Everybody Loves Raymond s02e03 Episode Script


Man, this thing is fantastic.
We can hide this from the kids.
- It's great.
- Yeah.
Oh, baby.
- Hey! Ray, what're you doing? - Come on.
- I got turned on.
- Just 'cause you're losing.
- This way, we can both win.
- Ray, come on.
Let's just finish the game.
- Ray, your mom.
- Nice try.
Debra's parents say this is okay.
Why is it that every time I start to feeI good, something has to ruin it? Who ruins it for you? You know what today is, don't you? It's the second anniversary of your brother's divorce.
I didn't get him a card.
You should see him sitting over there with the dog.
It is so sad.
Your father's trying everything to get him to snap out of it.
- What's he doing? - He's yelling, "Snap out of it.
" Why is Robert thinking about his divorce? He's got this great girlfriend now.
- Where is Amy? - She's out of town on business.
Does she care that Robert is sensitive? - Does she care about this is the day - Ma! What do you want? I want you to be a brother.
- Go to him.
- What? Take him out.
Spend an evening with him.
Make him feeI better.
Your father and I are out of materiaI.
Is he going to do it? I'm not going over there, all right? I wouldn't know what to say.
I don't care what you say.
Just get him out of the house.
It's depressing.
I really don't believe you people.
He's your son.
He's your brother.
None of you can talk to him? Where have you been? Robert's going through a tough time.
All he needs is someone to listen to him, to understand what he's going through.
You go.
No, not me.
If I went, it would only be embarrassing for Robert.
He would know you're all over here talking about him.
She's right.
Not her.
She's not family.
It's how I'm able to go on.
- What's to eat here? - Probably nothing.
I'll make you something.
Ray, you've got to go over there.
- I don't want to talk to him.
- Don't talk to him then.
Take him to the movies.
You don't have to talk at the movies.
That's true, you don't have to talk.
We should go to movies more.
- I don't want to go.
- I don't want your Listen.
All right.
Look, I'll go.
But later How's it going? Well, you know today is - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
That's today.
- Where's the dog? - Went out.
That's what they do.
They go out.
Yeah, they do.
I was going to go out, too.
- Where are you going? - Nowhere.
I don't know.
Movies, something, you know.
Movie? - Yeah, why? Did you want to - No.
You sure? Because I was thinking What? You want me to go? If you don't sit in front of me.
- Where's Debra? - Tired.
Kids, you know Just you and me? - Unless you don't want to.
- No.
What's playing? - Whatever.
The 8:30.
- Good.
Maybe I'll go with you.
- although the shooting.
- Yeah.
My favorite part was when the guy hits the pimp with the manhole cover.
No, I saw that coming.
You know the part that I thought was great? When that little guy came in the room shooting like this - What's that? - I love that.
You're sacrificing accuracy.
Anybody can shoot like this.
That's boring.
You've seen that in a hundred movies.
But this way Let's say this table here is full of drugs, all right? Bad guys on each side, they're splitting up the money.
You come in, boom! Hey, mother Get down! I know it's kind of messy but there was some shooting in the movie that we had to try.
And I know it's late, and we were loud, and the kids are sleeping.
Look, you were sleeping, too.
Non ParieI? Man, she really let you have it, huh? She had the look like Mom did when we were kids and she caught us eating that whole box of Sucrets.
Remember that? My tongue was numb for a month.
Mom thought we were going to be drug addicts.
She said, "That's how it starts.
" Remember when she flushed the children's aspirin down the toilet? - Those Sucrets were your idea.
- Yeah.
You were right there with me.
Lozenge for lozenge.
Everything I did, you always did.
Couldn't get rid of you.
- Remember what I used to call you? - Yeah.
- What'd I used to call you? - Right-behind-me Raymond.
- Right-behind-me Raymond.
- Yeah.
You remember that Assistant PrincipaI, Mrs.
McAffree? - The woman with the wooden leg? - Yeah.
I used to try to sneak a look at her legs to figure out which one it was.
- It was the left one.
- Yeah? - How can you tell? - No hair on it.
I remember Mike Kimmelman.
He snuck into her office.
He left her an apple and a can of lemon Pledge.
- Crazy Kimmelman.
- Kimmelman.
Well, it's getting kind of late.
I've got a day shift tomorrow.
Listen, this was you know, 'cause - I was feeling And you - Yeah.
- Listen, I'll see you.
- Yeah.
Hey, tonight was good.
It was good.
Thanks for asking me.
I'm glad Mom and Dad thought of it.
What? You mean, this was their idea? - Yeah, but it was a good one.
- Wait.
You asked me to go with you tonight because they told you to? No, not told.
They told me you were alone.
That's all.
Thanks a lot, Raymond.
- Thanks for the charity.
- Come on, Robert.
Can I talk to you? Robert, stop a second.
Mom and Dad didn't tell me to go with you.
Okay, they told me, but then I agreed to it, okay? Come on, Robert, I'm serious.
We can go to another movie if you want.
Nobody is telling me to say that.
That's just me talking.
I just want some tea, my throat hurts.
As long as you're down here, make me something.
Frank, the boys are back.
Wasn't it nice of Ray to come and get you and take you somewhere? I know what you did.
You put Ray up to it.
Thanks a lot.
Well, you were just sitting around here like a lump.
Jeez, you try to be sensitive to somebody.
Again with the shoes.
I have a sore throat.
Maybe you should take a Sucrets, Mom.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Don't take too many of those, though, Ma.
What's so funny? I have a sore throat.
That is a little funny.
Why is that funny, Frank? Because you're always talking, so you got a sore throat.
So my pain is your pleasure? That's not pain.
I was in Korea.
That was pain! Yeah, that's right.
Korea, Dad.
At least they had a lot of medicine there.
They did not.
It was just the opposite.
You take a mortar shell right in the head.
They slap a Band-Aid on it and say: "Snap out of it!" - "Walk it off.
" - That's right.
- "Tough it out.
" - "If you love something, set it free.
" - What? - They didn't say that over there? What are you, wise guys? - No.
- No.
Has someone been eating my Sucrets? Yes, we're hopped up on the Sucrets.
Look at all the pretty colors.
Hey, Dad's got hair.
No! There were six in here.
Hey, Ma.
Look, don't worry.
I know a guy.
We can score some more for you.
What's so damn funny? Nothing.
Nothing's funny.
Go ahead.
Keep laughing.
One of these days, you'll turn around and I won't be here.
Not today.
- Hello, Deb.
- Hey, Robert.
How's it going? Great.
Decided to come over and watch a ball game with Raymond.
No! He's putting the kids to bed.
You know, I love it that you two are getting along so well.
That reminds me of me and my sister when we used to get along.
How's it going up there? They want you.
Listen, Deb.
If it's okay with you I was thinking I'd take Ray fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah? Great.
You guys could bring home dinner.
No, no.
Strictly "catch and release.
" Yeah, it's not about the fish.
It's about two guys in a boat sitting on the water with a big cooler full of soda and peaches.
- What did I do? - You're just cute, that's all.
Sorry, they want to talk to my supervisor.
You should know I'm interviewing other people for your position.
- So, Raymond, you're ready for the Knicks? - Got the ginger ale.
Your brother wants to take you fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah? That's great.
- Ally, what are you still doing up? - I had a bad dream.
Come on, kiddo.
I know all about bad dreams.
At least you get to wake up here.
- Oh, my God.
- Why? What's wrong with fishing? Fishing with Robert.
Look, I like doing things with him but fishing is too quiet.
I like loud things.
He's gonna want to talk.
So why can't you talk to him? You know, talk about cars or breasts or whatever crap guys talk about.
I wish.
Since we've been hanging out, it seems like he wants to talk about - What? Talk about what? - Feelings.
Feelings? Oh, no.
That could lead to caring, and even closeness.
The two of us just stuck on a boat with the soda and the peaches.
Why do those kids get cuter every day? Oh, man.
Don't you just melt when they give you that good-night kiss and tell you how much they love you? Yeah, that's a great thing.
Listen, the game's gonna start.
Let's crank it up.
Turn it reaI loud.
It's like we're there.
So how was work today? Wait.
I want to catch the opening lineup here.
Speaker, the President of the United States.
What the hell is this? It's the damn State of the Union Address.
Now? He's gotta do this now? Oh, God.
It's on every channeI.
Oh, man.
Look here, let's just turn it off.
It'll give us a chance to talk.
You know what I did to Mom today? I got into the Sucrets drawer I put more in.
Can't wait to see her face.
Yeah, the Sucrets.
You know what was funny about the other night? Making fun of Mom and Dad, I realized something.
Only you and I knowhow funny they really are.
No one else has that.
It's kind of that unspoken thing, you know.
A thing that really doesn't have to be spoken about.
- You want to rent a movie or something? - No.
Listen, I wanted to ask you something.
It's about Amy.
Amy? Go ahead.
Did you feeI that you had to sleep with Debra to see whether or not you were really in love with her? You know, I think that sexuaI attraction is so important.
And I was just wondering if your feelings changed for Debra after you had sex.
- What happened to Amy? - Well, this is what I'm going through.
Wanted to talk about it.
You never used to be able to talk like this.
- What's the matter? - I'm not good at this stuff, you know? - Wanna talk about it? - No! I don't like talking.
You mean, you don't like talking to me.
I don't like talking about this stuff with you.
It gives me the creeps.
You're my brother.
- Wanna talk about Dad? - No.
I just want it to be like before.
- Where you didn't talk to me at all? - No.
Come on, admit it, Raymond.
You never wanted to be close.
Close? You grew up in the same room as me.
You live across the street.
You're at my house every day.
- How much closer can we be? - I don't know you, okay? - I wanna know you.
- Okay, you wanna know me? - Yeah.
- All right.
You asked about the first time I had sex with Debra.
I'll tell you.
I couldn't believe that someone like her would allow someone like me to sleep with them.
So you know what happened? I cried.
All right? I cried.
I was so embarrassed, I couldn't let her see me.
So for the whole time, I never looked at her once.
Okay? President looks good.
- Chip? - Yeah.
Speaker, Mr.
Vice President.
- The game will be on soon.
- Yeah, that'll be good.
- Let's turn it up.
- Yeah, turn it up.
challenge as great as any in ourpeacetime history.
And a plan ofaction to meet that challenge My mom call yet? No, I think she's still mad at you for making fun of her.
We do that all the time, she loves it.
- Oh, no! - Oh, no! Oh, no!
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