't, now that you're here.
You know, life has a way of working itself out.
[Fallon.]
I mean, I basically had to spoon-feed Culhane a simple capital expenditure report.
A third-grader could've figured it out.
I mean, if you care about this new venture as much as you say you do, I would not let him near it.
He managed to stack our roster with the elite hard-to-sign players, which is why he's head of Player Development, not an accountant.
Okay.
But, I mean, I'm your little girl.
I'm the one that's gonna be there for you in the end in theory.
Mm-hm.
Where's your loyalty? If you mean professional loyalty, it's with Culhane.
He cannot be trusted.
He lied to me.
He will do the same to you.
You should dump him before he screws you over.
And you should get used to working with him.
Or for him, technically.
He is a co-owner.
- Ugh.
- You asked for a job.
I made you head of Branding, a critical position.
Not critical enough for a clothing allowance or corner office.
It's vital we get the press behind us so we can build up momentum heading into the season.
Which is why we need the team launch to be a success.
It will be wildly successful, because I have the experience to make it so.
- Whereas Culhane - Enough.
Just focus on your job.
Leave your personal life at home.
Yeah Let's go, come get a sneak peek Kirbs, what do you think? Too much? Is the diamond-studded cummerbund crossing a line? No, but I also think we ran past that line a while ago.
Dare I ask what's going on here? [Kirby.]
Smile, Bo.
Uh, he's an influencer now.
Are you sure you two aren't under the influence? What happened to your daily affirmations? I realized I shouldn't be affirming anything for anyone when I barely know what I'm doing myself.
This is you knowing what you're doing? It's the perfect way to increase my followers.
Yeah.
That's where the real money is.
- I get 5 percent.
- Well Would now be a good time to remind you loons that Sam is married to a billionaire? This isn't about the money.
It's a chance for me to earn my place in this family, to create my own empire.
I don't want people to think I'm some lazy hanger-on trophy husband.
No.
You're not lazy.
All right.
Well, give PETA my best when they call.
- You need the conference room? - Nope.
I'll come back later.
Fallon, how long are you gonna keep this up? Keep what up? This.
Avoiding me.
There's only so many offices to hide in around here.
Don't you think it's time to grow up? Actually, I think it's time for you to find your own family business to ruin and stay the hell away from mine.
Tell you what.
I'm gonna hit the gym before the launch meetings this morning.
It's all yours.
Wait.
Since we are stuck together like the Kardashians are with Kanye, I will be the bigger person.
- Truce.
- Truce? I don't have the issue here.
You do.
Do you think you can work with me? I'm a professional.
Besides, we have a history.
We know each other well.
It'll make working together easy.
- It's a perfect fit, really.
- Glad you finally see it that way.
Keep the peace? I wouldn't have it any other way.
Are things on track for the team launch tomorrow? I believe so, as long as Fallon and Culhane don't kill each other first.
Let's hope the new team has the same fighting spirit.
If they have half as much, we'll go undefeated, I guarantee you.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm Mark Jennings.
- I'm here to see Cristal.
- It's Mark.
Your ex-husband Mark? - Are you serious? - Yeah.
- What's he doing here? - I'm not sure.
Wait here for a moment, Mr.
Jennings.
- I'll see if I can find - [Cristal.]
Mark.
- What a surprise.
- Cristal.
You must be Mark Jennings.
Let me guess.
Blake Carrington.
I've heard a lot about you.
- What brings you to Atlanta? - Just some personal business.
Sir, would you like the staff to bring coffee into the drawing room? Unfortunately, we don't have time.
We were just on our way out.
I get it.
I won't keep you.
But before I go, I need to talk to Cristal.
Alone.
- Mark, what are you doing here? - I wanted to see you.
Make sure you're okay.
This guy treating you well? - Of course he is.
- You sure? - Why the sudden concern? - You used to like it when I was concerned.
I also used to like when you sang in the bathtub.
- Things change.
- Yeah.
I'm more of a shower guy now.
You told me I wasn't the father.
- It's easy to lie to someone in a text.
- Please don't do this.
But I'm hoping that it's a lot harder for you to lie to my face.
Mark.
Crissy is that our baby? - [Kirby.]
Rolling.
- Hey, guys.
It's TheRealSammyJo here, coming to you live from the Carrington Manor.
So, now that you are getting to know me, I wanna know what you wanna see.
Ooh.
Lots of ideas coming through, mostly involving nudity or animals.
- Or both.
- What? - Ew.
People are weird.
- This was left anonymously at my door.
Am I supposed to have it dry-cleaned in case Bo needs it for his next formal event? Anders, we're kind of in the middle of something here.
And, yes, he'll need it for Westminster next week.
Oh, well, at least he won't be the only one overdressed.
Cut it.
Whoa.
Lots of comments about my dad.
"Who's the savage butler?" Hashtag "butler or boss"? Hashtag "Anders forever"? What? Well, the people have spoken.
Welcome to the team, Joseph Anders.
You look a little out of sorts.
Go away, Alexis.
Who was that handsome man that I saw enter the Manor? Not that it's any of your business, but it's Cristal's ex-husband.
Mark Jennings? - So, is it true? - Is what true? Well, I overheard some staff scuttlebutt, and I didn't wanna believe it, but is there some sort of question as to the paternity of Cristal's child? Would you stop right there? Get your own disastrous life in order before you stick your nose into mine.
- I'm so sorry that it has to end this way.
- Excuse me? Well, obviously, you can't stay with her if you're not the father.
I mean, what's it gonna look like? Blake Carrington raises another man's child? It'll look like the last 30 years.
Isn't that how long you lied to me about Steven's real father? That is different.
Is it? Look what your lies did to Steven.
He's run off to find himself and hasn't come back.
Who knows if we'll ever see him again? You know what? Thank you.
Thank you, Alexis.
For once, your invasion of privacy has been very helpful.
Thank you.
- [Blake.]
Cristal.
- Blake.
- We need to talk, Cristal.
- I know the truth, Carrington.
I'm sorry.
I had to tell him there's a chance he might be the father.
- Please don't be upset.
- No.
I never should have told you to lie.
Eventually, the truth would come out, and this child would hate us.
Good call on that.
I owe you an apology.
If this child turns out to be yours, we will work out some sort of amicable custody arrangement.
- You mean that? - Yeah.
- No more lies and no more secrets.
- That's all I ever wanted.
I appreciate that, Blake.
To prove that I'm sincere, you are welcome to stay here at the Manor until the test results come back tomorrow.
Thanks.
I might just take you up on that.
I can't believe this new Blake I'm looking at.
This is gonna work out.
Even if we have a blended family.
You'll see.
I have no doubt.
Whatever comes our way, we'll deal with it.
I love you.
What's up, Fallon? - What's up, Kyle? Looking good.
- [Kyle.]
You too.
Culhane.
You're here.
Oh, did you think I'd be late for some reason? - Your trick at the gym didn't work.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
You might wanna change the combination on your locker.
You've had the same code since I've known you.
So much for your truce.
- I should've known better.
- Yes, you should have.
You think a stunt like that's gonna work on me? You're gonna have to try a little harder.
- Oh, really? - Where the hell were you? Right here, waiting for the morning meeting.
Which was moved up an hour.
You missed it.
What? I I didn't know about the time change.
There was a little mishap at the gym.
My phone, my clothes, everything was stolen.
I don't want your excuses.
I want you at the meeting.
We have one shot at this launch.
It has to go well.
I didn't have an issue with you before, but I do now.
- It's on.
- Hmm.
I do love a good challenge.
[whistling.]
Hi.
Alexis.
Just back from a swim.
Water's great.
You should take a dip.
You seem to have gotten quite comfortable, considering you're behind enemy lines.
It didn't go at all like you said.
Guy was pretty understanding.
Kid turns out to be mine, we share custody.
Cristal called it a blended family.
Yes, you'll be one big Benetton ad.
You know, I just still can't help but worry.
You know, Blake and his kind gestures usually come with an expiration date.
You think he'll change his mind? He might have acted like he was understanding, but, you know, make no mistake, he will find a way to banish you from your child's life.
- It's a pain that I know all too well.
- He seemed pretty genuine.
You sure that this has nothing to do with your own personal grudge with Blake? Maybe I should have told you this earlier.
She is still in love with you.
- What? - It's true.
- Why wouldn't she tell me herself? - Because she's terrified to admit it.
She's afraid that Blake will retaliate.
Well, I would've told you this earlier, but I didn't wanna betray her trust.
And quite frankly, I thought that she'd tell you herself.
Son of a bitch.
Hanson will hand it off to me, I'll unveil the logo, then Culhane will introduce the player roster.
Oh, which none of us received, Mr.
Culhane.
I hope it didn't slip through the cracks due to your busy gym schedule.
Apologies.
I was hoping to close a deal on one more player before the launch.
- You'll have a roster in the morning.
- Cutting it a little close, don't you think? Oh, good point, Bill.
The most important part of the team launch is the team, is it not? I'm on top of it, Fallon, so, just stay in your lane.
The road is your expertise, isn't it, Mr.
Culhane? It's been brought to my attention that you were Mr.
Carrington's driver six months ago? I've invested millions here.
Why are we leaving so much up to you? I was a driver for Mr.
Carrington.
I sat in that front seat, listened to every deal he negotiated.
That has helped me when it came to closing deals with our players.
And he was pivotal in helping us sign Sterling Wells to the team.
You see, the easiest way to increase our fan base is by securing star players.
I've put together a financial outlook based on our current player acquisitions.
Each player will have a different impact on our economic and social growth, which will attract more broadcasters, which in turn will generate more revenue.
That way, our GSI continues to rise, and we all continue to make money.
Uh, there's a copy for you, Billy.
Just read that.
Let me know if you have any questions.
You haven't eaten much of your breakfast, have you? Hmm? [groans.]
I don't want you to get used to having caviar.
You will get the feeling of entitlement.
But you're just a dog.
Yes, you are.
Even if you have a very fine tuxedo.
Here, try that.
Free range Oh, my God.
Are you seeing this? I don't know what I'm seeing.
Well, your followers are all over it.
Hashtag "the dog butler.
" "Buckhead or Barkhead.
" "The Real Bloodhound Gang.
" Oh, my God.
He's already a meme.
I guess this is what people wanna see.
[Blake.]
Michael.
Nice work.
Bill threw you a curveball, and you handled it with ease.
You seriously think a Louisiana investor who flew in for a day happened to know I used to be your driver? - That curveball was thrown by Fallon.
- Excuse me.
I had nothing to do with that.
Please.
How long are you gonna continue with these childish pranks? - Because I'm here to work.
- As am I.
I'm telling you, it was not me.
You had nothing to do with my disappearing clothes? - Someone talked to Bill.
- You took my phone.
- Don't accuse me of being a child.
- Enough.
Whatever's going on with you two needs to end.
Now.
Or heads will roll.
I am telling you, I had nothing to do with Bill's comments.
Michael, did that lob work for you? Like a charm.
Thanks, buddy.
Anything to help a fellow LSU man mark his territory.
Go Tigers.
I'm sorry, you set yourself up to make it look like I did it? I admit, I'm not usually that petty.
But I know you, Fallon, and the only way to get to you is to stoop to your level.
Miss Jennings, I just came from the stables.
Patches is really acting up.
None of the staff can calm him down.
What's wrong? Did something happen? Um, probably spooked by a snake or something.
Look, I hate to ask, but would you mind going out and checking on him? He always seems to settle down around you.
I'll go check on him.
Well done, Anthony.
I don't like lying.
It makes me uncomfortable.
Well, not as uncomfortable as you'd be if Blake found out that you switched the first paternity test.
I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass.
Mark.
- What are you doing here? - I can see why you like it here.
And these barns.
I could fit my entire house in here, including the back yard.
- Your place has its own charm.
- You're being kind, as usual.
Except when you get on a horse.
You always had to win when we went racing on the farm.
It's an ugly side to you, really.
[chuckles.]
Well, I don't remember you holding back much either.
Guilty.
I miss those days.
I miss you.
They're nice memories, but they're in the past.
- We could create new memories.
- Mark.
Cristal is it true? Do you still have feelings for me? What? Why would you think that I? Don't be mad.
Alexis told me.
Alexis? No.
Are you kidding me? She's a real piece of work, but it doesn't matter what she said.
All that matters is the answer.
Do you still have feelings for me? It doesn't matter if I have feelings.
We can't be together.
You know that.
It's too dangerous.
Our car accident was no accident.
My family tore us apart then, and they will do it again.
To hell with your family.
Things are different now.
Yeah, they're different.
I moved on.
I had to.
And you should do it, as well.
If I thought you were happy with this guy, I would walk away.
But I know you.
I can see it in your eyes.
Is this what you really want? Must be 7:00 if you're home from work.
Oh, dear.
I'm not surprised, given the way they were looking at each other earlier.
You never really do get over your first love.
I never did.
Hey, Max, have the new players' deals closed? Not yet.
Culhane wanted to see the final vetting reports.
- Who's the frontrunner? - I can tell you who it won't be.
PJ Reed.
Talented guy, but we discovered a drug problem.
Wow.
Good catch.
I'm on my way to go see Culhane right now.
- I can hand those off to him.
- Great.
I put that warning about PJ Reed on top so he'd see.
Smart thinking.
He can't miss it.
- Enjoying your stay, I hope? - What's not to like? There was a chocolate candy on my pillow last night.
- By the way, you got any more of those? - Well, I'll see what I can do.
You know, in the meantime, I have an offer for you.
What kind of offer? You were banned from professional soccer for match-fixing.
I was framed by Cristal's family.
You know that.
I'm in a position to have that ban lifted.
You could work again in the sport you love.
What do I have to do in return for such a generous favor? Whatever the test results, you walk away.
- I want you out of our lives for good.
- There he is.
I was wondering when the real Blake Carrington was gonna reveal himself.
- I've heard the stories.
- I'm not interested in what you've heard.
I'm interested in you leaving.
So, what's it gonna take, Jennings? Looking for a payday as well? You're a fool if you think there's anything that you can offer that's gonna keep me from my kid.
Or from Cristal.
Mack there's a certain gentleman staying with me.
As soon as he leaves the property, I want you to remind him no one crosses Blake Carrington.
Hey, Insta fam, we are live and once again pulling back the curtain on the secret life of Anders.
Take a look.
[Anders.]
I've finally figured it out, my canine friend.
You don't like to eat alone, and nor should you.
I have to keep up an image with the rest of the staff, so, if you mention our secret din-dins, the filet will be returned and it's back to the kibble for you.
- [snickers.]
- Shh.
What are you? Can I help you? Hashtag "busted.
" Turn that thing off.
- It's just for fun, Daddy.
- For my Insta Stories.
For whatever reason, you're the most interesting thing in my life.
Well, not anymore.
I'm not having people manipulate my face with googly eyes and devil horns just for the amusement of strangers.
That's not what this is.
My fans like my Stories because they're real and truthful.
No filters and no lies and And no, thank you.
Are you still recording? I am sorry, but I'm shutting this down.
[crowd.]
Three, two, one! [marching band playing and crowd cheering.]
AX FC! AX FC! Thank you, Atlanta.
But what good is a logo without our star players wearing it? Here to introduce some of our team members is head of Player Development Michael Culhane.
Thanks, Blake.
Today we finalized the contracts for the three players around whom we will build our historic franchise.
Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Felipe Sabbaga, Finn Jordan and PJ Reed.
And you can follow them and all our players on social as well as AtlantixFC.
com.
Right now we'll be taking any questions you have.
- Ms.
Carrington, over here.
- Ms.
Carrington.
- Right there in the front.
- Thank you, Ms.
Carrington.
.
Wondering what kind of economic impact do you think the team will have on the city of Atlanta? Well, I'm glad you asked.
Over half of the labor force building the stadium will be from local neighborhoods, as well as the staff during the games.
- Atlantix FC is all about community.
- Question for Mr.
Culhane.
My sources tell me that PJ Reed was let go from his previous team due to his serious drug problem.
Can you comment on that? Um, I'm not sure where you're getting your information, but PJ His previous team covered for him.
Will Atlantix do the same? I'm sorry, these questions are Are, uh, so relevant in professional sports today.
You see, painkiller addiction is a serious issue among elite athletes, and the Atlantix are aware of PJ's struggles and fully support his recovery.
In fact, the team will be sponsoring an Atlantix Kick the Habit rehab program right here in the community.
- Any more questions? - Actually, follow-up.
Is there a link between giving a player like PJ a second chance and Mr.
Culhane's personal experience with painkiller addiction? Um I'm sorry, today, uh Today is about the Atlantix team, not the personal lives of As a top football prospect, Mr.
Culhane covered up his drug problem, and he's now doing the same with your players.
Is that the culture we can expect from this new team? Okay, that concludes the Q-and-A portion of our event today.
- Thank you so much.
- AX FC! AX FC! AX FC! Start talking.
Now.
They were prescribed drugs by team doctors after my injury.
That's your business.
I'm talking about mine.
- How did you miss PJ's drug problem? - I don't know.
He was fully vetted.
There were no red flags in the report.
Unless someone didn't give me the entire report.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think you mean "Thank you for stepping up and saving this team's reputation.
" Fallon, is this true? No.
No.
Well, I mean, not entirely.
You know the worst part? You used something I told you in confidence when I cared about you, when I thought you cared about me.
Hey, I admit that I gave you a partial report on PJ.
I didn't know Lois Lane was gonna do a deep dive into your personal history.
You know what? I'm done with your lies, and I'm done with you.
- Look, Daddy, I swear, this - I've heard enough.
Fallon, your petty jealousy has put this team at risk and personally damaged Culhane's reputation.
You're fired.
You're a sight for sore eyes.
You won't believe the afternoon that I had.
Exhausted from a day full of bribery, no doubt.
How could you pressure Mark to leave town? - I was just trying - Whatever you were trying to do, you did it without discussing it with me.
Blake, we promised, no more lies between us, and then you go behind my back and do something like that? Is this what our marriage is gonna be like? You're right.
I'm sorry.
I saw you and Mark at the stables and I got jealous.
- I was worried I was losing you.
- Keep it up and you just might.
You know, lies are the reason I stopped talking to my own family.
I won't let history repeat itself.
I won't stand for that.
Because you're such a pillar of honesty? If memory serves, you were the one that lied first.
- You were trying to keep this a secret.
- I already explained everything.
If I hadn't found out by accident, you'd probably still be lying to me.
You're upset with me for lying? Seems to me there's plenty of lies to go around.
Oh, sorry.
This is usually my moping spot.
I'd use the study, but I'd rather not run into my father.
Don't worry.
He left.
We had a fight.
I may be the one responsible for putting him in a foul mood.
I sort of sabotaged our team launch due to my own ego while destroying Culhane's reputation in the process.
- Wow.
- What can I say? I'm a multitasker.
- Uh, you might win, but not by much.
- Still got the baby-daddy blues? I'm sure Blake didn't mean whatever stupid thing he said.
That's just it.
Everything he said is true.
And the worst part is, the person we should be angry with is Alexis.
Recurring theme in our family.
She used Mark like a pawn, feeding him with lies to further her own agenda which is, of course, getting me out of this house.
- Wow, that's really awful.
- She'd do anything to get what she wants.
She doesn't care who she hurts in the process.
Uh-huh.
She's a petty, manipulative person who only thinks about herself.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
Fallon, I'm so sorry.
She's your mother.
I shouldn't talk like this.
No, it's not that.
Everything you're saying is describing me.
No.
Don't be silly.
No, it's true.
I am turning into my mother.
I am gonna end up old and alone and surrounded by paintings of dogs.
No, no, you're nothing like her.
For starters, you just admitted you were wrong.
- She would never something like that.
- Good point.
And she would never, ever apologize and make things right.
Something you can still do.
- You think so? - Yes, I do.
Come here.
God, where have you been all my life? I bet I wouldn't be in this situation if I had a decent mother like you growing up.
[knock on door.]
I know, I am the last person you wanna see right now.
You have every right to slam the door in my face.
But I come with a peace offering.
Dry-cleaned, even the shoes.
Okay, look, please, Michael, can I just have five minutes? Are you sure? Yeah.
Yeah, I totally understand.
Okay.
Well, thanks for calling.
Bye.
- Can I help you, Alexis? - Just picking up some fresh towels.
Or were you looking for Mark? Why on earth would I be looking for one of your castoffs? To see if your scheme is working.
The one where you bring Mark to Atlanta, hoping to drive Blake and me apart.
[scoffs.]
Poor, pathetic Cristal.
You are as delusional about me as you are about your place in this Manor.
I'm not the one pretending to need towels.
Allow me to explain.
You came here as a temporary rebound for Blake, so, that baby you're carrying is the only thing that tethers you to him.
He will do the honorable thing and marry you, but without that baby, you mean nothing to him.
So, if it proves to be Mark's, it'll be sayonara, mamacita.
Interesting theory.
Of course, I see it differently.
Blake and I are very, very much in love, and were long before I knew I was pregnant.
That's what binds us.
That and our unborn child.
That's right.
Did I forget to mention? I just got off the phone with my doctor.
Blake is the father of my baby.
We're having a boy.
Another Carrington heir.
Congratulations.
Not that it's all that special.
I mean, even worms can procreate.
It's pathetic watching you hold on to your old life long after it ended.
Your family is done with you.
Steven left the country to get away from you.
Fallon fears turning into you.
And Blake Blake only pities you.
Your time at the Manor is over.
And the saddest part is you know it.
And despite everything that has happened between us, I would never betray what we had by telling someone about your past.
You may not have told the reporter, but you opened the door for her to dig deeper.
You're right.
And for that, I am deeply sorry.
But you have to believe me, I'd never do that on purpose.
Truth is, that reporter could have talked to my old coaches and dug up my past, and I shouldn't have went after you at the office.
But I was hurt.
So, I started playing your game, hoping I could hurt you back.
I deserved it.
I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore, so, I lashed out.
I guess we've both made some pretty bad decisions lately.
Starting with my decision to work with Ada Stone.
I'm still waiting on an apology for that one, by the way.
You do know I have nothing to apologize for, right? Other than the fact that Monica was hurt, Jeff was shot, - and you lied to me again and again? - For the millionth time, I was protecting you.
Meanwhile, you were out chasing Liam like a lost puppy.
Oh, no.
I did that for us.
In the beginning.
Besides, you chose to work for Ada.
You saw a get-rich-quick opportunity and jumped at it.
Now this is about money? Why does it always come back to money with the Carringtons? Because money's always been the root of all of our problems.
- Always? - Yeah, basically.
I can't remember a time when it wasn't.
I wish I could.
I wish I could go back to a time when everything was not so damn complicated.
I mean, I wish I could go back to when we were good.
Why can't we go back? - -I guess you're just what I needed - Just what I needed - I needed someone to feel - Just what I needed I needed someone to please You okay? Yeah.
I'm okay.
Unless you have cookies up your sleeve, just let me wallow here in peace.
Well, according to the poll your followers took, wallowing is your second-worst look, so - One more reason for them to leave me.
- Not all of them.
One fan who hasn't abandoned you has left you a video message, and I think you should watch it.
Fine.
But it better have adorable puppies in it.
[Anders.]
Greetings to social media.
You may know me as the Dog Butler, or the Savage Butler, as my OG fans called me.
But as usual, the Internet only tells half the truth.
You see, over the last year, I have developed quite a soft spot for TheRealSammyJo.
Technically, he's married to my son, but even if that weren't the case, I'd still consider him to be family.
And that being the case, I think it's time he started to call me Dad.
Or hashtag "Dad," if that better suits you millennials.
- I can't believe he did that.
- [Anders.]
You think it'll go viral? This is the most thoughtful thing you've ever said to me.
Feel free to post it on TheRealSammyJo if you'd like.
No.
I'm going to keep this one for myself.
Some things aren't meant to be shared.
- I'm glad you're in my life, Anders.
- And you in mine.
Hashtag "blessed.
" No.
No one says that anymore.
Oh.
Hey, I was thinking I should probably crash at a hotel until the test results come in.
Unless you already got the results.
I'm not the dad, am I? No.
I'm so sorry.
It's Blake's baby.
Didn't realize how much I was hoping for a different ending.
But one thing's for sure.
- You're gonna be a great mother.
- Oh, Mark.
One day, you'll make a great dad.
Well, I should get going.
It was good to see you again, Cristal.
Mark.
Before you go how about one last ride? For old times' sake? I see that you're indulging in your favorite pastime.
In the interest of keeping the cleaning staff on schedule, is there any chance you might move your alcohol-induced hibernation elsewhere? Like the loft? Or Iceland? Alexis, please grace us with your departure.
You're right, Anders.
It is time for me to go.
Mack, hi.
What we talked about earlier is no longer necessary.
Let's just abort mission, all right? Let me know you got this message ASAP.
I hate to slut-shame, but this looks a lot like you just got back from some daytime debauchery.
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Okay, fine.
Shut up.
Leave me alone.
- Never.
Where were you? Just out, repeating my mistakes, wondering if I'll ever learn.
And if you post that, I will shred every fanny pack you own.
Oh, relax.
I'm putting the, uh, influencer thing on hold.
Why? Too many requests for eggplant? No.
Well, yes.
But turns out it wasn't about me proving that I'm not a trophy husband.
I was just trying to find a way to belong here without Steven.
[phone buzzing.]
Oh, my God.
It's Steven.
It must be a sign from the universe.
Hey.
[Steven.]
Sam, thank God.
I need [static over phone.]
as soon as you can.
Steven, can you hear me? You're breaking up.
[Steven.]
I need help.
I was mugged.
My passport - Are you okay? - What happened? He got mugged.
Steven, we're coming to Paraguay to get you.
- [Steven.]
I'm not in Paraguay.
I'm in - Steven? Steven, can you hear me? Give me time To realize my crime How can I Be real? Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses, words that burn me Lovers never ask you why [sobs.]
Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? [Cristal laughing.]
[Cristal.]
See if you can keep up.
You don't think I'm making a mistake, do you? What's that? I said, do you think I'm making a mistake? - Oh, you mean about Blake? - [screams, then gunshot.]
[screams.]